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"What?" Garrus said, staring at the lone Salarian. "Shepard didn't come back to the ship?"

"Correct. Message to join you relayed by krogan. Have not encountered Commander."

"Well come on," Garrus said turning to head back into the krogan base. "I guess let's go find her."

As soon as they stepped onto the dirt back in the main camp, Shepard called to them.

"Oh good," she said as she approached. "You're together, let's get going."

"What the hell is that?" Garrus said, pointing at the large varren following her.

She looked down with a grin and knelt down by the creature, putting a hand on either side of its face and scratching it.

"This is Urz," She cooed. "He's the cutest varren in the whole traverse, yes he is. Yes he is!"

The varren groaned approvingly, wagging his tail.

"Honestly," Garrus said rubbing his eyes. "I left you alone for maybe three minutes. How did you already bring in a stray?"

Shepard covered where she figured the varren's ears were with an overly appalled face.

"Hush! You'll hurt his feelings. He's not a stray." She resumed scratching Urz's head. "He didn't mean that, Urz. He's just grumpy."

"What? You have a varren following you and I'm the one being weird?"

"Sentimental attachment normal for humans," Mordin chimed. "Anthropomorphizing wild animal to give human emotion, thus strengthening attachment."

"I'm not anthro-pologizing him," Shepard whined.

"Anthropomorphizing," Mordin corrected.

"Yes, Shepard, stop anthro-morphing the wild varren," Garrus said.

"I'm not antrho-monopolizing him!"

"Antrhopomo-" Mordin tried again.

"Regardless," Garrus interrupted. "You can't keep him."

"Can't keep him?" Shepard said, standing. "Who are you my dad? I can have a varren if I want."

Urz whimpered.

"Damn it, Bug, how old are you?"

"Shut up, Grumpy Face!" She shouted, pointing at him.

Garrus face palmed.

"Urz," Shepard said, putting her hands on her knees. "Mommy has to go kill a bunch of krogan. You stay here like a good boy and kill those nasty pijaks."

Urz hopped up and down, panting with his tongue lolling out of the side of his mouth.

"That's a good boy," she said, rubbing his head. "Who's the best boy? Is it you?"

Garrus knew this was a bad idea, but the sight of her grinning like she was put a unique kind of warmth in his chest. So he didn't have the heart to tell her. Not yet.

"That's a shame," Garrus said as they entered the krogan building. "Hospitals aren't fun to fight through."

"What is fun to fight through?"

"Gardens, electronics stores, antique shops..." Shepard turned to look at him, one eyebrow raised. "You know, but only if they're classy."

She tried not to laugh, Mordin was examining a human corpse and that seemed rather serious, so laughing would be in bad taste. She settled for nudging Garrus playfully with her elbow.

The mission to 'rescue' his assistant had gone by easy enough, besides the fact that Shepard had to stop, yet another, one of her crew from a murder they might regret later. Garrus had been rather distracted the whole time, trying to sort through the facts Wrex had just given him about the gang Shepard supposedly ran with back on Earth. He had resolved himself not to bring it up, since she told him she didn't want to talk about it. If she wasn't ready to talk there was nothing he could do but respect her on it.

...For now.

Though he kept trying to figure out if he was more upset that she ran with a gang as a child, or that she didn't want to tell him about it.

"Garrus!" Shepard shouted.

"What, huh?"

"Holy hell, welcome back to the land of the living," she teased. He was embarrassed to realize he was so lost in thought that she had to shout at him.

"Hmmm, turian obviously distracted, frustrated," Mording offered. "Species routinely use intercourse for stress release. When was last...ah...encounter?"

Garrus and Shepard laughed as they turned to make their way back to the Normandy.

"Way too long ago, obviously," Garrus said.

"Cheer up," Shepard chimed. "If we don't all die in the Omega 4 I'll buy you a really classy hooker."

He scoffed, faking offense. "I have never needed to buy a woman in my life."

"Maybe that's why it's been so long," she jabbed.

"Paying money for intercourse unnecessary, plenty of willing participants on Normandy," Mordin offered.

"He's got a point, you already know Ms. Chambers wouldn't think twice."

"Oh yeah, that's just what I need," he groaned. "Assuming her squishy form even survived the encounter, she would be even more obsessed with me. How would I get any calibrating done?"

"Human form more resistant to scarring than asari. Coupling quite feasible assuming allergic reaction accounted for."

"Yeah that's just what you need right in the middle of sex, a closed wind pipe and anaphylaxis," Shepard said.

Garrus shrugged. "I wouldn't need her mouth for anything."

"Oh," she exclaimed laughing. "Dude, you're horrible."

