Roarkshop here: Just as a reiteration there's still quite a few chapters to go before any sort of "Getting together" ensues. Sorry of this bothers you.

Thank you so much to JasmineAlexandra for the beautiful icon and comic she made for this weeks chapter. If you haven't seen it yet, I highly recommend going to check it out on the blog. www(dot)Roarkshop(net) or on her deviant art page!

THank you again for everyone who takes the time to review and tell me how they are liking the story. It really means the world to me and everyone's words are read and (usually) replied to, so keep your eyes on your inboxes! ^_^

Everything in this story is Bioware made. No sues for me plz.

Lovelovelove

Roarkshop

Shepard rested her forehead against the tile of her shower as the glorious hot water ran down her back. Garrus was right. She was completely incapable of a mission going smoothly without him now. Not that it was her fault Hock had found them out, he had recognized Kasumi at the fucking door; they were doomed from the start. Still, Garrus didn't need any more ammo to hold over her head. If she ever had to leave him behind again he was just going to add this to the long list of examples he could use against her.

She scoffed and slammed her fist into the shower nozzle to turn the water off, resolving to go downstairs and get Garrus' 'I told you so' out of the way.

She dried herself off and stepped into her black captains casuals, leaving the shirt open like a jacket since she really didn't feel like fussing with the buttons. Shepard wasn't planning on seeing anyone else in the crew and hated how the neck of the shirt hugged her throat. Garrus was really the only one on the crew she was comfortable looking like a mess in front of, so fuck it. It was time to get this over with. She put her hands in her pants pockets and strolled into the elevator, flinging her wet curls over her shoulder, when it occurred to her Garrus might not even be awake right now.

Eh, whatever. She had come this far.

As she stepped off the elevator she took a moment to be grateful that the Mess Hall was completely abandoned this late at night.

"Hey dad, I'm here fo-" She stopped short when she realized she was talking to an empty Battery. What the heck? Where would he be this late at night? "Hey EDI," she said.

"I can recommend several effective techniques for tension relief, Commander. Your sleep patterns have been erratic and your stress levels unusually high, recently."

"Uh… yeah no thanks. Just tell me where Garrus is."

"Mr. Vakarian is showering."

"Ah. Thanks EDI," she said as she started to head that way.

"Logging you out, Shepard."

The Commander strolled that way, tucking the sides of her shirt behind her so she could put her hands in her pockets again. Just out of habit she went for the panel to open the door before she realized it was the bathroom and jerked her hand back.

What's the matter with you? She shouted internally. Christ, maybe EDI was right and she wasn't sleeping enough. She opted for banging on the shower door three times.

"Hey ugly!"

"Uh…Kind of busy," his voice echoed from inside the metal room.

"Well hurry it up. I don't have all night."

"What's going on?"

"Nothing."

"Does your interruption serve a purpose, Shepard?"

"Yeah. To get your ass out of the shower so I can talk to you."

"Well, can it wait for a bit? I uh… I'm kind of in the middle of some….clean…a…brations?"

She laughed.

"Alright well I'm going to go fuck with the Battery console until you get out."

She heard the water turn off and a grin spread across her face. She turned and headed back to the Battery, very much intending to make good on her threat.

It only took him two minutes to follow her.

"Whatever you're doing, stop," he said.

Shepard laughed and turned to lean her hands back on the console, intending to give him some kind of clever jab, but stopped short when she noticed she was looking at a very wet, very shirtless, turian.

Garrus had his shirt in one hand and was using a towel to dry off the side of his neck with the other. All he had on were his usual casual black pants and his visor. The metallic plates of his chest almost glistened in the red light of the Battery and Shepard tilted her head to the side as she observed him, totally forgetting she was supposed to have said something.

He laughed.

"You know, my eyes are up here, Shepard."

"Huh? Oh. Bite me, you giant crustacean. I was just taking note of the fact that you sparkle like a fairy when you're wet."

"You certainly know how to make a man feel good," he said with a grin.

"I can't believe you put your visor on before you put a shirt on. There's something especially wrong with you."

