Cat, Rat, and Dog
By Matelia-legwll
A/N: The short snapshot from the end of the last chapter:
I shook my head, and calmed myself enough to say, "Let's get you out of here, and then you can see for yourself."
Madam Pomfrey came sweeping out of her office with the necessaries to get Remus released, gave me a glare of deepest loathing, and sniffed haughtily as we hobbled out of the Hospital Wing together, laughing once more.
CHAPTER TEN: Lily and Peter
LELELELELELELE
Let me see, I've been hauled around to the library once more and the kitchens thrice, and watched as James and Peter searched the Common Room thoroughly for any sign of me. Sirius was the lucky one — he got to escape just as James was proposing the three of them wander the halls, patrolling for me.
The reason I considered Sirius to be lucky? James had suggested that we split up, Peter and Sirius searching together and James and I as a team. More one-on-one time for me with James. That never ends very well. Er, well, except for yesterday.
Not going there. I'm not even going to think about that. Like I'm not going to think about that hairball I coughed up this morning.
On a different subject, these people must not think I have a life. They obviously don't know where to look for me.
Although, I have to admit, if I'm not with my friends, I do spend an inordinate amount of time in the library. But that is perfectly acceptable during school days. I also am finding the need to say that there isn't a holiday that I am at Hogwarts that I do not spend curled up in a comfy armchair reading a book. Actually, I do that at home too. Curl up with a good book, I mean, not spend time in the library.
Argh, fine. Potter knows me better than I'd like to admit. Most of the time it seems like he is actually reading my mind. I wonder if he is a Legilimens. That could explain a lot. On the other hand, if he was, why would he bother provoking me when I'm clearly not in the mood?
Whatever. I'm not thinking about James right now. Not how he smells even more of peppermint right after his shower, nor the spell his hands weaved on me as he stroked my back — my fur. Nope, none of that stuff.
I jumped down from the back of an armchair, only to see James approaching one of my friends, Ruby.
"Hey, do you know where Lily is?" he asked.
I winced. He just had to ask Ruby.
"Nope, I don't," she said brightly.
"Tha—" started James.
"Haven't seen her since last night, just after she came back from the library," Ruby interrupted. "I asked her what she was planning on doing for the Easter Holidays and she said she hadn't decided."
"We—"
"Now that was a fishy answer if you ask me," Ruby babbled on. "I told her to hold it right there and give me a straight out answer, but she ignored me! Can you believe it? Just straight out ignored me!"
James looked befuddled. I winced again. I wasn't going to be hearing the end of that conversation for a very long time.
"I'm —"
"Muttered something about prefects duties and left me," declared Ruby. "Didn't even sleep in her bed last night. Now there's something you don't see every day."
I glanced around, looking to see what had caught her interest.
All I saw in the common room were some of Sirius's fan girls swooning over one of his pictures. That wasn't at all unusual.
I haven't mentioned that little dynamic yet, have I? Yes, the four boys known as the Marauders each have had their own fan club.
James's was comprised of the most hopelessly romantic girls, the type that got their pleasure from hearing or seeing romantic things that were done for other people. Namely me. They were all moderately jealous of me, but I swore to them that I didn't ask for the attention. And, so far, there hasn't been any bad repercussions from them. Well, other than a group of them coming up to me and telling me to stop breaking his heart. Like I was actually a heart-breaker.
Remus's fan club had loved his witty banter and intellectual pursuits, but they fell apart after he consistently avoided any form of relationship. The farthest he would go with a girl currently was make the transition from acquaintances to friends.
Peter's fan club was made of the kind-of-scary girls. Weirdos, you know? Those that thought he was cute just because he was a Marauder. No other basis. Of course, Peter was likable enough once you got to know him, but he was certainly not very fanciable in my opinion. Something about the pointed nose, the mousy hair, the short stature, and the watery eyes got to me, in completely the wrong way for fancying. Now, if you pointed out someone taller, with clear light brown eyes, and either casually well-set or extremely messy hair. . . That would be someone to fancy.
But even though Peter's fans were weirdos, the most frightening girls belonged to Sirius's fan club. Insanely jealous of any one of the group that was favored by Sirius, they would ostracize that member until she broke down and broke up. Otherwise, they considered all the girls in the club their best mates for life. They would constantly be telling stories of Sirius, swooning over a picture of him, or glaring at the most recently favored girl of Sirius. Really obsessed, if you ask me.
So, all in all, typical behaviour in the Common Room. I looked back over at Ruby and James.
"The —"
"I've never seen that cat before. Or have I? I can't keep track of all the gossip that goes on and everyone's pets. Does that adorable kitty belong to you, James?"
James shook his head. "Act—"
"I didn't think so. Boys are always one for dogs, aren't they?" Ruby had cut off an increasingly frustrated James once again. "Do you at least know the cat's name?"
"Li—" started James.
"Oh, just like you to name your cat after Lily," gushed Ruby, forgetting that James had not claimed ownership.
"Speaking —" I blinked in astonishment as James managed to get two syllables out for the first time since he started the conversation.
"Oh, of course I won't tell," said Ruby in a reassuring tone. "I don't want to get Lily all mad, especially since she ignored me and walked off without another word!"
I was right. Ruby would keep harping on that particular indiscretion for a while. I could tell by James's awkward stance that he was contemplating doing the exact same thing Ruby was accusing me of.
I could see him mentally weighing the pros and cons. For one, he could escape and not be stuck in this conversation. On the other hand, she would tell everyone how discourteous James was to her. Of course, she might equate me to him, and tell everyone how we belonged together.
Ack! Did I just think that? That would be a pro in James's mind, not mine, of course.