"You love it," he said nudging her.

"Considering lack of allergy, Commander probable for best casual option for turian coupling."

They stopped.

"What?" Shepard asked.

"According to psych report night of psychotic breakdown, noted Commander had punctured turian skin on wrist with canine teeth. Ingestion of Dextro-Amino blood obvious. No anaphylaxis or reaction occurred. Logical conclusion Shepard … ah... lacks allergy."

"This went to a weird place," Shepard said.

"Yeah, you always take it that one step too far into awkward, Mordin," Garrus chirped.

The Professor shook his head, disappointed. "Squeamishness. Ridiculous. Simple professional opinion."

Shepard was sad to leave Urz on Tuchanka. But, Garrus was right, ship life was no life for a varren. She had never really intended on bringing Urz with her onto the Normandy, but it was nice to pretend for a while. It was surprising how lonely it could get on a ship full of people.

"It's been almost three months Joker," Shepard said, looming over the pilot in the Cockpit later that evening. "You really need to adapt here."

"Commander, come on, it watches me all day every day!"

"It watches everyone, it's not like she's spying on you. She doesn't give a shit what you do, she's an AI."

"The Commander is correct. I do not prioritize what you do as having a high level of importance, Mr. Moreau," EDI chimed.

"Shut up, Ship Cancer," he spat.

"Joker, honestly, it's been too long for you to still be wigging out about this. If you want to watch porn in your off time, just flick the mute on and have at it."

"Please, Commander," he scoffed turning around. "Like I would watch porn in the Cockpit."

"Yeah, you go ahead and pretend it's an unreasonable assumption," Shepard teased, turning to walk away as Kelly Chambers ran up to her looking panicked.

"Commander," She said grabbing Shepard's hand.

"What is it Kelly, is everything okay?"

"It's Garrus..."

"What about him?"

"He was down in the Mess when his...omni-tool beeped..." she said, obviously unsure of her words. "He-.. he read something off it and … I don't know how to explain it. His eyes filled with fire. He punched the elevator console and just left. Has he come up here?"

"No." Joker said. "We haven't seen him."

"EDI," Shepard called.

"Cargo Bay," she replied.

She patted Kelly's hands before turning to leave.

"Thank you, Kelly," she said. "I'll handle it."

When she got down to the weight room, he was hitting the speed bag so hard she thought it might burst. She suddenly felt bad for almost destroying the big one so it was unusable.

He stopped what he was doing and rolled out his neck, hearing her enter.

"Wanna talk about it?" she said approaching him, arms crossed.

He exhaled through his nose and rubbed the back of his neck anxiously.

"It's Sidonis," he said.

"Where?"

"The Citadel, he was seen with Fade, a lowlife who has a reputation for giving out new identities. That's probably how he's avoided detection till now."

"EDI," she said looking at the ceiling.

"Alerting Mr. Moreau of destination," she chimed.

Shepard looked over at him and sank into a hip with a smile. "See? That's all you had to say, you didn't have to take it out on the poor equipment."

He sighed and wrapped an arm around her shoulders in a half hug, panting.

"Thanks, Bug," he said.

"You could really use a shower," she replied.

He laughed.

The darkness in Garrus, the darkness she thought had disappeared, was creeping up on him little by little on the journey to the Citadel. It was only a day flight since the clusters were so close together, but by the time they arrived, he was like a totally different person. Threatening a harmless volus with his gun, the way he shouted at Harkin, threatening to find him wherever he hid. Something was wrong. This wasn't Garrus. Not the Garrus she knew.

"So," she said, rocking back on her heels, trying to stay upbeat. "Harkin's finally gone completely bad."

"He's always been a pain in the ass," he said angrily looking out the window. "But I'm in no mood for his games. If he doesn't cooperate I'll beat him. Within an inch of his life."

"Do you really think all of this is going to make it right?"

"I know you don't like it Shepard," he said exhaling through his nose. "But I have to do this."

There was no convincing him. At least not like this. She wished there was something she could do. Something to help him. She couldn't let him kill Sidonis. If he did, it would haunt him forever. She knew from experience. But she couldn't tell him that, could she?

Damn it, she thought as the heavy mechs exploded and they headed into Harkin's office. I'm running out of time. I need to think of something.

"Well, Fade," Garrus taunted after slamming Harkin into the back wall by his throat. "Couldn't make yourself disappear, huh?"

"Come on, Garrus – we can work this out. Whaddaya need?"

"I'm looking for someone," he said.

"Well, I guess we both have something the other one wants."

A well place knee in the groin put him on all fours. Shepard had to step in. Garrus was going to kill the guy.