"I feel naked without a visor."

"You're half naked now, but you're okay because of something over your eye?"

"Shut up, Commander," he snapped good-naturedly. "Or should I say …What is it Kasumi calls you? Taaaaiiiichhhoouuu?" he said in his best girly voice.

Shepard winced. "Do me a favor and never make that noise ever again."

He chuckled and wrapped the towel around the back of his neck. "So what is that? Some kind of inside joke I'm not aware of?"

"Nah, it just means 'Commander'. Or I guess more accurately 'Captain' but I don't think there is a satisfactory substitute in her language."

"What language is that?"

Shepard laughed, and pulled her hair over her shoulder, wringing it out onto the floor. "Japanese. Native language of Japan. It's a country on my planet."

"Are you from Japan?"

"No, I'm American. We speak English."

"So," he said turning to look at her. "Why is it that you know the other one?"

"Well, Annie, the librarian who gave me that book, she was Japanese. I picked up bits and pieces from her then read as much as I could about it in the interim. Orphans have a lot of free time. And I figured it might come in handy. Though I can't read it for crap anymore."

"So how many languages do you know?"

"Bits and pieces of a bunch of languages, but only English, Japanese, and Common fluently."

"I barely know the one," Garrus teased.

"Yeah well, you're an idiot so…"

"An idiot am I?" he taunted, as he went to his bunk and removed something from underneath it. "Well, what is it we have here?"

Shepard felt her face get hot as she realized he had the chain with his old visor on it and was swinging it around his finger. This was going to be a hard one to talk her way out of.

"Where did you get that?"

"Well I went up to deliver a firm scolding after we came back, but you were showering and your satchel thing fell off of the desk. I was just picking it up for you when I discovered this little gem."

God, the superiority in his tone made her want to punch him.

"Well give it back," she snapped, reaching for it.

"Nope," he said, pulling it out of her reach.

"Ugh," she slumped down against the console and put her chin on her fist. "Alright. What do you want from me?"

He laughed. "Why do you even still have this, Shepard? On a chain, no less."

"Well I had intended to buy you a new one," she said, tossing her hair back over her shoulder. "That was the only whole piece that had the model number on it. I figured since I was the one to fuck it up, I may as well get you a new one."

"I already have a new one," he said, tapping the red screen in front of his left eye.

"No shit," she said with an eyebrow cocked. "But I mean… the blue visor was kind of your trademark right? I mean these drug smugglers at the party even recognized it as Archangel's."

He moved to lean on the console shoulder to shoulder with her, gathering the chain in the palm of his hand.

"Be that as it may," he said. "It doesn't explain why you carry it on you," he said, looking over at her.

She swallowed and could feel her face filling with blood again. God damn him. Why was he so good at embarrassing her? He knew her too well.

She was suddenly grateful for not having had any older siblings if this is what she would have had to put up with.

"What is this?" she said tossing her wet hair out of her eyes. "I figured you'd have an 'I told you so' cocked and ready to fire at me for the mission exploding."

"That can come later," he said with a grin.

She leaned her elbows back onto the console and crossed her feet at the ankles. "It's a reminder," she said finally.

He tilted his head to the side, looking down at her. "Of what?"

Before she spoke she let out a long, slow sigh, obviously not wanting to say what she was about to.

"Of how dangerous my weaknesses are."

Garrus exhaled through his nose and looked down at the screen in his hand. He knew exactly what she was talking about. The memory of it crashed through his mind: the madness in her face, the fear. How hard she had kicked him, how hard he had tried to subdue his instincts. The determined sadness as she tucked the barrel of the gun up against her head.

He closed his eyes and shook his head, trying to get the image out.

"I can't ever let that happen again," she continued after the long silence. "Christ, I almost killed you, Garrus. It's a reminder to keep my shit together, a reminder of how much I have to lose if I don't stay in control."

"Well," he said, clearing his throat. "And here I thought it was a token of your undying love for me."

Shepard looked up at him, her eyes smiling as she fought the laugh threatening her lips. "Man I would love to live in that fantasy world you have in your head."

