Disclaimer: I consider the chapter a failure if I don't ask myself 'What the fuck is wrong with you?' at least 23 times during the course of its creation. Given my limitations, I'm sorry to say that I didn't meet my quota, and most of the time it was said during the Omake.
Before we get started, I'm going to clarify some things for those curious of Naruto's stats. The following will be applicable for the forseeable future. First, some urls to give you a decent picture.
1. www DOT leafninja DOT com / StatsGuide DOT php
2. In a new window, go to the same website; go to the panel on the far left, and find bios under character info (or if your computer allows it, then just opening it in a new tab with right click would be easier), then go down to Naruto and click. Next, click on the part where it says full bio.
Now, Naruto's ninjutsu, taijutsu, genjutsu, and intelligence are equal to the bottom graph; and since I've been told that seal knowledge is in reference to hand seals, I guess this would be the same. Since this is AU, and given what I saw him do with his own seal, Naruto's Fuinjutsu is maxed.
As for his physical stats, with his seal on: his force, speed, and stamina are equal to the second graph, while with it off, they're the same as the third graph.
Now before you bitch and moan, check Lee's stats, and you will find that his speed at the Chuunin Exams is still higher than Naruto's. Naruto's strength is higher, because his seal actually works all muscles, as opposed to Lee's weights only working his legs. Had Lee had something like Naruto's seal to use rather than the weights, Neji wouldn't be nearly as arrogant about his 'talent' as he was. I also factored in how much growth the graphs showed Naruto had between the Chuunin Exams and when he left with Jiraiya.
Also, just throwing this out there, but Naruto will be Kage level by the time he returns from his training with Jiraiya. My reasoning is sound, and follows as thus. Given that he came back in time from a period that was, at the very least, post Pein invasion, that means based on skill alone, he's easily high A, possibly S rank already, although his physical attributes are high Genin level considering the advantage he has, and knows how to use. Between the training seal that has him physically matching Lee, and the fact that he's also learned more fuinjutsu from the Uzumaki Scroll, the Uzumaki taijutsu style, increased his Fuuton manipulation dramatically, and even added at least four more ninjutsu to his arsenal, I'd say he's approaching S-rank already- if not already there- only being held back by his physical abilities not quite being there.
With him already being smarter, 2.5 years of training with Jiraiya will easily seal the deal on that.
888888
The morning of the Chuunin Exam finals heralded a great meteorological day. There was a bit of a chill at the moment, but by the time the afternoon came around, it would be absolutely perfect weather for being outside. The kind of weather that made one happy to be alive to enjoy it, and the kind of weather that screamed this is the perfect weather for a perfect day, and only a complete dick would do something to try and ruin it. Guess that's why Orochimaru was so insistent upon destroying Konoha that day. I mean really, even the freaking Akatsuki was taking the day off to enjoy the awesome weather, and they were the uber villains of the series.
Naruto woke early, relishing the warmth of his position between Hinata and Haku. At some point during the night, they'd both shifted slightly, and now were both half-draped onto him. On his right side, Hinata looked decidedly adorable cuddled into him. Her arms were pulled up to her chest, with her hands rested against his side beneath her chin. Her head was deeply snuggled into the crook of his arm, and she occasionally made very cute meeping noises as she slept. All in all, it was very cute, and Naruto couldn't help chastise himself for allowing himself to miss out on waking up to this sight in the morning. Even if he technically didn't survive to an age where they could reach this stage of a relationship, the fact that he'd let the potential opportunity pass was frustrating.
On his left, Haku was dozing softly with her head on his shoulder, the warmth of her breath ghosting across his neck pleasantly. Her left arm encircled him, and clutched both him and Hinata tightly like one would a very large teddy bear. One of her her legs draped over both he and Hinata, while the other had slipped under his, as well as hooked around it. Naruto couldn't help being mildly amused. Having fallen asleep next to Haku on other occasions, he knew that she was very clingy in her sleep. To think that she'd simply incorporated Hinata into her uber snuggle amazed him.
Still, as much as he wanted to stay in this position, they had things to do today. Very reluctantly, Naruto woke his two girlfriends with kisses to the forehead, and after extricating themselves from each other, they got ready for their day. Naruto would soon realise that forcing himself to get up and deal with things early was a good idea. While the three younger occupants of Naruto's apartment were putting the finishing touches on their wardrobes for the day, Anko came strolling- quite brazenly mind you- out of his bathroom completely nude. It didn't help anyone's psyche that she stretched and praised Iruka's friskiness so early in the morning, bemoaning all of the great morning sex in the shower she'd missed out on because she'd kicked all of her one night stands out as soon as it was over.
With a glare at the woman, as well as a thoroughly abashed Iruka when he came out dressed in a bathrobe, Naruto directed him to the cleaning supplies he kept under the sink, and very clearly explained that mentor or not, Iruka had better clean and disinfect his tub and shower before leaving. With that, the teen and two preteens left for Ichiraku's to both grab a quick breakfast, and to visit Naruto's surrogate family, before his match. Naruto had rarely, if ever, used the standing invitation to join the father and daughter for a 'proper' breakfast, but figured that today was as good a day as any. That Hinata and Haku were openly given the same invitation only endeared the family to him even more.
Over the course of their meal, Naruto teasingly dropped hints of what he had planned for Neji, but nothing that would spoil the surprise. By the time they were ready to head to the arena, both girls were rather eager for things to start. Having gotten seats to the event, the Ichiraku's stand was closed down for the day, and the pair travelled to the stadium with Haku and Hinata via Shunshin. Of course, it took Hinata a couple jumps, as she wasn't quite used to having a passenger when she Shunshined.
888888
"Hey piggy." Sakura called to her first best friend as she took the vacant seat next to the blonde girl. She didn't know how Ino had gotten such good seats- though she suspected it had to do with Ino's father- but she'd been glad that Ino had invited her along.
"Hey forehead, where the hell have you been?" Ino asked. "I thought that you weren't coming at first."
"Sorry, but my mom was really bugging me about my teammates, and how I thought they'd do in the finals." Sakura found it oddly curious how her mother had done a complete 180 about her blond teammate after learning that Naruto was helping her train, and seeing how much she was improving.
"Well, luckily you haven't missed anything, because neither Sasuke-kun nor that baka you call a teammate are here yet."
Sakura frowned both at the news, and the insult, but didn't overreact. "They'll be here. Sasuke would never miss this," '-chance to show off,' Inner Sakura finished in her mind, causing her to wince. She hurriedly continued, hoping Ino hadn't noticed. "-and Naruto will be here if only to avenge Hinata."
"You're actually sure that baka will make it? He should just run away. He's facing Neji, and Shikamaru told me he was a prodigy, and the Rookie of the Year in last years graduating class."
Sakura mentally rolled her eyes. "First of all, no matter what you think, Naruto is still my teammate, and I don't appreciate you talking bad about him. Second, Naruto is actually a lot better than he lets on, and Haku said he's undergone some pretty intense training the past month."
"Whatever you say, but they're about to start, and he isn't here." Sakura fixed her eyes on the entrance, almost willing Naruto to show up, just to shut Ino up.
'Come on Naruto.' She thought. 'Don't you dare flake on me when I actually defend you for once.'
888
Sitting atop the stadium with his chakra signature completely invisible, Naruto watched the coronation, and all of the opening theatrics. He had to contain the smirk that wanted to don his face at what he'd planned. He'd been so jealous of Sasuke's entrance the last time around, so he was going to make one himself. Not only that, but he was going to make such an entrance, that when Sasuke did show up, it was going to be jeered as a cheap ripoff of greatness. After all, while Kakashi and Sasuke did cool quite well, neither were as creative combined as Naruto was alone.
His plans for his first match were even grander. The entire month leading up to the final, all Naruto had heard was speculations about the show Neji and Sasuke were going to put on, and how great their match in the final was going to be. Naruto could only shake his head. First of all, if it hadn't been for the invasion, Gaara would have definitely killed Sasuke one on one unless the proctor stopped the match. As for Neji, he wouldn't be getting past the first round.
Naruto had debated the entire month how badly he was going to beat Neji. He couldn't decide whether he wanted to give him a chance to impress the judges, or if he was just going to smack him down like he did Kiba. After all, the perverted mutt had only peeped on his girlfriends, Neji had tried to kill one of them. In the end, and mostly because he knew that Haku and Hinata would have wanted him to, he decided to show the asshole some mercy. He was like Sasuke, in that he was given a somewhat shitty hand in life, and he just wasn't mentally strong enough to deal with it. Still, that didn't mean he wasn't going to humiliate him before then.
"I need Naruto Uzumaki and Neji Hyuga to report for their match, the rest of you retreat to the competitors boxes on either side of the arena." Genma watched the Hyuga standing and looking around for his opponent. Just as he was about to again call for Naruto Uzumaki to report for the match, he was interrupted.
"Call it Proctor. Uzumaki has shown himself to be a coward. He has accepted his fate." Neji said with a sneer.
Genma took a steadying breath and was about to speak when the wind suddenly picked up. Now normally, this wouldn't have prevented the proctor from calling the match, but the fact that he could feel chakra infused in the wind gave him pause. It was a good thing that he did, as from outside the stadium, a massive swarm of dove feathers began to swirl into the stadium in the shape of a massive tornado. The swarm gracefully glided down to where the proctor was standing, and came to stand twenty feet from Neji.
Suddenly, as if on a signal, the interior dove feathers began to gravitate to each other, shifting to create a form from within the midst of the tornado. A pair of feet created by dove feathers materialized, followed by legs, torso, arms, and finally a head. Anyone that knew the young man well enough, could easily recognize that the objects had formed Naruto's silhouette. As it was, there were only about a dozen or so people who actually recognized it for what it was; two of them surprisingly civilians.
When the rest of the dove feathers, still swirling gracefully around the silhouette began to obscure it, Naruto gave a nod to his clone, and Kawarimi'd with the now solid, stationary silhouette inside. Then with a swipe of his arm, the massive swirl of dove feathers all dispersed, revealing the blond ninja inside. Another wave of his arms, which was the signal to his hidden clone, and the fallen dove feathers were picked up in a warm breeze, and swirled up and out of the arena.
'Heh, beat that Kakashi and Sasuke.' He thought.
888
Naruto's entrance resulted in a wide range of reactions. There was shock, awe, shocked awe, frustration, and even a few fangirls of uberness who fainted while making a mess. More specifically, there were a few rather interesting reactions from people closer to the blond.
Sakura, a smirk on her face, turned to the shocked and awed Ino, and said quite smugly. "Told you he'd be here."
