Roarkshop here: Sorry to say this is the last chapter for a few weeks. For my reasons and when i should be returning please visit my blog at .net and read my latest blog post (should be just after the new chapter over there). I toiled and toiled over this chapter trying to get it done because my life has kind of EXPLODED, so I do hope you all like it. See you all in a few weeks.

Lovelovelove

Roarkshop.

P.S. please have a safe Fourth of July/Canada Day/whatever other holiday is this week. If you don't have a holiday this week. Please just be safe anyway. Or I keel you.

Cookies.

The knocks on Thane's door didn't startle him, but certainly brought him out of his meditations a little more abruptly than he would have liked. As he stood up from the floor, he checked the clock on his desk, beaming a bright green 02:00. Why anyone would need him this late in the sleep cycle, he didn't know. If it was an emergency, wouldn't they have alerted EDI? That would have been the fastest option.

Either way, he decided to answer. Just in case.

She certainly did startle him.

He hadn't been expecting it to be Shepard at his door, wearing something similar to what they had sparred in a few days prior, her hair falling around her shoulders in messy curls. She obviously hadn't slept yet and her face told him that she wasn't exactly pleased with her need to be there.

"Siha," he said in surprised greeting, stepping aside and motioning an arm for her to come in.

"Hey," she replied, tucking her hair behind her ear and looking at the ground as she stepped in. "Didn't know you hung out in here shirtless." She laughed, but it was a nervous sound.

"I suppose you think I sleep in the jacket," he said with a smirk. Her eyes widened and she put an urgent hand on his shoulder.

"Sleep!" she said. "Holy shit I totally forgot it was this late. You were probably sleeping. I'm sorry, I should go. I'll go." She turned and walked past him to head out the door and he laughed, catching her on the wrist.

"On the contrary," he said, leading her further into the room. "I have already slept for the night. I am always up at this hour."

"You what?" she said, turning to follow him.

"I do not require as much sleep as the other members of the crew. Between 3 and 5 hours is plenty for me."

"Oh… well," she cleared her throat as her turned to face her and she crossed her arms against her chest. "That must be convenient."

"It gives me more hours in a day, certainly."

"I suppose you probably don't like wasting hours."

"Does anybody?"

"Are you kidding? If I could waste hours doing absolutely nothing I would. All the time."

He laughed and held his hands behind his back. "I assume you came down here for more than a lesson on my sleep schedule."

"Yeah I…yeah." She cleared her throat and started to pace, wringing her hands out. "I don't eh… I'm not sure I…" She exhaled and clapped her hands onto her thighs.

Thane smiled and lifted a leg to sit on the edge of his desk, putting his hands together on his lap. He had never seen her so completely at ends with herself. Needless to say he was intrigued as to what had her in such a state, though he could probably guess.

"Okay," she said, turning to face him and pointing her hands in his direction as she spoke. "You'll have to forgive me, I'm not very good at this sort of thing. That is… well…" she rubbed the back of her neck with one hand, and flailed the other around like it was going to explain what she was having trouble getting out. Thane found her befuddlement amusing, though simultaneously a little unsettling. "I don't do this kind of thing very often. I mean, it's just not my thing, you know? Not that it's bad or anything, well I mean I guess that all depends on how you see it. It shouldn't be bad though, I mean that's what people keep telling me."

"If I didn't know better," Thane interrupted, tilting his head to the side as he observed her. "I'd think you were about to proposition me."

"What? No! Holy fuck," she exhaled and put a hand on her head. "It totally does sound like that. Jesus I'm retarded. Okay let me start over."

"Please do."

She looked down at her feet and took a deep breath. Two, actually.

"I need your advice," she said just before looking back up at him.

"Mine?" he asked, cocking an incredulous brow. He was rather confused, but also honored that she trusted him enough to ask for his help. She had been right, this wasn't something she did often. In fact, Thane had never known her to do it at all. "While not unwelcome, this seems… unusual. I had not thought myself high on the list of people from whom you would seek council."

"Here's the thing," she said, pointing at him. "You are the only person I know with this very…" she moved her head back and forth as she looked for a word, before seeming to latch onto it. "Specific point of view. You have the exact frame of reference I lack."

"Because I am dying?" he asked. He made sure not to sound irritated, because he wasn't. He was merely curious if it was the view she was referring to, since it was the most obvious.