"Nonsense," he said. "No one can be more delusional than you."

She laughed and lifted herself up to sit on the edge of the console. "So," she said. "How in the hell did you know to come and get us?"

"None of your business," he said. "A magician never reveals his tricks."

"Oh, come on! That's such bullshit."

"Sorry Shepard, I'm going to take it to my grave."

"Which is going to be a lot sooner than you want it to if you don't tell me."

"You don't scare me, human."

"You are such a dick!" She shoved him in the shoulder and he laughed as he swayed a little. He tilted his head to the side as he observed her next to him, studied how her wet hair fell around her face and down her shoulders.

"What?" she asked.

"Your hair," he said. "It's long again."

"Ah, yeah." She reached up and twirled a bit around her finger. "It's kind of nice not having to fuss with it all the time. Maybe I should just keep cutting it."

"Don't," he said, faster than he probably should have.

"What? why?"

"Well, I like it," he admitted, standing up from the console and turning to face her. "It's very… you."

"And how would you know?"

He laughed and fondled the chain in his hand for a moment before opening it up and placing it over her head and around her neck like a necklace.

"Because no one knows you like I do," he said. He leaned over her, bracing one hand behind her on the console. His other hand pointed a finger and pressed it to the trinket against her chest. "You don't need this," he said. "I will always be here to compensate for your weaknesses, just like you have always been there to compensate for mine."

He could tell by the way she swallowed and her heart sped up that he was making her uncomfortable, so he stood and tousled her hair with a hand.

"Now you need to try and get some sleep," he said as he took her hand and pulled her off the console. "I will have a nice big 'I told you so' ready first thing in the morning."

"Oh good," she said with a nervous laugh, making her way through the door's threshold. "I love a nice side of humility with breakfast."

Garrus crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back into his heel with a grin.

"Goodnight, Shepard."

She tossed a smile over her shoulder. "Goodnight, Garrus."

The doors shut behind her and he stood there for several minutes, staring at the spot she had been in. He felt like he had exhaled a breath he had been holding for the whole conversation. It was getting harder and harder to be around her. Especially when she smelled that way she always did after a shower. Spirits, the citrus of her hair was intoxicating. He had taken a shower to calm himself down, to get the image of her showering out of his head. Fat lot of good that did.

This isn't working he said to himself, sitting at the edge of his bed. He wasn't making any progress. If anything it was just getting worse.

He sighed and put his face in his hands.

I'm so screwed.

Shepard wasn't really paying attention as she made her way back to her quarters, losing herself in her thoughts. Something was definitely different with Garrus recently. She had just assumed it was because his family was on board that he was acting so strange, but now that they had returned to the Citadel, Shepard wondered what about the situation had caused the change. He was so much more aware of her now, so attentive.

Though, Tali was also slightly more attentive of late, so maybe it was having seen her be tortured that had put them in protective mode. Shepard fondled the charm around her neck and closed her eyes, trying to envision seeing them in the situation they had seen her. Strapped to a chair, bleeding, broken… screaming out as the electricity shot through them.

Shepard shook her head and waved a hand to shake the image out. Garrus must have gone mental seeing that, she knew she would have. He admitted to thinking of her as family, maybe seeing her hurting like that was what triggered it all. But that didn't make sense, did it? If this was simply a case of 'I didn't know how much you meant to me until you were gone', wouldn't that have happened after she died?

Maybe it had…

The image of him wounded in the Med Bay filled her senses; covered in blood, rising with the sole purpose of protecting her.

Promise me, he had said. Promise me that you're safe.

She remembered how his voice had rumbled from his throat, how she could feel the vibrations of it through her chest. His hands firmly gripping her hips, his angry, scrutinizing gaze locked on hers.

She exhaled a sigh and flopped onto her back on the couch, her feet dangling over the arm as she smiled to herself. This was a much better image to get lost in.

Shepard and Garrus were sparring down in the Cargo Bay, exchanging blows just like they had on the SR1. Only this time, Shepard wasn't wounded, and Garrus wasn't oblivious. He felt the clink of his dog tags against his chest and took a moment to look down at them.