A dozen seats down, a redheaded, former kunoichi from Kusagakure was rubbing her thighs together. There was officially nothing else to think about on the matter. Between his chakra and what she'd just seen, she had all the information she needed to consider to make the decision to defect to Konoha, and become his. It didn't hurt that she was of Uzumaki blood, and that meant she could place herself under his protection, and there was nothing her village could do about it aside from declaring war. They wouldn't though, over something/someone so insignficant as she was considered to be, and really, just mentioning the Uzumaki involvement would probably get them to back off. She didn't understand the fearful taboo that the Uzumaki clan seemed to drape over the world, but she wouldn't let such an advantage go to waste.
Several rows back, a Special Jounin was thinking to herself just how lucky that gaki really was that Iruka had proposed to her that morning- leading of course, to that fucking amazing half hour being pounded into the gaki's shower wall. And Kami if that pounding wasn't worth the hour she and Iruka-kun had spent cleaning and disinfecting the bathroom after the kids had left.
Up in the Kage box, a certain S-ranked shinobi with his face covered had a frown on said face.
'Intentionally late for the exams. Check. Blond hair and blue eyes. Check. Flashy, but admittedly badass entrance that caused fangirl fainting. Check x,' Orochimaru sighed after doing a swift head count. '-eleven. Great, Jiraiya's training another apprentice, and an Uzumaki at that. Why do I get the feeling that my invasion is about to go fuck all just by nature of him being here? Damn Uzumaki.'
Over at the Academy, Iruka had to hold back a smile at Naruto's entrance. While he was deeply impressed with the skill needed to pull it off, he was also fondly remembering the boy whose greatest desire was to be noticed and acknowledged. Well, he certainly wouldn't have to worry about being forgotten now.
"Wow, niisan is so awesome." Konohamaru cheered after seeing Naruto's entrance. "He's going to kick that Neji creeps ass."
"Oh please," A haughty voice chimed next to him. "Neji is the prodigy of our clan. That clanless boy won't stand a chance."
"Take that back, you white-eyed freak." Konohamaru protested.
"Make me you retarded monkey." With a frustrated sigh, Iruka broke the two children up before they could start fighting. It was things like this that made him wonder if bringing the students to the auditorium so they could watch 'real ninja' in action on the presentation screen was a good idea.
888
Now if his entrance got the audience in tizzy, it was nothing compared to their reaction to what he was wearing. While most everyone that knew of Naruto was expecting a bright orange jumpsuit with blue shoulders and bottom, and a puffed up cream collar, what they got was something else entirely.
From the bottom up, Naruto was clad in a pair of black sandals, and black shinobi pants that went all the way down to the top of his sandals. Next he wore a long sleeved black shirt, and fingerless black gloves of the plated variety. Over his shirt, he wore a light jacket that was very similar to the cloak he'd worn during his fight with Pein. Unlike that cloak, this jacket only came to about his thigh, was white in color, and had reddish-orange flames along the bottom. This was all topped off with a black headband.(1)
If one were to actually pay attention, and wasn't too busy denying the obvious, they'd be very suspicious about Naruto's parents now. Given his name, personality, and his appearance- especially in his current attire- it was like a big glaring sign over his head that screamed 'Hi, I'm Naruto Uzumaki. My parents were Minato Namikaze and Kushina Uzumaki, and I was born to be badass.'. Of course, Konoha citizens are always in a perpetual state of denial, so it would likely take something like Iwa putting a price on his head in the Bingo Books with a massive reward for them to see the truth. Well, for most of them anyway.
Still, all that being said, he was at least gaining some romantic attention from girls his age now. Case in point...
"Whoa, Naruto's kinda cute out of that orange crime against fashion." Ino said distractedly. Sakura glared, because Ino was absolutely correct, and it was once again bringing up feelings and desires she'd thought she properly suppressed over a week ago. Had she been thinking more clearly, she would have mused at Ino's misfortunate of saying things like that in front of Hinata or Haku. They seemed to take serious offense to any fangirl looking at Naruto with intent.
Deciding to ignore that, Sakura called out. "Go get him, Naruto."
"Just because he changed his clothes doesn't mean he'll suddenly be good enough to beat Neji." Ino snarked, rolling her eyes.
Oh yeah, she'd have definitely liked to see Ino say that where Hinata or Haku could hear her.
888
"So, are we going to do this or what?" Naruto asked cheekily, earning a smirk from Genma.
"Hajime!" The man intoned.
"By the way, Neji, I haven't forgotten about my promise to you." Naruto informed him. "I meant it when I said I was going to break you. I'm going to make you feel as weak and helpless as you tried to do to Hinata, and then I'm going to defeat you."
"And just how do you plan to do that?" Neji snapped. "The Hyuuga fighting system is infallible, especially in the hands of a prodigy like myself."
"You like to talk a lot of shit, but the truth is that your entire fighting system is dependent upon your bloodline and taijutsu." Naruto explained. "But what happens when all of that goes away? What happens when you find yourself facing an opponent who is capable of neutralizing your entire fighting style? Don't know, well I'll be happy to show you."
"You're very confident, that'll make this even more worthwhile." Neji retorted. "It'll be fun to watch you fall apart once you've discovered reality."
"Whatever," Naruto said, as he was engulfed in a large puff of smoke that signalled the arrival of ten Kage Bunshin. "Let's do this, and just to prove a point, I'm going to engage you in close combat. I know it's suicidal, but jerks like you need to be humbled in a way that you'll not miss the message."
888
That certainly got people's attention. The fact that a Genin could use such a chakra intensive B-rank jutsu as the Kage Bunshin was a feat in itself. That he created ten without flinching or even looking like it affected him was damn near impossible. But no matter what, Neji was still the favorite to win the match. He was a Hyuuga and a prodigy after all.
'Heh, that's an impressive technique, but it's nothing against Neji's defense.' Tenten thought, remembering the training she'd helped him with the past month.
888
With a grin, Naruto's clones attacked all at once. Neji's only response was to sink into the Hyuuga stance, and prepare to decimate the clones. He'd done his research, and knew that the loser was a failure in taijutsu. Even if he showed some mediocre skill during the prelims, he was nothing against the Juuken Ryuu. And then it was time for action. Neji dodged the first wild punch from the first clone, but found himself surprised when the punch turned out to be a feint for a knee to his chest. Blocking that, he was forced to again dodge as the next clone attacked, then a third, fourth, and fifth.
It would appear that the blond was more skilled in Taijutsu than he'd been led to believe, but nothing he couldn't handle. He would just have to get serious right from the start. While the crowed was shocked that Naruto had attacked head on, and that he seemed to actually be doing fairly well, Neji wasn't considered a prodigy for nothing. It wasn't too long before Neji had all of the clones defeated. The fact that he he'd almost been overwhelmed by five clones because he'd underestimated the fool was unacceptable. Still, Neji knew he was fated to win. It was noted though by many of the upper level ninja that Shadow Clones could only really take one good hit, so that advantage actually went to Naruto.
Attempting to regain some semblance of control over the situation- after all, the fact that the blond wasn't already defeated after the first exchange was making him look bad- Neji decided to launch a psychological attack, and go after the boy's dream. Unlike the foolish mutt from the prelims, he knew how to use such information to weaken his resolve rather than fire him up. After all, it had worked against one loser until someone had interrupted him, no reason it wouldn't work again. Of course, Neji's sureity in himself made him forget that it was in fact his current opponent who had interrupted him the last time.
"Become Hokage, eh," Neji taunted. "-that's impossible with that level of skill."
Naruto rolled his eyes at that. "Well duh. I'm still a Genin, of course I don't have the skill to be Hokage. I have to be able to at the very least kick Kakashi or Gai-sensei's ass before I can even think I'm close, and I'm a long way from that. Plus, I once heard you had to have a panty soaking super move to your credit, but I'm not sure if that's really a requirement." After all, Jiraiya had told him a lot of things that made little sense.
"Then, are you saying that anyone can become Hokage through hard work?" Naruto shrugged, but nodded. "Only a handful of shinobi are chosen to become Hokage."
"Well, yeah, considering we've only had four." Naruto said, again rolling his eyes at the theatrics. "Besides, our village has consistently produced enough A-rank, S-rank, and Kage level shinobi that yeah, it's possible that just about anyone could if they were willing to put in the extra work to obtain the title."
"Will you look closer at reality." Neji snapped. "Those that become Hokage are born into that destiny. Those that reach that plateau come from powerful families, whose genes are specifically geared to being the strongest."
"Not really," Naruto said. "-Jiraiya and Orochimaru of the Sannin came from very minor shinobi families, and the Yondaime was from a civilian family. One became Hokage, and the other two far and away easily have the skill and strength to be the Hokage. Hell, even the Sandaime's family was only a few generations from civilian life when he became a ninja, and he's been called the frikkin God of Shinobi, and that's a consensus Hanzo, Oonoki, and the Sandaime Raikage even agreed with."
"Then they were destined to move past their simple beginnings." Neji said, not realising that he'd just contradicted himself. "People must live in their own unchangeable flow. The only destiny that everyone shares is death."
"You know what, you can give up if you like, but I've never been all that great with quitting." Naruto said, creating another twenty clones. "So I'll keep growing, and become Hokage, while you sit their and fade into obscurity."
"I'm not stupid." Neji deadpanned. "I've already seen through your attack pattern."
"Blow me you pale eyed sissy," Naruto called back, then amended. "No offense to any other Hyuuga who might be in attendance."
Then with a warcry, the clones attacked again. Noticing the one clone not joining the attack, Neji changed his dodging pattern, and homed in on that single clone. He darted through the clones, before coming to a stop, and striking the one standing back just above the heart with two chakra covered fingers.
"Fearing having your points pressed, one body is doing the least amount of attacking." Neji proclaimed. "The more you attack, the clearer it becomes. So much for engaging me in close combat."
The clone slumped over the fingers, and coughed up a mouth full of blood. Moments later, all of the twenty surrounding clones began popping one at a time, until only the one in front of Neji was left.
"This is why I told you that it was pointless." Neji drolled.
"And that's why I told you, that you're a white eyed sissy who talks to much." Naruto said, as his head came up revealing a foxlike smirk.
With a puff of smoke, the clone dispersed, while another Naruto suddenly appeared in front of Neji, and slugged him in the jaw. This was immediately followed by several puffs of smoke around them, and several more strikes that he was barely able to block as they all attacked at once. Knowing that he wouldn't be able to take on all of those clones, Neji glared- angered that the pathetic fool had actually hit him- before going into a rapid spin, expelling chakra from every chakra point in his body.
