It's that time of the year we are all coming down with something...anyway, short and quick one focusing on Burger and BigTime. Also I have nothing against BigTime, he's one of my favorites, it's just so easy to make him tangle with everyone.

Taking a Sick Day

The rain was pouring hard as the Beagle Boys cut the engine in front of their house. Covering themselves with whatever they had, the four Beagles rushed to the door, holding onto the pathetic bag of loot they'd recovered from their last failed escapade.

Ma Beagle opened the door, beaming, and ushered them in. "Oh, my bright, handsome, talented boys!" She chuckled, patting their heads. "How did the heist go?" Today this was of particular interest to her because they'd been targeting the Duckburg Jewelery Store.

"Eh, well…" BigTime, who was holding onto the bag, looked at his brothers nervously for support. "It coulda been worse…"

Ma's eyes narrowed and she threw her hands up in exasperation. "Oh, my brainless, stupid, good-for-nothin' boys!"

Her four children looked down shamefully as she laid into them, when Burger started sneezing and sniffling.

"What's goin' on with you, Burger?" Ma asked.

"Eh….I ain't feelin' so good," Burger said, shivering a little from the rain soaking his skin.

Ma's face softened. "Aw, my poor baby!"

She led Burger upstairs and laid him out onto the small bed, causing the mattress to groan under his weight.

The others followed behind her, and BigTime made a face. "But Ma, I got you this!" He held up the cute little ruby bracelet he'd pilfered just for her.

"Those rhinestones are plastic!" Ma squawked, and she tossed it off into the corner without another look.

Ma inserted a thermometer into his mouth and hustled the other boys out of the room. "Give him some space to breathe, goshdarnit!"

Ma waddled back into the room and withdrew the thermometer. "It looks like you've got yourself a fever, dear. But we can't take you the hospital, not with our faces plastered all over the Most Wanted list."

BigTime and the others peered over the doorway. "So it looks like me and all your brothers will have to take care of you!"

No way.

"Aw, come on Ma!" Big Time whined.

"Now I'm going out to the pharmacy to swipe some aspirin and cold medicine," Ma said, waving him off and getting into her raincoat. "You boys help out Burger with everything he needs, GOT IT?" Her jaw was drawn and taut as if daring them to refuse.

"Y-yes, mama," Big Time and the others said grudgingly.

When she slammed the door, the whole house shook. The minute she was gone, Big Time's fake smile flipped into a frustrated grimace and he turned to his three brothers. "Aw, c'mon. You gotta be kidding me. We have to babysit?!"

"Well, d'eh, he does look pretty sick, Big Time," Baggy said, trying to stay impartial.

"Pshhh!" Big Time blew air between his lips. "He ain't sick, he's faking this whole thing!"

Bouncer frowned. "Why?"

"For attention, no doubt."

Baggy and Bouncer looked at each other doubtfully. "But, uh, Ma said he had a fever."

Big Time rolled his eyes. "Not like that's not hard to pull off. My bet is the second she turned around he pulled the old under-the-lamp trick!"

Baggy frowned. "But BigTime, didn't you do that back in primary school?"

BigTime scowled, "The specifics aren't important!" What BigTime did to avoid gym class wasn't relevant anyway. "Look, I can prove it, ok?"

Suddenly there was a deafening, explosive sneeze from the next room.

Baggy and Bouncer rushed over to Burger's bedside, looks of concern on their faces as he scrunched up beneath the blankets and flailed.

"Burger, buddy, you a'rite?" Bouncer asked nervously.

Burger stopped writhing and coughing, and he turned to look at them above him. He smiled weakly. "Oh, hi guys. Could I ask...could I ask for a glass of water?"

"Of course!" Bouncer said sympathetically, turning on his heel to grab his brother some refreshment.

"Oh, wait...on second thought, can you make that a diet cola?"

Bouncer paused, then nodded and headed down the steps.

"Anything I can do, bro?" Baggy asked with a hopeful smile.

Burger wiped at his nose, leaving a snotty mess on his sleeve, and sniffled. "Thanks, Baggy. Fluff my pillow a li'l bit, wouldya?"

BigTime just watched with annoyance as Baggy worked with the pillow, trying to get all the lumps out of it.

"No, not quite. Better...Getting colder!" Burger's critique of his form grated on Big Time's every nerve. Finally, "Ah, that's perfect!"

Baggy heaved a sigh of relief, stepping back and sweating a bit. Bouncer then returned with an icy cold glass of Burger's favorite diet cola.

"Here ya go, Burg."

Burger blinked.

