idk why I bother posting these since they're so sht, but since they're rotting away on my computer i might as well post.

Shooting the Stars

"Man, what a lousy movie," groaned Bankjob, stuffing his hands angrily in his pockets as he and his two brothers exited the Duckburg theatre.

"Yeah. What a total ripoff!" Bouncer assented.

"But we didn't pay, we snuck in, man," Bugle reminded him.

Bouncer just grunted. "Still!"

Bankjob felt the same. The Mad and the Furious had been a huge disappointment. Oh, at the start it'd been alright- tons of action, high speed chases, and violent fighting scenes. But then it'd gone and pulled that dumb old cliché: the annoying good guys somehow pulled off some ridiculous win, and all the criminals landed back in the joint.

"Y'know, I bet even we could make a better movie!" Bouncer said.

Bankjob stopped in his tracks, putting his hand to his chin thoughtfully. "Say…maybe we could."

His brothers looked back at him.

"We kinda got the experience, you and me, Bugle," Bankjob said. "Backs when we was pullin' that stunt on our buddy, McQuack."

Bugle frowned. "Bankjob, that wasn't a real movie. There wasn't even any film in the cameras."

"I know it wasn't!" Bankjob said in irritation, "But it coulda prepped us for the real deal! Why, I bet I could be a bonafide director." He paused and thought. "Yeah...Mr. Spielbeag. I wouldn't mind goin' back to that. And… I think I already got an idea for a story!" Yes… it was all coming to him. He'd been born for this!

"Uh, can I be in it?" Bouncer asked, excitement spreading over his face. "I always wanted to be the star in a movie!"

"Sure you can, pal," Bankjob said, slapping his brother on the back. "'Cept, forget about bein' the star. I got somebody else in mind for that…"

"Me?" BigTime asked.

"Yeah, you!"

BigTime looked suspicious. "What's the catch? There's gotta be a catch. You're never nice to me, Bank."

"I just think you're the perfect look for my hero!" Bankjob grinned, looking at BigTime through spread fingers.

BigTime's scowl disappeared. "W-well...thanks, Bankjob. I dunno what to say."

Bankjob chuckled. "No problem. I want my hero to be sympathetic and lovable, like a real con, so a small and twerpy guy like you is perfect for it!" BigTime's scowl came back.

"An' why do I have to be a cameraman?" Bouncer complained.

"Don't whine, Bouncer," Bankjob snorted. "Handlin' the camera is a very important job!"

"Well...if you say so," Bouncer said bitterly, glaring at BigTime.

"So, Mr. Big Director, what're the deets?" Bugle asked, hauling some of the old video equipment down the stairs. He was followed by Babyface, Baggy, and Burger, who also had their hands full of boxes.

"Trying to make a full-length feature film without any real, prior experience seems… presumptuous, at least," Megabyte said, sitting on the couch and typing away at his computer, giving his brother a haughty look.

"Here, everyone, just take one!" Bankjob called, handing out pamphlets to all his brothers.

"Man…did you really handwrite this out eight times?" Bugle asked, looking over the sloppy packet.

"Yeah...why?" asked Bankjob.

"Reservoir Beagles," read Bouncer out loud. "Uh…"

"Shut up, that's just the workin' title," Bankjob grunted.

"So, what's it about?" asked Babyface.

BigTime flipped through the first few pages. "'The story of BigShot Beagle and his descent into madness..." He paused and glared at Bankjob, "…'after a botched diamond heist, he's hunted by the monstrous tyrant and billionaire, Scroob."

"Scroob?" asked Bouncer.

"Huh. 'Dat somebody we know?" Baggy mumbled.

Megabyte scanned through the lines rapidly. "This story is highly illogical."

"So's yer face," Bankjob shot back.

"Oh, oh, Bankjob! I want to help!" Babyface hopped up and down. "What can I do?"

"A'rite, a'rite, relax, I've got a job for each one of ya," Bankjob chuckled, patting his little brother on the head. He looked through his list. "Ahem...Bugle. I'm puttin' you in charge of sound and music."

Bugle smiled. "Sure thing! I'm the master of melodies! Bebopdoowop!"

"Babyface...I'm trustin' you with the special effects!" Bankjob continued.