"We're not here to make deals, Harkin," she said.

"You helped a friend of mine disappear. I need to find him." His tone was getting darker and darker. "His name is Sidonis, a turian, came from the-"

"I know who he is," Harkin interrupted. "And I ain't telling you shit."

"Harkin," Shepard said nicely. "This doesn't have to be hard."

"Screw you, bitch."

"What did you say to her?" Garrus growled, grabbing the man by the front of his shirt.

"I don't give out client information," Harkin continued. "It's bad for business."

Garrus knocked him to the floor and put his boot on his throat. Harkin gargled under the pressure.

"You know what else is bad for business?" Garrus taunted. "A broken neck!"

"All right, all right," Harkin choked. "Get off me."

Garrus didn't move his weight from the man. Shepard had to take him by the elbow, snap him out of his rage, before he finally backed off.

"Terminus really changed you, huh, Garrus?" Harkin panted.

"No," he said exhaling. "But Sidonis... opened my eyes. Now arrange a meeting."

After the meeting was arranged and they had what they wanted, Garrus still wasn't satisfied. He grabbed Harkins shirt again, threatening him for becoming a criminal.

"What, so you're just going to kill me?" Harkin whined. "That's not your style, Garrus."

Garrus paused.

"No," he said, pushing the man away. "But I don't mind slowing you down a little." He drew his pistol, aiming for his leg.

Shepard was afraid for him. He was turning into a whole different person right in front of her eyes. She had to think. She had to figure out how to reach him.

"You don't need to shoot him," Shepard said, grabbing his arm at the last second, sending the bullet into the ceiling.

Garrus angrily ripped his arm from her grip and threw his face into Harkins nose, once Shepard had stopped looking. She turned around, scorn in her face. Garrus shrugged.

"I didn't shoot him."

Shepard gathered Tali into the cab as they headed for the lounge. What in the blue fuck was she going to do?

"I'm starting to get worried about you, Garrus," She said honestly. "You were pretty hard on Harkin."

"You don't think he deserved it?"

"It's just… It's not like you. Not the you I know."

Garrus let the rage in his chest swell and exhaled. He knew he wasn't really mad at Shepard, but she was making herself an easy target and he wasn't about to bite the anger down. Not now. Not while he was so close.

"What do you want from me, Shepard?" he snapped, turning away from her. "What would you do if someone betrayed you?"

"I don't know," she lied. "But I wouldn't let it change me."

"I would've said the same thing before it happened to me."

"You don't have to go through with this, Garrus."

"Yes I do. Who's going to bring Sidonis to justice if I don't? Nobody else knows what he's done. Nobody else cares. I don't care what his reasons were, he screwed us. He deserves to die."

"Garrus..."

"I appreciate your concern..." he barked. "But I'm not you."

She exhaled and turned her head too look away from him.

"This isn't you either," she said, a sadness in her tone.

For the briefest moment, the rage in Garrus subsided. The thought that what he was doing was hurting her... It made his resolve falter.

No, he thought. I'm too close.

"The thought that Sidonis could get away with this..." he was more thinking it as he said it. Strengthening his own resolve, rather than trying to convince Shepard. "Why should he go on living when ten good men lie in unmarked graves? I'm sorry Shepard, words aren't going to solve this problem."

He got out of the cab and watched them drive off while the rage built back up in his chest. He chanted the names of his team in his head, remembered their empty, lifeless, faces. He remembered the last thing they had said to him, remembered who they were fighting for. He remembered who they left behind. He remembered who had gotten them killed.

This was the only way he could do right by them. He wasn't going to let it slip away.

He set up on the bridge and made sure their communication was working as Shepard found the target. She called the turian over and placed herself … very... inconveniently.

"Damn it, Shepard," Garrus cursed as she explained to Sidonis the situation, trying to help him. "If he moves I'm taking the shot." Why would she do this? Why would she side with a traitor over him? Her best friend? He should have known better than to think she was going to just let him kill a man. But, still, deep down Garrus had hoped she trusted him enough to make the call. The realization that she didn't made his rifle tremble in his hands.

"Screw this. I'm not sticking around to find out. Tell Garrus I had my own problems..." the turian said as he turned to leave. Shepard grabbed his arm, hard, in her hand.

"Listen to me, you insect. I am, literally, the only thing standing between you and a hole in the head."

"Wh...what?" he tried to process the information. "I screwed Garrus over bad," he said. "How do I know he won't shoot through you to kill me?"

She laughed, an angry sound. "It's Garrus up there," she said, poking him in the chest with an armored finger. "Not you."