"No," she said, looking down. "Not about dying. I'm familiar with dying."

Thane exhaled and lowered his head to catch her eye line, forcing her to look at him. There were only three 'frame of references' that were unique only to Thane on the ship. If it wasn't about his mortality, and it most certainly wasn't about being a father, that only left one option.

"Because I am a widower."

"Yes," she breathed, wincing. Shame was not something Thane had ever seen her bright, playful face express; It didn't suit her. He was certainly seeing a whole new side of her in these brief minutes.

"This is about the turian," he said.

"Am I that obvious?"

"I was in the CIC for your little…disagreement."

"Ah."

"Even if I hadn't been, however," he said, crossing his arms. "I am very observant."

"Well cookies for you then," she said with a sigh, moving to sit on the edge of his bed across from him. She put her elbows on her knees and wrung her hands together, but didn't speak.

Thane stood and crossed the room, going to sit beside her, mimicking her position by putting his elbows on his knees and looking over at her.

"Take your time," he said.

"So we have a saying," she said, moving her hands as she spoke. "Humans, that is. 'It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.'"

"I am familiar with it."

She looked over at him, deep, piercing eyes filled with a sadness that bordered on fear.

"Is it true?"

Thane exhaled and looked down at his hands, then raised his head to look across the room.

"Yes," was all he said.

"Now I know you have a son," she continued, pointing at him like that was a determining factor. "But pretend for a minute that you don't. Also pretend that she didn't die but… just left. Would it still have been worth it?"

"Yes."

"Ugh," she said, letting her face fall into her palms.

"That doesn't seem to be the answer you wanted."

"You're not even thinking about it."

"I don't need to, Shepard."

"Why?" She looked over at him and her curls swayed with the motion. "How can you be so sure?"

Thane sat back against the wall and lifted a foot onto the edge of the bed to bend his knee.

"I was asleep for a long time," he rumbled. "I remember living all my years, but I do not remember experiencing a single one. Not until Irikah. She awoke a fire in me. She gave life to what was simply an empty shell before her. If not for her I would never have lived. Every breath was important, every moment something worthy of worship. She opened up my whole world. She changed me."

Shepard exhaled and slouched her back against the wall with him so they were shoulder to shoulder.

"Are you familiar," he continued. "With your people's story of Frankenstein?"

"Uh," she squinted one eye like she was thinking. "Vaguely. I was never into horror."

"Remarkable piece of fiction," he said with a laugh. "A scientist pieces together another man using nothing but parts from other corpses, only to revive it as a new person. Most see this thing as a monster, but the creator sees it as a masterpiece; something to be taught. Something to be loved."

She let her head fall to the side as she listened. "How does it end?"

"The creation inevitably kills its creator," he said softly.

Shepard moved her hand onto Thane's thigh, but didn't look at him. He looked down at it, finding an odd comfort in the contact.

"You didn't kill Irikah," she said.

"I didn't help her, either," he admitted.

She exhaled, conceding the point.

"But my story is not yours, Shepard."

"No. It's not. Yours is actually successful at some points."

He laughed. "You can hardly say your life is devoid of successes."

"That's what people keep saying." She threw her hands into the air as she spoke. "Look at The Blitz! Look at Saren! First human Spectre! Savior of the Citadel! Whoop-de-fucking-doodly!" She let her hands fall lifelessly onto her lap before continuing. Quietly. "And I'd give it all away if I could just once… to just…"

"I imagine this is what you should be telling him."

"Yeah… I know."

"It seems to me that you are afraid, though of what I am uncertain."

She was quiet for a short period as she tried to figure out how to explain.

"This whole time," she said, moving a hand as she spoke. "All I've kept telling myself was that whatever happened, whatever I was feeling, whatever I wanted to say, keeping it to myself and watching him be happy with someone else was better than watching him leave some day. I've watched a lot of people walk away in my life, and none of it affects me like the thought of Garrus doing it."

"You speak of a hypothetical situation as if it is an inevitability."

"What if it is an inevitability?"

"What if it isn't?"

She exhaled and chewed on her bottom lip, but remained silent for several moments before speaking again.

