Happy Valentine's Day!

I apologize the story seems kind of rushed.

I intentionally didn't describe the girl at all, that wasn't an accident ;)

Double Date

"Alright, you guys ready!?" Bankjob asked as he parked the van outside of the Duckburg Flower Shop. He looked over his shoulder and grinned at his two brothers.

"Ooh, yeah!" squealed Burger, bouncing in his seat. "Ma sure is gonna love this boo-gay we swipe for her! It'll be the best Valentine's ever!"

"Well, she's da only woman we gots in our lives," Bouncer said with a snicker. "So don't she deserve the best?"

Bankjob slammed the car door and motioned to Bouncer. "Burger, you take the wheel and keep the motor runnin'. This'll only take a minute."

The two burly Beagles chuckled and walked into the shop, guns at the ready.

"A'rite, everyone, stay where you are!" barked Bankjob.

All the patrons in the store screamed and froze in place.

Bankjob started to snatch handfuls of flowers from the displays. To be honest, he had no idea what he was doing, but all it had to do was look nice, right?

"Go empty the register," he called to Bouncer.

Bouncer nodded and stalked over to the checkout counter with his gun held high, twisting his face nastily. He was tough, he was terrifyin', and you better not mess with him!

"Alright, lady! Gimme all the…"

The girl at the register raised her arms in the air, with her eyes wide. "Wait, don't shoot!"

Bouncer's scowl fell. She was….kinda pretty.

He must've been staring for a few moments, because the next thing he knew Bankjob was slapping him on the back, holding a horrendous clump of mixed flowers. "Hey, come on! What's the hold up?"

Bankjob's eyes met the girl's and a smile curled on his lips. "Hey."

The girl just whimpered and dove under the counter.

In the distance, the sound of sirens was starting up.

Bankjob grabbed Bouncer by the arm and the two dashed out of the store and into the getaway car. Burger slammed on the gas and with a screech, they were up and down the street in a puff of exhaust.

"So'd ya get it?" asked Burger, taking his eyes off the road to see the floral abomination.

"Yep!" Bankjob said. "And I got every kind of flower in here, I think! Daisies, roses…um, and big spotted daisies."

Bouncer said nothing.

"Whatsamatter, Bouncer?" Bankjob asked, prodding him. "You looks like you ate some of Burger's old grilled cheese."

"What?! I was savin' that!" Burger yelled, making a sharp turn at the corner.

Bankjob smiled. "Oh, I know! You was checkin' out that dame, weren't you?"

Bouncer felt his cheeks grow warm. "W-what…you know that's not it!"

Bankjob smirked. "I dunno. Girl was pretty cute. 'Specially for someone from this side of Duckburg."

"Hey, who's ya talkin' about?" Burger asked.

"Your mom!" Bankjob snapped.

"Huh. Guess I never thought of her 'dat way," Burger mused.

Bouncer flopped down on his bunk with his thoughts racing. Valentine's Day was tomorrow. Normally, it was just another ordinary day of the year, but…she'd been on his mind ever since.

He tried to shake it away, but nothin' worked. Much as he hated to admit it, he liked her. And he hadn't liked a girl since…well, it'd been a long time. And every one of those instances had ended in disaster.

But he had to somehow make it up to her! He gritted his teeth as he thought how she was dealing with everything; the police, her boss, the missing inventory. Ugh. He'd honestly never cared before now.

Bugle, who had quietly listening to his music on another bunk, gave him an annoyed look. "You gonna keep sighing all night, man?"

"Sorry."

Bugle hopped down from his bed and looked over his brother scrutinizingly. "Y'know, when I feel low, I like to write poetry."

"Well 'dat's stupid," Bouncer commented. Bugle looked affronted.

Then Bouncer thought for a moment. "Hold on…No. 'Dat's great!" He grabbed a tiny notepad and pen and started scribbling away.

"Jerk," Bugle muttered, leaving. Nobody understood art these days.

Hulo mistry gurl.

i want to mak up 4 wat hapeen at the flowor store. pls meat me aftr work, 2marow...

-ur sekrit admyr

"Hey, Bounce, wanna toss around tha old pigskin?" Bankjob shuffled in with a football under his arm. "Baggy an' Burger say they're in." He stopped short as Bouncer tried desperately to hide the letter he was writing. "What's that?"