"Actually, now that you're here, can you go out to McDuckalds and pick me up a Chocolate Cheesecake Milkshake with a Jumbo Burger and fries?"

Bouncer's mouth fell open a little. "Huh?"

"I mean, I think it's the only thing that'll make me feel better," Burger added, smiling sweetly.

"20,000 calories worth of cholesterol make you feel better?!" BigTime snapped.

"Well, uh...a'rite..." Bouncer said, putting the drink down and preparing for another arduous journey. Burger demanded it...and Ma would surely want his demands filled.

"Ooh, BigTime," Burger said with a sniffle, waving the short little Beagle over. "Just the guy I was hopin' ta see! Tell me a story!" Burger sat upright with his elbows on his knees, eyes practically sparkling.

BigTime took a step back in disgust. "Why the heck should I hafta do anything? You got enough people trippin' over their feet for ya already, looks like."

"Aw, but BigTime, I'm sick!" Burger reminded him.

"You haven't sneezed in the last three minutes, you're totally faking!" BigTime accused, pointing. "Right, Bags?"

Baggy jolted nervously and raised his hands up in the air. "D'eh, come on BigTime...leave 'im alone!"

"Fine!" BigTime barked, turning back on Burger. "Here's a story. Once there was a dumb spoiled princess who pretended she had the Sparkle Unicorn Flu, and everyone in the kingdom was SO stupid they fell for it..."

"That's awful," Burger griped. "You're not very good at tellin' stories, are you? Well, alright, can you sing?"

BigTime's jaw clenched. "You are such a manchild."

Sometime later Ma returned home with all sorts of medicine and bustled on into the room where Burger was napping soundly, Baggy sitting by his side.

She kissed him sweetly on the forehead and he awoke with a smile. "Hi, Mama! I've been bein' a good boy."

From his seat across the room, BigTime felt ready to wretch.

Suddenly there was a clatter from downstairs and the door slammed. Trudging up the stairs came Bouncer, soaked to the bone in his yellow raincoat and looking dismal.

"Hey, where's my food?" Burger asked, jumping up and down eagerly and making the bed squeak horribly. "You got it, didn't ya?"

Bouncer hesitated as he dripped water all over the floor, not sure exactly how to say it...

"I didn't bring enough money," he spat out as fast as he could. "For, uh, anythin'."

Burger stared at him and Bouncer crumbled under his gaze.

"Uh, well I got there, and then I asked for what you wanted, and they asked me, 'do you want cheese on your cheeseburger?', an' how are you s'posed to answer that?! And then I got to the window and all I had in my pocket were marbles, so they got mad and…"

"Aw, well you shouldn't be eatin' all kinds of junk, Burger, dear," Ma interrupted, pouring him a cup of nasty looking purple goo. "Not when you're feeling so low..."

"No! I'm hungry!" Burger yelled, and everyone knew he was starting up one of his famous Burger tantrums. "I'm thirsty!" Squeak, squeak, squeak.

"Drink toilet water, that's free," Big Time grunted.

"Burger!" Ma snapped. The roly-poly Beagle Boy took one look at his mother's darkened brow and settled back into bed, pouting. Arguing with Ma was both pointless and dangerous.

"A-are you feelin' any better, Burger?" Baggy asked hopefully.

"Well, I thought I was," Burger said sullenly, coughing into his fist.

"Gee...I'm sorry, Burger," Bouncer said apologetically, looking sincerely regretful. "I...I tried askin' if they'd accept what I had, but they threatened siccin' the cops on me."

Burger wheezed, his eyelids fluttering. "I-it's ok. I...almost forgive you."

BigTime clenched the air furiously. "Oh, come on! You're laying it on thick, Burger. It's a cold, you're not dyin', and it's a fake cold at that!"

Burger squinted his eyes at him and made a nasty hacking sound. "Cough...cough...It hurts to talk..."

"Oh, how convenient!"

"Enough, BigTime!" Ma smacked him lightly, a look of disapproval across her face. She turned to Burger. "I'll whip some of your favorite: Slammer Sirloin Stew, how about that?" Ma asked him.

The hefty Beagle nodded vehemently, a smile spreading across his face, and he sniffled again.

"I'll go make supper," Ma said, sitting up, "Try to get some rest. You boys leave him alone, now, ya got it?!"

She didn't need to tell them twice. The three Beagles were more than happy to do so.

"Thattaboy, Burger, dear!" Ma cheered from the other room, half an hour later after supper had been served. "Oh, you look like you're getting better already." She walked over to the room where BigTime, Baggy, and Bouncer were lounging, and gave them a smile. "Why, he drank the whole thing in one gulp and fell sound asleep. You boys be quiet now!"