"Special effects?" Babyface asked uncertainly.

"Yeah, y'know...explosions and stuff," Bankjob said. ''But, y'know, not all of 'em are real."

Babyface seemed bewildered.

"A'rite, Burger. You're takin' care of props," Bankjob instructed. "Can you make a fake diamond and a buncha bags of money?"

"Oooh-hoo! That'll be easy," Burger said. "I always save up the bags from McDuckald's in case of emergencies!"

"Baggy, you cover makeup and costumes."

"Uh…but I dunno nothin' about those," Baggy mumbled.

"But didn't you always say it was your dream?" Bankjob nudged.

"Uh, no..."

"Whatever, now's your chance to learn!" He looked over to the couch.

"And last, you, Megabyte," Bankjob said. "You can manage all the nerdy stuff. Like computers. That work?"

Megabyte crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes. "Implicitly."

"And...action!"

In the back alley, all the Beagle Brothers had assembled to film the opening scene.

BigTime started running, clutching two hefty fastfood bags colored over and labeled "munny". He screamed and dove behind a trashcan.

Bankjob snapped his fingers. "Cue the car explosion!"

There was a silence.

"Noooooo!" BigTime shouted, hurrying back to where Baggy was laying, smeared in ketchup, with one eye open.

"Talk to me, Bugsy! Oh, cruel fate!"

"Psst...BigTime, it's me," Baggy whispered, giggling.

"CUT!" screamed Bankjob. "Baggy! You're actin'! Remember?!"

"Oh, uh, sorry," Baggy mumbled apologetically.

"From the top!"

"Oh, cruel fate," BigTime said again, with considerably less emotion.

"BigShot...you can't let 'dem schools and orphanages get their hands on the diamond and the money! You gotta hide...hide..." He paused and looked at the script. "Gags. Rolls over dead."

"Oh, what's a poor thug like me to do," BigTime moaned. "What with the cops all over the city, under the command of that sick humanitarian billionaire, Scroob!"

"I swear, Bugsy, you will be avenged!" BigTime growled, smashing his fist into the pavement. He recoiled and let out a soft, "ow!", and Dead Baggy held back a snicker.

Bankjob nudged Bouncer. "Now do the dramatic zoom."

"Oh, uh, right," Bouncer said under his breath. He let out a nervous chuckle and started tweaking the camera.

"And...that's a wrap!" Bankjob shouted.

"A'rite, let's take a look!"

The Beagles turned to Megabyte and the brainy Beagle hooked up his laptop. "Ok. Well, I've got all the data here. Let me put it into a video editor...here we go!"

The screen went black.

"Nooooo!" BigTime's voice called out through the darkness.

"Bouncer, you forgot to take the lens cap off!" Bankjob roared. Bouncer smiled nervously.

"I...I didn't totally forget."

"Ow!" hissed BigTime in the video. Suddenly the dark cap came off and Bouncer's hand appeared, waving stupidly in front of the lens.

"And...that's a wrap!" The video cut out.

"Well, that was a complete waste of time!'' Bankjob grunted, glaring at Bouncer. "Looks like we gotta start again."

About an hour later, the group was reassembled around Megabyte's computer to see the new, improved movie shoot.

At least this time, there was image to the video. Butthe camera swayed and shook nauseatingly.

"Oh, what is a poor thug like me to do," deadpanned BigTime. "I swear, Bugsy..."

The camera zoomed in close on BigTime's butt.

"Heheh," Bouncer's voice giggled.

BigTime glared directly at the camera. "...you will be avenged," he growled through gritted teeth.

Megabyte stopped the playback.

"Wow, that was great!" said Baggy, beaming.

"That was horrible!" Bankjob snapped, giving him a scolding look. "The camera was all over the place! Where'd you go to school?" he demanded of Bouncer.

"Uh...I didn't go to school," Bouncer answered, insulted.

"And Baggy! How many times do I have ta tell ya that you're dead! So don't be waving 'howdy doody' like a lunatic!"

"D'eh...sorry..." Baggy said, looking down at his feet.

BigTime balled his fists and pushed past some of his brothers. "Oh yeah? Well I didn't see you doin' anythin' special, other than barkin' orders from your throne!"