Wait…dog tags? Something was wrong here. Garrus didn't wear dog tags. And these were human dog tags. He reached down to take them and read the name.

Jane Shepard.

"Don't get distracted," she shouted, planting a well timed foot into his chest. He rocketed back and flew a good few feet before landing on the flat of his back. Before he could move she had planted her knees in his shoulders, exactly the way she had done it on the SR1. "Well, I see your hand-to-hand still sucks."

"Bite me, Shepard."

"You'd like that wouldn't you?"

"None of your business," he said, heaving her off him with his shoulder. She rolled and got back to her feet, laughing as she tossed her wild hair out of her face. She threw a tight jab and he caught her wrist, pulled it, and turned her so her back hit his chest. He wrapped his other arm around her neck from behind and he could feel her throat move under his grip. The scent of her hair filled his nose and he inhaled despite himself.

His talons ached.

She fired an elbow into his abdomen and wriggled free, but he held the grip on her wrist. She tried to yank it free but couldn't and a growl ignited in his chest at the sight of her trying to get free. He used his grip on it to pull her in again, but this time her chest pressed up against his. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pinned her arms to her sides. She pulled against his grip as her wild hair hung in front of half of her face. Like she always did, she tossed her head to the side to fling her hair out of her face, not realizing how she was exposing the side of her throat.

Instinctively Garrus moved a hand to grip her by the side of her neck and lowered his face to the other side of it, his mandibles fluttering against the vulnerable skin on her throat. She didn't pull away, but inhaled a sharp breath through her teeth.

What was he doing? This wasn't right.

He gripped her by the shoulders and pushed, effectively slamming her up against the wall.

Deep, fast, ragged breaths pumped from his chest as he stared at her, trying to put the pieces back together. He needed to get a grip. He needed to regain control. His talons pierced the skin of her shoulders he was gripping them so hard, and she winced against the pain. The scent of her blood travelled too fast and he hung his head, looking down at the floor, noticing how her feet dangled in the air as he held her up against the wall. He searched the floor for answers, for will power, for anything.

"Garrus?" Shepard said, sounding more concerned then she ought to.

His resolve shattered.

He looked up at her, making no attempt to hide the burning he was feeling. The bestial sound from his throat echoed through the room and he moved his hands down her arms and threw her onto the floor. She scrambled, backing up a few feet before he had her wrists back in his hands and pinned them down next to her head. The dog tags around his neck swung over her face before they stilled in the air. Her head tilted to the side as she looked up at him, that damned smirk of hers spreading across her face.

"Alright, Garrus," she said, lifting her head off the ground. "You win."

She reached her head up and snatched the corner of the dog tag in her teeth, grinning as she used her grip on it to tug him down.

Garrus was stunned into silence as he looked down at her. Her hair fanned out under her like wild flames, her eyes taunting him, her lips smiling around the metal piece clenched between her teeth. His breath caught in his chest.

Her mouth didn't move, but her voice echoed through the space.

"This is where you wake up, Garrus."

"HUAH," he sat up in bed so fast he hardly remembered where he was. He took a moment to take in his surroundings, panting, listening to nothing but the sound of his heart racing and the quiet hum of the Battery. His brow plate furrowed as he put a hand on his head, closing his eyes like it would help him fight the frustration.

Damn it, he said to himself, rubbing his eyes. How in the hell was he supposed to forget about these feelings? What is the line of defense for dreams? Not sleeping? Yeah that would turn out great.

He put his hands behind his head and laid back down, stretching his neck to one side and exhaling a long breath. The images came back as soon as his eyes closed. Her hands pinned above her head, his dog tags held teasingly between her teeth.

A hand subconsciously went to his chest to find the tags, but he only felt the bare plate of his chest. They weren't there. They never had been.

Spirits, you're a mess. He laughed to himself, running his hand down his face before flicking on his omni-tool. It was only 0400. He had a few hours before anyone woke up so he decided no harm would come from dwelling on his thoughts a little longer. He sighed as he stared up at the ceiling and thought for a moment that he could still smell Shepard's scent lingering around him, like she had actually been there.