"If I go for it," she started. "That goes one of two ways: Either he goes along with it one way or another, or he gives me the 'not attracted to humans' talk which concludes with our friendship, probably the most satisfying relationship in my entire life, being changed forever. That's a 50% chance of catastrophic failure. On the other hand, say it works for a while, and he inevitably figures out whatever it is about me men repel from, and then he leaves, like they always do. Then what? We don't just… go back to being friends after that. So now it's a 33.33% chance of success and I don't like those odds."

"Is this how you view a battle situation? In math? In chances?"

"Yes."

"Well, I am hardly one to argue with you seeing your results. But this is not combat, Siha. This is entirely different. Perhaps just as dangerous, but the same tactics do not apply here."

She let her chin sink into her hand. "These are the only tactics I know."

"Perhaps that is why you have been so unsuccessful in the past."

"Don't give me that," she said, standing up and starting to pace again. "This is a whole different situation. I mean sure you can't exactly call my… past experiences successes. But I wasn't exactly giving myself to those men either. It had failed before the horse even got out of the gate. I've never… I mean it's never been me that…" She finished her sentence by exhaling and putting her hand on the back of her neck.

"You love the turian, Shepard," Thane said, standing. "There is no other way to say it. It is a fact; plainly and simply. The more you try to complicate it, the more complicated it will become. I will go as far as to say that the reason your feelings for Vakarian are so strong is because there is something that separates him from the others, yes?"

"Are you kidding me? I've never gotten along with someone as perfectly as I do with Garrus. I mean, he's never walked out on me, he's never betrayed me, never gave me a reason to doubt him. Even his blatant insubordination was for my own good rather than his own, and from the look on his face it hurt him just as much as it hurt me. That's why I'm so afraid of fucking it up like I do. He's not like the others. He's just…. He's different, you know?"

"Tell me then," Thane said, putting his hands behind his back. "Why do you think his reaction to being with you would not also be different?"

Silence. Her eyes danced around the floor as thoughts raced through her mind. What the thoughts were, Thane was sure he had no idea. But as her eyebrows upturned and she looked sadly into his eyes, he realized that she had been hiding from this fact for a long time.

"It's time to stop running, Siha," Thane continued, taking her hands in his. "I relive Irikah's death every day at least twice. I feel every pang of guilt, every vein of sadness, every throb of despair. All of those emotions, those symphonies of sorrow, would still be worth it if I relived them once an hour for the rest of my days. Because that sorrow, painful though it is, will never be more powerful than the euphoria I feel when I spare a moment to remember what it felt like to hold her in my arms. Loss is only powerful immediately. But as time goes on, nothing will be able to take the happiness from you, however brief it may have been." He sighed and moved his hands up her wrists to hold her upper arms and stare directly into her face. "And I cannot think of anyone more deserving of happiness than you."

Her jaw set hard as she broke his gaze to stare down at her feet, her hands, now fists, shivered at her sides. He could feel her insides tremble through his palms on her shoulders and he knew she was fighting to keep her emotions from spilling.

"You and I are familiar with mortality," he continued. "It is such a fragile thing; Time. It is a luxury for people like us; do not waste it. Do not let fear make you miss your chance."

When she looked back up at him her eyes had reddened, but it was obvious she had successfully suppressed the tears that had caused it. A small smile tugged at the edge of her lips and she stepped into his chest and wrapped her arms around his neck in a hug. The gesture threw him at first, but he quickly took it for what it was and laughed, wrapping his arms around her gladly.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"You are very welcome."

She pulled away and let her hands hit her legs, smiling, and exhaling a determined sigh.

"Is this where you head to the Battery?"

"Don't be stupid," she said, letting that same confident smile spread across her face. "We still have a situation on our hands. We need to figure that out before I… I don't know. I'll tell him. Sometime."

"Soon, I hope."

"Yeah… soon."

Thane smiled and walked her to the door.

"Do I need to ask that this stays between us?"

"Of course not, Siha. You may be assured of my secrecy."

"Thank you," she said again, turning and putting a hand on his shoulder. "Seriously. I needed this."

"It was a pleasure to be of service," he said with a suave, though mildly sarcastic, bow. When he stood he was smiling again. "Try and rest."

"I will," she said, backing up toward the elevator. "You… do whatever it is you do in there."

He laughed a little and linked his fingers behind his back, retreating back into his chamber. He slowly moved to sit back on the floor, crossing his legs over each other to drift back into his meditations, resolving himself to think of Irikah. Though, he didn't even have time to get into proper posture before his door whooshed open again. He smiled and turned around to look over his shoulder.