888
The two elder Hyuuga in the stands were shocked as they watched the younger brother's son spin. When had Neji learned the Kaiten? Better yet, how had he learned it?
'How can it be?' Hiashi thought. 'Kaiten?'
"Hiashi, did you teach him that?" Hizashi asked, turning to his brother. It was Hiashi, after all, who'd taught him when they'd been younger.
"No, I thought that maybe you had." Hiashi said.
"I didn't." Hizashi admitted. "Do you think-"
"Either someone taught him, or he figured it out on his own." Hiashi said. "Either way, it's impressive for someone his age."
888
A certain bun haired kunoichi could be found smirking in the audience. 'Heh, that's Neji's defense. It's impenetrable.'
888
As soon as Neji came out of his spin, "It's over, you are within the field of my Hakke." ...he took another stance. "Hakke Rokujuuyonshou!"
888
"That stance, it can't be." Hizashi said. "Even I don't know that one."
"To have figured out both the Hakke Rokujuuyonshou, and the Kaiten on his own, he really is a genius of the Juuken." Hiashi shook his head amazed. "Such talent, for the brilliant blood of the Hyuuga to be flowing in a child who cannot become heir is unbelievable."
888
Suddenly, Neji went on the attack. "Hakke two hands, four hands, eight hands, sixteen hands, thirty-two hands, sixty-four hands." He then followed up with a hard strike to Naruto's midsection, knocking him away with tremendous force. Naruto hit the ground, and went into a roll, coming to a stop on his back. He stared up at the sky, lamenting the fact that he could have possibly forgotten how much that hurt, even with all of his preparations. He was also chiding himself for forgetting that a good number of the strikes were aimed at the limbs.
With a groan, Naruto rolled over onto his stomach, and pushed himself to his hands and knees. "I have hit sixty-four points on your body, you can no longer stand."
With his head bowed, Neji didn't see Naruto's smirk. He may have thought he hit those points, but most of them were misses, because Naruto had thought ahead. The Anbu armor that he'd liberated from the Anbu storage locker, and had repaired had been upgraded since he'd gotten it back. The metal plating of the armor already went a ways in weakening the Juuken- which given how much he'd felt that last attack attests to its effectiveness- but the seals he'd covered it with almost completely neutralised the worst of it. The seals were designed to absorb foreign chakra that might attack the body.
"Heh, is it painful?" Neji taunted.
"Fuck you, cockrot." Naruto spat back, slowly regaining feeling in his legs.
"Tch, having your dreams come true due to hard work is an illusion." Naruto closed his eyes forcing chakra to his extremities. Once he felt his limbs were strong enough to hold him, he slowly climbed to his feet, shocking everyone around him. While he knew his standing up from the attack would be much less epic this time around given his preparations- and the fact that he'd be revealing that fact- it was no less impressive.
"Are you finished yet, Neji-teme?" Naruto asked, his voice raspy. "Good, because I'm really getting sick of listening to you."
"You may have been stubborn enough to climb to your feet like my useless cousin, but you cannot possibly win." Neji said. "Fate has already determined that I will win, and since you can no longer use chakra, there is no use even trying. Either give up, or I will kill you." Naruto just chuckled.
"So you're going to kill me to make it all go away now?" He teased. "Are you getting angry because someone is finally calling you on your bullshit rants, and slapping you in the face with just how stupid they are?"
"Shut up, you idiot, and accept your fate." Neji growled, amusingly enough adding credence to Naruto's taunt.
"Whatever Neji-teme. I guess now that you've had your fun, I suppose I should go on and start fighting for real." Naruto bragged, causing many to wonder if the boy had gone insane. "Which is good, because that means I can take this uncomfortably hot, heavy ass armor off."
Naruto barely contained the smirk on his face as he pulled his jacket off to reveal the modified Anbu plate armor; prompting a wolf whistle from Anko.
"Yeah, take it all off!" To her surprise, she found herself followed by a few cat calls of agreement. As Naruto dropped the armor to the ground, it landed with a loud clunk, a small depression in the ground, and the small kick up of dust. Another of the alterations he'd made, was putting seals on the armer to increase its weight so that it acted in a similar manner to Lee's ankle weights, though not even remotely close to that amount.
Slipping his jacket back on, Naruto gave a cheeky grin. "Okay, I'm ready to go now."
"You fool, Fate has decreed that you will lose." Neji said, confidently. "You were destined to lose this match as soon as I was chosen as your opponent. The only question Fate hasn't answered is how badly you will lose."
"Are you sure?" Naruto asked. "Because I know Fate personally, and she hasn't mentioned anything about that to me." Neji paused in confusion for a moment at his opponent's odd retort, but then continued as if he hadn't heard him.
"Didn't you hear me? You were destined to lose as soon as I became your opponent." Neji said, only to be interrupted again.
"So Destiny is the one you're getting your flawed information from, eh?" Naruto taunted. "It figures. Well, I can tell you from experience, she can get a little wild after a few cups of sake, and rarely anything she says holds water; especially since she likes to get all cryptic and stuff."
"You...you're mocking me." Neji stated plainly upon realizing what was happening.
"Of course I'm mocking you, have you listened yourself?" Naruto commented, shocking Neji that he'd actually admit it. "Like a broken record playing an old, annoying song. Still, since you're so obsessed with Fate, how about this? Fate has decreed that I'm going to beat you, someday become Hokage, and marry your cousin Hinata. It has also decreed that you will be violated by a travelling merchant's horny pack mule. Then, the girl that you eventually warm your cold heart to will fall in love with your teammate when she finds out that he's far more well endowed, and much better and longer lasting in bed than you are. Now, since I'm much higher in the food chain, and far more important to the village than you are, my declaration is much stronger than yours. As a result, you will lose and be violated, then have the love of your life leave you for Lee, because no one can defy Fate. I'd suggest you start carrying some lube and a tiny violin with you."
Neji's teeth clenched in anger.
888
Lee, who hadn't suffered the same injuries as before, and who had actually arrived at the arena in time to see the first match, blushed a very bright red. The fact that Fem!Gaara was sitting next to him with a tilted head, and a questioning look only added to that. What she said next though, was simply too much for the boy.
"It seems that I will not be the only one bearing your children, Lee-san." She said. "I hope this other girl understands that she will have to share."
Gai didn't know whether to frown at poor Neji's fate of losing his love to Lee, or crying tears of joy that his favorite student was going to be such a ladies man.
888
Up in the VIP spectators area, Hiashi and Hizashi were sitting together and frowning. Now he understood how and why one with such strong blood shouldn't be the heir. To say they were disturbed would be accurate, although they were also a little amused at the Uzumaki's retort.
"Your son...he has some issues." Hiashi said.
"I agree, Hiashi, but what can you expect given what he saw." The elder twin sighed.
"I agree." Hiashi said. "I know that I don't deserve it, but I want to apologize for using the seal on you that day. I'd seen your training sessions with Neji, and I was envious that his progress was so much faster than Hinata's. I took it out on Hinata, and when I felt your KI, I snapped." Hizashi smirked.
"You are forgiven, brother." Hizashi said. "For the record though, my anger was directed at you for being so rough with her, not at Hinata. So, how do you feel about Uzumaki's declaration?" Hiashi sighed at his brother's teasing.
"Hinata decided when she was nine, that she was going to marry Naruto." Hiashi said. "I have never been able to find out why she did so initially, just that he was who she'd chosen. As far as his declaration goes, given the last two times someone tried to get in the way of an Uzumaki Jinchuuriki in love, I'll just spend the next few years until she's of marrying age getting myself used to the idea that I'll be gaining a son and daughter-in-law when she marries Naruto."
"You know, I'm actually envious of you, Hiashi." The younger admitted.
"Oh?"
"Yes, in a few years, you will be blessed with the opportunity to become a grandfather." Hizashi said, sagging in disappointment. "I'm not likely to get that chance with the way Neji is going."
"I'm sorry, brother," Hiashi said with a sigh of his own. "Let's just hope that he doesn't start airing our clan's dirty laundry. As much as I've tried to correct some things over the years, it hasn't been going as well as I'd hoped, and the one person who could have changed it has decided to marry out of the clan."
"Yes, Hinata is likely the only one of your children who could obtain the love and support of both houses of the clan."
"You say that like I've got more than just two children." Hiashi said with a frown.
"Well, there was that one rumor about Ko-oof-" Hizashi cut off as he was elbowed in the side.
"Not in public, Hizashi," Hiashi whispered harshly. "-and for the last time, Yuki Giin is not my lover. She's just a girl who thinks that I am the one, but the kid is not my son."
888
Elsewhere, a pair of kunoichi were having a different type of discussion.
"How can he be so cocky about this?" Ino asked. "Doesn't he realise he doesn't have a chance against Neji. Is he suicidal or something?"
"Ino, I don't think Naruto's been showing us what he's really capable of." Sakura said. "I think what he did during the prelims is only the tip of the iceberg. Besides, he's done pretty well so far."
"That may be true, but he's on his last legs, and Neji is still mostly fresh." Ino reminded her. "I may not like Naruto all that much, but that doesn't mean I'd want to see him get hurt, either."
888
"You claim that you'll defeat me, but how can you possibly win without chakra?" Naruto gave Neji a smirk that he really didn't like.
"Neji, for someone who claims to be able to see everything, you're missing the glaringly obvious." Neji glared, wondering what he could possibly be missing.
"What are you talking about?"
"Neji, it's going to take more than Juuken to completely seal off my chakra." Naruto gave a smile.
"What?"
"I'll show you."
Placing his hands in the dragon seal- something that he and Iruka had discovered worked better for him when channeling chakra than the normal ram seal- Naruto began channeling his chakra. It started out slow, earning him a taunting rebuke from Neji for attempting the impossible, but soon the air surrounding Naruto began to thicken. This was followed by a visible aura surrounding the blond Genin, causing Neji to widen his eyes in shock. A mass of energy swirling around Naruto's feet, creeping up his legs, his torso, over his head. And then it happened.
With an explosion, Naruto forced his closed tenketsu back open. Given that it was only a few in his arms and legs, and not the major ones in his torso, this wasn't exactly a very difficult feat, but the audience didn't know that, so it seemed like a rather impressive feat. Sure, it was highly unfair that he was using knowledge gained from spars with a Jounin Neji, and a Chuunin Hinata, but they were ninja, and that was what they did; used every advantage they had at their disposal to complete their missions. Sure, most Konoha ninja tended to avoid using certain advantages unless they absolutely had to, but they weren't above lying, cheating, and dishonesty when the need arose.
888
Back at the Academy...
"Ha, I told you that Neji would wipe the floor with him." Hanabi taunted.
