Roarkshop here: Welcome to the new and improved Sense and Flexibility. Big long authors notes are a thing of the past as I will post them on my blog from now on so those who do not with to read them, do not have to. Your comments, reviews, faves, and feedback are always read, appreciated, and loved. Thank you all for the tremendous support, you all are what keep me writing. Thank you so, SO much.
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This is a fan fiction, all themes and character belong to Bioware. No copy-write infringement intended.
(Updated 1/1/12)
She was quite popular after her speech. Everyone wanted a chance to talk to her, to tell her how much she meant to them, or that there was no way they'd leave her side. It seemed like everyone got the chance except Garrus. He didn't want to be just another person crowding her, and in reality, he felt like he was the only one who didn't really need to. He was sure she already knew everything he would have said.
It was exhausting, really. Shaking hands, smiling, patting backs, trying to stay enthusiastic. Her face hurt from the effort of keeping her smile on her face. With only a few hours left before they hit the relay, she retreated to her quarters to relax. Though she figured she wouldn't get the chance to do much of it, it was worth a shot.
Once everything settled down, Garrus headed to her quarters to see if there was anything she needed to get off her chest before certain death. He had already sent a correspondence to his sister, telling her he might not be coming back for some time, and to take care of their mother. He didn't like the thought of leaving her alone, but this was more important than all of that. If he did die, he hoped she'd understand that.
It was a vulnerable feeling, he didn't like it. And talking to Shepard was one of the only things that made him feel invulnerable, so he made his way to her quarters by the Mess Hall. If he was going to die on some distant planet trying to save the galaxy, he figured he should at least have a few laughs about it first. What better way to spend your last hours alive than with the only person you've ever really looked up to? Plus, it occurred to him, while he thought about his sister, that Shepard didn't have anyone to send a message to. Everyone who meant anything to her was on the ship already, except for maybe Captain Anderson, who was probably in jail by now for releasing the land lock. He hoped she wanted someone to talk to, because he sure did.
As he approached her quarters, he saw Kaidan Alenko entering before him.
He stood there for a few minutes after watching her chamber doors shut behind the human. He had so much momentum he didn't know what new direction he should go. He sighed, unsure what to do with these hours now. It's in peoples nature to want to take comfort in each other. So he got beat to the punch, it really wasn't a big deal. She would probably rather spend these last precious moments in a lovers tangle than chatting aimlessly anyhow.
He was sure there wasn't anything he needed to say to her she didn't already know. Their friendship was inexplicable. They had started being able to communicate using looks alone. The year had gone by so fast and they had endured impossible trials together. He was sure she knew what she meant to him, and he was content in knowing that she trusted him.
He was already in the Mess so he decided to get a glass of water so he didn't feel like an idiot standing there with nothing to do, when he heard Shepard's door hiss open and closed again. A pouting Alenko, head hanging, came around the corner and went to his quarters, not even sparing a glance to Garrus.
Ouch, Garrus thought. His heart went out for the kid. On the night before almost certain death, the woman you've been chasing for months would rather spend it alone than with you. That had to sting. Though he wasn't surprised that Kaidan's special brand of comfort wasn't what she wanted to spend these last hours dealing with. He couldn't remember a time where Alenko made the situation better instead of worse by talking. He wondered if he should take the opportunity to see if she wanted company. Maybe she just didn't want Kaidan's. If she wanted to be alone, fine, but Garrus was going to at least ask.
The door hissed open and he heard a sad sigh. "Kaidan," she said. "I already told you I'd rather be alo-AGH!" she jumped when she turned to see Garrus' large form filling up the doorway.
"I seem to have a talent for startling you, Commander," he said with a laugh.
"Christ, I guess. But with a face like that, I'm not surprised."
"So handsome it's scary? Yeah, I unfortunately get that a lot."
"Yeah," she said laughing. "I'm sure that's what it is." She waved the book she had in her hand at him. "I'm reading one of the books you got me."
"Is it any good?" he asked, stepping in.
"It's probably the trashiest romance novel in existence. I love it. I've finished two of them already, the other one is in a language I don't know, though. Chinese I think."
"Earth has more than one native language?"
"Oh yes. Just about every country on my planet has a different language."
"No wonder you're planet is so inefficient," he said and they shared a laugh. "Sorry to barge in," he said, pointing behind him. "If you want I can-"
"No, no. It's fine, Alenko just came in here wanting to... Er... well let's just say I wasn't in the mood for him."
