Roarkshop Here: New monitor bought! Chapter finished! WOO! I'm afraid I won't be able to post for another two weeks after this chapter because I'm going to California for my Grandmother's 100th birthday. (100 years old holy jesus.) So no chapter for two weeks. But after that I should be able to return to my usual Monday updates! ^_^

Thank you to everyone who donated to help me buy a new monitor. The generosity of the readers completely knocked me on my ass and rejuvenated my spirit and drive to finish this story. I literally could not have done it without you guys, so thank you. I'm literally overwhelmed.

All feedback and support is appreciated and taken to heart. Visit my profile for all the ways to contact me if you want to do an icon for the story, or just to contact me and chat. Have a wonderful and SAFE three weeks, and I will see you all on the 23d of this month!

Me love you long time,

Roarkshop

"That's what I'm here for," Garrus said, lifting himself onto his feet so he could lean over Shepard. He put his hands on the arms of her chair and leaned in, nuzzling the side of her face before giving her a small kiss. She felt the cold plates of his face against her cheek and fought to hide how her heart threatened to leap out of her throat. "Happy Birthday, Jane," he rumbled in her ear.

"Thank you," was all she could think to say.

He stood, his mandibles clicking into his usual confident smile before turning to walk away. She tried to think of something clever to say, or even something stupid, but nothing came.

Shepard just watched him as he sauntered back into the Battery. He didn't turn around to look at her, which she was grateful for since she found herself unable to peel her eyes off of him. She put her hand on her cheek where he had kissed her, and realized she had a goofy smile plastered on her face. Once he disappeared behind the Battery doors she released the breath she hadn't realized she was holding and slouched down in her chair.

Damn him, she thought, running her hands down her face. He had been laying the flirting on rather thick lately, and it was getting harder and harder not to get her hopes up. She was fully aware that the most likely cause was stress and not a genuine attraction to her, but the thought hung in the back of her mind, refusing to let her shake it off. She kept reminding herself that once he got the chance to blow off some steam that things would go back to normal. Suddenly, last minute shore leave didn't seem like that great of an idea anymore.

Still, he had never kissed her face before. Since it was likely that nothing would come of it, she stared down into her tea and just let herself enjoy the feeling for a while. The tingling in her feet, the thrumming of her heart in her ears, the heat in her face; it was all so unfamiliar. Though, it didn't last long before she started getting realistic again.

You can't go through the Omega 4 like this. You need sleep, he had said.

She exhaled and put her elbows on the table, leaning into her hands. He had seen right through her, like he always did. But what was better? Sleep rattled by nightmares or no sleep at all? She figured either way she wasn't resting, and at least while she was awake she could trick herself into thinking she was being productive. But if it was getting to the point where Garrus was bringing it up, maybe it was worse than she thought.

No, she had to check the systems analysis from the prior day. But she promised herself that once she did that, she would attempt to sleep.

"God damn it, Shepard!" Jokers voice shrieked over the speakers. "You'd better have a damn good reason for sending the talking trash-can into my Cockpit!"

Shepard laughed and stood up. Maybe she'd make a stop to the Cockpit first.

The next morning Garrus heard Joker give Shepard the five minute warning as they came up on the heretic station, and very shortly afterward heard Shepard's familiar gait approaching his door. He turned to lean on the console, preparing to address her, but she stopped just outside. Garrus tilted his head, wondering what she was waiting for, when he heard her turn around and start to walk away.

He opened the door from his console.

"Shepard," he said with a smile. "Need me for something?"

Shepard's shoulders tensed as she turned around, looking an awful lot like a child who got caught stealing from the cookie jar, before regaining her composure.

"Hey Buddy," she said with a cough. "How you doin?"

"This looks like it's going to be bad news."

"It's not … bad news. It's just… ya know...news." She clapped her hands together nervously as she stepped into the Battery.

"You're not bringing me onto the station," he helped.

"No," she winced. "I'm not."

"It's okay, Shepard," he said with a chuckle. "I figured as much."

"What? You did?" She perked up and the tension started to ease from her shoulders.

"Yeah. I mean Legion's a sniper, so having both of us would be problematic. On top of that, it's a ship full of geth, Tali is the smarter choice. I will actually feel safer knowing she's going to be with you. If it turns out Legion is actually a bad guy, Tali will be able to straighten him out before I'd even know what was going on."

"Exactly!" Shepard said, beaming that warm smile of hers at him. "Phew, that's a relief. I thought we were going to have another tango before I left."

"Not a chance, Commander," he said, lifting himself up off the console. "I've learned my lesson."

