IMPORTANT: Sense and Flexibility will be going on HIATUS! I will post chapter 31 on Thursday and chapter 32 on Monday. Then I will be taking a month long hiatus from posting and will return to posting regularly on April 5th. Yay! I figured that's a good time for a break since you will all be so busy playing ME3 that you won't even miss me! But I"ve been writing SandF for 6 months straight now and I just need a breather. Visit my blog for the full story on my Hiatus at www(dot)Roarkshop(dot)net
As always, your comments and reviews are always read, loved, and cherished. I try to reply to all comments but there are so many of you now that I just get a little lost in the interim and it's hard for me to respond to everyone. But I read every single one I assure you.
All characters and themes are Bioware.
I love you guys
Roarkshop
Solana had, in fact, calmed down and was able to relay what had happened step by step. She told them everything from the conversation leading up to the event, to the fact that Shepard had threatened them with her own life, to everything she had said.
…well, almost everything.
None of it was helpful to them where they were, but it did make sense.
Garrus has already dealt with losing me once, don't make me have to suffer through seeing him lose you.
Damn her, Garrus thought, looking out the window of the Med Bay into the Mess Hall. She was too good, too concerned with putting his sister, even him, before herself. He understood the logic. If these men did need her alive, well, Garrus probably would have done the same thing to ensure no one got hurt. In his rational mind it made perfect sense, but, that didn't help him settle the rage.
"Mr. Vakarian," EDI chimed. "Operative Lawson has informed me that she has spoken to the Illusive Man and has come upon some information she finds prevalent to our situation."
"Thank you, EDI," he said as he made his way out. "Stay with Sol, Dad. I'll be right back."
He made his way across the abandoned Mess Hall to Miranda's office and stepped in. She was at her desk and stood.
"Garrus," she said in greeting.
"Lawson," he returned. "What have you got?"
"The Illusive Man has done some digging and we think we found why the Shadow Broker wants her."
Garrus stepped around her desk to look at her monitor as she pointed on the screen.
"Do you remember an Admiral Kahoku?" she asked.
"Vaguely," he confirmed.
"His team was killed by a Thresher Maw attack in some kind of Cerberus experiment. Shepard tracked down the facilities and destroyed the Rachni that had taken hold of the bunkers. She found Kahoku dead-"
"And downloaded Cerberus information that she then sent to the Alliance, yeah it's coming back to me."
"Well apparently," she continued, swiveling around in her chair to look at him. "According to the mission reports, she was contacted by an agent of the Shadow Broker to turn over the information on Cerberus for a heavy reward, saying that with his connections he would be able to get the information out of the Alliance databases anyhow which, as we can all guess, she refused. Little did the Shadow Broker know that Cerberus would get the information first, effectively locking it down."
"So the Shadow Broker never got this information he wanted?"
"Right."
"So he kidnapped her because he thinks she still has the information? Or because he holds a grudge?"
"Well Shepard reported the agent as saying," she turned to read off the screen again. "Quote 'The Shadow Broker will not forget this blah blah blah more hot air,' end quote".
"So the Shadow Broker finds out about her connection to the Reds and uses them for revenge?"
"That's my guess," she said. "But there's also what Ms. Tsoni said about wanting to give Shepard's body to the Collectors, so that could be why they need her alive."
"Okay," he said patting Lawson on the back of the shoulder before turning to leave. "Thanks, Miranda. Good work."
"Garrus," she said, standing. He turned to look at her over his shoulder and he thought she looked much more concerned than he'd ever seen her show before. "We'll find her."
She's really not a bad kid, Shepard had said.
Garrus smiled to himself, giving the girl a nod before exiting.
Who in the hell are they transmitting this too, Shepard thought, eying the merc who was recording her torture session. She sorted through the facts in her head, still slowly trying to wring her hands out of the leather strap around her wrists behind her back. She knew now that they were working for the Shadow Broker trying to get any and all information on Cerberus. Did he think that hiring the Reds to kidnap her would make her talk? Was that who was watching this whole over-dramatic display? Or was it Gideon? Was he in a dark room somewhere trying to get off on her pain? She figured she was making it difficult for him if he was.