"Did you forget some-HURK!"

An iron hand gripped Thane's throat and very quickly threw him into the bookshelf on the other side of the room. Moving purely on reflex, Thane reached for his gun and pointed it under the turian's chin before he had even hit the wall.

Well, this night was turning out to be much more eventful than Thane had originally planned.

"Thank you," Garrus heard her say. "Seriously. I needed this."

Garrus rolled his neck out as he leaned on the inside of the Battery door frame. He kept his eyes closed and concentrated on controlling his breathing. Steady and even. Don't lose your cool.

He knew he was about to charge the Life Support. There was no way around it, there was no other option. There was going to be a disagreement and Garrus would be lying to himself if he didn't recognize how he was looking forward to it.

However if he could avoid Shepard from watching as he ripped off Thane's arms and fed them to him, that would be preferable.

"It was a pleasure to be of service," Thane said to her before giving her a polite "Try and rest."

"I will," she said. Garrus could already hear her heading toward the elevator. Good. He turned to look around the door frame to see her with her hands behind her back as she backed up, smiling at the green pretender. "You…do whatever it is you do in there."

She wasn't even completely in the elevator when Garrus started to move. Just as she stepped in, the doors closing behind her, he reached the access panel of Life Support. He wished for a moment that it had been a regular door so that he might have kicked it to splinters, but he would have to be satisfied with a stealthy entrance.

His ability to reason, which was disappearing a little more every moment that went by, completely evaporated as he entered the room and he heard the small laugh out of the drell, who had obviously expected it to be Shepard come back for round two. Her scent… it was everywhere; in the room, on the bed, on his skin.

Unacceptable.

"Did you forget some-HURK!"

Garrus had the tiny, soft throat in his hand before Thane even had a chance to finish turning around. He roared as he slammed the drell's back into the bookshelf on the far end of the room, books and data-pads spilling out onto the floor.

"You stay away from her," Garrus sneered before lifting the drell back up by his shoulders and slamming him into the bookshelf again.

"If I were you," Thane croaked, a little too calmly for Garrus' liking. "I would reconsider my actions."

"Or what?"

"I do not wish to hurt you, Vakarian." His soothing voice was very quickly punctuated by the familiar 'click-whirr' combination of a gun arming itself. Garrus tried to look down but felt the all too familiar touch of the barrel of a pistol pressed to the soft, exposed skin under his chin.

"Where did you get a gun?" Garrus barked. "You're half naked."

"I am never without a weapon."

"Why was she in here?" He continued, forsaking the gun issue for the triviality that it was. "What did you do?"

"While I will admit that it is not what you think, I will also not betray her confidence."

Garrus squeezed Thanes shoulders so hard he could feel his talons working their way between the scales there.

"I won't let you hurt her," Garrus said through his teeth. "I will not stand by and just watch you take advantage of her. She is not a last hurrah before you die, do you understand? I will not let her be abandoned again. I watched her crumble once, and I was the one to pick up the pieces and put her back together. I will not see that pain in her face again."

"If you're looking for the person causing her pain," Thane said, that damn smirk of his playing across his lips. "There is a mirror just on the other wall."

"What did you say to me?" Garrus growled, ignoring how blood started to drip down his talons.

"We all saw her in the CIC this evening. We all heard the sadness in her voice as she recounted your disrespectful behavior."

"That's none of your business."

"Isn't it? If you think you are the only one who wishes to prevent Shepard from being hurt," Thane accentuated his point by pressing the barrel of his pistol further into Garrus throat. "You will be sorely mistaken."

"How very noble of you, Krios. But I'm not the one to worry about; Shepard and I will get through this just like we get through everything else."

"Not if I pull this trigger, you won't." Garrus could hear the drell tapping his finger where it was poised on the side of the gun. "Perhaps she would be better off, in the long run, if she did not have a constant reminder that her most trusted ally has stopped respecting her."

Garrus' eyes widened without his permission as they met Thane's calm, reproachful ones.

"God damn it," Garrus roared and turned on his heel, using his grip on Thane's shoulders to hurl him into the glass shelves on the other side of the room. The drell crashed against them and they shattered into tiny pieces that rained onto the floor around him.