Tali started to look rather tense, assessing the situation around them, folding her hands over each other.

Garrus' mandibles clicked. Damn her, he thought. She knew he would never even think to shoot through her, nor would he even risk trying to shoot around her. She was using how he felt about her against him. To save this... this... rotten excuse for a life.

He seethed.

"Look..." Sidonis tried. "I didn't want to do it...I didn't have a choice."

"Everyone has a choice," Garrus growled.

"They got to me," he continued, unable to hear Garrus' words. "They said they'd kill me if I didn't help. What was I supposed to do?"

"So that's it?" She fumed. "Ten good men are dead because you're a coward?"

Sidonis walked away, and Shepard stayed parallel to him, keeping herself in Garrus' cross-hairs.

"I know what I did," he snapped. "I know they died because of me, and I have to live with that..." he laughed. "If you can even call it living. Spirits, I see their faces staring at me every night. I wake up covered in sweat. I can't eat. Hell, I'm already a dead man. Maybe I should let Garrus kill me. I keep just wanting it all to be over."

"Just give me the chance…" Garrus said.

Sidonis looked at the woman keeping him alive, examined her face.

"You're Shepard aren't you?"

"What's it to you?"

He laughed and leaned his elbows on the railing. "I knew it." He gestured to his own eyes as he spoke. "It's the eyes. He always talked about your eyes."

Garrus started growling, his fury slowly starting to get the better of him. He lowered his rifle to look around and see if there was a different spot he could go. But nothing presented itself, so he just looked back through the scope at them.

"Garrus was never going to trust us like he trusted you," Sidonis continued. "We all knew it. If you hadn't died we all knew he would abandon our cause to follow you again. The way he talked about you, it was obvious." He sighed and looked down at his hands. "Garrus hadn't lost anyone to Omega's gangs. We all did. My bond mate..." Sidonis exhaled a ragged breath, his hands shook. "God... they killed her... right in front of me. I still have nightmares about it." Silence. "Every one of us in his squad lost someone on that damned station. Everyone but him. He was... I don't know... he was trying to atone for losing you, I think. Taking his fury out on Omega because he couldn't do it to whoever was actually responsible."

"That doesn't excuse what you did. Garrus would have never just abandoned you for me or anyone else. He's not like that. And he would have never ever sacrificed any one of your lives to save his own."

"That's true enough," he said, looking over at her. "But we never doubted whether or not he would die for us. What we wondered is how many of us would he sacrifice to save you?"

Garrus felt like he got kicked in the chest, and slowly lowered his rifle.

"I don't think that would have changed anything. Garrus doesn't sacrifice people."

"Maybe you're right," Sidonis continued, looking out on the city. "Maybe he is just that good a man. If he is, that's hard to compete with. But when you've lost the only thing you truly care about... It's just... you never really care about anything else the same way again. I know there's nothing I can say to make this right, but you wanted an answer. There it is."

He was right. Garrus knew he was right. He never cared about his squad the way he cared about Shepard's death. And she was wrong, saying that he wasn't like that. Had the choice come up, he would have sacrificed all of them to bring her back. And in a way, that's exactly what happened. He cared about his men, he trusted them, cared about their cause. But... the only reason any of them were doing it was because they had all lost the thing that was most important to them. How could anything else have measured up?

"Just... go..." Garrus said sadly. "Tell him to go."

"He's giving you another chance, Sidonis. Don't waste it."

"I won't, Garrus. I'll try," he said as Shepard turned to walk away. He stopped her with a hand on her shoulder. "Thank you," he said. "For helping me."

Garrus saw Shepard's face through the cross-hairs, saw the rage in it, the snarl that came onto her lips. She looked up at where Garrus was, and her eyes were furious in the scope. She raised her hand and flicked off her comm before wheeling onto the turian.

"Shepard, do you copy?" Garrus asked.

Silence.

She pulled Sidonis down by the front of his shirt so he was eye level with her, and he could only hear bits and pieces through Tali's comm. Not enough to piece anything together.

When she had finished, the turian turned to run, trying to move too fast, stumbling most of the way. Shepard turned around and flicked her comm back on as they went back to the cab to pick up Garrus. His hands wrung on the railing as his rage swirled through his chest. She approached from behind him and it took all his strength not to throttle her.

"I know you want to talk about this," he said turning his head over his shoulder. "But I don't. Not yet."

"Oh. Yeah alright," she with a nervous smile, trying to keep humor in her tone. "Payback's a bitch, huh?"

Cold. Nerve wracking. Silence.

She cleared her throat and got back into the cab.

Needless to say, the trip back to the Normandy was tense.