He smiled to himself before taking a slow breath through his nose. While he was resolute in his decision to hide his feelings, he never really just stopped and…felt it. He had always heard from his co-workers or fellow soldiers about this feeling. About their bond-mates back home, or the person they knew they were meant for. Sure the feeling was unrequited, but he realized it was a good feeling to be so smitten, so enraptured. He lifted a knee and wondered idly if he would ever feel it for anyone else. If anyone else's scent would haunt him after a dream like it had actually been there.

"Shit," Shepard said after dropping something onto the counter.

Garrus sat up in bed again. He didn't think he smelled her scent, he actually did. What the hell was she doing up at this hour? And in the kitchen?

He stood and rubbed his eyes against the florescent light of the Mess Hall groggily.

"You're up early," he groaned.

"Holy hobo's and hand grenades, Garrus. You're like… bat-turian. I can't sneeze without waking you up."

"What's a bat?"

"Oh uh. An animal with like…internal sonar."

"Oh. I don't have that."

"I know. I'm saying…you know what, just shut up. You want some coffee?"

"Sure," he said with a laugh, leaning his elbows on the opposite side of the counter. "And I wasn't sleeping."

"Garrus it's four in the morning."

"I'm aware."

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah," he rubbed the back of his neck.

"Bad dream?"

"Something like that."

"Same here," she said as she turned the coffee maker on.

"I doubt it."

She turned around and leaned her back on the opposing counter, crossing her arms with a grin. "You're the only one allowed to have bad dreams?"

"No, I'm just saying that I doubt your dream was anything like mine."

"Yeah, I can't imagine you dream about Saren all that much."

He exhaled through his nose, looking up at her expectantly.

"It's nothing," she said, waving a hand.

He stayed silent, resting on his elbows, looking up at her.

"Seriously."

His brow plate quirked in an obvious show of skepticism.

"I hate when you know me," she cursed.

"That's all the time."

"I know! It's annoying," she said with a laugh letting her hands fall and hit her legs.

Shepard turned around and poured the coffee into a mug and started the second batch before sliding the mug over to him. He took it in his hands and looked down on it with a smile, realizing she had made the dextro coffee first. She reached a hand to pull out a drawer and plucked three packets of dextro sugar out and tossed them at him.

"I still think three is too many," she said.

"In good coffee? I agree," Garrus said, shaking the packets into his mug. "In whatever this is? Absolutely necessary."

She grinned and crossed her arms again as he drank.

"So," he said, putting the mug back down and standing up straight. "It's weirding me out to see you making coffee for yourself."

"Ugh. It's like drinking tar. But you know…desperate times…blah blah blah. Its got more caffeine than tea. And I'll need it if I'm going to get through today."

"This is the part where you tell me what your dream was about."

"I already said, didn't I? Saren. It always comes back to Saren."

"Always?"

"Well, more frequently lately. Seeing him gilded in a gaudy gold statue didn't help."

"I had always meant to talk to you about Saren. You really beat yourself up about it when it happened."

"There's really nothing to talk about."

"Obviously there is. His memory almost drove you insane, and now it's giving you nightmares."

"Touché," she said as she turned to pour her own mug of coffee, before pouring the cream Garrus always saw the other humans use in their coffee, and three packets of her own sugar.

"You know, three is probably too many."

"Fuck you."

He laughed.

She held the mug in her hands and leaned her elbows on the counter, looking down into it like it was going to have answers.

"After Thane's little fiasco with his son on the Citadel I was talking to Jacob and Miranda in the Armory. Just bullshitting. I don't even remember how it came up but Jacob said something about the fact that I was so persuasive that I 'talked a bullet through Saren's head.' I got angrier than I should have, but it makes me so pissed that people see it that way, you know? Like people think I'm a big god damn hero because I voodoo'd Saren into killing himself."

"How would you like them to see it?"

"As one of my few unforgivable failures."

"Shepard."