"I'm really getting bored," she said. "Is there any way we can get to the part where I kill all of you? I'm starting to get sleepy here."
"I'd be quiet if I were you," Finch said, loading a clip into his pistol.
"Where's Gideon anyway? I expected to get his big bad guys speech by now. God only knows how long he's been planning that moment in his head."
"Shut up, Jane. You're just going to make this worse."
"Oh wait, let me guess. He's gonna come in amongst a cloud of fog saying 'you know, we're not so different, you and I,'" she laughed and shook her head. "Really, you boys will never learn. Your theatrics don't impress me."
Again the hum of the electrical current filled the room and the white-hot pain filled her. Her vision blurred as she threw her head back, clenching her teeth. She thought she was going to black out when they turned it off again. You wouldn't know it by looking at her, but she was thankful as her head sank to her chest and she coughed.
Teryk slept in the bunk in the Battery that night while Solana slept in Shepard's bed. Garrus didn't sleep, he just stood in front of the window in Shepard's quarters listening to his sister's heavy breath, her slow heartbeat. She'd be dead if not for Shepard. He kept reminding himself of that, kept trying to stop being mad at her for surrendering.
It wasn't even remotely working.
He turned and looked back at his sleeping sister. Just last night he lay in that very spot with Shepard in his arms. Even now, just being in her room, he could smell her. Citrus and Earth; like she was taunting him. How did it all go so wrong? How did he let this happen? What are they doing to her?
...Is she afraid?
He exhaled through his nose and put his face into his hand, leaning the other hand on the window. He had to stop. If he kept thinking like this he wasn't going to get anywhere, he was just going to get more and more angry before he completely lost control. He needed to keep it together. He needed to find her.
Garrus stood there and tried to remind himself of the facts. They needed her alive, so there was no reason to be afraid that they'd kill her. They were probably incapable of dishing out anything Shepard couldn't handle. He had better chances of arriving at the ship only to find she'd already killed everyone rather than finding her broken and bloodied in Gideon's chamber.
The image made him slam his fist into the window. He leaned his hands on the glass and hung his head.
Shepard was somewhere in the galaxy, in the hands of the people who had made her so alone in the beginning, who had taken everything from her. And every hour that passed that he didn't show up to help her, she felt more and more alone.
As the thought defined itself in his head, the rage that built in his chest was unlike anything he had ever felt. He had never been more furious or more desperate for something in his life.
"I'm coming for you," he said to the window, almost like a prayer. "Wait for me."
Shepard didn't sleep. After hours of electrocution, getting shot, and being beaten, she figured her captors were more tired having had to deal with her indignation than she was dealing with the torture. Pussies.
They had put her back in the cold metal container for the night so they didn't have to worry about her escaping. She spent the whole night wringing her hands, warping the leather of her strap, trying to loosen it just enough that she could pull a hand out. But it was thick, and not very yielding.
She wondered what the crew of the Normandy was doing. Were they coming for her? Did they even know where she was? Garrus could certainly figure out the situation with information Solana would have given him. Was he worried? Was he angry? Did he miss her?
"Ugh," she groaned, letting her head fall onto the metal of the crate. "This is getting me nowhere."
She kept wringing her hands against the leather holding her wrists together throughout the night. She didn't have time to sleep, she had to get the hell out of here. If they made it to the relay the Normandy wouldn't be able to find them and she'd be fucked. No. She had to escape before then so she could get to the communication room and call for Garrus.
Her strength was waning as the long hours of the night passed her. She was hungry, and everything hurt. Her bullet wound ached. Finch had sealed it shut with a hot iron so it would stop bleeding, but it was right where her arm met her shoulder so every time she tried to move her hands it would scream in protest.
She wondered why Gideon hadn't made his big entrance. What was he waiting for?
"His cape and top hat probably aren't ready," she said with a laugh, rolling onto her back to look up at the top of the container. She could see starlight through the crease in the metal, so she had to be by a window somewhere. She took a few long, deep breaths before sleep finally started to claim her.