Bankjob's eyes narrowed. "I'm the director. That's what I'm s'posed ta do!"

"More like you just sit back and let everybody else do all the work!"

A vein in Bankjob's temple throbbed. "That so? Well don't get me started on your abysmal performance!"

"Oh YEAH?"

"Hey, hey, hey!" Bugle and Burger pushed the two feuding Beagles apart. "Come on, now, chillax a bit," said Bugle. "We still haveta check out everyone else's contributions."

"Oh...yeah, that's right," Bankjob grumbled.

"Well you guys saw my makeup!" Baggy said cheerfully, swaying his arms back and forth. "Uh, y'know, at first I didn't think I could do it 'cuz it looked too much like real blood, but..."

Bankjob rolled his eyes. "Ketchup...isn't...makeup."

Bankjob then glanced at Babyface. "Alright, kid, so you said you were gonna handle the effects."

Babyface grinned and bounced on his feet. "Yeah! I already finished one." He held up a white piece of construction paper with a sloppily scrawled explosion in the middle.

Bankjob stared. "What the heck is that?"

Babyface's face fell. "It's a...it's a kaboom."

"Did you do that with crayons?!"

Babyface shook his head. "No. Colored pencils."

"And how are we s'posed to use that?"

"Well...um…"

"Bugle, I'm hopin' you can tell me somethin' good," Bankjob turned with annoyance towards his most trusted brother.

Bugle smiled and held up a tape recorder. "Yep. I've gone ahead and written a whole soundtrack for Reservoir Beagles."

"Let's hear some!" Bankjob said, clapping his hands. Finally things were shaping up.

"Ok, Scene 1," Bugle announced, pressing play. Shakkashakkashakka, doodoodoo! An upbeat track started to play.

"Um, Buge," Bankjob said after a moment, "this is the crucial scene where our hero's partner kicks the bucket...and you're playin' showtunes?!"

"Wait, wait, the lyrics are really good," Bugle insisted. "They're really, like, the inner monologues of BigShot's life, man." He snapped his fingers.

"Ahhh! I'm a tough little scrapper and my life sucks

Fuzz try to hold me back but I give no-"

"Enough!" yelled Bankjob.

"There's one like that for every major scene," Bugle grinned.

"This isn't s'posed to be a musical!" Bankjob whined, his hands shaking with frustration. "It's an action thriller! Action! Thrills!"

"Don't ya wanna see da rest of my props?" Burger asked, snacking on a sandwich.

"NO!" he shouted. His brothers jumped in surprise.

Bankjob sighed heavily. "A'rite, look. I'm a nice guy. I'm willin' to make sacrifices. Let's just move onta the next scene, ok?"

"Oh, that's the part with the carchase!" Bouncer said, flipping through the script again. "I can't wait!"

"Baggy, what are you doin'?" BigTime sniped as the taller Beagle Boy applied a heaping of rouge onto each of his cheeks.

"Well, duh, I'm the makeup artist," Baggy reminded him, popping out a goopy mascara wand and leaning in close to BigTime. "I already did him."

Baggy pointed over to Burger, who was strapped into the car behind his. His face was powdered ghostly white. He waved.

"Get away from me with that!" BigTime snapped, pushing him aside. He walked out onto the curb and looked uncomfortably at the battered lemon before him.

"So, BigTime. Burger is gonna be right behind ya," Bankjob told him. "He'll chase you around the neighborhood a few times, but don't worry, the background is gonna be fixed in editin' to something cooler, like out'a space. Then he's gonna ram ya!"

"Yeah, well that might be a problem since I can't quite reach the pedals," BigTime snarked.

Megabyte came forward, looking quite proud of himself. "Oh, don't worry. I installed remote control wiring in the car that can override all it's basic functions." He took a tiny little remote out of his pocket.

"Hey, finally you were good for somethin'!" Bankjob approved, smacking his brother on the back.

"Don't touch me, you troglodyte."

BigTime wasn't sure how safe he felt in Megabyte's sweaty little hands, but with all eyes on him, he took a deep breath and climbed into the junker.

"I'm read-aaaAAHHH!"

The car jerked forward and started racing down the road wildly.