"Can't say I blame him," he said shrugging. "Hours before certain death, it's natural to want to spend it in the arms of a beautiful woman."
She laughed, obviously relieved that she could relax. "Is that why you're here, Garrus?"
"I said beautiful, Commander. Not terrifying."
"Yeah, I'm the one that's scary while you look like the god damn boogy man."
"Hmm, boogyman must be the phrase you humans use for Apex Predators."
It went on like that for about twenty minutes, just exchanging good-natured jabs, until they were both laughing hard enough for their eyes to water. It was the eye of the hurricane. It was just what they each needed. The mission didn't matter. The impending doom didn't matter. They were just two friends, laughing at each others expense. In those brief moments they both realized that it was what they had been missing all along. Someone to take their mind off of themselves. A brother in arms. Pure and unassuming friendship.
When their raucous laughter finally receded, Garrus sat up in his chair.
"That was quite a speech out there," he said finally, pointing a thumb over his shoulder.
"Oh, yeah," she laughed a little, hands on her knees. "Well it's only fair, right? Can't make them commit treason without telling them."
"I suppose, though anyone who wouldn't follow you after all we've seen is pretty foolish."
"I guess that's true, but still. Kaidan's loyalty to the Alliance runs deep. I had to give everyone the option. I'm just glad anyone follows me at all."
"You say that like you're surprised we follow you."
"Well, yeah. I guess I am. I mean who am I? Who am I really? Nobody, after all. I'm no more decorated a soldier than Anderson." She smiled and rubbed the back of her head. "After I left the orphanage and was sticking to the poor public libraries, reading everything I could scoop up, I was reading a book about some of my planets history. In the early 1800's there was a rebellion in Ireland, a country on my planet, lead by a bunch of impoverish Irishman, and when asked about the leading style of their general, Thomas Francis Meagher, one of them had said; 'The words of our general when danger had to be faced were not 'Go Boys Go', but 'Come, boys, follow me.' I don't know, that just kind of struck a chord in me," she admitted, almost shyly. "It's what gave me the idea to enlist once I was of legal age. I wanted to be thought of like that some day, you know? It's almost dizzying to think about how long ago that was, how far away it seems, how different everything is."
He didn't really know what to say to that. He understood the sentiment. It was almost unfathomable to think that this beacon of hope and power rose up from a tired, hungry, orphan.
"Oh!" she said, the conversation triggering a memory. "That reminds me I wanted to give you something." She crawled up her bed to lay on her stomach while fishing something out of the drawer on her side table. She brought out a book of her own, holding it in her hands as she scooted back to the edge of the bed. She held it in her hands for a beat and took a deep breath, caressing the cover. Garrus saw that the edges of the cover had the color drained from them. Even while it was lovingly preserved, it was also lovingly worn. He still didn't recognize the words on it.
"I know you probably can't read this," she said, obviously kind of nervous. Garrus put his elbows on his knees to lean into her, giving her his full attention. "This is my favorite book. It's been my favorite since the moment I read it. It was given to me by my favorite librarian when I was a kid. She was the one who would bring me breakfast in the mornings I stayed at her library. Her name was Annie. After Deelia died, and I couldn't stay at the orphanage anymore, Annie was really the closest thing I had to a friend after that, regardless that it was pity, not love, that caused her kindness." She cleared her throat. "I uh.. she gave this copy to me when I enrolled in the military. It was the last night I had to stay in the library before my first day. It remains my only non-military issued possession."
"Shepard, I can't take that," he said, touched by the thought alone, but the weight of it almost haunted him. "I can't even read it, it would be lost on me."
"It's not about the words, Garrus. It's not," she exhaled. Not really knowing how to explain it. "While it is a shame you can't read it, this book represents a time period. A period in my life. A period of spending my nights huddled in newspaper to keep warm. A period of dodging slavers and rapists and god knows what else with nothing but my wits and how fast my feet could take me. A period of..." she paused and chewed on her lower lip. "A period of my wits and my speed not always being enough."
The words hurt his chest, but he swallowed it down, surprised by the emotional reaction she caused in him. The thought of her as a child, pulling against her restraints, still fighting when all hope was already lost.
It ignited something in him.
"I love this book," she continued. "I read it every year on my made-up birthday. I mean I damn near have it memorized by now. But it represents all the years I spent alone. All the years I spent with no one on my side. The solitude that haunted me after I lost Deelia." She cleared her throat again and looked up at him. That's when he noticed her knee was bobbing up and down nervously. "And I realized only recently that I don't need it anymore. I didn't know it at the time, but those years of complete solitude ended when you asked to join my team all those months ago."