"Shut up, niisan is just pretending to be hurt, he's going to kick that guy's ass." Konohamaru replied, and grinned when Naruto reopened his points. "Ha, I told you he wouldn't lose to that teme."
"Why you-" Again Iruka had to break up a squabble between Konohamaru and Hanabi. How it was that the two ended up next to each other again after he'd taken great care to separate them, he didn't know.
888
"Now, shall we continue?" Naruto asked.
And so the fight continued. Neji found himself becoming quickly frustrated. It would appear that like Lee, the deadlast seemed to be faster, and a more difficult opponent when he wasn't bogged down by the extra weight, and apparently that chest armor he'd been wearing had significantly slowed him down.
This round, Naruto decided to show just a little of what he was really capable of. He'd use the jutsu that he'd gotten from Kakashi, as well as the few he'd learned in his old life. As much as he'd like to use the ones he'd gotten from Danzo, they were unfortunately too lethal for him to use against a comrade, even if Neji was asking for it.
He started off by again utilizing his Kage Bunshin to avoid Neji's attacks. When Neji seemed to figure out what he was doing, and decided to actually use the lethal force he'd been threatening, Naruto decided it was probably best to avoid taijutsu for the time being. It was time to break out the second ninja art that he was somewhat well versed in- well, at least for his shinobi rank. As Neji initiated his attack, hoping to use his still superior speed against Naruto, the blond jumped back, making hand seals as he went.
Taking a deep breath, Naruto let loose his jutsu. "Endan!" He whispered, before expelling a jet of fire towards his opponent. Momentarily shocked at the jutsu, as well as the fact that the boy knew it, Neji just barely dodged the attack, and found himself singed just a bit. The silence in the arena also apparently meant that no one else expected him to have that jutsu in his arsenal. Ha, he was still the most unpredictable ninja in Konoha. And if they thought that was a surprise, wait till they saw what he planned next.
Neji once again went on the offensive, hoping to overwhelm the blond, especially after realising that Naruto's strategy was to dodge, avoid, and retreat to hopefully wear him out. For some other losers, it might have been a good strategy, but for any Genin of Might Gai, it wasn't plausible. Even the team's weak link could outlast most of those pathetic rookies. Still, the fool was too confident. He was avoiding using his best chance at keeping away, which probably meant that he was getting low on chakra, and trying to conserve it. Hmph, that would only make this all the more easy.
Going on the attack again, Neji began using all of his considerable- for a Genin, anyway- speed to overwhelm Naruto. His attacks came swiftly, and it was all the blond could do to dodge. He smirked when his opponent slowed down his dodging, and began trying to block his strikes. This allowed him to land more blows on his arms, and once he began connecting at a much more useful rate than before, it would only be a matter of time before this fool fell to the power of Hyuuga like all the others before him. THERE!
Finding the opening he was looking for, Neji struck, hitting Naruto several times in the arm, and a few in his torso, before slamming a chakra covered palm into Naruto's chest, that knocked him into the wooded area in the arena.
"Now you can call it, proctor." Neji said, brimming with confidence.
"You're awfully sure about that." Genma said, with a raised brow. "Think I'll wait a few moments."
And so the wait began. At the five minute mark, Genma started to wonder if the Hyuuga boy wasn't right after all. Raising his hand, he was just about to call the match when there was movement from the trees.
"Sorry it took so long." Naruto apologized grinning. "But it took longer to reopen my chakra points this time since he got a couple of my core points in the torso area. But I'm good to go again, now."
"How?"
"Well, I've got enough chakra to force my points back open." Naruto said. "Takes a shit load of power, and hurts like all hell, but it's possible if you know how to do it."
"Fine, if you won't accept your fate, then I will make you accept it. Hakke Rokujuuyonshou!" Neji yelled, before charging.
Naruto simply ran through a set of handseals, before drawing his arms back, and swiping them forwards. "Daitoppa!" He called, as a massive wind kicked up, and tossed Neji out of his attack, and back several feet, before he crash landed, kicking up dirt and dust as he skidded along the arena floor.
Neji didn't have time to even get settled before he was forced to dodge another gout of flames. Knowing that he wouldn't have time to dodge, he went into a rapid spin, once again utilizing the ultimate defence of the Kaiten. To Neji's shock, the flames kept coming, and he had to wonder how the idiot was keeping the flames going on a single breath, never knowing that Naruto had created a few clones after he'd started spinning, and they were all sending flames at stuttered intervals. What Neji did know, was that if the flames kept up, he would soon run out of chakra trying to keep the chakra intensive defense up. Finally, the heat trickled down to nothing, allowing him to stop his spinning. Unfortunately, the obscuring steam surrounding him wasn't doing him any favors, and the heavy chakra saturation made using his Byakugan useless.
Seeing the flames licking at the chakra dome, and turning it into a spinning fireball, Naruto had to admit the effect was totally badass. He was definitely going to have to see if there were any Hyuuga with a Katon affinitty, because he'd just had an awesome idea. Still, while just using this tactic to drain Neji would probably win him the match, he wasn't done teaching Neji his lesson. Matter of fact, he hadn't even gotten to the meat of this practical lecture. While the clones were shooting streams of fire at Neji's defense, Naruto ran through another set of seals.
"Mizurappa!" He intoned after taking a deep breath, expelling a strong jet of water that was oddly enough shaped like a trumpet. What this did, was cause a great deal of steam to billow up around the Kaiten. It also signalled his clones to stop using their fire jutsu, so that Neji would stop spinning. As soon as he did so, Naruto sent the clones in to attack using the cover of the steam. Sadly, Naruto made a slight miscalculation, and sent them in too soon, and they got caught on the tail end of Neji's Kaiten as it was ending.
Using the cover for himself, Neji launched an attack from the steam, and this time Naruto was forced to defend himself. With a rapid set of seals, and a fierce push of his hands forward, Naruto put some space between himself and Neji.
"Reppushou!" He called, expelling a strong gust of wind from his palms.
And so the match continued. Naruto using jets of fire and water, as well as gusts of wind, to exhaust his opponent, and keep the distance. Neji dodged a few more blasts of fire and water, before noticing an opening. When he was taking his breath for his jutsu, as well as when he was blowing it out, he was leaving himself open for a swift attack. Waiting for the next burst of flame, Neji darted in, his hands ready to unleash a fury of hurt on the loud mouth. To his surprise, the blond burst into a puff of smoke when he jabbed two fingers into his chest.
This is where Naruto's plan came into action. You see, Naruto hadn't spent the entire time in the wooded area reopening his chakra points. He'd also been thinking of a plan to get close enough to Neji to initiate his final lesson. Now that he'd gotten the chance, it was time to act. As Neji looked around the arena for his opponent, he forgot to look in the one place that Naruto could sneak up on him...down. He never had a chance to dodge as Naruto burst from the ground.
"Shinjuu Zanshuu!" He called, and grabbed Neji's ankle.
Neji, however, wasn't one to just allow himself to be taken advantage of, and quickly freed himself from Naruto's grasp. Even still, Naruto had already succeeded in doing what he'd set out to, and grinned as he pulled himself from the ground. It was just too bad for Neji that he was too busy taunting Naruto about his failed attack to notice the small black seal tag that had just been inscribed upon his leg. Finally, Neji relaxed his stance, and contemplated his opponent for a moment.
"Why do you not just accept your fate?" Neji growled. "Why can't you understand that no one can deny their destiny? Why don't you just accept defeat?"
"I could ask you the same thing, teme?" Naruto asked. "Why, if you're so strong, and your eyes can really see everything, would you mentally attack Hinata who was trying so hard?"
"That's none of your business."
"Let me guess, it has something to do with that whole Main Family, Branch Family crap, doesn't it?" Naruto asked.
"You have no idea what it's been like." Neji spat. "Fine, if you really want to know, I'll tell you all about the Hyuuga's destiny of hatred."
And with that, Neji aired the Hyuuga's dirty laundry, much to the chagrin of his father and uncle. Naruto, already knowing the whole story, really being the only one who'd been able to see through the stupidity, and being the only one with the balls to call the clan on it back in his own time wasn't about to just sit there and let this go without further taunting. The whole idea of a Main and Branch family was stupid, and as much as he hated to say it with all the problems they had, the Hyuuga could really learn a lesson about family solidarity from the Uchiha; barring a couple notable exceptions, of course.
Naruto decided to further humiliate Neji by waiting until he was done, before taking his shot. He wasn't sure why he'd decided on that particular jibe, but would realise in hindsight that it was probably the most amusing kick back.
Mimicking his sensei, Naruto waited until Neji had gone silent before retorting, "Huh, did you say something Neji? I was too busy planning a nice picnic for Hinata-chan and Haku-chan."
Smirking at Neji as he was, Naruto missed the massive, fluff induced swoon that fell over a good number of the women and girls in the arena. He also missed the near spastic twitch that Gai developed having one of Kakashi's pupils using his hip retorts on one of his own students. There was just no justice in the world.
"How dare you mock me?" Neji growled. "You are fated to lose, no one can fight fate."
"You know, Neji." Naruto taunted. "All this crap about fate has only proven to everyone that Hinata is stronger than you, even if you did beat her. Even after taking a beating at the hands of someone she cares so much about, she still got up, she still tried to continue. You just lie there, wallowing in your defeat. You wanna know something about Fate, Neji? Fate doesn't completely dictate your life, it's just there to help you along, not rule you. Fate gives you a set of paths and possibilities you can pick from, it's up to you to choose which one you follow. After failing the Academy Exam three times because I couldn't make a Bunshin, I overcame it by learning the Kage Bunshin, and working myself to exhaustion. A thousand Kage Bunshin a day for sixth months has helped me grow in ways you can't believe." Had Naruto bothered to look, he'd have seen that his declaration had brought bright red blushes to many a kunoichi's face.
"You want to know why your clan suffers the division it does? It's because no one besides Hinata had the courage to stand up and say that damned seal is wrong. None of you had the strength to do something about it, the determination to find an alternative that everyone in your clan could wear to protect your bloodline. Man, can you get any more disfunctional? You keep this up, and you're liable to end up like the Uchiha, nearly extinct, and little more than an afterthought."
888
'It would seem that Naruto-san plans to teach Neji a lesson. He's quite a bit like his mother that way.' Hiashi thought, releasing a sigh.
