The streetlights finally dimmed as the car turned into her neighborhood, and Marisa felt her brain start to shut down. She wanted to finish out the evening with a nice conversation with Bryce, but she was so tired she couldn't think of anything to say.
Bryce pulled into her driveway and stopped the car. "Thank you for such a lovely evening. Now go get some rest. No sitting up and worrying." He laughed and bopped her on the nose. "Good night, Marisa."
"Goodnight," was the only reply she could muster as she grabbed her purse and tottered inside. Normally, dance until you drop was just an expression, but tonight she felt that that expression actually fit her experience. Her head was throbbing, her back was sore, and her feet ached. The day had been simply too taxing.
As soon as she was inside, she slipped out of her kitten heels and pulled her hair out of its insanely tight bun. She wandered into the bathroom to get ready for bed. Catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror, she was shocked to discover that she still looked almost perfect. Her makeup was practically flawless, and her hair looked full and textured rather than messy. Somehow despite her intense workout, her dress was still hanging smoothly over her tights. If her cheeks glowed, it only served to improve her appearance.
Staring for one second longer, she was greeted not by her current perfection, but the imperfection that she had seen when she had woke up that morning. Her oily hair was falling rather ungracefully out of her messy ponytail. Her makeup was smeared to the point that she looked rather like a raccoon, and her sweatshirt or rather Ernie's was hanging cockeyed over a pair of leggings that were in dire needing of a washing. In her hurry to not miss her flight, she had only had time to straighten her sweatshirt, fix her hair, and wipe some of the old makeup from her face.
Thinking about it all now, the morning almost didn't seem real. Far from the glamorous world of the swing dance club, she had been staked out behind a dumpster with Ernie. The enemy agents who were in possession of the California governor's flash drive had never turned up leaving the duo to limp back to their hotel cold, dirty, and sore. Back at the hotel, they had spent hours in front of their laptops trying to track down the agents. At six am, Ernie had suggest that they would work much better if they got some sleep. Marisa had slept until her alarm went off at noon and then hurried to catch her flight back to DC.
Fortunately, her flight had arrived at its destination on time, and the traffic had not been too bad allowing her to have enough time to go home and get cleaned up before evening. By the time Bryce arrived, a complete transformation had taken place. Smartly dressed, hair not a strand out of place; she looked the part of a congressional staffer's girlfriend rather than a rough and tumble agent. They had gone to their favorite swing dance club where she had felt particularly on top of her game. Finally, the swing dance lessons and her dance background had come together, and she was dancing beautifully. Bryce had been particularly sweet telling her about the craziness of his week and promising her to take her out for a picnic at their favorite mountain tomorrow. Her girlfriends had been there as well, and she had taken advantage of the brief interludes between dances to be the interested friend and ask them about their lives.
She crawled into bed relieved to finally have time to think everything over. Normally, her life felt like a melodious whole balanced by the simplicity of everyday life and the conquests of an Organization career. Tonight, though, she felt her exhaustion interject into her thoughts. As balanced as her life felt, it was far from easy. Far too often, she found herself rushing to try to keep up with everything. Her life as an agent kept her busy traveling around the country and sometimes the world. No matter how tired she felt, she made sure she kept up with Ernie, sharing equally in both the joys and challenges of their work. Despite Bryce's status as a congressional staffer, he wasn't high enough up to know about her work, so he thought that she was a top level makeup sales representative whose travels were to organize deals. As time went on, she found it more and more difficult to explain why she had to be gone every weekend. Instead, she found herself flying to DC on Fridays to be back in time for their swing dance dates.
Tonight, she couldn't shake the feeling that her life was split into two alternate realities. In one, she was the cute girlfriend of a congressional staffer and aspiring politician. She was the almost daughter-in-law of his doting parents and the favorite of the members of his dance club. She was cheerful and bubbly and well loved by everyone. Under the spotlight, she became the ideal—what everyone else wanted to be. In the other reality, she was a brave Organization agent; one half of its most talked about partnership. She was strong and kind and loyal. She braved the often unpleasant smells, sights, and thoughts that accompanied their work. In her partnership, she found security and safety that transcended even the most daring of risks. Most importantly, her work brought the fulfillment of her childhood dream that somehow she would make an impact and live for more than just herself. Knowing that she was making a difference filled her days with purpose.
Maybe she was just tired, but the explanations that she always gave herself felt weak. Instead, she couldn't help but think that her life was inauthentic, fake perhaps. Along with the two realities of her life were two Marisas—one who she was with her partner and coworkers and another who she was with her boyfriend and friends. She had always felt that these two Marisas went hand-in-hand. They were simply Marisa at work and play. What if it wasn't that way? What if she was insincere? If that was true, which reality was home and who was she really?
The questions swirled in her mind leaving her completely confused. As sleep claimed her mind her last thought was that somehow she would eventually find the answer.
Author's Note: I'm excited about where this story is going. I expect to write two to three more chapters at this point. If you are reading and enjoying this, I'd love to hear from you!