Once she was fully in the room he reached his hand over and manipulated the command to shut and lock the door behind her. He knew better than to do this when the crew could see them. She looked over her shoulder, seemingly confused by the fact that the door shut, and before she could turn back around to look at him, he had grabbed her by the arm and pulled her past him. Her back slammed onto the surface of his console, making it beep a few times. She struggled out of instinct.

"What the hell do you think-" Her words failed her once they made eye contact and she saw the utter severity in his face. He pressed his hands onto the screen of the console on either side of her head, leaning over her.

"However, let me make one thing perfectly clear," he growled. "If you come back to this ship knocking on death's door again, I will personally disassemble our newest crew member piece by piece until he is an unrecognizable heap of nuts and bolts, and blast his sorry synthetic ass out of the airlock, do you understand?"

Her eyes widened and her heart throbbed in her chest. She swallowed down the emotion welling up in her, and Garrus smiled as he watched her nod silently at him, more stunned than anything else. He relaxed a little and moved to comb a stray curl behind her ear with his nail. Her scent started swirling around him and his mandibles clicked in anticipation.

Keep it together, he told himself, trying to ignore how her heart was pounding.

"Good, then," he said, taking her by the arm and lifting her back up. He pulled her past him again so that she was in the exact same position she had been in when he had shut the doors.

He leaned back on his console and opened the door again, crossing his ankles casually and smiling at her. To an outsider, it looked like she hadn't moved at all.

"Don't have too much fun without me," he teased.

She shook her head like she had been waking up from a dream and she cleared her throat. Once she realized that he had been teasing her, that same infuriating smirk played across her face.

"Don't worry, Ugly," she said as she turned to walk away. "I'll be back before you miss me."

"Doubtful," he said.

She stopped and turned her head a bit before shaking it off and continuing to walk away. She scratched the back of her head as she turned the corner for the elevator.

She had to be figuring it out by now.

Once she was out of sight, he closed the Battery door and turned to lean his hands on the console with a long, slow exhale. If his advances frustrated her even a fraction of the amount they were frustrating him, this was going to be an interesting few days. He had already promised himself that he was going to tell her before the Omega 4. That meant that if he was going about this wrong, he was quickly running out of time.

While his attempts would certainly have been working on a turian woman, he realized he had no idea what human courting rituals were. Maybe he wasn't even sending her the right signals at all. If he was going to go for it, he was going to need more information from someone familiar with it.

This was not going to be a fun conversation.

Shepard, Tali, and Legion boarded onto the Shuttle to head to the heretic station, though Shepard wasn't exactly paying attention.

"I hope this doesn't end up backfiring on all of us," Tali said. "I still don't think we can trust this thing."

"…yeah," Shepard said.

Tali looked at Shepard for a long moment. "I also hope the Admiralty Board doesn't hear about this."

"…Mmmhmm."

"I'm also thinking about becoming a table dancer on Illium."

"…Yeah…. Wait what?"

Tali laughed. "I knew you weren't paying attention."

"Yes I was. You don't trust Legion. I heard you."

"Alright well, you seem….distracted."

"I think," Shepard inhaled and shook her head. "Ah, never mind."

"What?"

"I'm kinda thinking Garrus was just flirting with me."

"Jane, you and Garrus are always flirting."

"Yeah but… I don't know he's been laying it on kind of thick lately."

"What…are you complaining?"

Shepard laughed and moved her hand to grip the handle on the ceiling, trying to keep her balance as the shuttle moved toward the station.

"Hardly," she said. "But it's getting exponentially more difficult to hide how much I like it."

Garrus grimaced as he watched the three pinkish piles of meat and bone contort and gyrate around each other in an ungraceful mess of sweat and shame. He felt the urge to watch through his fingers like his sister did as a child when they went to see a horror vid. Spirits it was a gruesome scene. He didn't even understand what was going on. It went from a Commanding Officer needing his shotgun polished and his two female recruits being happy to oblige, and now there were limbs tangled around each other and a horrifying amount of fake moaning that almost sounded like the women were being murdered. Is that what ecstasy sounded like to humans? How was this supposed to be sexy? He couldn't even tell where one human ended and another began.

"Zaeed," Garrus said, shifting uncomfortably. "This isn't exactly what I meant when I asked you to explain human mating rituals to me."

"Oh, come on," Zaeed said before taking a swig of his beer. "This is Cocked and Loaded! It's a goddamn classic."

Garrus averted his eyes. "Be that as it may, I know how sex works. I was referring to human courting customs, not…" Garrus waved an uncomfortable hand at the screen. "This."