"I bet I'm going to have to stay in the Med Bay for a whole week after this," she said to herself. "This sucks."
"If they don't reach the relay in the next few hours, we should be able to catch up. We'll be coming up on them by 0900," Joker assured Garrus.
"Good work, Joker," he said. "Let me know as soon as we're coming up on docking distance."
"You got it, Buddy," he said, turning around in his chair.
Garrus turned to head back to the star map when EDI chirped up.
"Ms. Vas Neema Nar'Raya has requested your presence, Mr. Vakarian," she cooed.
"Thank you, EDI," Garrus replied as he walked.
When he got down to Engineering, Solana and Teryk were already there.
"Sol, what are you doing down here?"
"I want to help," she said. "Moral support or otherwise."
He wanted to protest, but knew it would be a waste of time, which he couldn't afford. He marched to Tali's side as she typed away at the console, pictures of empty rooms flashing across the screen.
"What have you got, Tali?"
"Once we got in range, I managed to hack the signal from the cruiser and picked up on their security footage. The Shadow Broker is also in the footage so I had a hard time dodging him, but I've managed to get in undetected."
"You out-hacked the Shadow Broker?" Teryk asked.
"Tali can out-hack anything," Garrus said, narrowing his eyes as they looked for Shepard on the screen.
"There," Tali said, isolating a screen. It was in some sort of Cargo bunk, but the Camera angle showed a group of people in a window toward the edge of the screen a floor up: familiar red hair among them, but they couldn't really see anything, and the sound was completely drowned by the white noise of the Cargo Hold.
"Is there a better angle?" Garrus said. He was getting anxious to see what condition Shepard was in. "Can we get in that room?"
"If the schematics are correct that's the Communication Room," Tali said, typing something into the console. "Yes, there's two camera's in there. Here."
Teryk knew better than to think the "footage" was going to be good news.
Finally the image popped up on the screen. Shepard's hands and feet were bound and she was strapped into a strange contraption. Her face was bloodied and her clothes were torn up in spots. Teryk heard Garrus' heartbeat start pumping in his chest, a low, unconscious growl rumbling through him.
"What is that across her shoulders," Tali asked, pointing at the blue strap keeping Shepard pinned in the chair. "It's glowing."
"It's nothing good," Teryk said. He had seen it back in his C-sec days. It was a favorite of particular mercenary guilds for torture. It was an old, but effective technique. If they had been using that on her, it was a miracle her head was still held high.
"You're going to tell us what we need to know, Jane," said one of the mercs. "It's only a matter of time before we break you."
She smiled.
"You obviously don't know who you're fucking with anymore, Finch," she said, turning her head to the side to spit blood.
"You're dragging this out much more than you need to," he said. "We all understand that you're 'Big Bad Commander Shepard' and you can take your licks, but this really isn't necessary, is it?"
"What can I say, I like to make Gideon work for his money. Where is that useless fuck anyway?"
"He'll be here soon. He's anxious to see you, you know. He's promised to finish what he started all those years ago."
"Hah," she turned her head and spit again. "Two things wrong with that. One: I am way too old for Gideon now. Two: I am way too strong."
"You seem pretty weak and defenseless to me," he said.
"Well you'd be wrong," she said with a laugh. "I'm not afraid of Gideon. Not anymore. Not ever again. And I'm not afraid of you either, Finch. I know impotence when I see it."
"Turn it on," Finch shouted angrily.
An electrical hum filled the space of the room and Shepard's whole body tensed as the bar around her shoulders radiated blue electricity across her body. It crawled over her and her veins on her throat strained and bulged as she clenched her teeth, tossing her head back. Spirits, it was like a nightmarish.
Tali cried out, putting her hands over her mask and turning away. Solana looked away and cringed against the sound it made. Teryk exhaled, keeping his eyes on Garrus, who was just standing there, immovable, staring at the screen.
When the hum finally eased away after what seemed like an eternity, Shepard's head dropped to her chest as she panted. Not for long, though. When her head rose again, she was smiling.
