Winged Cupid Painted Blind Chapter 25 - Some Cupid Kills with Arrows, Some with Traps
A/N- The quote means that there are two ways to fall in love. Love at first sight where cupid hits you with the arrow, or love that grows over time where cupid lays a trap. But love is by chance, something we never planned for nor ever saw coming.
The room was dark say for the light that was coming in through the small window perched high on the wall. May and Ed slept peacefully in the bed, while the three other boys shared the small fold out futon couch. Edd was sound asleep between Nat and Kevin with his boyfriends arm wrapped around his midsection loosely as he was now in a deep sleep. The contact had been nice and intimate for Kevin as he drifted off to sleep, a thought nagging the back of his mind as he lay there falling asleep, a wish that he could do this more often than he has been able to do. When he had decided to date Edd he hadn't realized, or more like refused to realize, how many places in the world he wouldn't be allowed to show his affection for his boyfriend.
School was definitely off limits, for Edd's safety, for the bullies would surely increase their ire toward the boy if they discovered he was a homosexual. But if Kevin was truly being honest with himself, the thought of being discovered dating a boy scared the shit out of him. It wasn't the harassment he would get at school that scared him, he could easily survive that with no problem, it was what his family would think of him that frightened him the most. Would his father still look at him with pride? Would his mother still love and treat him like her precious boy? What of his grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles, would they still be happy to see him when he came to visit? Or would they all throw him away like yesterdays trash, to be forgotten amongst the throngs of unknown faces in the world?
So it was with this fear in mind that he slowly learned that they didn't have that many safe places where they could show their affection to one another without the fear of discovery. He found that their list only consisted of two places at the moment, here at Ed's when Eddy wasn't around and at Nat's, and each one of those places only consisted of one room in that house, step out of that room and it was back to no touching. Even in those rooms though he found it difficult to initiate any form of contact, for he wasn't sure how Edd would feel about holding hands in front of other people let alone go into a full on make out session. And to make matters worse everywhere Kevin turned he saw normal couples holding hands without fear of reprisal, or kissing while they were on a date to the movies without having to worry about being mocked, or cuddling at the lunchroom table at school without having to look over their shoulder. He knew from the beginning that this relationship was going to be a difficult one due to its nature, but he just never expected it to be this damn frustrating, to always be reminded on how unacceptable their love was in society eyes.
Kevin was now fast asleep and his arm which was around the boy as gone slack, allowing Edd to roll over into a more comfortable spooning position. He however unintentionally smacked his hand against Nat's face as he rolled over and went to position it under his cheek. Waking with a start to the rough contact, Nat finds that their faces were only inches away from each other, not that it could really be help, since the futon was roughly the size of a full sized mattress. His first instinct was to roll over and face away from his friends boyfriend, giving them some distance as to be respectful of their relationship and of the sleeping boy, but he didn't. Instead he lay there and looked at the serene face of the sleeping dork, as concerned thoughts played through his head. He liked Kevin, he did, they had been friends for many years now, and no truer a bond of brotherhood could be had between two people who were not related. Edd on the other hand was someone new to his life, but had quickly grown into someone he wanted to protect from the hardships of the world, and if he couldn't do that he would at least help carry some of the burden for him.
His first impression of Edd was of a boy who was very reclusive and shy, your atypical dork, but as time went by and he had opened up to him, he found that Edd wasn't exactly what he had expected. He was smart, had a strange but good sense of humor, he was outgoing around his friends and braver then he had originally thought, and when he laughed it lit up his face and made his eyes shine. The concerns that raced through his head now were about the couple's relationship, he had initially thought it was a good thing that Kevin had given it a chance. But now he was worried again, for he had noticed that the two of them had barely stole a glance at each other for longer than a second over the past week when they were in public. It was as though being discovered by Marie had driven a wedge between them, as if it had been a wakeup call to them to be careful. He understood the precarious situation that they were in, having been there himself in the past, but he also knew that love without expression was, like a rose that is cut from the bush, doomed to die.
Softly caressing Edd's check with the back of his hand he whispers, "I'm sorry that the world is so cruel to people like us." He kept his volume low so as to not wake either boy, "I'm sorry that the love you will seek, in this world, will always have such hardship to it." If he could, he would make this world a better place for Edd and for people like them, if it was up to him he would make sure that Edd would have love in his life that was unafraid to be expressed openly. If Edd was his, he would make sure to kiss him freely and for the whole world to see, unashamed of whom they were. Retracting his hand he admonished himself for having such thoughts, this was his best friend's boyfriend, and he really shouldn't be thinking about him like that. Trying to justify the thought process, he told himself that there were many forms of love and that it was alright for him to love and care for Edd, he just couldn't cross the line and make it romantic love, at least not while he was with Kevin.
Rolling over to face away from the dork, he adjusts a few times to make himself more comfortable on the small mattress, pulling the covers up to his shoulders. The arm he was laying on was stuffed under the pillow while the other one was wrapped around his chest. Mulling over his thoughts, he wondered why he was feeling this way all of a sudden, or was it something that has just been slowly building itself up over time. If it was caused by loneliness that could be easily be remedied, he would just have to ask someone out. But in reality he knew that a meaningless high school relationship that would probably be over in a month or less was something he really didn't want anymore. For after tasting the fruit of love his mouth craved another bit, his arms yearned for another sweet embrace, and his heart desired its warmth. So were these feelings be the product of his heart's desire to have what he had lost so long ago, just an illusion, something intangible that when reached for would vanish like smoke in the air. Or was this illusion the manifestation of jealousy over the fact that his friend was happily and in a relationship with someone he seemed to truly care for, were these thoughts and feelings just a lie.
In his sleep Edd had mistaken Nat's back, which was inches away from him, as Kevin's and slides his arm around his midsection, giving him a gentle squeeze. Nat looks over his shoulder at the boy and finds him snoring gently, his head tucked into his back between his shoulder blades, while Kevin spooned with the boy on the other side of the futon. Nat's heart raced, was it because he was afraid of being discovered by Kevin in such an easily misunderstood position with Edd, or was it the sweet intimate contact that caused it to beat so? He wasn't sure, but right now a small bit of happiness mixed in with guilt crept into his heart and he did nothing about the arm. He laid his head back down on the pillow and closed his eyes, hoping the situation would correct itself before morning, but for now he would guiltily enjoy the contact. If Kevin had an issue with him in the morning concerning this, he would hope that the size of the mattress would explain it away.
No, on second thought, he should respect his friend's relationship, and his friendship with Edd by keeping his emotions, whether real of fake, in check. Reaching down he gently grabs the boys arm by the wrist and moves it from around his waist and back over to his side of the bed, placing it next to Kevin's hand that was wrapped around Edd's waist. Once the two hands were placed side by side Edd grabs a hold of Kevin's and Kevin his, as it was meant to be in the first place Nat thought to himself.