"What's there to know? You buy her flowers or candy and give them to her. I imagine it'll go something like…" Zaeed put on the most flamboyant voice he could. "Hey there, I'm gorgeous, you're gorgeous, let's go back to your place and stare at each other."

Garrus raised an incredulous brow plate at Zaeed, who had frozen with a grin on his face as if he was pausing for laughter. When he realized there wasn't going to be any, he scoffed and slouched against the chair.

"Why is it," he said as he clicked the video closed, "that I have to be the one to give you dating pointers?"

"Because you're the one who convinced me to take the chance in the first place. Also, you know Jane better than anyone else so…"

"If I would have known you were going to make me hold your hand I might not have done it at all."

"Well, that will teach you to involve yourself in my affairs."

"Maybe if you would quit nursing your booze like a queer, you'd stop over-thinking everything."

Garrus looked down at the beer in his hand, still full; but mostly warm at this point.

"I suppose if you hadn't turned my stomach upside down by showing me home movies from my personal nightmares, I might not have lost my appetite for liquor."

Zaeed scoffed. "As if you can handle your liquor at all."

"This coming from the man in the room with only one liver?"

"You may have two livers but you're still a light-weight twat."

"Please, Old Man. I've drank more worthy men than you into a coma."

"I'd like to see you try, you spikey nuisance."

"Is that a challenge?"

"And what if it is?"

When the ground team finally returned from the heretic station, Garrus and Zaeed were each a few bottles in as they sat across from each other in the abandoned Mess Hall. Their lovely back and forth of insults and swears was interrupted by a commotion coming out of the elevator. Garrus turned around in his chair and Zaeed leaned on his elbow as they tried to figure out what all the shouting was about.

"Jane, I trusted you," Tali was shouting. Her hands were flailing in nonsense gestures as she marched after Shepard. Legion, who was being dragged by Shepard by the hole through its chest, was seemingly confused as it followed along. Tali continued to shout as they marched toward the Med Bay. "I agreed to work with this stupid thing on the team, and I even stood silently by as you re-wrote an entire army of my people's greatest enemy to join forces with it! You can't let it get away with this!"

Before they could hear anymore, the three had disappeared into the Med Bay, and then the AI Core.

"I take it the mission went smoothly then," Zaeed said with a smirk.

"Yyyeeeeeahhh." Garrus turned back around and stood, putting his hands flat on the table. "I should probably go…help."

He shook his head out to fight the slight onset of dizziness that hit him from standing. He must have been tired, he hadn't drank that much.

Garrus stepped into the empty Med Bay and leaned on the wall of the AI Core, listening to Shepard shout through the metal.

"God damn it, Tali," she roared. "If your people had been doing that shit to humans you bet your perky purple posterior that I'd have given a full report to the Alliance. You are going to have to come to terms with the fact that the geth aren't just machines anymore. Your people attacked and they defended themselves. In my book you guys are the bullies in this story."

"I know, I know. And we can entertain thoughts of peace later. If it's allowed to download this data and send it back to the geth…the repercussions would-"

"Yeah," Shepard said with an exhale. "We'd have another war on our hands. Is that what you want Legion? Do you want your people to go to war with the creators?"

[We do not wish for war,] Legion said. [But our people deserve to know of the creator threat.]

"And then what? What happens when the Old Machines come back to annihilate all of us and both your people and hers are weakened from the first war?"

There was a long silence.

[Probability of defeating Old Machines lessoned.]

"Exactly. I don't need you two to like each other, but god damn it, I need you to get along. We are all in this together, do you understand? Sooner or later you are both going to have to stop fighting this war with each other, so we can fight a war together."

Silence again.

[To facilitate unit cohesion, we will not transmit data regarding creator plans.]

"Really?" Tali said, sounding rather surprised. "I… Thank you… er…Legion." She cleared her throat, and Garrus thought he heard the sound of a gun disarming. "I do understand your intention. Could I maybe… I have some non-classified data you could send them. Can I give you that?"

[We would be grateful.]

"See there?" Shepard said, heading out of the room. "Two down, about a bazillion to go."

"Now," Garrus interrupted, leaning on the door frame still. "If you could only figure out how to make the Reapers agree to peace, I'll make a crown for you."

"Garrus!" She said, her face lighting up with her smile. "Just the man I was looking for." She held her arms out to her sides and turned three hundred and sixty degrees to illustrate her wellness level. "Look! Not a scratch on me. No one has to get disassembled."

"Very impressive," he cooed. "Though even if you had, I might have just had Tali take care of it."

"Ah yeah. On the way back she caught Legion scanning her omni-tool and-" she stopped short and wrinkled her nose up at him. "Have you been drinking?"

