Winged Cupid Painted Blind Chapter 12 - So the Boy Love is Perjured Everywhere
A/N- The title is a quote from Midsummer's Night Dream, the entire quote is "And therefore is Love said to be a child, Because in choice he is so oft beguiled. As waggish boys in game themselves forswear, So the boy Love is perjured everywhere. Which means that cupid (love) is depicted as a child because people in love like children make bad choices, and like children making games of lies so does love break its promises all the time.
The next morning Edd woke up to an awkward atmosphere, Kevin was already awake and in the kitchen having a bowl of cereal for breakfast, while his mother was busy getting ready for her work day. He timidly stepped into the kitchen and Kevin looks up to meet his eys, the expression on his face was unreadable, did he feel disdain for Edd or did he just not know who to react to the boy anymore? He returns his attention back to the bowl of cereal he was eating without greeting his friend, Edd could feel the tension in the air and tried to rectify the situation, "Good morning Kevin," the jock grunted his acknowledgement that he had heard the teen as he put another spoonful of food into his mouth, "I hope you slept well." Edd was desperately trying to patch up their relationship by showing Kevin that just because he made the bad choice of pursuing a romantic/sexual relationship with him that it didn't have to mean the end of their friendship. But they both had to make an effort in repairing the damage done, because it takes two to tango after all.
"I guess I did," Kevin said dryly, Edd hadn't moved from the doorway to the kitchen, and Kevin refused to make eye contact with him again. Each second of this made his heart drop a little, why did he have to be so stupid, he should have stuck to his original thought on the subject because deep down he knew that this was the way things were going to turn out. But he couldn't help his naiveté, it was after all the first time he has ever felt like this for someone, and in hind sight he had to admit to himself that the road to finding love would have its share of potholes along the way, he just never expected to hit the grand canyon of potholes right out of the gate.
"Can I give you a ride home?" Kevin's mother asked as she placed her hand upon his shoulder gently to bring his attention to her as she wanted to get around him and into the kitchen.
"No thank you ma'am, I don't live that far away, I can walk home," Turning to leave, Edd refused to look in Kevin's direction as he spoke, "I'll see you around Kevin."
Nor did Kevin look in his direction when he replied, "Yeah, see ya." And with the flat unfeeling reply Edd quickly but calmly made his way out the door.
"What was that about," Kevin's mother asked as she could sense the tension in the room as soon as she had entered the kitchen, and the way that Edd had left was kind of off, if her son and the boy were friends if felt strained at the moment.
"I don't know," Kevin replied trying to avoid the topic as he put his bowl in the sink and left to go back upstairs to his room.
"You guys are friends right?" Kevin hummed his ascent, "You guys aren't fighting are you?" He hummed his descent just trying to end the conversation quickly, he climbs the stairs rapidly trying to avoid any more questions on the subject, she calls up after him, "Well you could have at least acted like it and walked him to the door." Kevin knew that she was right he was being childish, he did still like Edd and wanted to be his friend, but right now he was just feeling awkward about what happened and didn't really know how to address the situation or process that he had in fact enjoyed what happened and had wanted it as well.
As Edd walked home the pain in his heart started to become overwhelming, why did he have to be so impulsive and reckless, why did he have to ruin everything between them. Kevin was smart funny kind and caring, showed genuine care and concern for him, wanted to be his friend for nothing more than he enjoyed Edd's company and now he had thrown it all away and for what, love, well love can go fuck itself. Opening the door to his house, he heads up the stairs rather quickly, as his mother called after him asking if he had a good time last night, he calls down to her with a "Yeah," to keep her from nagging him about his night then heads into his parent's room to watch a little TV in privacy. Turning the channel to MTV he plops on the bed listening to the music trying to drown out his own thoughts, halfway listening to songs like REM's Man on the Moon, Guns and Roses November Rain and Michael Jacksons Remember the Time. He would occasionally turn his head to watch a video on the small TV, and it was one of those times that he did that Annie Lennox's Little Bird was playing, and as Edd watched the different people on the screen who were dressed as Annie at different stages of her carrier, he noticed that some of these people were men dress in drag.