Thane was very quickly on his feet, training his gun back on Garrus in preparation for an altercation, but stopped short when he saw how the turian was leaning on the desk. His left hand was pressed flat against the desktop; his right was covering his face as he obviously tried to get a handle on his rage.

"She couldn't be more wrong," he said softly to himself.

Thane saw it for what it was; It was a turmoil he had personal experience with. He exhaled and lowered his gun, disarming it and holding it at his side.

Garrus moved the hand that was covering his face to match his other hand, pressed flat against the desk.

"I can't do this anymore," Garrus admitted, maybe more to himself than to Thane, as he looked down at the desk. "I lose every shred of self control when I see you two together. Reason, logic, common sense," he exhaled. "I have to get a grip. I can't let her see me like this."

"If it helps," Thane offered, settling into a more casual stance. "What is going on between Shepard and I is not what you seem to think it is."

"It's not," Garrus said, turning his head to look at Thane over his shoulder, his skepticism obvious in his tone.

"No. I will not deny my attraction to her, as it would be petty and unnecessary. Men finding a woman like Shepard alluring is about as surprising as the sunrise. But unlike the rest of the rabble, I will never care for Shepard the way I do for Irikah. And I have no intention, whatsoever, of being unfaithful to her."

"Wait…what? You've been going after Shepard at every opportunity."

"I suppose I cannot blame you for coming to that conclusion; I do enjoy the playful flirting that she and I settle into, but that is all it has ever been and all it will ever be. Besides, even if I did want her, there is no amount of effort I could exert that would convince her to want me in return."

"And why do you say that?"

"For a man with such superior eye sight, you certainly don't see very much."

Garrus narrowed his eyes, confused. "I don't follow."

"On Bekenstein, when we were assisting the sneak-thief with her heist…"

Thane usually only let himself slip into memories in front of Shepard, knowing that she appreciated the details they brought to light. But, in a way, this was also for Shepard. Thane exhaled as he allowed the memory to fill his senses, his eyes darting across the room as the images danced through his consciousness.

"It's hard to make me blush," she says, walking down the metal corridor to the stairs. I put my hands behind my back as I observe her, taking note of the difficulty she seems to have descending the steps in the odd footwear.

"I suppose I am simply not trying hard enough," I say, looking to incite a reaction.

"Don't get your hopes up," she replies, smiling at me over her shoulder, her flame colored ringlets flowing freely down her back.

"Challenge accepted," I offer.

Thane stretched the side of his neck as the vision faded before taking note of the soft rumbling sound that seemed to now be filling the room. Garrus had now turned to face him, his arms crossed over his chest and his mandibles clicking in irritation.

"I remember," Garrus said, obviously not recalling it fondly.

"Ah yes. I had almost forgotten Kasumi's little trick. You likely saw many things you did not like that day."

"I certainly did."

"And yet," Thane continued. "You still miss what is important: I failed."

"Failed what? To make her blush? Of course you did. It's rare for anyone to make Shepard blush."

"Is it?" he asked with a grin. "It took exactly 35 seconds for you to do just that once you arrived on the scene."

Garrus remembered it. He remembered the gash on her cheek and how he had held her chin, like a parent scolding a child. He had run the memory over in his head several times since she had mentioned it, cursing himself for how it had helped in making her think he didn't respect her anymore. But now he saw new details; her cheeks and ears reddening as they filled with blood, her throat moving as she swallowed down her nerves.

"Let me say this, however," Thane continued, a predatory edge sharpening his tone. "You are not the only one on this vessel who cares for her. The disrespect you shown her today was unpardonable. You, who she treasures above all others. If I were you, I would see to it that I never hurt her again, the way your actions today did."

Garrus didn't know what to say, since he refused to admit out loud that the drell was right.

He had received so much new information in the past 24 hours he felt like his brain would shut down from overload. How was he supposed to sort through it all and figure out what was fact and what was speculation, all while determining how to smooth out their current problems.

One thing at a time, Garrus thought as his eyes moved across the floor.

The two men stood there: Garrus with his arms crossed and glaring, Thane smiling with his hands linked behind his back. A few long, awkward, moments passed before Garrus finally spoke up.

"Do you want help cleaning up the glass?"

"Thank you," Thane said. "But I feel I have had enough unexpected company for one evening."