When an Uzumaki taught a moral lesson, there were only two outcomes. Either you changed for the better, or you were committed. The most famous example being Mito Uzumaki. I mean really, how else do you explain Hashirama's limp wrist straightening out, an impulsive, womanizing manwhore like Tobirama Senju gaining the restraint and maturity to become a good sensei and Hokage, and Madara thinking that implanting his eye on the moon was a good idea? Sadly, the asylum wasn't capable of holding a shinobi of Madara's calibur at the time. The poor guy just hadn't been the same since his brother's death, and the fact that he realised too late that if they'd simply just traded faulty eyes, he'd have his brother and the Eternal Mangekyo.
'I just wish the elders were here to witness this.' Hiashi lamented. 'The young man makes much sense.'
"May I ask what your thoughts are about his comments on the clan seal?" Hizashi asked, curious.
"I would consider it if I knew someone capable of creating it." Hiashi answered honestly. The worst day of his life had been when he'd been forced to watch his twin brother branded, and shunted to the Branch Family, knowing that his brother would be considered little more than a servant or guard for the rest of his life.
888
"Well, since you've had your turn to impress the Chuunin Exam judges, I guess it's time to end this." Naruto informed his opponent. "You should be glad that you're a comrade, because if you hadn't been, I wouldn't have bothered giving you a chance to show off for the judges, I'd have not bothered with the training seals, or the armor, I'd have ended the match as soon as Genma-san said start."
'No, I wouldn't have been kind at all, I'd have repeatedly prolapsed your fucking rectum!' Naruto thought venomously.
Naruto lifted his shirt, again eliciting catcalls and whistles from Anko. After biting his thumb, he began to bring it towards his chest, when the proctor grabbed his hand. "Don't worry, I'm not going to bother that seal yet; not until I know I can kick that giant flea motel's furry ass." Naruto then lifted his shirt higher, and ran his finger over a seal on his chest. Genma watched intrigued as a set of seals began to sweep across his body.
"Am I supposed to be impressed by such a small display of fuinjutsu ability?" Neji taunted. "It's not like the art has any use in a pitched fight."
It was at this point that every shinobi who had fought alongside or against a member of the Uzumaki Clan- and to a lesser extent- Minato cringed. The things that they'd seen the former do with fuinjutsu in tandem with the Uzumaki style taijutsu were just sort of amazing- and often times traumatizing. The ability to demoralize an enemy by grafting debilitating seals onto opponents during a taijutsu exchange had been a key staple of the Uzumaki clan, and one of the reasons why they had been targeted for extermination by several different villages. That Kushina had taught a shinobi like Minato, who'd taken that to new heights when he'd combined it with ninjutsu to create the Hiraishin, was a testament to what could be done with fuinjutsu when used properly.
"All right, let's see if you're really as good as you think you are, or if your bloodline has just given you an undeservedly over-inflated opinion of yourself." Neji again went on the attack.
The action was fast and furious, Naruto blocking Neji's strikes, knocking them away with what many of the higher level shinobi could tell was relative ease. Each time the Hyuuga prodigy struck, Naruto knocked his arm away tagging them with seals so that his chakra was disrupted. These seals served to cause the chakra being channeled to Neji's hands to dissipate and be wasted every time he attempted to use the deadly Juuken strikes. Using what a few who were close to them could recognize as the Uzumaki Style kata, Naruto faced- and was summarily defeating- Neji in a taijutsu match just to make a point. The few blows that Naruto landed- when he decided to attack, anyway- looked especially painful.
Neji wasn't considered gifted for nothing though, and came up with a strategy that he felt might work. When Naruto went for a punch to the chest, he moved with the strike, greatly lessening the damage he took from it. Recovering quickly, Neji tried to press an attack- using the close proximity to his advantage- but Naruto easily dodged, hitting him in the forehead as he leapt away. Neji's growl of frustration was easily heard throughout the arena. Fueled by rage, and with almost no technique, Neji charged, and struck with a Juuken strike- having figured out how long the chakra would last on his hands, and figuring out how to time his attacks so that he was able to strike with the Juuken efficiently.
What happened next was so fast that if you blinked, you would have missed most of it. As Neji thrust forward with a chakra covered palm aimed at his heart, Naruto sidestepped him. Grabbing Neji by the forearm with his left hand, Naruto maneuvered him that so that Neji slipped past him. Naruto wasn't finished, though. He quickly brought his right arm across his body, and rapidly struck Neji twice in the collar bone with his right hand. He followed that up by bending that arm, and striking Neji in the face with his elbow, before spinning away from Neji, bringing his elbow around to smash into the right side of Neji's face. He finished it off by giving Neji a chakra powered boot to the ass that launched him several meters away.
As Neji climbed shakily to his feet, he could be heard growling. "No, I am fated to win. I'm fated to destroy this clanless loser."
Deciding he was done dealing with this crap, Naruto decided to just finish things.
"Neji, I told you that I'd make you pay for what you did to Hinata, and I intend to do so, starting now." Neji didn't know what hit him. One moment the idiot was standing there, and the next he was doubled over the blond's fist with the air being forced out of his lungs.
"That was for the cheap shot on Hinata." Naruto whispered in his ear. "Consider yourself lucky that Hinata cares for you, because my original plan was to rip your dick off, and feed it to you." Adding insult to the injury, Naruto bitch slapped his fellow Genin. "And that was for acting like a bitch, not having the courtesy to be at the very least a sexy, respectable one like the lovely ladies of clan Inuzuka, and making us listen to you whine like a sissy. Matter of fact, since you want to act like a pissy little girl, I'll do you a favor. Oiroke no Jutsu!"
When the smoke cleared, Naruto found himself shocked at what he found...and very thankful that Neji was still clothed. First and foremost, the craziest thing, was that other than a a softening of features, and the addition of some very nice curves, there wasn't very much of a change. The changes that did occur though, were very interesting. Oiroke Neji's hair was as long as he remembered it being after his training with Jiraiya, and the well maintained tresses would have fallen down her back in soft waves. Well, they would have if they weren't tied off at the end in that sort of ponytail he remembered.
Another big change was the prominent lumps on Neji's chest. Judging from the bulges he could see through fourteen year old Neji's top, he was starting to think that that rumor about Hyuuga women having a secondary bloodline involving their busts might have some basis in truth. From what he could see, she could easily claim to equal his original Oiroke no Jutsu in the bust department, and Naruko was no slouch in that area, easily topping Anko, Kurenai, and Ino at sixteen.
And if that wasn't enough, Neji's current attire only served to accentuate what was there. Where before his top was short sleeved and baggy- much like his own original jumpsuit jacket- with a high, bulky collar, the top Oiroke Neji wore was sleeveless, showing off her delicate looking, yet deceptively strong arms. It was also a lot more form fitting, showing off the very nice curves, and the collar was also much smaller, and a bit snugger. Likewise, the knee length baggy shorts Neji favored were now much snugger, again showing off Neji's newly acquired curves, and only came down to about the middle of her shapely thighs. While there wasn't much change to his/her sandals, they did look a bit more feminine.
"Y-you turned me into a girl?" Neji asked in horror.
"Okay, given the intention of the jutsu, I was fully expecting that Neji would be turned into a hot girl." Naruto said gaping. "But am I the only one freaked out by the fact that there isn't really that much change from the neck up, here?" Naruto asked. Neji grasped her chest, then blatantly groped between her legs in horror.
"You turned me into a girl!" Neji repeated loudly, rushing Naruto. "DIE YOU DEADLAST, BASTARD!"
"You really need to calm down, Neji." Naruto said, placing his hand in a single seal, activating his previously placed fuinjutsu. Unseen to Neji, black markings began to crawl over her body, originating at the ankle that Naruto had grabbed earlier in the fight.
Halfway to her attack destination, Neji was shocked to find herself frozen in place. "I-I can't move, what have you done?"
"It's quite simple, really." Naruto said. "I placed a seal on you that would, upon speading over the target's- in this case your- body, bind them in place. Now I can defeat you at my leisure, but first, I'm going to finish humiliating you like you did to Hinata. No doubt this will cost me my promotion, but for my hime, it's well worth it. And I've even got the perfect tools to do it."
Pulling a scroll from his pocket, Naruto placed some chakra over the storage seals drawn on it to reveal...beauty supplies?
"Guh, you-" Neji tried, finding even speaking difficult.
"Let's see if we can't do something a little more stylish with your hair." Naruto called, picking up a comb and a pair of scissors. "Let's see how Haku-chan's hair style looks on you."
And so, Naruto began styling Neji's hair, mimicking the various girls in their age group. First he styled Neji's hair similar to the way Haku wore her's, both up and down. While the hair down style looked pretty good on Neji- given how similar it was to Neji's original- Naruto felt it was too plain, and the other style didn't really suit Neji. He did notice, though, that the long bangs Haku wore in hunter-nin mode framed Neji's face rather nicely, but the bun in back didn't work all that well. Next he tried Ino's style, but quickly found that it didn't work either, finally figuring out that Neji just couldn't pull off the pulled-up look that one needed for buns and ponytails. Just to sate a curiosity, Naruto styled Neji's hair to mimic his female teammate, and further proved that pulled-up hair didn't work.
Next, Naruto decided to try a few shorter hair styles. Trimming a few centimeters off, Naruto began styling until Neji's hair was a near copy of the style Sakura had worn during their later academy days. Unlike the other styles, this one worked pretty well for Neji. But again, it was too similar to the plain old original, so Naruto moved on. Next he tried the look that Karin had worn...the less said about how that looked, the better. Next Naruto trimmed a few more centimeters off, shortened Neji's bangs, and separated Neji's hair into four slightly short ponytails. Sadly, Temari's look didn't do much for Neji, although it did oddly enough look pretty good.
888
Iruka gave another frustrated sigh as he broke up yet another squabble between Konohamaru and Hanabi. This time over the genderbending and beauty salon immitation Naruto was performing on his opponent, which had sent the youngest Sarutobi into a fit of laughter, only to result in his being tackled to the ground by an irate Hanabi as a result.
888
Finally Naruto decided to just go for broke, cutting Neji's hair until it came down just long enough to cover the tops of her ears. Once he was done, he took a moment to look at his work. He had to admit, Neji looked surprisingly good with Hinata's style, but there was something missing. It only took a glance up at his girlfriend to realize what it was. Hinata had those two long bangs at the temple, while Neji didn't. In a fashion only possible due to the laws of anime, and much to everyone's shock, as Naruto combed Neji's bangs out, they began to increase in length with each stroke. Once he'd finished combing Neji's bangs out, they were back to the way they had been before he'd cut it. Finding that the extra long bangs looked good, Naruto traded out his scissors for something else.