"Are you ladies going to keep tickling me, or are we going to tango?" she said.
Teryk fought a smile. The reports about the Spectre certainly weren't exaggerated.
"There," Garrus said, pointing at the screen at a man with an eye-patch entering the room. "That's Gideon."
"Who's Gideon?" Teryk asked.
"Someone who I am going to kill with my bare hands," Garrus replied.
"That's enough," came a hauntingly familiar voice from behind Shepard. "She's obviously not going to tell us what we need. We might just have to turn her over to the Shadow Broker."
When she looked up at Gideon her heart pounded in her chest, but she made sure she didn't let it show on her face. She just burst into laughter.
"Really, Gideon?" She said between laughs. "An eye-patch? Glad that taking your eye out became a fashion statement for you."
He whipped her across the face with the butt of his pistol, but that didn't stop her from laughing.
"God, Gideon," she continued. "You are just, the gayest pirate I've ever seen."
"Shut up!" he roared, hitting her with his gun again. "Shut up, you whore!"
"Aye aye, Matey," she said in her best pirate voice. "Avast! Ye best fetch me a grog, I be a thirsty wench!"
He hit her again, three times in succession, with his gun. Left, then right, then left; and she was still laughing when he was done.
"Turn it on!" he shouted.
Again the electricity burst through her body. She clenched her teeth hard, trying to avoid screaming, because she knew that's what he wanted. She bit it down, dug her fingernails into her palms, tossed her head back, her whole body tense against the pain. But she didn't scream, not for him. When it finally turned off again, she couldn't help but let her head sink to her chest as she coughed.
"Why are you making this so hard on yourself, Jane?" he said, pulling her hair so she looked up at him. "Why don't you just tell the Shadow Broker what he wants to know, so we can let you go?"
A severity flashed across her face that was absolute.
"Let me go like you were going to let Deelia go? Isn't that what you told me? 'Just sit still and we won't hurt her'? Isn't that what you said?" Her shoulders pulled against her restraints like she was trying to hit him.
Gideon said nothing, his jaw set in frustration.
"I don't repeat my mistakes, Gideon."
"So I see," he said, trailing the back of his hand down the side of her face. "My, my, you certainly have gotten pretty, Jane Doe."
"Shepard," she said through clenched teeth. "My name is Shepard."
"You may have the whole traverse fooled, but we know better. We remember Jane Doe. The image of you is forever burned into my memory; Your brilliant red hair, your bright green eyes. But it's your spirit that has kept me awake night after night. It's that unshakable fire in your eyes, that power in you. I can't help but want to stamp it out of you, break you, make you cry like I did all those years ago."
"Like hell," she said, spitting blood at his feet. "Oh, speaking of that night, where is that brother of yours you were always so gay over? You remember, right? The one who killed Deelia? Oh, that's right. I slit his fucking throat!"
He snarled and shoved his pistol under her chin.
"You're lucky the Shadow Broker needs you alive, alien lover," he spat.
"You say that like I'm ashamed of it," she panted, wincing against the pain.
"You should be, preferring aliens over your own species is disgusting."
"I never said I prefer them, though if you're setting an example here you're giving me ample reason to."
"Don't give me that shit, Jane," Gideon snarled. "Finch told me about what you said: About protecting the turian and her brother. But what you fail to realize is that you're mine now, just like you were all those years ago. Those aliens aren't your friends, Jane. They aren't coming for you. So just tell us what we need to know and we can ride to Hagalaz in peace."
"What's it like, Gideon? To still be so alone after all this time," she said, looking down at her legs.
"What are you talking about, Jane? You're the only one alone here."
"Maybe once," she said with a cough. "You took away the only family I had back then. I can definitely say that was the most alone I had ever felt, those years. But I'm not anymore." She looked up at him. "I have people who care about me and no matter how far you get, no matter where you run to, they will find me. I may be alone now, but there are people out there who will not rest until I am safe. Can you say the same thing, Gideon? Can you honestly say that any of these Mercenaries you pay to stay at your side would come for you if you were taken? Or would they just see an opportunity to take the ship and anything you've stored on it? That's not companionship, Gideon… that's not a family. You're surrounded by people and yet you're totally and utterly friendless."