Bouncer blushed again. "I, uh…it's nothin'!"

But Bankjob had already snatched it out of his hand.

Bouncer felt like his entire head might blow off with hot steam. Oh, geez…

Bankjob looked up. "Huh. This is good."

Bouncer was shocked. "Ya don't think it's stupid?"

"'Course I do," said Bankjob. "But, y'know, not any stupider than yer usual stuff."

"Aw…thanks, BJ," Bouncer wasn't sure if it had actually been a compliment, but he took it all the same.

Later that night, after the police were long-gone, Bouncer made sure to creep into town and slide his note under the flower shop door. She'd get it first thing in the morning. All he had to do was wait and see what happened.

Valentine's Day morning was cold and overcast. After handing Ma the vase of flowers, ("Is this the best you boys could do?"), all the Beagle brothers went their own way for the day. After all, none of them had Valentines. Which was typical.

Well, apart from Bouncer. He hoped by the end of the day, that'd be different.

And the end of the day finally came.

Bouncer looked in the mirror and nervously mussed his hair. He smiled at his reflection. Ugh. That missin' tooth wasn't doin' him any favors here. His stomach sank at the very thought of seeing her again.

But he couldn't leave her waiting.

For the first time in who knew how long, Bouncer untied his iconic Beagle family mask from his head. He looked almost like a different person without it. Less….criminal.

Bouncer got to the flower shop as twilight set in, and just as it seemed to be closing up. The girl was locking the doors and seemed to be looking around for somebody. This was his chance, it was now or never.

He got ready to sprint across the street, when-

"Hey! So I see ya got my note?" a deep voice rang out.

Bouncer jumped and leapt behind a mailbox.

Bankjob, looking more than usually cocky and full of himself, strutted up to the girl and smiled. Like Bouncer, he too had chosen not to wear his Beagle mask tonight.

And it worked- without it, she didn't seem to recognize him at all.

"You sent it?" she asked, looking up at the tall, muscular Beagle. "I'm sorry, I don't think we've met…"

"Well, no," Bankjob said. "Not, uh, formally. But I've been watchin' you for a while."

The girl's smile faltered, as if she wasn't sure she should be flattered or disturbed by that. "So is that how you know about the burglary yesterday?"

Bankjob hesitated. "Uh…yeah! Those scumbags! If I were there at the time I woulda shown those thugs what's what! Stealin' from a fine girl like you!"

Oh, this was too much. Bouncer felt he was gonna be sick. And how dare Bankjob do this to him!

"Say, what do you say I take you out somewhere's for dinner?" Bankjob offered, putting one of his beefy arms gingerly around her shoulder.

"Ah, well…" The girl started.

"Hold it right 'dere!" Bouncer snapped. The girl's eyes widened as she watched him cross over.

"Who're you?" she asked.

"I'm the one who wrote 'dat note!" Bouncer said, glaring at his older brother with contempt.

"Oh, please. Look, buzz off. This lovely lady obviously needs a real man to protect her," Bankjob said, getting irritated.

"Why don'tcha say 'dat to my fist, ya louse!" Bouncer shouted, his arms shaking with rage. But he stopped himself before he got out of control, and turned back with a self-conscious smile towards her. "Um. Sorry if I scared ya. You….uh, look purty tonight!"

"I think I have to go home," the girl said faintly. Without another word, she turned tail and was sprinting off down the sidewalk.

Bankjob threw his hands in the air and groaned. "Look what ya did!"

Bouncer leered right back and shoved him, hard. "No, look what you did! 'Dat was my letter!"

Caught off guard, Bankjob stumbled backwards a bit. For a moment he looked surprised, and then his eyes narrowed into slits. "Yeah, well, she liked me!"

"I saw her first!" Bouncer shouted, getting in his face.

"By like five seconds!" Bankjob retorted.

"At least I wasn't a complete creep!"

Bankjob rolled his eyes. "Well, was that you flirting? Because that was just embarrassing."

Bouncer punched him. Bankjob made a soft gasping sound as Bouncer's fist connected with his face, and hunched over in pain. "You gave me a black eye, you dimwit!" He couldn't believe it.

