Winged Cupid Painted Blind Chapter 15 - Love Looks Not With the Eyes, But With the Mind
A/N-Love looks not with the eyes but with the mind. And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind. This has always meant to me that true love can cross the border of gender and sexuality (i.e. a gay man falling for a woman or a straight man falling for a guy) that it has no concept of your age religion race origin or what society deems as beauty. That loves only true concern is how your souls sing to one another and how your hearts dance to the melody. And also I think I am only going to work on this for a minute because I want to get to a certain part before Halloween. Rave belongs to KirKurryArt/Eyugho
The day had ended and Kevin's time to think things over was up in Nat's opinion, not that he could force Kevin to do anything he didn't want to do, but Nat would make Kevin's life a living hell if he didn't at least apologize for being an ass. But that's the thing, Kevin didn't see that he had done anything wrong, excuse him if he freaked out because he has never been attracted to guys before, wouldn't you, for not only did he discover that he liked what went on between them but he wanted it to happen again. This revelation has flipped his world upside down and he was trying to right it again, he wasn't trying to hurt Edd's feelings, he just needed time to make sense of this new part of himself that he had never even knew was there. Was he still attracted to girls? Yes he discovered that he was indeed still attracted and aroused by them. Now boys he did admit that he found some of them attractive but he just couldn't wrap his mind around looking at them sexually, maybe it was still a new concept and subconsciously he was still fighting it, who knows. But he was trying and that's all anyone could ask for, right, now he needed to figure out how he really felt about Edd, and there was only one person he could bounce these thoughts off of and knew would not judge him or would tell anyone else about it, Nat.
As luck would have it Nat was on to the same conclusion that Kevin was, that he needed to talk to the red head and help him figure this out, if nothing more than to put right what had been damaged between the two. Nat leans against the wall of lockers beside his friend, as Kevin was exchanging the books he needed to take home for the evening, "Hey," Kevin acknowledged Nat's greeting, "Are you free?"
"Yeah I've got a few hours before I need to get home, what's up?"
"I just thought we could hang out and expand our minds," Nat made a little twisting motion with his fingers as though he was rolling a joint.
"Dude, you read my mind," Kevin grabbed his jacket and closed his locker door then followed his friend out to the parking lot and toward his car. A short drive while listening to White Zombie's Thunder Kiss '65 and they are parking in Nat's driveway, getting out of the car the two of them enter the modest home and head up the stairs to his room, locking the door behind them.
Extracting a small tin from his closet Nat plops down on his bed and opens it and then begins to break apart the buds, separating the seeds and stems from it, Kevin sits in the bean bag chair on the floor. He picks up a cassette from his night stand and throws it to Kevin, "Dude put that on," examining the cover he sees that it was Stone Temple Pilots new album Core, putting it in the stereo he hits play and the first song of the album begins, Dead & Bloated. Licking the paper he puts the final twist on the joint and puts it in his mouth then lights an incense and places it by the door to cover the smell, sitting on his bed again he opens the window just a crack as well then lights the joint. Taking a big drag off of it he inhales the smoke and holds it then passes it to Kevin, exhaling he leans back on the bed and groans a little as the drug took on a mild effect. "So now that we are alone tell me what's up between you and D."
Kevin inhaled his hit and passes the joint back to his friend, taking the few seconds of holding the smoke in to think about what to say, but came up short, "Where do I start," he wanted to talk about it but his nerves were running wild on him.
"You fucked him didn't you," Nat said casually then took his hit.
"No," Kevin replied matter-of-factly.
"It's alright if you did, there's nothing wrong with it," He passed the joint back to Kevin.
"Why do you think we had sex," Kevin takes his hit.
"Because I could tell Edd was gay the first moment I laid eyes on him, and you were being really clingy," Nat takes the joint back and takes his hit.
"So based on that the obvious answer is we had sex," Kevin replied while trying to hold the smoke in.
"Survey says," Nat says while pointing to the wall and then making a ding sound, he looks down at his friend while taking a second hit and sees the conflict in Kevin's eyes. Passing the joint back to him he then exhales and adds, "Look bro its cool ok, I just want you to know I understand what you're going through, I've been there."
Kevin looks at Nat with a scrunched up face for a second and says in a low voice, "Really," then takes his hit.
"Yeah, do you think I tell you all my sexual encounters?" Sliding off the bed he sits on the floor so he was more eye level with his friend and retrieves the joint from Kevin. "Sure it freaked me out at first, but I came to realize that it doesn't change who you are or what you like, you know," he takes his hit.