When he finally took a look at his finished product, he had to say he did good work. Sure, it wasn't quite beauty shop quality, but it was pretty good for an amateur. Where once Neji's hair was long and luxurious, now his hair resembled Hinata's, only it was slightly longer, and Neji's bangs went down to her chest, and were fashioned into curled ringlets. (2). Shockingly enough, upon seeing it, Hinata found she actually liked that style, and decided that she was going to grow her bangs out to mimic her cousin.
After finishing Neji's hair, he reached for the make up kit. With a surprising amount of skill- of which the acquisition will be taken to the grave with him- applied just a dabble of this and that. Just a bit of foundation, just a bit of lipstick, a dash of eyeshadow, and just a bit of pop for her lashes. Stepping back, Naruto grinned at his work. For someone who was a guy, who wasn't at all into fashion, he'd done a rather swell job of making Neji pretty. Of course, Neji had to be given a lot of the credit, giving him such a lovely canvas to work on. If he'd had to try and make the Daimyo's wife pretty, well, he didn't have that kind of skill, let's just leave it at that.
Now one might have wondered why Genma hadn't called the match by now, but there was a good...okay, there was at least...nope, it was just another plothole that would have buggered everyone's amusement. Let's just say he was indisposed for some reason, and had only just been able to recover, and call the match. My guess would be from laughing so hard.
Naruto's defeat of Neji- which was going at anywhere from even to 69-1 odds in Neji's favor depending on where you were betting- shocked many. One person who it hadn't shocked was Anko, who was cheering quite loudly- complete with pom poms and cheerleading outfit- while dancing in a way that made several people blush. She also just so happened to be repeating the phrase, "Whoop, that's my gaki." while gyrating. How she'd convinced Hinata and Haku to go along with it, Naruto didn't want to know, but he had to admit the visual effect was very nice. The two girls were enjoying themselves if their cheers of, "Whoop, that's my boyfriend." were to be believed.
As everyone stared at the frozen, thoroughly defeated female form of Neji Hyuuga, the only thing that could be heard over Naruto's cheering section was a loud...
"Where the hell did that come from?!" ...from Ino.
"If there's one thing that I've learned being on his team," Sakura started, although she had to admit she wasn't expecting that. "Do not, under any circumstances, underestimate, or assume anything about Naruto Uzumaki."
'If they thought me beating Neji was crazy news, then what I'm about to do will blow their fragile little minds.'
"How?" The now female Neji groaned as the jutsu was released. Naruto, not knowing whether he was referring to the genderbending, or how he'd defeated him, decided to answer the latter question; no point giving away his secret. He also couldn't help appreciating the perfect set up. He suspected NB had something to do with that.
"The simple fact is that I'm not normal, Neji, I never have been." Naruto said. "Hell, given who my mother was, and the circumstances surrounding my birth, I never even had the option of being normal. What you fail to understand, is that there are powers far beyond what your pathetically simple imagination can fathom outside of this village. Your taijutsu is strong, but what if getting close enough to use it was far more dangerous than you were prepared to deal with. If I had wanted you dead, all it would have taken was the time to release my training seal, and draw a kunai, because as you felt, the moment after, the match would have been over. If I were you, I'd suggest to your clan head that it's time for the Hyuuga to start branching out into other shinobi fields."
"But fate-" Neji mumbled.
"-is an extremely fickle bitch." Naruto finished for him.
As Naruto walked away, he decided to make one fun little change to things. "By the way. If you think that little seal of yours is bad, try having one of the biju sealed inside you, and grow up with most of the adults- the very people we're told as children we can count on for help, safety, and advice- not being able to distinguish between children and the monster they've been forced to associate with. Then you'll get a taste of how fucked up your life can really be." As silence descended on the arena, Naruto turned to Gaara up in the candidate box, and gave him a meaningful nod. He grinned when he got one in return.
888
As the match was called, Konohamaru turned to Hanabi with a wide grin. "Ha, I told you niisan was awesome!"
"Tch, just because he beat Neji doesn't mean he's strong enough to beat a Main House Hyuuga." She replied haughtily.
"Naruto niisan could beat your whole clan if he wanted to." Konohamaru jibed back.
After a few more underhanded verbal shots aimed at each other, and their families, the two took to glaring at each other, knowing that if their disagreement became physical again, they'd get in a lot of trouble with the chaperoning sensei. Suddenly, someone reacted to something being shown on the screen, and bumped into both the young heiress and the little Naruto minion. As it usually happens in anime, the two were pushed towards each other until their lips met. Almost immediately, the two leapt away from each other.
"Hey, you kissed me!" Konohamaru yelled. "You contaminated me with cooties on purpose because you were mad that I was right about niisan kicking Neji-teme's ass."
Did I forget to mention that Naruto was both a great, and horrible influence on Konohamaru, Moegi, and Udon?
"What, you're the one who kissed me!" Hanabi replied, before the argument again devolved into a wrestling match which Iruka had to break up. It was times like this that he regretted thinking that having Naruto in class was the worst thing that could happen to him as a teacher.
Little did anyone know that the rather amusing squabble between preschoolers would develop into a rivalry, that would become grudging respect, that would eventually turn into love. Funny how history repeated itself, and somewhere there was a redheaded kunoichi watching fondly remembering her first Academy wrestle, tug, and pull with a certain blond haired, future Hokage.
888
As Temari and Shikamaru were being called down to fight, Naruto found himself being approached by an Anbu with a frog mask informing him that the Hokage wanted to see him. Pausing only long enough to toss Shikamaru into the arena, Naruto smirked at the boy glaring up at him before leaving the waiting area, and heading up to the Kage box. The old man didn't waste any time getting to the heart of the matter.
"Naruto, can you tell me why you felt it necessary to divulge an S-class village secret, and what the consequences are for it?"
"Well, considering that all the adults already know, it's not much of a secret is it?" Naruto asked. "As for why I told, well, I don't really care anymore about hiding the fact that I'm a Jinchuuriki. I'm proud of what I am. The Yondaime trusted me to protect the village from Kyuubi, so it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks. Besides, they all had a negative opinion of me anyway, not like much will really change except the emotion they direct towards me." Naruto then grinned. "As for the consequences, since it's my secret, and I'm the only one that the results really effect, shouldn't I be able to reveal it when I want?"
"You enjoy making more paperwork for me, don't you?" Sarutobi asked, with a wry grin.
"Well my normal pranks don't work on you anymore, so I have to get you somehow." Naruto teased.
"Hmph, we'll see if you feel that way when you're the one wearing the hat, and having to deal with all of that paperwork." Sarutobi said, looking at the suddenly confused blond. "Something on your mind?"
"What happened to Gaara's dad?" Naruto asked. "And his guards, as well?"
"He had some bad yakitori." Sarutobi replied. "He ended up sprinting to the bathroom shortly after your match with Neji started. When he hadn't returned after the match was over, I suggested they go and check on him."
'You're still sick and twisted, but I can admit that was a good prank.' Naruto thought.
"I even took some inspiration from you, and short-changed his toilet paper." NB responded.
Since the snake bastard wasn't using it at the moment, Naruto took himself a little sit down, to watch Shikamaru and Temari face each other. Of course, his actions didn't go unnoticed by the Hokage.
"Naruto, what are you doing?" Naruto gave a sheepish grin.
"Well, I figure since Kazekage-san isn't using his seat, I could just sit up here with my fourth favorite person in the whole village, and watch the match from the best seats in the arena." Naruto replied. "You know, keep his seat warm, and I promise I'll give it back to him when he returns."
"Fourth?" Hiruzen asked.
"Well, Hinata and Haku are tied for first, obviously, and Ayame-nee is third, so that puts you in fourth." Sarutobi smiled.
'At least he has his priorities straight.' The old man said.
888
It wasn't long...okay, honestly, it was, but whose really keeping track. Still, some time later, Temari and Shikamaru's match came to an end, predictably with Shikamaru forfeiting. While the first time around he'd believed the lazy Chuunin's story of realising that he was low on chakra, now he knew the truth. The lazy bastard just hadn't wanted to put in anymore effort. He'd made a good enough showing so that his mother wouldn't bitch at him, and that was all that he was worried about.
That meant it was time for... "Will Sasuke Uchiha and Sabaku no Gaara come to the arena for their match?"
Naruto looked around wondering where the pervert light and Sasuke were. After nearly a ten minute wait, the Hokage stood and announced that Sasuke's match against Gaara would be postponed, and to skip to the next one. As he retook his seat, Naruto turned to the Hokage. Again the first time around, he'd been naive enough to be happy that his chance to kick Sasuke's ass in front of a crowd hadn't been taken from him. Now, he unfortunately realized what it really was...favortism. As the match between Shino and Kankuro started, Naruto decided to broach the subject.
"Jiji, are you really going to let Sasuke get away with not being here on time?" Naruto asked, disappointment marring his features.
"You have to understand Naruto, that most of the people here came to see Sasuke fight." Sarutobi said.
"I get that." Naruto said. "I'm well aware that the entire shinobi world has an obsession with the Uchiha, and has been practically messing their pants in anticipation of seeing him, but having a different set of rules especially for him is unfair to the other participants. It also sends a really bad message to the other villages and potential clients about favortism. Even if you've decided to let him compete, there should still be consequences for him being late. At the very least he should lose the right to be promoted no matter what happens, especially considering that anyone else in the finals would have been disqualified by now."
"I will consider it." It wasn't long before the Hokage summoned Raido to him, to give a message to the proctor.
Much as he didn't want to hold such a promising young ninja back, Naruto was right. Part of being a Chuunin was being responsible, and Sasuke not showing up on time showed that he was not ready for the responsibility of being a Chuunin. That being said, Naruto's performance also showed that he lacked the maturity in some areas for promotion. Then again, he did acknowledge that his stunt would likely cost him his promotion, which meant that he was mature enough to understand what he was doing wrong. Hiruzen sighed. So many factors to consider, and all with too delicate of a balance to ever truly be fair. Much as he hated it, he was going to have to ask the Ninja Council for their opinions. He really was getting too old for this shit.
888
As the Kankuro vs. Shino match was wrapping up, Naruto couldn't help being baffled by how much things had stayed the same despite the changes he'd made, and had to admit that Neji had been at least partially correct about destiny. Then again, given the fact that most of the changes he'd made had been so minor in the grand sceme of things, it was possible that the timeline was capable of continuing mostly unchanged.
'Damn, that means that I can't be pissed at NB for giving me restrictions, because they've actually allowed me to still mostly predict events. Although, that could also be because I have a companion beyond the fourth wall helping to ensure that things didn't stray too far from canon. Although I have to admit that I'm surprised Kankuro didn't forfeit.'