"Shut up," he said through clenched teeth. "Shut your filthy mouth!"
"God, I feel sorry for you, Gideon."
He hit her with his gun so hard Shepard heard the bone in her face crack. It was rewarding, because she knew she had gotten to him. She knew she was stronger.
"Unplug the chair," he said as he stood, his voice almost cracking. "I'm going to rough her up proper."
"Oh this should be hilarious," she cooed.
Teryk, Solana, Tali, and Garrus all watched on as Gideon dragged Shepard out of the room by the restraints around her wrists. Garrus hung his head and put a hand over his face, closing his eyes, commanding himself to regain control. His insides were shivering from the rage inside him.
Keep it together, he said to himself. Now's not the time. You have to get to her. You can do this. You can do this, damn it.
"He…he's not going to…" Tali said, choking on her tears.
"No," Garrus snapped, turning to her. "Shepard would never allow it, Tali." He exhaled through his nose and put a hand on her shoulder. "You have to believe in her. She's strong." He wasn't exactly sure if he was reassuring Tali or himself.
Tali nodded, sadly.
Garrus looked between the three people in the room; unsure of what he should say, of what would make everything alright again.
He knew damn well there was nothing.
"I uh," he cleared his throat. "I'll be in the Battery if you need me." He nodded as a means of excusing himself, and could feel all the sad eyes following him out of the room.
He stepped into the elevator and leaned his forehead against the cool metal wall. The anger in him was amazing. If his father hadn't taught him, so severely, how to keep his emotions in check, he would have ripped the engine apart without any concern for who or what got in his way. But he couldn't afford that, not now, not when everything was at stake. He tromped back to the Battery, putting in a great amount of effort to take slow steps. As the doors closed behind him he leaned on the Battery's console and closed his eyes, chanting his father's words in his head.
Rage makes you sloppy. Grief makes you vulnerable. Rage makes you sloppy. Grief makes you vulnerable.
Garrus spared a thought to think that they had better get to this ship fast if all the crew were going to live to tell about it.
He was concentrating so hard on staying calm, that when the doors whooshed open and Teryk strode in, he was grateful for the distraction.
"Goodness," Teryk said as he stepped into the Battery. "This human certainly has you in a fit, doesn't she?"
Garrus sighed and moved to sit on his bunk. "You know I've never been very close to anyone, Dad. She's my best friend, that's important to me."
"I know," he conceded, taking a pack of Davox Lights out of his pocket and tapping one out of the plastic.
"I thought you quit smoking," Garrus rumbled disapprovingly.
"And I thought you had quit chasing Spectres," he said, raising the cigarette to his lips. "So I guess we're even."
He held the pack out to Garrus, who waved a hand dismissively. Just as Teryk went to withdraw the pack Garrus reached out and took one with an angry exhale.
"I haven't had one of these since I was a teenager," he admitted, rolling it between his fingers.
"I didn't think you'd actually take one," Teryk said with a laugh, lighting his cigarette and tossing the lighter to Garrus.
"Yeah well," he said, catching the lighter and thumbing it over in his hand. "It's been a stressful few days." Garrus raised the lighter to his lips and lit his own cigarette, exhaling the smoke with an entertained sigh.
"I remember," Teryk said, leaning a foot on the wall behind him. "Back in my C-sec days, this group of thugs had showed up to the house while I was gone to threatened your mother because I wouldn't release their boss." He took a long drag and exhaled, drawing out the moment. "You're handling this much better than I handled that."
"Well sure," Garrus said as he let the smoke slowly drift out of his throat. "Shepard may be the closest friend I've got, but Mom was your bond mate at the time right? Still, if this is as angry as I get over Shepard, I'm interested in how I'd react if something like this ever happens to my mate." He laughed, taking another drag. "You know, if I ever get one."
"Wait, so you and Shepard aren't…"
"What? No. What would give you that idea? I just told you she was my best friend, didn't I?"