"Yay," said BigTime without enthusiasm.

The moment she was gone he flung a dart viciously at the board hanging on the wall. "Not."

"BigTime, why do you hate him so much?" Baggy asked, looking up from the upside-down magazine he was holding.

BigTime sighed heavily. "I don't hate him. I just don't 'ppreciate when someone, anyone, tries ta hoodwink me." He flung another dart. "And this hood ain't gonna be winked!"

Bouncer crossed his arms. "Yeah, well what makes you so sure? You haven't proven anything."

Normally, BigTime would have found all this devotion and brotherly camaraderie admirable, but at the moment, it just irked him even more.

"Oh, I'll prove it!" he said, stomping his foot. "I'll prove it, and you're gonna look so dumb."

Much later that night, a shadow crept out on the front lawn of the Beagle home and slinked its way inside.

"Hmph, who knew these places were open midnight or later?" BigTime mused, grimacing at the leaky, greasy bag of fast food he held in his hand. He didn't exactly know what "later" meant, since anything after midnight counted as early, in his rightful opinion.

But oh, the stink.

Burger would love it. He wouldn't be able to resist.

BigTime chuckled and quietly made his way up the stairs, ready to put his brilliant test to the test, when…

"How can you doubt your own brother?" a tiny voice spoke to him.

BigTime just about jumped out of his skin and looked around until his eyes fell on a tiny little fellow in white perched on his shoulder.

"Ah, I'll believe 'im when the reaper comes callin', " responded the little red Beagle standing on his other shoulder, with a smirk. "Why ya have to butt in to everythin', feathers?"

The little angel BigTime gasped at his words and shook his finger reproachfully. "What has he ever done to hurt you?"

Devil BigTime started counting on his fingers. "One, he exists. Two, he's annoyin'. Three, he exists, and that counts twice since he's so massive." He turned to big BigTime. "And you agree wit me, right? Come on. Let's rat this big baby out like he deserves."

Angel BigTime shook his head, "He's miserable-!"

"You're makin' me miserable!" His darker counterpart cut him off.

BigTime got himself together and leered down at the angelic vision. "Aw, what do you know, ya buzzin' mosquito?" With that, he flicked it off his shoulder and his devil friend cackled before vanishing in a puff of smoke.

Ugh. BigTime shook himself. That was weird. And seein' himself in a white flowy dress hadn't been particularly enlightening.

BigTime grabbed the handle to Burger's bedroom door and glanced inside. There he was, snoring away. In a way it was almost adorable. Except only if adorable meant despicable and gut-churning.

"Make a fool outta me, will ya?" BigTime growled to himself, and he opened up the bag. The stench of onions and meat wafted through the air, filling the room.

Burger's nose twitched. "Yeahhh..."

He made a slurping sound and started licking his chops, sweating a little. Then his eyes popped open.

Perfect.

BigTime started heading back down the stairs, towards the kitchen, making sure to keep the bag wide open. And not far behind him, as he'd perceived, came Burger, blinking blearily in the darkness.

"Mmm...a triple decker ultimate whoppinator with bacon and onions!" He smacked his lips. His very favorite!

By now BigTime was down by the kitchen, and he slipped behind the wall in wait to jump out and surprise him with a victorious "Aha!"

Burger turned the corner and he got ready to spring...

"ACHOOOOO!" Burger sneezed explosively right in BigTime's personal bubble.

"AHHH!"

BigTime covered his face and the bag splat onto the floor.

Burger turned on the light and blinked, looking around with bewilderment. "BigTime? Is dat you?"

Then he spotted the mess on the floor and a broad grin crossed his face. His nose was running freely. "Aw, you went out and got me da burger I'd been hankerin' for!" he grabbed his brother in a tight hug. "Ain't you the best!"

BigTime gagged in his grip and started coughing weakly.

"Oh oh," Burger said, taking a look at him, "I think you's caught what I have!"

BigTime's eyes widened in horror.

"You know what this means? We's gonna be roomies!"

Not soon after, BigTime lay huddled up under the blankets, his eyes red and itchy and nose leaking like a faucet. He looked over at Burger, who was lying in the bed across from him.

Stupid!

He should have known...even if bedbound with phenomena, Burger would chase the allure of a cheeseburger to the ends of the Earth. Ugh, why had he been so stubborn?

Well, now he was paying the price.

Burger grinned over at him. "Alright, BigTime!" he said, "Now it's my turn to tell you a story!"