Jumping up off the bed he gets closer to the screen to confirm his suspicions, low and behold at least three or four of them were in fact drag queens or they might be it was really hard to tell for him with all the flashing lights and quick camera changes. But if it was true, it was a good feeling for him, for there was so little in the way of positive representation of being gay in the media, the only things he can remember when he was younger that even hinted that gay people existed was Klinger on MASH and Divines performance in Hairspray. And in all honesty Klinger wasn't that positive of a role model to begin with, so he would take what he could get from where he could get it. This little four minute video at least made him feel a little less alone in the world, and gave him something to look forward to when he hit eighteen and could have a little more freedom to be who he truly was. Damn it, if only he had recorded this, for who knew when the next time he would see it again.
A gentle knock at the open bedroom door draws his attention from the screen, his mother was standing there in the doorway with a mild concerned look on her face that she was trying her best to hide behind a smile. "Eddward, sweetie, have you had breakfast yet?" He shakes his head no, "Well I just made some blueberry pancakes, why don't you come down and have some." He lets out a sigh and turns off the TV, he knows she is just going to ask him why he was upset and lord knows he didn't want to tell her the reason. As he stood up and walks past her she places a hand on his shoulder and it was very comforting for him, but when he feels this way about his sexuality he gets this nagging thought in the back of his head that wonders how she would feel about him if she knew who he truly was and that thought always hurt him. Heading downstairs and through the living room into the kitchen he pulls a plate from the cabinet and sits at the table putting a couple of pancakes on to his plate then pours syrup upon them as his mother makes him a cup of Earl Grey tea. Sitting the cup down by his plate she takes the seat beside him and brushes his bangs way from his forehead as she looks at his face as he chewed his food, "Do you want to talk about what's bothering you?"
Rolling his eyes a little because he knew this was coming he swallows his food and replies, "No," before taking a drink of his tea.
She furrows her brows, "It might make you feel better."
Flustered that she was obviously not going to let this go along with the fresh wound to his heart he lets it all out in a agitated tone, "How is it going to make me feel better?" Talking about made him think about it which in turn made the fresh scare on his heart burn, "How is talking about it going to make the pain of liking someone who obviously doesn't like you back the same way, go away?"
"Did some girl break my baby boy's heart?"
"Yes mother, a girl," He said sarcastically, actually wanting to scream out no it was a boy who did it, and throw a world class temper tantrum in the process of letting out his frustrations, but where would that get you in the long run. But his vision did begin to blur with the tears that filled his eyes, he struggled to keep them from falling as best he could.
She could see him struggling with the tears and being slightly embarrassed at being so emotional he turns his face away from her and cups his chin in his right hand covering his quivering mouth with his fingers. "There's going to be others, trust me," she says trying to comfort and reassure him that not all was lost.
"I feel like such an idiot," he was losing the fight with the tears at this point, "I kissed them and now they won't even look at me." He didn't want to tell her the rest of it being his mother and all, but to him that kiss last night was a very deep expression of his love for Kevin, and now it felt as though the red head had discarded it like trash.
She pulls him in for a hug and comforts him by rubbing his back and shoulders as he silently lets a few tears fall, "Shhh, I know, it hurts but they're not worth it if they can't see how special you are." She didn't know what to do to make this pain go away for her son but she was going to do her best, "You'll find someone that will steal your heart one day, and they will treasure it and nurture it and give you theirs in return, and from that love you start a family of your own, and you will have so much love for one another, you won't know what to do with all that love." He sobbed at these words, and she kissed the top of his head. For he knew that she meant well, but his general thought process on what she said was as follows, that because he is gay he will never have kids, that because he is gay he can never get married, and because he is gay the love that he would have for someone would be forever seen as unnatural and the work of evil. The two of them stayed like that for a few minutes until Edd finally calmed down and got a good cry out of his system, they finished their breakfast and spent the rest of the morning longing around, Edd all cozy under a blanket on the couch, drinking Earl Grey and watching a Star Trek TOS marathon.
Together with all forms, moods, shapes of grief,
That can denote me truly. These indeed 'seem,'
For they are actions that a man might play:
But I have that within which passes show,
These but the trappings and the suits of woe.
Hamlet Act 1 Scene 2