While the two Genin were being led away on stretchers, there was a sudden swirl of leaves in the middle of the arena surrounding what resembled a miniature, colorless Kaiten. As the swirl died down, and the leaves began floating to the ground, Kakashi and Sasuke were revealed standing back to back in what was supposed to be a cool pose. To their utmost surprise, the looks of shocked awe they were expecting were absent. Their confusion- even if they didn't show it- was alleviated moments later when several loud boos erupted from one section of the stands.
"Boo!" Anko screamed. "Naruto's entrance was way better than that cheap rip off."
As Kakashi turned to stare at Genma, the man smirked as he revealed. "Naruto did something similar with dove feathers that was admittedly a lot more flashy, and much more cool looking."
888
Up in the stands, Ino gave a disappointed groan. "That would have looked so much cooler if Naruto hadn't done it better already."
"Yeah, and it also doesn't help that Naruto didn't need Kakashi-sensei's help to get the effect." Sakura added. 'There's also the fact that Naruto's been Shunshining into different things for months now, so even if he hadn't, I still wouldn't have been all that impressed.'
888
"Well, sorry we're late." Kakashi said sheepishly. "I hope we're not too late."
"Name?" Genma asked.
"Sasuke...Uchiha." The avenger intoned.
Genma gave a smirk as he announced the Hokage's verdict. "He's not too late to be allowed to compete, but due to us having to postpone his match because of his tardiness, he's disqualified from being promoted this time."
Naruto couldn't help raising his eyebrow in surprise at the glare that Sasuke leveled at their sensei. So the lateness and flashy entrance must have been Kakashi's idea. Still, even if it was, he'd gone along with it, so that was his fault.
"You said that they wouldn't disqualify me, because I was the one everyone wanted to see." Sasuke protested to his sensei.
"Yeah, but you're the one who went along with it." Kakashi said. "Maybe next time you'll think things through, look underneath the underneath."
"But-"
"Just swallow your pride, get your head out your ass, and grow up!" Naruto interrupted, arriving in the arena with a Shunshin of his own. "You're not Kami, you're not an elite, and you're not guaranteed a vest just because of that eye-infection you call a bloodline, so be grateful that you're even being allowed the chance to show off. Until you learn that Konoha doesn't revolve around you and your revenge on Itachi, you'll never amount to anything."
Although Sasuke glared at him, he didn't do anything else for a moment. His smirk then returned. "Hmph, I'm guessing that you beat Neji?"
"Was there ever any doubt?" Naruto bragged.
"No, not really." Sasuke said, and to the shock of both the elder nin, he sounded like he meant it.
"Good, then don't lose," Naruto taunted, even if he knew the likely outcome. "-I want to kick your ass myself."
A sudden swirl of sand announced the arrival of Gaara. "Then I'm afraid you will be disappointed. You will have to face me next round."
Naruto left the arena as the match was started, and wasn't all that surprised by the turn of events. The match went like it had the first time around, up until the Chidori, and then from there went pretty much the way he'd always suspected that fight would have gone...well, the way it would have gone if the invasion hadn't happened, and Gaara wasn't a homicidal loon, anyway.
Gaara fought Sasuke much the same way he always had, while Sasuke had ripped off Lee's speed and Taijutsu. Kakashi had been very right about Sasuke needing to win quickly, and it was obvious to him now the signs of Sasuke being incapable of sustaining that speed. After landing a few good hits, and Gaara going defensive, Sasuke leapt back and prepared for the Chidori. The signs of strain and exhaustion were very visible to a competent ninja, even to Genin if they knew what to look for. Naruto could easily see how wiped Sasuke was now. While he had plenty of chakra, keeping up that speed and now the Chidori was far more taxing on his physical endurance than Sasuke could currently handle.
Naruto began watching intently as he heard the sound of chirping birds, and had to again wonder how the Chidori or Raikiri could be an assassination jutsu when it made so much noise that it would give you away. As Sasuke stabbed, and Gaara screamed in pain, Naruto knew this was the turning point of the match. While Lee had only hit him, Sasuke had injured him, made him feel real pain for the first time ever. Gaara wasn't going to take it easy on him anymore, and that had Naruto just a tad bit worried. The most pressing thought, was would Gaara, after being hurt like this, revert to his former homicidal tendencies.
As the sand around Gaara shifted, Naruto tensed, hoping beyond hope that his intervention and friendship offer a month and a half ago would be enough. When the sand fell away to reveal Gaara, Naruto breathed a sigh of relief. Even if he was mildly freaked out by what he was seeing, it was certainly better than some of the alternatives, and it wasn't as if his reaction wasn't the norm for this situation. A quick glance away showed that 82 percent of the males in the audience were either unconscious, or heavily bleeding from the nose.
Yep, you guessed it. The sand fell away to reveal Gaara adorning his disturbingly hot Oiroke form. According to Naruto, Gaara-chan was more effective than Naruko due to something he called the 'moe' factor. That meant that she was very cute, like almost Hinata-san cute, but still above the bar that would make one feel dirty for perving on her. Having noticed Sasuke's reaction to Naruto's Oiroke, Gaara came to the conclusion that Sasuke wouldn't be able to help being distracted by this form. He was right, as the boy had his Sharingan active, and was staring at his body intently, as if fiercely trying to commit the form to memory...although why he didn't know since the doujutsu automatiaclly did that. Still, no point wasting a good distraction.
Gaara launched the sand he'd been sending into the ground while taking refuge inside his sand cocoon. With a cry of, "Sabaku Kyuu," Gaara smothered Sasuke in sand. Again hoping that he'd done enough, and that Sasuke's stupidity hadn't caused Gaara to relapse, Naruto found himself wondering why Orochimaru hadn't started the invasion by now, but looking up at the Hokage box revealed that Old Man Sarutobi was still by himself.
"That must have been some really bad Yakitori." Naruto muttered turning back to the fight.
Luckily, Naruto had made an impact, and Fem!Gaara's actions and words had really effected the redhead. Rather than smush the captured Uchiha, Gaara proceeded to do to him, what he'd been planning to do to Lee in the prelims had his slightly older twin not intervened. Raising the sand wad in the air, he slammed the coffin into the ground several times like a Wack-a-Mole mallet; enough times that when he released the sand after the last slam, it revealed a knocked out Sasuke.
888
In the stands, Fem!Gaara wasn't quite sure what she felt about her twin using her form in his jutsu for such a distraction...at least she wasn't sure until she saw the reaction of the boy she'd decided would father her children. With a smile on her face at the very obvious interest, and the struggle he was having not staring at her, she decided that she could forgive Gaara this once. That didn't mean she wasn't going to talk to him about editing the details of that form so that he wasn't flashing her bits to everyone when he used it. She didn't like the way some of the surrounding men had turned and leered at her after they'd recovered.
Although, she did have to admit that she rather liked the feeling that had spread through her when her children's future father had come to her defense, and admonished the perverts for perving on his Fem!Gaara-chan. She didn't even mind when his oddly emotional sensei burst into tears praising his beautifully youthful chivalry.
888
When the unconscious form of Sasuke was revealed, the spectators were shocked silent. That the genius last Uchiha had actually lost, actually could lose, had never occurred to them. Of course, many of the civilians were woefully unknowledgable of the techniques and abilities scattered throughout the shinobi nations that made the Sharingan as Sasuke had it, woefully pathetic. Sure, against some of the Genin his age in Konoha, Sasuke was pretty hot shit. Sadly, in the wider world, and not even there when you started factoring Chuunin into the mix- Sasuke was still a small fish in a very big pond.
One of the people who were most shocked by the turn of events was Ino. Ino, who thought Sasuke could do no wrong, was currently lamenting the fact that Naruto won, but Sasuke-kun didn't. Sakura- who'd seen Sasuke defeated before during spars against Naruto and their sensei, and even against Haku in Wave and spars- tried to console her.
"Come on Ino, it's not that big a deal." She said, rubbing the blonde's back.
Ino turned to glare at her pink haired rival. "How can you be so calm about this? Sasuke-kun lost."
Sakura just rolled her eyes. "Being on a team with those two, I've seen weird stuff like this often enough not to let it bother me anymore. Not only that, but you can't really expect Sasuke-kun to win all the time, he's still just a Genin, and it's obvious that Gaara- much like Naruto- isn't normal."
Another source of shock amongst the spectators, was that Naruto wasn't surprised in the least when Sasuke lost. Seriously, as good as Sasuke was, Gaara was a Jinchuuriki, and it would take a lot more specialzed training for Sasuke to make up that difference than a month could have provided...unles one could use Kage Bunshin like Naruto could. Now, if Sasuke had had enough time to train his body to sustain the speed he'd been moving at, without taking such a hit to his physical endurance, then Sasuke likely could have won...well, against this Gaara who wasn't homicidal, and willing to let his demon loose just to win. In the end, it often took a monster to defeat a monster, well, figuratively speaking anyway.
At least there was some good in Sasuke losing- especially the way he had. The hard-on that the world had for the Uchiha had flagged tremendously, and even some of his fangirls were now questioning their obsessions, meaning his number of stalkers would likely reduce. Also in Sasuke's favor, was that he didn't have such high standards to live up to anymore, and that he could just be himself, and move at his own pace from then on. In the intervening years, many people would marvel at how good not having that pressure on him was for Sasuke.
888
Orochimaru chose that moment to return from the bathroom, just as Sasuke was had cleared the tunnel after being carted to the medical area.
"Okay, what did I miss?" He asked, Sarutobi.
"You missed your son defeating Sasuke Uchiha in a rather embarrassing manner." Sarutobi said, highly embarrassed.
Frowning, Orochimaru signalled one of the guards to send a message to Kabuto. "The new signal for the invasion to begin is the start of the final match."
Sitting back, Orochimaru settled in to watch the Uzumaki boy face the Desert Flower. He just hoped that bad batch of yakitori didn't give him anymore problems. Trying to fight his sensei with an upset stomach was pretty much a suicide run.
888
"Sabaku no Temari and Naruto Uzumaki report to the arena for the first semi-final match." Genma called. He was answered moments later by Temari floating to the ground on her fan, and Naruto appearing via Shunshin in a swirl of frogs.
"Well looky here, I get to prove my point." Naruto said. "By the way, remember when I said I was going to embarrass you for what you did to Tenten?"
"I'd like to see you try." Temari taunted. "I'm not one of you Konoha pushovers."
Just before Genma was about to start the match, Naruto halted him. "I'd like to apologize to all of the women in attendance for how this match ends, but sometimes people need to be made to understand that their attitudes are unacceptable. To mock an opponent who gave their best- even when they were at an obvious disadvantage- is bad form."