Garrus gave Thane a nod as he passed. Thane wondered if it was supposed to serve as thanks or as an apology, considering the turian offered neither. He watched Vakarian stalk out of the room and head straight for the elevator.

Good, Thane thought. Perhaps now I may meditate.

Garrus tapped his foot as he rode the elevator up to Shepard's quarters, resolving himself to stop thinking about it; Shepard, Thane, feelings, all of it. He had to forget it all for now. He had plenty of time to figure it all out, but he was running out of time to fix their current problem. Everything else could take a back seat until he fixed this.

When he stepped off the elevator, he couldn't help but smile as he heard Shepard laughing, almost hysterically, at something inside her chambers.

He loved when she laughed like that.

"Something funny?" he said as he stepped in.

"Oh shit," she cursed softly to herself. He came around the corner just in time to see her put something behind her back as she stood up from the couch. "Hey Ugly," she said.

"Hey, Bug," he said skeptically, tilting his head as he tried to figure out what she was hiding.

"What can I do for you?"

"You're going to pretend I don't know you're hiding something behind your back?"

"I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about."

Garrus smiled and cocked a brow plate. The knots in his stomach started to ease as they settled into their usual banter. If he was going to fix this problem, he knew he was going to have to let them just be them.

"Wait," Garrus said tilting his head up like he was listening for something. "What's that music?"

"I don't hear anything," she said quickly. Too quickly.

That's when he recognized it. His hand unconsciously went to the left side of his face where his visor should be, only then realizing he didn't have it on. He didn't even know how long he'd gone without it.

"Where did you get my visor?"

"A better question," Shepard said with a grin, removing it from behind her back and quickly placing it over her left eye. "Is why in the hell do you have that horrible song from Fleet and Flotilla on here?"

"It's the song that plays when they find each other again," he defended. "It's a very…pivotal part of the film."

"Oh god you are the most ridiculous person I know," she said as she laughed.

"It's a movie about two people shaking off the shackles society has set down for them and finding love in a war zone. I'm surprised you don't like it. Everyone likes that movie."

"I thought it was about a turian and a quarian."

"It is. Wait, have you not seen it?"

"I've been a little busy these past couple years."

"Ah yeah," he cleared his throat. "Well I'll make sure to find you a copy."

"Aren't you Mr. 'Stick-to-your-own-species'?" she taunted. "Were you speaking from experience then, Garrus? Have you had a round with one of the…softer races?"

"Well, no," he said, sinking back on his heel. "But I suppose it's something on my to-do list."

She laughed.

He thought the visor looked rather good on her, matching her hair like it did. He wondered why she stopped wearing her old one, only to figure out it probably got blown up with the Normandy.

"How did you even find my playlist?" he asked, approaching her like he was going to take it. "You can't read Palaven, can you?"

"Of course I can't read it. It looks like someone puked up noodles on the screen. I just fucked around on it and eventually the music started playing."

"Great," he said, holding a hand out expectantly. "You've probably screwed something up."

"Payback's a bitch, hmm?"

"Yeah, about that," he said, crossing his arms. "Are you going to apologize?"

"You'd better be kidding." She mimicked him and crossed her own arms, her brows knitting together in a sneer.

"Only half," he said as his smile eased away. "I admit that I've been wrong to address you in front of the crew like I have been. And I'll even concede that throwing you off the station was disrespectful and a little unnecessary, so I apologize for all of that. But that is all I will apologize for because those two things are the only things you were right about."

"What's that supposed to mean?" she said, anger fully entering her tone now.

"I have never stopped respecting you, Shepard."

"Could have fooled me, Vakarian."

Now Garrus was getting angry.

"How can you even think that? Shepard, there is no one in this galaxy I respect more than you. However, my respect has nothing to do with my desire to protect you and I will not apologize for that. It's that respect that keeps me from falling in line like the rest of the soldiers. I won't do it."

"Garrus if the crew see's you second guessing me; it's only a matter of time before they start too."

"I couldn't possibly care any less about the rest of the crew."

"You don't care?" she raged. "How can you say that to me?"

"Caring about everyone is your thing, not mine," he said, pointing at her. "Anyone who hasn't figured out that not following your orders is fatal deserves what they get. Admittedly the way I've expressed myself in regards to your safety has gone a little astray, but the sentiment certainly hasn't. As long as your orders include leaving you behind to take one for the team, I will never stop disregarding them, because I will never stop protecting you."