After a few moments of pained groaning, Bankjob glared up at his brother. "Fine," he spat. "If you're such a man, why don't you ask her out? Do it. I dare you."

Bouncer, panting with his fist still in the air, felt his heart sink. He'd never asked out a girl before. And he'd certainly never been on a date.

But Bankjob's stupid, taunting face was enough to give him some incentive.

"Fine, 'den, I will," Bouncer said. "You're gonna eat your words!"

An hour later, back at the Beagle home, Bouncer was desperately flipping through the Duckburg phonebook. He'd found out her name- and wasn't it was a gorgeous one indeed?!- from breaking into the store a second time, and now all he needed was her number and address.

Bankjob stood in the corner, soaking his eye with a chunk of steak. He knew Bouncer wouldn't do it. He was too chicken. Bankjob smirked.

Bouncer took a deep breath and dialed, his stomach tying up in knots.

It rang once. Twice. Then…."Hello?" said a voice. A beautiful, wonderful, totally perfect voice!

"…Guh." Said Bouncer.

Suddenly his mouth was dry. He swallowed and closed his eyes.

"Um, I mean, it's me."

"How did you get my phone number?" she asked nervously.

"Um…" Bouncer scratched his butt. "I just guessed."

"Oh."

She didn't seem too bright, but that hardly mattered- in fact, it was all the more reason they belonged together!

"Listen. I'm sorry 'bout earlier. Do you wanna come an' get somethin' to eat…or somethin'…?" Bouncer held his breath.

There was a silence. "Um, sure."

"It's ok, I understand…" Bouncer started. He paused. "Wait, you said 'yes'?"

From the other side of the room, Bankjob's jaw dropped.

"…Yeah." She said.

"Um…ok! 'Den I'll go and pick you up!" He hung up. Bouncer could feel his heart lifting. Not even bank robberies had left him feeling so exhilarated!

"You can't go out lookin' like that!" Bankjob spat. "You look like a chump."

Just then, Bugle and Babyface came into the room.

"What's going on?" Bugle asked, looking between the two brothers. "Where have you guys been? Dinner's been ready for-"

"Tell Bouncer he looks like a chump!" Bankjob said.

"Hey! Why ain't ya wearin' yer masks?!" Babyface cried out. Just talking about taking off the masks was practically taboo. "Oh, you guys are gonna be in trouble if Ma finds out-!" He giggled nastily and ran for the door.

Bugle grabbed his shoulder and stopped him. "Hold on a minute, man," he said, putting a hand to his chin thoughtfully. "You two gonna tell me what's goin' down?"

Bouncer could hardly contain his joy. "I'm goin' on a date!"

The two brothers' eyes widened.

"Yech!" Babyface said. "With a girl?! Gross!"

"Well… Bank is right about one thing, you can't meet the love of your life lookin' like that," Bugle said, a big grin spreading across his face.

Bankjob spluttered. "Love of his life?! What?" He tossed the hunk of meat angrily to the floor. "She was goin' out to dinner with me until he butted in!"

Bugle crossed his arms. "Well, then, I guess you're both gonna have to find out who she really fancies, man." He grinned and snapped his fingers. "Bebopadoowop! And I know just the duds to set you up."

He dove deep into the bedroom closet and began tossing clothes and hangers all over the place. "Here we go."

He finally brought out a big white box filled with tacky costumes. "These are the props from that one-man musical I presented a couple years back!" He said proudly. "These should do just the trick," Bugle withdrew two handmade, black suits. "A little on the small side for you two…but still better than nothing."

Bouncer and Bankjob both grabbed a suit and struggled buttoning them up. Yep, definitely too small...but better than nothing.

"Well, what're you waitin' for? Isn't your girl waiting for you?" Bugle urged.

"Aw, thanks, Bugle!" Bouncer said, almost feeling teary-eyed. He'd be sure to make him his best man at the wedding.

"Yeah, you're really swell!" Bankjob grinned. He tagged his brother on the back, and then dashed for the doorway.

Bouncer rushed right after him, blood boiling, he couldn't let Bankjob beat him there.