"I uh," he stood up straighter. "I haven't…not been drinking."

"Christ crackers, you reek, Garrus. How many have you had?"

"Not enough to forget how absolutely amazing I am."

She laughed, tossing her head back and putting a hand on her stomach. Even through the smudges of gunpowder and ash, her face came alight with the sound.

"I like that I can make you laugh like that," he said, only then realizing he had said it out loud. "Erm, because you don't laugh like that very often."

"I think you might have had a few too many."

"Please, Shepard. You know I never drink enough to compromise myself… well, unless we've just killed Sovereign and you get me to dance, though I'm still skeptical that even happened."

"I really should have gotten pictures or something," she said with a smirk, sinking back into her hip. "So what was the big occasion?"

"I'll tell you the occasion," he said, pointing out the Med Bay window at the Mess Hall. "Your stupid…one-eyed… pretend dad thinks he can drink me under the table, that's what. Vakarians don't back down from a challenge; especially not when liquor is involved."

"Z?" She said, raising an entertained brow. "You're trying to out-drink Z?"

"Yeah… Old gizzard can certainly put it away, though. But I think I'm wearing him down. I've never met a human I couldn't take."

"Garrus… Oh, man."

"What?" He said, eyeing her up and down.

"Come with me," she said, turning on her heel and heading out of the Med Bay. Garrus managed to follow her easily enough, stopping at the first table in the Mess Hall and leaning on it.

"Hello, Red," Zaeed said. "Smooth sailing, I-?" Before he could finish she snatched the bottle out of his hand. "Oi! Give that back," he shouted as he stood.

She waved the mouth of the bottle under her nose and shook her head.

"This is apple juice. There's no liquor in it."

"There…what?"

"Look at him," Shepard said, smacking the merc in the shoulder. "He can't even imagine that you're so underhanded."

"Well that makes him gullible on top of stupid."

"Garrus, Zaeed's cheating. Zaeed's always cheating."

"Why you… yellow…dick!"

"What can I say?" Zaeed boasted, sinking back and crossing his arms. "I don't like to lose."

"Winning by cheating isn't winning," Garrus protested.

"Whatever you say, Shit-For-Brains."

"You," Garrus said, pointing a stray, but threatening finger at Zaeed. "You're lucky Shepard likes you or I'd… I'd… go to bed. And kick your ass in the morning."

"Well I had to shut you up somehow," Zaeed defended. "Can't watch a decent porno with you jabbering on like a ponce."

"Wait…what?" Shepard said. "You two were watching porn?"

"Uh, correction;" Garrus said, raising an urgent finger. "He was watching porn. I just happened to also be in the room."

"Call of Booty?" Shepard asked.

"Cocked and Loaded," Zaeed corrected.

"Oh, that's a classic!"

"You two are just… I don't even…"

"Come on, Big Guy," Shepard cooed, holding out her hand. "Time to sleep it off."

Garrus put his hand in hers and let himself be lead toward the Battery, completely forgetting about Zaeed and his foul play.

"Big guy," he rumbled. "So you think I'm big, do you?"

"You kind of are big, Garrus."

"Damn right I'm big."

She laughed and pushed two fingers against his chest, forcing him to sit on his bunk.

"Do you need help undressing," she teased, sinking into a hip.

"As much as I'd love to say yes just to get you to undress me; no. I'm not actually that drunk."

"This certainly isn't the most drunk I've seen you."

He laughed a little and looked up at her.

"I don't think I've danced since then. If indeed I did dance."

"We danced on Omega," she countered.

"You could hardly call that dancing. You were more flailing. And I was just trying not to touch all the sticky women."

She laughed a little. "Alright smart ass, I guess I haven't danced since we killed Sovereign either."

He exhaled a disapproving breath through his nose. "Also not true. You danced with Thane. In a dress." He then realized he wasn't supposed to know that. "I heard about it from the gossip brigade."

"Ah yeah," she said, rubbing the back of her neck. "But you can't count that. That was for work. There was no whimsy."

"None?"

"Totally Whimsy-less."

"Good." He reached out and took her hand, still looking up at her like a child being tucked into bed. "After we go through the Omega Four; after we come back, alive and victorious, dance with me again."

She smiled affectionately and lifted her other hand to take his visor off of his face.

"Deal."

The moment hung in the air for much longer than it probably should have, and Garrus knew he needed to sleep before he did something stupid.

"Well," he said, releasing her hand and turning to lie down. "Now that we've settled that, I'll ask you to excuse me, for I have some revenge to plot."

Shepard laughed and turned to leave the room.

"Sweet dreams, Garrus."

"They certainly will be."