"Damn it, Garrus" she sneered through her teeth, her jaw setting as she glared up at him. "I will not let you die for me!"

There it was. He hadn't realized it until that moment, like he hadn't realized so many things, but he realized it now. This whole problem, the truth behind all of her rage was revealed in those furious, fearful, words.

He took a step toward her and looked down into her face.

"You won't be able to stop me, Jane."

She opened her mouth to speak but he raised a hand to cut her off.

"Your altruism is admirable, but selfish," Garrus continued. "You would always rather take the bullets yourself than chance that you'll lose one of your people. Then when someone tries to do it for you, that's an unforgivable sin. You would rather die than live with the knowledge that you couldn't save us."

"And what about it?" she snapped before rigidly turning away from him. "That's what a good leader does! That's how it's supposed to be. The Commanding Officer should always be willing to shoulder the pain so that their crew doesn't have to."

"What the hell do you know about pain?" He growled, gripping her by the arm and forcing her to turn back around to face him. "Shepard, out of everybody you are the only one who has never felt what it's like to live in this galaxy without you."

He heard her heart start thrumming in her chest, watched her eyes look back and forth between his, saw the movement of her throat as she swallowed, felt the heat rising in her face. They were all reactions he had seen before, but for the first time, he saw them for what they were. He fought a very strong urge to lift his other hand and run his fingers along the length of her jaw. A fight he was failing as his hand had already gone half way, frozen in the air by her face.

Don't' be a bloody dolt, Zaeed had said. You don't tell a woman you're in love with her while she's pissed at you.

Garrus had no idea what customs and practices for this kind of thing were for humans, and since Zaeed had Shepard's best interest at heart, he decided to take the advice. He moved his hand forward and opted to remove his visor from over her eye, as if that was his original intention.

"The last time you died," he said with an exhale, focusing his attention on stretching his visor back out to the right size. "Nothing made sense for the longest time. Spectre training, rebuilding the Citadel, it was all just… noise. You know I never condoned vigilante justice. Sure I would idly fantasize about it sometimes while filling out my thousandth report on the same damn thing, but as an ideal I was generally opposed. But once you were gone I…" he sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "I needed to do something. Not just patter around and pretend I was doing something. Really do something, make a difference somewhere, practice what you always preached. Like if I… somehow could protect the innocents on Omega, your legacy would live on. Or maybe I was just coping, I don't know." He looked back up at her. "The point I'm trying to make is that I won't go through that again; I won't lose you twice in a lifetime. I don't think I could handle it."

There were a few long, torturous moments of silence as he watched the thoughts run through her head.

"Why, Garrus," she said, lilting back into her usual humor with an easy, albeit nervous, smile. "I didn't know you cared."

He saw that she was backpedaling, so he let her. Now wasn't the time and he knew it.

"Well," he said with a smile, putting his visor back in its rightful place. "That was your first mistake."

"And what was my second?"

"I'll let you know when you make it."

She laughed, and relief filled her face as she realized he wasn't going to press the issue. Garrus made note of it.

"So where's the one eyed geezer?" Garrus said, changing the subject. "Thought he was bunking with you."

"Oh Christ, I don't know," she said with a small laugh, walking past him. "Probably trying to shack up with Kelly Chambers or some damn thing."

"Well, maybe she will finally start leaving all the aliens alone."

"Jesus if that were the case I'd have done it myself."

"Don't tease me, Shepard."

They laughed.

"Well," he said before clearing his throat. "It's late and neither of us have slept yet. So I'll let you get to it."

"Yeah, good idea."

"We okay?" he asked, tilting his head to the side.

"Yeah, yeah. Though, if you're going to insist on using your free insubordination chances, you're going to have to start picking your battles better."

"Noted. Falling off of a cliff: Good. Not jumping onto ship: Bad."

"Success! He can be taught!"

"Eat me."

He turned around and headed back to the door.

"Garrus," she said.

He stopped, closing his eyes and stretching his neck in an attempt to muster up a little more resolve before slowly turning around to look at her at the other end of the room. She had outstretched her hand like her need to stop him had been urgent, but slowly thought better of it and lowered it again.

"I'm sorry," she said, though he knew damn well that wasn't what she'd wanted to say.

"Me too," he said, smiling at her. "Goodnight, Jane."

"Goodnight, Garrus."