The match between Naruto and Temari was rather interesting. Temari showed a great deal of strategic thinking when it came to combating Naruto's clones. The fact was, that Naruto was simply too capable of overwhelming her with numbers. All it took was swarming her with more clones than she could blow and knock away with her fan- of course with his use of fire jutsu, using her wind techniques had been very risky. With Naruto being a much better close range fighter than Temari, as well as having numbers on his side, it wasn't long before he'd separated her from her fan, and the end came. After a rather brief exchange of Taijutsu- which Temari vowed she would improve on when she got back home- Naruto used the pressure point he'd learned from Haku.
Temari's reaction was sudden, and immediate. Knees weak, she grasped the front of his shirt, and clutched him tightly, trying to keep from falling to the ground with her forehead resting on his shoulder, she started shaking uncontrollably, her knees knocking together as she whimpered, trying to fight what she knew was coming. Unfortunately, she wasn't able to hold it back any longer.
Through clenched teeth came a sound that was part growl, part roar, and part groan. With her eyes lolling up behind her lids, Temari soaked the lower half of her battle dress. For a solid 69 seconds, Temari spurted, squirted, splashed and gushed down her legs, and for another 690 seconds, she clutched at Naruto convulsing. Finally, her strength gave out, and Temari collapsed to her hands and knees. With one last muted groan, the girl collapsed completely to the ground unconscious, right into the puddle that she'd created.
Looking down at the arena, Tenten gave a wide smile. While she did feel some indignation as a woman for what he'd done, it was the thought behind the gesture that she appreciated. She didn't know the quirky blond all that well, but after hearing what he'd told the Sand kunoichi from Lee, and seeing what he just did to her, she planned to officially become his very good friend.
"Since Shino Aburame is still incapacitated, and Uzumaki has just finished a match, there will be a brief intermission." Genma said. "After that, we will either have the other semi-final of Sabaku no Gaara facing Shino Aburame, or the final, which will consist of Naruto Uzumaki facing Sabaku no Gaara."
Needless to say, that announcement was very shocking. Not the fact that there was intermission before the final, but the fact that Naruto Uzumaki would be in said final.
888
Ten minutes later, Naruto and Gaara stood across from each other, having been called for the final match. Naruto, not sure what was possessing him to do it- or maybe he did- and hoping that Gaara would play along, shouted out his challenge. "Before this match starts, I want you to know that I'll never forgive you for what you did to Sasuke. I'm going to make you pay."
The extreme overdramatization of the statement made it quite obvious what Naruto was doing. Still, you'd be surprised at the number of fangirls some things tended to have, and just how many of Sasuke's fangirls were into that. With that one joking declaration, Naruto became the second most awesome thing ever- after Sasuke-kun of course- for avenging their love's defeat at the hands of the evil Sand Ninja. Gaara gave a sinister laugh, before giving a classic villain's reply, further adding to the scene, and earning Naruto a another temporary cheering section.
What followed was nearly twenty minutes of the best Action-Drama banter between hero and villain that anyone had ever seen. As luck would have it, an unlucky Konoha med-nin- who just so happened to have a brother who was the producer of a television series that just so happened to fill that genre requirement- was TiVo'ing the finals (which were being televised in Konoha for some reason) because he was working a double shift to pay for the new addition his wife had just told him they were expecting. In a few months, when the scene was replayed between two characters of his brother's show, he would find that his money troubles were gone for at least a decade, given how huge a success the series became after that super season finale.
Should one look around the arena, or peek into the homes of those watching the finals, they would find three frequent reactions to Naruto and Gaara's antics: captivated awe for such a dramatic display of friendship, daring, and caring (and yes, Lee and Gai were bawling their eyes out), laughing uproariously at the display (Anko the most obvious case here), and heads hung in embarrassment, hoping that pretending not to know Naruto or Gaara would lessen the feelings (pretty much everyone else close to Naruto and Gaara). Even Orochimaru, who was only pretending to be the Kazekage, hung his head in slight embarassment.
Finally, the greatly amused Genma raised his arm, and brought it down with a call of, "Hajime!"
And all hell broke loose as white feathers began raining down, signalling the activation of Kabuto's Genjutsu, followed by the explosion in the Kage box.
"So, invasion?" Naruto asked.
Gaara wilted some. "Yeah, sorry about not telling."
"No worries, we've known about this for almost a month now." Naruto replied, shocking his friend. "As good as Orochimaru thinks he is about keeping secrets, we've got someone better at uncovering them."
"Oh." I mean really, what can you say to that?
"So, what's it going to be?" Naruto asked. "I can put a seal on you that will give you a nice, long nap during the invasion, or we can fight, and I can knock you out."
Gaara thought about it, and came to a rather frustrating conclusion. "You should probably knock me out, to at least make this seem realistic. I'll try to keep my sand from stopping you."
Shrugging, Naruto unsealed a large 2x4 with 'clue x four' written along its length, and a Five Element Seal inscribed on one end. "Okay, this might hurt a bit." Darting forward, Naruto smacked Gaara in the head with his Clue x Four. Gaara flew a few feet away, and was snoring before he even landed.
Ironically enough, Naruto using the seal on Gaara would benefit him greatly. You see, while Shukaku was pretty much cool beans now, that damnable monk was still being a fucking buzzkill. While not as big a threat, the evil monk was still trying to damage Gaara's soul while he slept, only being stopped by the sand demon. When Shukaku tried to devour the blasted monk's soul, the monk would latch onto their host, making things difficult. What the Gogyou did, was separate the biju and monk in such a way that the latter had no way to access the host. With a wide, sinister grin on its face, the Shukaku finally got rid of that fucking crazy ass monk. When Gaara woke next, he would find communing with his biju much easier, his sand responding much better to his will, and even his biju in a much friendlier mood.
"Meh, it's not the Beat-A-Bitch stick, but the Smack-A-Hoe board'll do in a pinch." Naruto said. 'Right, do I need to go help jiji?'
"Nah, I told you I had that one covered." NB said, already inputting his invasion data. "Orochi will wish he had stayed and played nice."
'Right then, how about a little fight soundtrack?'
"Hehe, I got the perfect song." NB said, again inputting some data that I can't be bothered to translate.
"ALL ABOARD!" A voice suddenly echoed throughout the village, though oddly enough, only a few people could actually hear it. As the intro to the song began- which had a very familiar guitar riff- Naruto began drawing on the Kyuubi's chakra in what had to be the most epic looking vision ever (3)(4). Then, with a single motion of his right hand, he summoned over a thousand Kyuubi enhanced clones.
"Okay, the five hundred on the left, mass Henge into Voltron Naruto, and deal with that snake summon so we can free Ero-Sennin up for more important stuff." Naruto called. "The rest of you are with me."
Omake
Miles away in one of the many random Akatsuki bases, the members had all gathered for- of all things- a small get together in celebration of Kakuzu's 88th birthday. Sure they were S-rank criminals in an organization bent on world domination, but that didn't mean they didn't do normal stuff too, damn it. Anywho, they were just about to bring out the cake that Sasori- who happened to be pretty damn badass in the kitchen- had baked for the occasion, when something shocking happened.
Tobi, who was seated about midway down the table, picked up one of the cherry tomatoes from a platter. After the last reaction he'd had to his favorite food- which none of the other members would let him forget after he ruined Itachi's birthday party- he'd been very wary of the food. But it had been months since his last tomato, and he was starting to suffer from withdrawal symptoms. Snagging the smallest one, just to be on the safe side, he popped the small tomato into his mouth, and let out a satisfied groan as he savored the delicous delectability.
About four seconds after he'd swallowed, Tobi froze, burst into a sneezing fit, and started twitching, before collapsing face first into his thankfully empty plate. Seconds after that, he jumped out of his seat, hopped up onto the table, and tore his clothes away as if it was a hospital robe to reveal a sparkling red, strapless cocktail dress. Most of the group looked on in shock, waiting to see what would happen, with a few wondering why he was just standing there looking around. Next thing anyone knew, Tobi performed that annoying swirly jutsu of his, and a huge boombox appeared next to him; leaving many in the group to wonder where he'd gotten it, as they'd stopped making them decades ago. Leaning down, he pressed a button on the stereo, before standing back up, and striking a pose.
As the music started, Tobi began to speak. "Hi, I'm your weather girl, and have I got news for you. Get ready, all you lonely girls, and leave those umbrellas at home."
When the song actually came in, everyone was shocked at how good a singing voice Tobi actually had. Not only that, but he also seemed to be doing both parts of the duet seemlessly, and doing a damn fine job harmonizing, something that should have been impossible for the human voice to accomplish- though Itachi personally felt this validated his claims that Tobi was suffering from severe MPD. When it hit the solo for that verse, Tobi's vocal strength again surprised the group. And then it happened...the chorus.
"IT'S RAINING MEN! HALLELUJAH, IT'S RAINING MEN! AMEN!" As he continued singing, Tobi started dancing along with his performance.
'Why do I get the feeling that Naruto had something to do with this?' Itachi thought to himself, unable to take his eyes off the spectacle.
What made it even worse, was that in order to even see three feet in front of him, he was forced to keep his Sharingan active...meaning he would never be able to forget this disturbingly traumatic sight. Sure, he could have easily turned it off, but any chance he got to obtain something to torment Tobi with was to be taken. He really hoped that Konan could get away for the evening, because he desperately needed to be held. He was also fairly certain that if hadn't had the Mangekyo already, this would have certainly done the trick.
Several minutes later, after the song ended, and an embarrassed Tobi seemed to regain control of his faculties- then flee in embarrassment via his swirly teleport when he realised what he'd done- the group was left in stunned silence until...
"I give him a seven, un." Deidara said, breaking the silence that had been left in Tobi's wake.
"A seven?" His partner asked.
"Yeah," The blond said. "On the one hand, the performance was great, the chosen song was a classic no matter how you feel about it, and the dress was quite fitting for such a performance. On the other hand, the fact that it was a guy, wearing a dress that did him no favors made it completely disturbing. Not only that, but the fact that he was singing 'It's Raining Men', as well as the fact that the only girl in this entire organization is Konan, who was with Leader-sama before it was even created...forgive me if that rubs entirely me the wrong way."
"Point conceded." Sasori said, giving him a nod.
888888
1. www DOT manga2u DOT me / naruto / 317 / 29
2. T-boz in unpretty; youtube homepage, and at the end tac on either of the following endings: watch?v=GVDm_5c4aMA; watch?v=g2gy1Evb1Kg
3. same as above: watch?v=ZxlqZBBttxg; first :32, then back to :03, and repeat
4. bqpd DOT jw DOT lt / pic / naruto / 068 DOT jpg