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Chapter 26

"I'm home," John announced happily as he stepped inside the house. He left his cane by the door, feeling confident that he probably wouldn't need it to walk around the house any longer since his leg was healing nicely. But that wasn't the only thing that was slowly improving and a smile spread across his face when he thought about it. John was already looking forward to a wonderful evening on the sofa with a good movie and Clara in his arms – and hopefully some more kissing.

"Clara?"

John frowned slightly when she didn't reply and stepped further into the living room, finding Clara already sitting on the sofa. She beamed at him.

"I brought home sushi. Come on, sit," she replied and patted the empty spot next to herself.

Still the frown wouldn't quite leave his face. Clara was dressed only in a flimsy satin robe as if she was about to go to bed already. That seemed unlike her.

"Aren't you cold?" John asked her with concern while he sank down on the sofa, "I know I would be."

"Oh no," Clara replied with a smile, "I just had a long bubble bath. I'm fine."

John watched as she stuffed a piece of sushi in her mouth and reluctantly reached for a piece as well, regarding it closely. He had never had sushi before – at least none that he could remember.

"You've had it before and you liked it," Clara said softly, "Trust me."

"I do trust you," he replied, frowning at the food, "I just don't trust the fish. They always move around uncontrollably when taken out of water. They're like crickets or frogs, but with fins."

Clara chuckled next to him. "Just eat it, okay?"

John took a deep breath, closed his eyes and finally stuffed the piece of sushi into his mouth. To his own surprise it didn't even taste bad. Clara had been right, he liked it.

They continued to eat their dinner, exchanging stories about how their day had gone and Clara told him that she had been dragged to the mall by her friend Amy.

"Did you buy anything nice?" he enquired and leaned back in his seat after he had shoved the empty sushi box aside. They should eat that more often from now on.

"Yeah, I did," Clara smiled at him, "Would you like to see it?"

"Oh, no, you don't have to get up just to show me," he replied instantly, "You can show me later."

Still the smile didn't leave her face and something about it was beginning to rouse a suspicion in John. Clara was up to something and he wished he could tell what that was, but he had no clue. He still didn't know her well enough for that.

"I'm wearing it," Clara said and suddenly sat up straight. Before John could make any sense of what was happening, Clara had started to untie her belt and spread both ends of her robe to reveal her nearly naked figure underneath. John's first instinct was to look away and grant her some privacy, but his eyes were fixed on her. It was as if his brain had momentarily ceased to work properly, as if he couldn't find a single clear thought except that she was his wife and she was beautiful and something about the situation was scaring him.

"Do you like it?" Clara beamed at him.

John swallowed hard and forced himself to look her in the eyes. This was flirting, Missy had told him so. Clara was coming on to him, trying to seduce him. But was he ready? John didn't think so. He wanted her, yes, but he wasn't ready to give up on the wonderful early stages of their relationship that he had come to love so much. The talking, the kissing, he loved that. Why was she pushing the rest when he wanted to enjoy what they had for a while longer?

"It's, uhm," he spluttered, "It's lovely."

John didn't have time to stop her when Clara moved to straddle his lap and he instantly froze under her touch. He was so nervous that he couldn't even think of something to do or say, all he could do was to open his mouth to her when she pressed her lips on his own in a long, sensual kiss. Yes, he wanted her. But why the rush?

Clara soon started grinding against him and John's body reacted instantly to her touch, pumping the blood away from his brain and making it even harder to think properly, but still one thought seemed as persistent as ever: to stop her.

"I want you," she breathed when their lips parted for a second and John could hear the arousal in her voice, "God, I want you. It's been so long."

"Clara," he uttered breathlessly and before he could say any more, she bent back down to kiss him again, but this time John reached for her upper arms and held her at a distance.

John could see the realisation strike her when she looked at him. She knew it wasn't going to happen and her eyes grew a little larger – and sadder. John reached out to cup her cheeks in his hands and tried his best to smile.

"Not yet," he said quietly, "I need more time."

She didn't say anything while she lifted herself off him and tightened the robe back around her body. John watched as she got to her feet and started pacing the room in front of him, obviously at a loss. He knew he needed to say something, anything that could make her feel better, but he had this inkling that she wouldn't like what he was about to suggest at all.

"You've had time," Clara said after a moment. She had her back turned to him, but John was fairly certain that she was about to start crying. "We've had time, a lot of it. It was going well!"

"It is going well," John replied and rose to his feet, crossing the room until he had reached Clara. As gently as he could, he placed his hand on her shoulder and finally Clara turned around. Tears were streaming down her face already. Oh, this was going to be tough. He hated seeing her cry.

"I love you!" she blurted out, "John, I love you and I want to be with you!"

"I want to be with you, too," he argued instantly. He did. He really, really did. "Clara, I need time. The last five years of my life are gone and you remember them. I understand that you are impatient and that you're waiting for everything to return to normal, but that's not gonna happen. Not at this pace. I'm getting to know you, I'm learning to love you, I have to do it all over again. I'm trying, Clara, I'm doing my best, but I just need time."

"I miss you," she whimpered quietly.

John granted her a kind smile. "Clara, you are amazing and I've enjoyed these past weeks a lot. You're such a marvel and it's so exciting. I want to do it slowly. I want to enjoy every moment of it. Do you understand that?"

Clara sniffed in reply but eventually she nodded. The tears were flowing down her cheeks and she looked so broken that John hated to do this. He hated suggesting it to her because he was being selfish.

"I think I should move out for a while."

Her eyes widened in horror as soon as the words had sunk in. "No," she protested instantly and took a step in his direction until she came to a halt right in front of him. "No, John, no, please."

"Clara-"

"I forbid it," she was sobbing mercilessly by now and her hands reached for the lapels of his jacket, tugging at them in a pleading gesture, "No. I won't allow it. You can't leave me."

"I'm not leaving you," he tried to say when Clara collapsed against his chest. She was crying uncontrollably and John could do nothing but close his arms around her in tight hug.

"It's only for a while," he whispered, not even sure if she could hear him right now, "I want to love you, Clara, but I need to go the long way round. I want to experience it like I assume I did last time."

"Please don't leave," Clara begged him quietly, her voice hardly audible while her head was buried in his shirt.

"I'll be back," John told her and pressed a kiss to her head, "I'm sure of it."