"Yeah I never had a clue," The joint was all but done now and the next song of Sex Type Thing was blaring through the speakers.
"Well just because you suck a dick or get yours sucked doesn't mean you instantly change, and stereotypes are just ignorant people labeling things they don't understand." Nat pulled out a pack of cigarettes and lights one, "So do you like the boy?"
"I don't know," Kevin rubbed the back of his neck, "I will admit that I think he is funny, smart and yes, very handsome, but I am just so confused on whether it's like as in friends or like as in more than that."
"Oh, so he is fair game then and you won't have a problem with me snatching him up and showing him what a real relationship is like then," Nat wagged his brows at his friend and had a wicked grin plastered upon his face.
Kevin's heart stopped for a second and it was evident on his face, "Don't you fucking dare," he points his finger at Nat with a very serious look in his eyes.
"I think we have our answer folks," Nat gives Kevin's foot a gentle kick to emphasize he was messing with him.
"So what do I do now," Now that he had his answer he was stuck on how to fix the situation between them.
"You know the answer to that Kevin, you go to him and apologize, then explain that you're an idiot and if he is half as smart as we know he is he will understand," Nat was right it was as simple as that, 'Doesn't mean he will forgive you right away for being an jackass but you have to take that first step if you want to salvage your friendship let alone anything else."
"Ok cool, Hey," Kevin looks at Nat with eyes that spoke a thousand words of appreciation, "Thanks man, you're a lifesaver," Now that his mind was a little more at ease with himself he did have one curious question, "So do you mind if I ask you wh.."
"Thirteen," He saw the look of shock in Kevin's eyes, "He was sixteen and totally hot, at the time I thought I wanted to hang around him because he was cool but one thing lead to another…"
"James, you slept with James Castellanos, I always wondered why the two of you stopped hanging out, you were inseparable for so long." It's funny how things make sense once you have a few more facts Kevin thought.
"What can I say, he couldn't handle what I was supplying," Nat felt a pull at his heart, "Now let's stop talking about it ok, it was a long time ago and best left in the past."
"Sure man, no problem," Feeling as though he just stepped on a landmine he shouldn't have Kevin dropped the subject.
"Do you want to watch Star Trek?" Nat said trying to changed the subject.
"Sure, though I didn't think you were into it, being all geeky and all."
"What can I say, the little guy is rubbing off on me," Nat stands up and turns on the TV changing it to the appropriate channel, "He explained why he likes it so much at lunch today, something about social commentary and all, so I though what the hell let's give it a shot."
And in there buzzed state of mind they sat back and enjoyed the episode together, it was a rerun from earlier that year. The Enterprise encountered an alien race called the J'naii, they are a race that has no gender, the J'naii ask for assistance in finding a missing shuttle craft that got lost in a pocket of null space. Along the way the first officer Riker becomes romantically evolved with one of the J'naii by the name of Soren. This particular member of the species has always felt like she was female and over the course of the show Riker learns that it is extremely taboo in her culture to display any form of gender identity, the norm was to stay neutral and anyone who displayed signs of being one gender or another was sent off to a facility that would correct their misguided nature. The show culminates in a trial in which Soren is found guilty for her "perversion" and sent to be reeducated in the proper way of things. For Kevin the show taught him one thing that we are what god intended us to be, that there is nothing wrong with us and nothing to feel guilty about. Society was the ones currently misguided and hopefully would learn the errors of their ways in time, and maybe become better people for it.
Noticing the time Kevin thanks Nat once again for helping him sort himself out, the teal haired boy was of course happy to do so, giving his friend a ride home he drops him off at the corner, "Just promise me your going to talk to him, he deserves that much."
"I promise Nat," He waves goodbye to his friend and starts up the walk to his front door, he was determined not only to ask for forgiveness but hopefully get a second chance with Edd. For not only did he learn to accept this part of himself a little better, but that he did in fact want more than friendship from the boy that filled his thoughts. The journey of self discovery was going to be a long one for Kevin, but hopefully with Edd by his side it would at least be a little easier, and for certain a lot more fun. Heading up to his room he grabs a bunch of tapes off of his shelf and a blank cassette and began searching for songs he thought would best express himself to the one he needed his feelings to come across to.
A/N- The Star Trek episode featured in this chapter is called The Outcast it was aired in march of 1992, and for me personally was a strong massage that we are all humans no matter who you love or how you identify yourself, we all love laugh and live and that we all deserve to be treated the same. And coming from that time period it was a really edgy subject to be addressed, though it ended badly for Soren the massage got through to me.