"I know, I know. Saren was a human-hating power-hungry elitist dickbag and got what he deserved. But that doesn't change the fact that I wasn't trying to kill him. I was trying to save him. And I failed. He killed himself and that, in and of itself, proves that there was still good in him; that he was worth saving, right?"

"I suppose."

"Think of all he could have told us about the Reapers. Think about how much more prepared we would be." She sighed and rubbed her forehead. "Saren is just another name on the list of people I couldn't save."

"You're not going to be able to save them all, Shepard."

"Don't say that," she said, putting her face in her hands.

"I know it's hard to hear, especially for someone like you." He exhaled and leaned his elbows back on the counter across from her. "But war will always have casualties. You can't blame yourself for all of them."

"The day I accept that casualties are unavoidable is just another step I take to becoming ruthless like Saren was. I won't do it. There's always a way. Saren, Ash, Pressley, all the people on these colonies, everyone we lost on the Citadel. I have to think that if I had been a little better, a little faster, I could have saved them. I don't want to end up not trying to save someone because I have already accepted their death. I have to carry them all with me. If I don't remember them, who will?"

"I will," he said, tilting his head to the side. "I think about them all the time."

She lifted her head to look across the counter at him, the glisten of tears threatening her eyes.

"You do?"

"Yeah, Shepard. We've lost a lot of people. And we may lose more. I know that's not a happy analysis, and I'm not looking to spread it around, but it's the reality. We have a hell of a fight waiting for us on the other side of the Omega 4, and the only person I'm confident is coming back is you."

"How do you figure?"

"Because the Collectors already killed you once and all they managed to do is piss you off. I can't imagine they'll stop you this time."

Shepard laughed once, a quiet, breathy sound through her nose.

"I wish I had your confidence in me."

"I have enough confidence for the both of us."

"Aint that the truth."

He laughed and let the silence fill the room for a few minutes before he spoke again.

"Hey," he said.

She lifted her head again and tilted it to the side tiredly.

"Hmm."

"We'll get the job done, Shepard," he said, reaching across the counter to tuck a stray curl behind her ear. "I know you'll bring us home."

She sighed and leaned her face into his hand with her eyes closed, almost like she intended to use his hand to sleep on. He swallowed nervously as he sat there with her face in his hand, admiring the way the light lit her skin and the way her messy hair fell in strands in front of her brow.

"You know," she said finally, slowly opening her eyes and letting them fall listlessly on her coffee. "I feel the exact opposite."

"About what?"

"Out of everyone, all this Reapers and Collectors and who-knows-what-else… I'm the only casualty I'm sure of."

"Shut up," he snapped, his grip tightening on her face as he straightened. "Don't talk like that. Not to me. Not ever again."

Her eyes widened as they looked over at him, obviously taken aback by his sudden anger.

"Calm down," she said after swallowing. "Just being pessimistic."

Garrus released her face and stood, rolling a shoulder out. "Don't think like that. It's not going to happen."

"And how do you suppose this story ends, Garrus?"

"With everyone holding hands and singing in a circle around the corpses of the Reapers."

She laughed. "That's unusually optimistic of you."

"Yeah I'm trying it out since you seem to be the bummer this time around," he said, letting his easy smile return. "It's unusually uplifting."

"Alright, what else?"

"You become President of the Universe."

"Hah! That means you're what? Vice President of the Universe?"

"I wouldn't turn it down," he said with a grin.

"Consider it done."

"And Kelly Chambers settles down with oh… five or six nice men and/or women."

"Tali and Kal'reegar get married."

"Oooh that's a good one."

"Can't you see that?" Shepard put on her best impression of the soldier. "I must admit, I love you ma'am." Then she switched to Tali, putting her hands over her mouth shyly. "Oh, Kal. You make me so happy. Tee-hee-lah-selai!"

Garrus leaned over his coffee to try and prevent himself from spitting it out as he started laughing.

They went on like that for a few more minutes before the silence took over.

"Oh, by the way," he said, turning to look at her sideways. "I told you so."

"God. Damn it."