Ed sits on the couch in the TV room with nothing to do and worse, nothing to watch. He watched and watched as the network he once ruled aired horrible programs. He thought to himself.
Ed: (Things were never this weird when me and the others were in charge. Now it's just strange. Is this Adventure Time based on the creators bad (Chemical Dependence) trip or do people actually find this funny? Why continue to air shows that are canceled in a month and try to bring them back a year later only to have them canceled again and repeat the cycle? Who do I complain to about this lineup and brutal slaughter of my brilliant work?)
Then Ed decided to do something we all thought of but never had the grapes to do. Not that I encourage it or anything.
Ed: Im going to kill the Cartoon Network Universe.
Come on now, you knew this would happen sooner or later. He got up and left the room. He suited up and headed for the door. Edd & Eddy were sitting on the couch in the living room trying to out do each other in the "I hate you" factor.
Edd: I hate you as much as I loved your mom last night.
Eddy: So you don't hate me at all then.
Edd: Eh... Screw you, you're just a dumb buttlord.
They stop and see Ed heading towards the door.
Eddy: Where ya going big Ed?
Ed: Im going to kill the Cartoon Network Universe.
Eddy: That sounds like an awesome chapter. Hey Double D let make an awesome adventure of our own that will never be worthy of a chapter of its own.
Edd: What should we call this adventure of ours that won't be famous?
Eddy: How about "Two Best Eds Play"?
Edd: Alright.
And now you know how it started.
Ed arrived outside of the CN tower. It was rebuilt into a massive sideways building version of the logo.
Ed: Those fiends. They put the blame on the checkerboard generation for their mistakes? Well at least that type of stuff NEVER happens in politics. Am I right folks?
Ed approached the doors only to meet the bouncer, Schnitzel. He stopped Ed from walking in.
Schnitzel: Rada Rada.
Ed backed away, readied his fist and leaped at Schnitzel delivering a punch so powerful it broke the rock monster into a billion little pieces but that's not all. He also knocked down the steel clad doors the mighty giant guarded. All the new lineup shows saw the action take place and readied themselves for the fight of their lives. Ed looked on to see several floors he must clear before he can destroy those who are truly responsible for his beloved networks downfall.
Ed approached the first stair way which was guarded by Johnny Test, Talking Dog and his siters.
Johnny: Tada! We existed once.
Sister 1: We're really just Dexters Labatory gender reversed.
Ed punched his fist through Johnny's face and stepped on his talking dogs head painting the walls behind a new shade of red. Ed tossed the bodies out of the way and slammed the girls heads together. He then dropped them and continued then met Flapjack.
Flapjack: Argh maty... I'm a pirate!
Ed: Ah! That voice is like (Disturbing one liner I'm not legally allowed to write down for public viewing) on the ear drums.
Flapjack pulled out a sword... Fish? And came at Ed merrily stepped to the side, snatched that fish from his hand and sliced his own head off with it.
Flapjack: I deserved it!
Ed advanced to meet Chowder. Chowder stood with a bib and fork & knife in hand licking his mouth in hunger.
Chowder: I've always wondered what washed up tasted like.
Ed: So it's a battle of gluttons you want, is it?
Ed readied himself. Chowder ran at Ed. Ed stuck his tongue five feet out and wrapped it around Chowder. He then retracted it and devoured Chowder whole. Ed let out a burp and went up the stairs. He then met an annoying duo that had to die.
Mordecia & Rigby: Ohohohohohohoh!
Ed: I can't take the madness anymore! Die!
Ed lunged at them and then heads up the stairway with a raccoon tail hat and blue feathers stuck into it. The wall then crashes in on Ed as a giant glowing hand grabs him.
Symbionic Titan: Die Fiend!
Ed busted out of the hand.
Ed: I'm too much man for you to handle.
He then grabbed the hand and pulled the entire arm off of the robot. Ed went on to beat the robot downwards like a whack-a-mole game. Ed headed up the stairway. He was met with an empty floor.
Ed searched and, out of nowhere, was blindsided by the Problem Solverz. He was pinned against a wall as they surrounded him with the help of Secret Mountain Fort Awesome, Gumball characters, Total Drama Island cast, The 6teen crew, all of the CN real people, the face from MAD, Annoying Orange, Camp Lazlo & the newly remade Looney Toons (I'm not making any of these shows up) all helping them beat poor big Ed down. He was being hit from all sides and every angle. There was noway out for him so he made away out.
Ed bursted his way out sending everyone flying and more then half of them off the sides of the stairs sending them plummeting to their deaths. He then swiftly dealt with the others whom we're not lucky enough to die by gravity, but I think you'd enjoy it more to imagine how those one suffered. Ed walked up the stairs to meet the deadliest bodyguards and the most oddest before he reached the final level.
Ed: Devil Sonic and Tails Doll? I didn't know you guys worked here.
Devil Sonic: We don' but we have to help our fellow villains and create more cartoon theory's that don't make that much sense.
Ed: Truly, you are the most evil kind of villains.
Tails Doll: Die already!
Ed: Come at me bro!
Both of them charged Ed. Ed swept to the side of and delivered a punch upwards causing him to wear Devil Sonic like a glove.
Devil Sonic: AHAHAHAHAH! Kill me!
Ed then used Devil Sonic as a boxing glove on the Tails Doll and beat them both to death. He slide the dead husk of Devil Sonic off of his arm and wiped it with the body of Tails Doll. He then entered into the executives room to meet the worst characters on Cartoon Network and probably the worst in it's once great history, Finn & Jake.
Both of them crept up behind Ed. Finn stood behind Ed to his right and Jake on his left. They told him how they planned to kill him.
Finn: Well looky here Jake. Looks like we got a washed up forgotten has been disgracing our beautiful work.
Jake: Lets finish him tuff guy.
Ed: You crimes are unforgivable.
Finn: Enough talk! Die!
Both, Finn & Jake, went at Ed. As they swung their fist and sword down Ed leapt back leaving them open. He grabbed both of their arms and slammed their faces together with all his might. He then threw them against the floor for their last breath. Finn and Jake looked at each other.
Finn: They'll never fix the damage we've done.
Both of them begin to makeout. Wait what? Exactly what the hell kind of story am I making here? Ed then stomped on their heads smashing them like pumpkins. Ed looked around and realized it was over, finally over. He walked up to the window and saw the sun rise for a new day.
Ed reappeared outside the CN building and fixed the doors. He shut them, locked them, ate the key and left a "Out of business" sign on the door. He then mounted his noble stead, Derpy Hooves, and flew off, upside down, into the sunset thinking about only two things. One, from this day on he dedicates his life to fighting s***** programing. And two.
Ed: (When did I get a pet Pegasus?)