"Well sure," Teryk said with a laugh. "But I thought that was just because you didn't want to tell me."
"Don't be ridiculous, Dad," Garrus said. "She's a human."
That was the moment that Teryk, very regretfully, realized his son was an idiot. He laughed to himself as he inhaled another lungful of smoke.
"You know," he said. "When your mother and I first met, all those years ago, she used to call me Dark Matter."
"I know," Garrus said, rolling his eyes. "Because you were dark and handsome, I remember."
"Sure," Teryk said with a laugh. "That's what I've told you kids all these years. But in reality, no, she called me Dark Matter because she said I was more dense than anything else in the universe."
Garrus laughed, the first genuine laugh since this whole mess began, putting a hand on his head, his cigarette between his fingers.
"It's disappointing," Teryk continued with a smile. "To know that I have passed that down to you."
"What are you talking about?" Garrus protested. "I'm not dense."
"Mmhmmm." Teryk figured he was estranged from Garrus enough without openly disapproving of his choice in mates, so he had planned to be supportive of his son's unusual choice, regardless of how unconventional it was. He had prepared himself for an awkward conversation about it, but he did not prepare himself for having to make Garrus realize that he had already made that choice. Regardless, this was not Teryk's first interrogation. "Well I'll say this for the human, I definitely see why she has all the men on the ship in an uproar."
"Hmmm?"
"Have you not noticed the fit they're all throwing? All the men on this ship seem equally smitten with her." Teryk exhaled and watched the smoke swirl towards the ceiling. "I mean, except you, of course."
Garrus scoffed.
"Well, anyway, after meeting her I suppose I understand."
"What, you have a fetish for humans now?" Garrus said with almost a sneer in his voice.
"Now, Garrus," Teryk said, moving to lean on the Battery console. "You don't have to have a fetish for humans to have a fetish for your human. Besides being a little soft for my tastes, she's attractive enough. Powerful, energetic. I bet that drell could give her a run for her money."
Garrus inhaled a deep lungful of smoke as if to counter the rage. Teryk heard his heard speed up, only slightly, and knew he had struck a nerve.
"The drell certainly makes the most sense; Similar enough that they won't have…eh…anatomy issues. And he's not exactly weak and soft like the dark human, Jacob. No, someone like your human would only take it from someone who made her work for it."
"I hardly think this conversation is appropriate, considering the circumstances," Garrus snapped, before taking another long drag.
"Though, what I don't understand," Teryk continued. "Is why we're even chasing her. I mean when I thought you had feelings for her, I was all for it, but... Spirits, Pup, you can't make new friends?"
"Shut up," Garrus snapped, exhaling smoke with the word, his eyes snapping up. "You don't know anything."
"I know enough to know that I've never felt the need to go tap-dancing on the Shadow Brokers face for someone I called a friend. And even if you did have feelings for her what's the point now? That, what was his name, Gideon? If he hasn't killed her by now, he's probably had his way with her after dragging-"
Garrus moved across the room in a flash, roaring as he grabbed his father by the front of the shirt. He spun, and slammed Teryk into the metal of the Battery door, holding him up in the air. Teryk had been prepared for the pain, since it was precisely the reaction he had been trying to illicit. But what he wasn't prepared for was the madness in Garrus' face.
"That's enough," Garrus snapped, speaking through clenched teeth. "If you disrespect her again, so help me, I will not hesitate to throw you out of the airlock! You do not talk about her like she's insignificant. She is the only thing that matters to me and I will sooner put a bullet through my own head before I join the list of people who have given up on her! Do you understand me?"
Teryk smiled and raised his cigarette to his lips again, blowing the smoke into Garrus' face.
"Well," he said. "Maybe you aren't quite as dense as I was."
Confusion joined the anger in Garrus' face, and Teryk could almost see the gears working in his mind. But, before any real resolution was to be had, the pilot's voice crackled over the speakers.
"Garrus, we're coming up on docking distance, you'd better get up here."
"I'm coming," Garrus said, releasing his dad and moving past him to exit the Battery. "I don't have time for your frivolous lessons," he said over his shoulder. "Gear up."