"Shepard," was all he could say. What could he say to that? He just looked at her, smiling at him. He did the only thing he could think of; he came off his chair and worked his knees between her feet on the floor, and wrapped his massive arms around her. She made a surprised squeak that was muffled by his shoulder. She instinctively tensed, but he felt it melt away as he held her. Her breath was hot on his neck as her face rested against it. The citrus of her hair and earthy scent of her skin was soothing. Familiar. He listened to her heartbeat speed up and her breath move through her chest. It wasn't awkward, it wasn't superficial, it wasn't even comforting.
It was just perfect.
"I know a lot of people clamor for my attention," she said softly, resting against him. "I know it must seem like I'm popular enough on my own. But they aren't friends, they're fans, almost. They don't really know me, or want to. You are, quite literally, the only real friend I've got, Garrus." She couldn't believe how warm he was. The hug only lasted seconds, but the warmth made sweat start to bead on her brow. Regardless of that, it was the safest she'd felt in a long time.
He was careful to be gentle, knowing the hard plates of his chest would hurt her if he grasped her too hard. He hoped that it conveyed everything he couldn't think to say. He hoped that it told her that it was the same for him. He wasn't very good at sentimental conversation. He was never very good with words. When he pulled away he sat back on his heels and took the book in his hands, swallowing hard.
"Thank you, Shepard," he said, holding the book irreverently. "What.. what does it say?"
"Pride and Prejudice. By Jane Austin. She's an author from the early 1800's. This book is still considered one of the best of all time on Earth and it's almost 400 years old."
"Wow," he said, looking down at it.
"Wow is right."
"On Palaven our art and literature is rare as it is. If it's more than a century old it's considered almost ancient. The way you humans preserve history is... well it's unique."
"If you don't learn from history, it's bound to repeat itself, right?"
"Tell that to the Council."
"I know, right? Ugh. Those fuckers."
They shared a laugh again but the silence filled the room quickly. Awkwardly.
"Well," he said, breaking the silence. "We've still got a while before the Mu Relay," he handed the book back to her. "Read me your favorite part."
"Really?"
"Yeah. If I'm going to keep it, I should at least know what some of it says."
Her face lit up as she took it and the sight of her excited made him chuckle as he settled back into his chair. She flipped straight to a particular part in the book towards the very end, laying on her stomach on the bed, her feet carelessly in the air. He linked his talons together on his stomach, and sank back in the chair to listen.
She read:
' "If you will thank me," he replied, "let it be for yourself alone. That the wish of giving happiness to you, might add force to the other inducements which led me on, I shall not attempt to deny. But your family owe me nothing. Much as I respect them, I believe I thought only of you." '
She continued reading with him stopping her occasionally to ask her a question about it. That was how they spent their final hours before Joker called for them at the Mu Relay.
Tali had proved incredibly useful on Ilos, helping them understand the different prothean messages and automated systems with her omni tool. However, Shepard wasn't sure that was worth the screaming she was doing as the Mako rushed through the army of geth guarding the relay.
The relay was closing, if they didn't hurry, they weren't going to make it. But there were a dozen colossus, hundreds of geth, and god knows what else in their way.
"Uh, Commander," Garrus said, nerves decorating his tone as he braced himself against the walls of the Mako.
"I know, Garrus," she said, white-knuckling the steering tiller.
Their margin for error disappeared. They weren't going to make it.
"Shepard," he said, more urgently.
"I know, Garrus."
They were all shouting as they lurched into the relay, being fired through space.
The Mako flipped and crashed into the Presidium back on the Citadel. They were upside-down in their seats, being held up by the protective straps over their shoulders, securing them in place.
"Don't say it," Shepard said, her hair falling in ringlets towards the ground.
"I told you, you should have let me drive," Garrus teased, his hands still bracing against the walls.
"I hate you... so much right now."
Saren gave off a blue aura from the new cybernetics Sovereign had implanted to control him further. He didn't seem to notice as he was prattling on about how his resolve was stronger now, refusing to believe he was under the reapers control. He threw a grenade at them and they all dove into cover.
"Sovereign hasn't won yet," Shepard shouted from behind a large planter. "Saren, I can stop it from taking control of the station! Step aside and the invasion will never happen!"