After the two had left, Babyface turned to look at his brother with disgust. All the thought of mushy stuff was too much for him. "You don't really think a girl likes them, do ya?"

"Aw, man, of course not. That's why it's hilarious!"

The instant Bankjob parked the car outside the house, Bouncer sprung from his seat and made a mad dash for the doorstep. Furiously, Bankjob lunged right after him.

"I'm gonna ring the doorbell!" Bankjob said, shoving Bouncer out of the way. "That's what gentlemen do!"

"Yeah, well, she's expectin' me! What's she gonna do when she sees yer ugly mug instead?!" Bouncer snapped back, pushing right back.

The door suddenly opened…just a crack. Her face appeared. "Hello? Is someone there?"

Bouncer and Bankjob threw their hands behind their backs and put on their best smiles.

The girl opened the door wider, a look of unease on her face as she realized it was the both of them standing on her stoop.

"H-how are you this evening?" Bouncer started nervously. "Did ya…did ya still wanna get some dinner?" He grinned, then remembered his busted tooth, and shut it again.

"I didn't know so many people were coming," she said.

"Oh! Oh, well, I brought you this!" Bouncer suddenly reached into his suit and brought out a fistful of flowers. The same flowers they'd nabbed from the store yesterday.

Her eyes widened for a second. Then she smiled and took them. "How pretty!"

Bouncer smirked at Bankjob.

"Yeah, well, please let me walk you down to the car," Bankjob reached out and took her hand with a surprising gentleness. "You can sit up front with me."

She took his hand and the two stepped down to the vehicle, leaving Bouncer confused in their wake.

"What about him?" she asked.

"Oh, forget him. He can sit in the back. Tonight is about you and me!" Bankjob started the engine and Bouncer leaped back into the car, furious. He wasn't about to be left behind on his own date!

Despite it's shortcomings, Duckburg did have one fine downtown restaurant. And it was the perfect place to bring a girl you wanted to impress.

"Wow," she said, exiting the car. Bankjob took her by the arm.

"Brother, be a dear and park the car for us." Bankjob grinned at him. "I'll escort the lady inside."

"You play dirty," Bouncer shot at him from inside the car.

"Well, all's fair in love in war," Bankjob sneered quietly.

"You just made that up!"

Muttering bitterly, Bouncer double-parked in the back and then raced back into the restaurant. The server gave him a disgruntled look and pointed out a table.

"Get anythin' you want!" Bankjob oozed, looking fondly at her. "Nothin's too good for my sweetie!" They already had a bottle of champagne bubbling in the middle.

Bouncer turned to look at her as she leafed through the menu. He had to do it…or he'd never have the chance. His brother was just too charismatic, too determined. Bouncer's face started burning and now he really felt ready to throw up- preferably on Bankjob.

"Eh…I…I love you!" Bouncer cried out, grabbing hold of her hand.

Several of the people at nearby tables turned and stared.

She opened her mouth to speak, but Bankjob interrupted.

"I love you too!" he yelled. "And I love you better!"

Now everyone in the restaurant was staring.

Bouncer and Bankjob both looked at her expectantly, and she looked nervously back and forth between the two.

"Um, look…you two…aren't really my type. I don't like muscleheads."

What.

Both boy's faces fell and they looked at her with confusion. Strong, tough, charming guys weren't her type?! That went against everything they'd ever learned about girls. Ever.

"And I'm already in an online relationship," she added awkwardly, pushing away from the table. "With this really smart guy. His name is Megabyte." She smiled.

Bouncer and Bankjob turned a sickly shade of green. She turned around and walked right out, and the two shared a look of disgust and abject horror. Is this how heartbreak felt?

The brothers looked at one another.

"Um…I'm sorry, Bounce," Bankjob said after a moment, standing up and looking deeply ashamed of himself. "I was a jerk."

"Me too," Bouncer sighed. "Sorry for what I did 'ta yer eye."

Bankjob clapped him on the back. "Forget it! Hey, let's promise never to fight over a girl again." He grinned.

"For sure!" Bouncer agreed. The two started heading for the exit.

"An' who eez going to pay for this, eh?" snapped a fancy waiter, holding up the champagne.

Bouncer and Bankjob glanced at one another.

"Run for it!"