"Oh no you don't!" shouted Burger, slamming on the gas. "I'm gonna get ya, BigShot Beagle! I'm takin' all your hard-earned money for tha children!"

"W-wait! Ya guys!" Bouncer sprinted after them with the camera jiggling in his arms. He doubled over, gasping for breath. "I don't think…we thought that part…through."

"Here they come back again!" shouted Babyface.

Coming back around, the two cars were now neck and neck, and with a flick of the wheel Burger pretended to tap his car into BigTime's.

"Woooo-ahh!" BigTime yelled. His car suddenly spun out of control and careened off-road and towards a chain-link fence. Screaming, BigTime leapt out of the car right before it crashed.

"Kablooie!" shouted Babyface. He hurled a stick of dynamite into the wreckage and with a huge explosion, the wreckage went up in smoke.

Dun, dun, dun! Bugle played on his electronic keyboard.

BigTime then wobbled over, his expression furious. "What the heck was that? You guys tryin' to kill me?"

Megabyte looked baffled as he smacked the remote. "Sorry, I guess I haven't worked out all the kinks just yet."

"And you agreed to let me ride in this deathtrap?!" BigTime snarled, turning on Bankjob.

"Take it easy, no one got hurt," Bankjob said, crossing his arms. "Makin' movies is a risky business."

BigTime scoffed. "Why would my character turn tail and run anyways? Y'know I'd stay back and fight!"

"Yeah, well, he's not you!"

"He's basically me! BigShot! BigTime!"

"You're crazy!"

"You said I was perfect for the role! I should have some input!"

"Yeah, but it's my movie!" Bankjob exploded.

The brothers, who'd been following the debate like a ping pong match, all stepped back nervously.

"Fine," growled BigTime, glaring directly into Bankjob's eyes. "Then I quit."

"Wait, what?" Bankjob said, blinking in surprise.

"I'm through!" BigTime repeated, throwing down his microphone. "Get yourself some other schmuck! It ain't worth the pain of workin' with you." And with that, he stalked off.

"D'uh, what're we gonna do now?" Baggy asked sorrowfully.

"Yeah, we can't make a movie without a hero!" Bouncer agreed. He looked at Bankjob hopefully. "Uh, but now that the spot's open-"

Bankjob turned around with narrowed eyes, shutting him back up.

"Burger, you're the new BigShot," he barked into his megaphone. "Now come on! Let's get onto the next big scene!"

As soon as the group was done recording, they all gathered around in anticipation and played back their work on Megabyte's laptop.

The camera shook and blurred in and out, finally focusing on a way-too-close-up on Burger.

"You'll never win, Scroob!" shouted Burger, as the camera panned out to show he was yelling at the McDuck moneybin in the distance. "Even if I have ta bring it ta my gravy…grave…mmm, gravy!" He licked his lips.

A sharp trumpet musical sting played.

Burger hopped onto a little bridge over a shallow pond, his hands filled with the mustard-stained "munny" bags and a big stale chicken nugget spray-painted white. "Goodbyes, cruel world!"

"Noooo!" screamed Baggy.

Burger hopped into the pond with a splash, and Babyface flung another stick of dynamite. BOOM!

When the smoke cleared, Burger was lying facedown in the water.

A loud, fast disco beat started playing out of nowhere as the camera panned out. "Oooh, baby, and I ask myself, why don't we just daaaaaance?"

Then the screen went black.

Bankjob's vein twitched and he turned to Megabyte. "Can you fix it?!"

"Watch it! I'm a genius, but I'm not a miracle worker!" Megabyte protested, pushing his brother's big meaty fingers away.

"Eh, I thought it was good!" Baggy said, pressing the "play" button again.

"If good's what you call terrible!" Bankjob growled down at him. "What'd you have to go and scream for?! Almost ruined the whole take."

"I-I was scared!" Baggy defended himself. "Burger was gonna jump!"

"It's acting!" Bankjob groaned, having told him this for perhaps the fifth time.

"And Bouncer!" Bankjob turned to his other brother. "What's it gonna take for you to hold the camera still? If I wanted to puke my guts out, I woulda just taken a ride on Space Mountain!"

Bouncer glared. "Uh, well, the camera's heavy. How 'bout you try runnin' around with it?"