Garrus lined up a shot, her words echoing in his head.
I will not, under any circumstance, risk going toe-to-toe with Saren without knowing that your cross-hairs are over my shoulder.
And they were...but once Shepard saw him, she saved him off.
Confused, he made a hand gesture that he hoped translated into 'What the hell are you waiting for?' But she just waved him off again, mouthing "Trust me." At least that's what he thought she said.
"We can't stop it," Saren retorted. "Not forever. You saw the visions. You saw what happened to the Protheans. The Reapers are too powerful!"
"I know there's still good in you Saren. I know you don't want to be this monster. Some part of you must still realize this is wrong. You can fight it! You have to be strong!"
Garrus was aghast. She was still trying to save him. Still unwilling to sacrifice anyone she thought was unnecessary, even now.
"Maybe you're right..." Saren said softly. "Maybe there's is still a chance for...HNNG!" He buckled over in pain as Sovereign started to push its control over him. "The implants..." he shrieked. "Sovereign... is... too strong. I'm sorry. It's too late for me."
She rolled out of cover to look at him, gun in hand but at ease, non threatening. Garrus made sure his cross-hairs stayed on Saren, just to be safe. But if anyone could get through to him, it was her.
"It's not over yet! You can still redeem yourself. Fight with me, Saren. We can help you!"
"Goodbye, Shepard," he said as he tucked the barrel of his pistol up under his chin.
"Saren, wait."
"Thank you."
"Saren, NO!"
Blam.
A stream of blue blood erupted from his eye, and his body went limp, falling off the platform and crashing down through the glass of the presidium floor.
Shepard rushed up the platform, followed quickly by Tali and Garrus.
"God damn it," she said looking down at his lifeless corpse, a hand on her forehead.
"He did the right thing," Garrus said looking down at him, putting a hand on Shepard's shoulder. "At least, in this, he's been redeemed."
Shepard, still cursing to herself, opened a communications channel to the Normandy with the Citadel platform.
"This is Joker, please tell me that's you, Commander?"
"It's me Joker," she said.
"Open up the arms. We got a distress call from the Council's Warship; The Destiny Ascension. What do you want us to do?"
"Thousands of human lives will be lost if you rush in to save the Council, Shepard," Garrus offered. "You don't owe the Council anything, not after all of this."
"God, it would be sweet, wouldn't it?" she said leaning on the platform, looking back at him. "To send them a message like 'You have to see this from my point of view, Councilors, without sufficient proof... yadda yadda yadda..."
Garrus laughed, she had obviously made her decision.
"Get in there, Joker," Shepard said. "Save the Council, whatever the cost. This is bigger than humanity."
"I hope you know what you're doing, Shepard," Tali said.
They turned around and looked down on Saren again.
"Make sure he's dead, and let's get the hell out of here."
Garrus jumped down and Tali followed. Shepard stayed by the console to make sure no other calls came through she needed to answer. Garrus lined up his pistol and sent an extra round through Saren's face, his head moved with the force, but was otherwise just as limp as it had been.
"He's dead, Shepard," Tali said over the comm.
"Holy Hell," Garrus shouted as the blue of Saren's cybernetics lit up. His corpse rose and started levitating, and it shed all its flesh, turning into a horrible skeletal form of itself, blue electricity flowing all around it. It hovered in the air for almost a full minute emitting a powerful red energy pulse. It wasn't Saren. Not anymore.
Garrus lunged into cover, pulling a stunned Tali along with him.
"Sweet sassy molassy," he heard Shepard shout from above him. "What in the hanaar hell is that?"
Garrus leaned out from cover to try and see around the pillar and through the light it was giving off. "I think it's Sovereign," Garrus shouted into his comm. Then it exploded, a large pulse of electro-magnetic energy blasted him against the back wall.
"I. Am Sovereign," it bellowed. "This station. Is mine."
"Yeah..." Garrus grunted as he tried to get up. "Definitely Sovereign."
"You might want to get down here, Commander," Tali said urgently.
"Naw, I'm good," she taunted from above them. "You guys got this, right?"
Garrus popped around his cover to look at her, and she was surprised by just how angry he looked. She laughed, and jumped down, landing directly on the shoulders of the creepy glowing skeleton. It crumbled to the ground under her weight and she rolled off, pulling her assault rifle as she did. She was still laughing as she fired a stream of bullets into the abomination, running into cover.
"You think you're so funny," Garrus growled, lining up a shot.