"Oh, don't pull that. I'm the director, my job's more important! Looks to me like you've just been slacking off on your reps!"

Bouncer gnashed his teeth angrily.

"Burger, I know it ain't your fault that the character inexplicably gains 300 pounds from one scene to the next, but could you at least try to keep lunchtime out of the scenes?!"

"I was just havin' a snack," Burger said. "Da spotlight makes me hungry."

"Everything makes you hungry!"

Burger grinned. "Especially everythin'!"

"And, FYI, Babyface. People don't normally explode when they jump offa bridge!" Bankjob said curtly. "That wasn't in the script, y'know!"

Babyface looked sullenly at his feet. "I was just tryin' to make it more actiony."

"Stick to the script! How many times do I haveta say it?!"

"Aw, come on, BJ, lay off," Bugle said.

"You, most of all!" Bankjob pointed his finger. "What kind of a stupid music choice was that?"

Bugle looked offended. "It's "Me in The Shower": The Remix."

"But it's not about dancin'! It's about livin' and dyin' on the streets! No! Dancing!"

"Man, would you calm down? We're supposed to be having fun here."

"Fun?" Bankjob demanded. "Is that what you all think? This is serious business! It's art! It's...it's...mine!"

Bugle pulled down his shades and gave him a hard look. "Well, if that's the way you're gonna be, then I don't wanna be part of it."

"Me, neither!" Babyface piped up.

"Yeah, I thought makin' a movie would be cool," Bouncer said. "This whole thing has blown chunks. I'm out."

Burger and Baggy quickly assented. "Us too!"

Bankjob turned to Megabyte, who gave him a condescending smirk and snapped his computer shut. "I don't work with pretentious blowhards."

Bankjob's jaw dropped in disbelief. "What?"

Had he just lost his entire crew at once?

His eyes narrowed. "Well, fine! I don't need ya! I can finish the movie by myself."

"Yeah, well you have fun with that," Bugle said, shaking his head as the brothers stomped out of the room. "See ya later…Mr. Director." And he shut the door.

"Let's see here..." Bankjob mumbled, fiddling with the camera and pressing buttons at random. How did you work this thing? SNAP!

"Ooops," Bankjob said, tossing off the viewfinder. Ah well, that doohickey probably wasn't important. "Action!"

He rushed in front of the camera, waving a gun. "So I've decided, me, BigShot, am gonna rob the bank!" He quickly slipped out of sight and tossed on a long blonde wig, then popped back in.

"No darlin'! What about our love? How can I go on without me?!" he squealed in his best falsetto voice.

"Wait a sec..." Bankjob paused and picked up the script. "Argh! No! That's wrong! It's 'without you'…!" He tossed the script down in frustration. This was a lot harder than he thought it'd be.

He hadn't even considered how he would start with the music, the editing, and everything else.

Bankjob sighed heavily. He hated to admit it, but this was too much work for one beagle. He had to get them back.

His brothers were all laying about the living room, watching the tube lifelessly.

"A...hem..." Bankjob cleared his throat as he walked in. Ooh boy, this was awkward. All eyes in the room turned on him.

"Well, well, lookee who's back," BigTime said bitterly.

"Look," Bankjob started, rubbing the back of his neck, "I'm sorry, you guys. 'Specially you, BigTime. I was bein'...hardheaded."

"You were bein' a real jerk!" BigTime agreed.

"I know."

"Actin' all high and mighty like some kinda king!"

"Ok..."

"And all for yer petty, miserable, pathetic pride!"

"A'rite, a'rite!" Bankjob said roughly. "I'm trying to apologize here!" He took a deep breath.

"I can't- and I don't wanna- do this thing without you guys. I want you all by my side on this project...even if that means it's crap."

"Aw, 'dat's beautiful," Baggy sniffed, tearing up.

"Will ya all come back? We can make the movie however you guys want!" Bankjob exclaimed. "The sky's da limit!"

His brothers looked at one another, and slowly they all smiled.

"Let's do it!"

The brothers watched the horrific new recording play on Megabyte's laptop, and looked amongst each other uncomfortably.

"Yeah, it's crap," said Bankjob.

And he flung it into the trash.