Anyway. . . Ruby was babbling on, looking completely unaware of James's discomfort; in fact, she looked totally unaware of her surroundings at the moment.
Just then, Sirius came strolling into the common room, one arm dragging Remus along with him. How exactly one strolls into the common room from clambering through the portrait hole, I'm not exactly sure. Remind me to ask the dog.
"Remus, you're out!" exclaimed James, joyfully turning from Ruby.
"Madam Pomfrey always sees sense eventually," smirked Sirius.
Remus gave Sirius a playful shove. "You didn't have to threaten to put Aubrey back in there. I was perfectly fine with staying another night."
"Aubrey? Bertram Aubrey?" James raised his eyebrows, hiding his mirth. "Wasn't he the kid —?"
Sirius nodded, a huge grin blossoming on his face.
As Remus and James erupted into laughter, Sirius caught my eye and mouthed 'Be a cat.'
I gave a little huff, then came over and started rubbing Sirius's leg, just to annoy him. I soon gave that up (with the encouragement of a pointed look from Sirius) and went over to James. To my pleasure, James was much more affectionate: crouching down and stroking my fur. He even scratched me behind my ears.
Remus cleared his throat, and James looked up. Even though he wasn't looking at me, James kept a hand gently moving over my fur.
"Care to explain?" asked Remus, looking curiously between the three of us.
"Remus, meet Lils. Lils, this is Remus," said Sirius, grinning like a maniac. I felt sure he knew how much this would irritate me.
"Lils?" Remus looked at Sirius in shock, quickly glancing at James for confirmation.
James nodded complacently, still stroking my fur.
Remus looked anxiously around, then said, "Are you sure that's wise? I mean, if Lily heard you —"
The laughter of the two other boys drowned out the rest of Remus's protest.
Remus glared at them as they quieted down once more. "Don't play pranks on me like that," he instructed.
James now looked bewildered. "What prank?"
Sirius joined in, "What are you talking about, mate?"
"The prank — that you two just laughed at. . . . Wasn't it a prank?" finished Remus looking rather confused.
James grinned. "No. We were laughing at the irony."
"You telling us that Evans might object to hearing us call her own cat by the name she gave it," explained Sirius.
"She — what?"
"We're cat-sitting for Evans while she's gone for the Easter Holidays," clarified James.
"Cat-sitting?" asked Sirius, raising his eyebrows at the term.
"Yeah. It's like babysitting, except that Lils is a cat, not a baby."
I couldn't resist saying, 'Thank goodness,' and it directed Remus's gaze to evaluating me.
"How did you manage to get Lily to agree to this plan?" asked Remus.
I snorted, and passed it off as a sneeze. Cats do sneeze, right? Oh well. "Bless you," muttered James anyway.
Sirius looked right at me. "Fact was, she didn't have much choice in the matter. James found her cat in our toilet, passed out, and apparently Evans has left for the Easter Holidays without letting us give Lils back to her."
"In our toilet?" Remus made an odd face.
"She had chased Wormy up to the dormitory, then knocked herself out in her panic," explained James.
"And Peter?" asked Remus worriedly.
"He's fine now. He just fainted. After he — er —" Sirius cast an apprehensive glance at me.
James followed his line of sight, then gave a hearty laugh. "For Merlin's sake, Sirius. She's just a cat!"
"Just a cat?" asked Sirius aggressively. "Would any old cat be able to understand what we say? Be able to communicate back with us?"
James's eyes widened in revelation.
PPPPPPPPPPPPPP
Are you wondering where I am while James and Evans are in the Common Room? I managed to escape to the dormitory to continue my list of what to do if something goes horribly, awfully, terribly wrong. Like it had yesterday.
Item five: Take a deep breath if the subject comes up.
Yes, I know. I need to remember to just keep breathing. I do not want to faint again.
Item six: Don't hyperventilate when others are discussing cats or Evans.
I can't breathe too much.
I looked at the two rules I just added. Golly, this is confusing. Keep breathing but don't breathe too much. I'll just have to work on it. Anything to keep the secret from Remus and James.
Item seven: Just stop reminding myself that the cat is Evans.
There's no need to worry about that. Except to laugh about ironic situations. Hang on. Isn't that covered by number four? I looked back up at item four. Merlin's beard. I can't laugh about ironic situations? That rule just took all the fun out of my life.
Item eight: Change the subject if it's hitting too close to home.
Now, all I need is a list of subjects to sidetrack the conversation with. Let me see, food, Quidditch, homework, Quidditch, and did I mention Quidditch? That's for James. For Remus there's food, homework, recent books, chocolate (it doesn't fit under food, I swear), and juicy, tender, raw steaks (that one is a whole subject by itself). I'll have to work on my technique for changing the subject though. The last time I tried to change a subject, Sirius pursued it even more doggedly.
Item nine: Don't look suspicious.
That's easy enough. Except, I always look suspicious. I thought it added to my appeal. The mysterious, lone suspect. I can't help looking suspicious, can I? I'm a rat, for Godric's sake. I don't know how to not look suspicious. I need an easy rule.
Item ten: Don't tell anyone the real reason behind this list.
Phew. Finally I thought of a relatively easy rule. Except, what if the other Marauders tickle-torture me? I have always given in to their tickle-torture. I hate Rictusempra. I glowered at my piece of parchment before I realized what number I had completed.
Ten's a good place to stop, don't you think? I wonder what is happening in the common room. There hasn't been any explosions down there. What could they be up to? I better go check on the situation. Signing off.
Did — did I just think something that stupid? I wonder where I got that phrase from. Argh. Not helping. Got to go to the door, grasp the handle, open it, and stop thinking about stupid things.
Peter's List
Item one: Hide the map.
Item two: Tell Sirius.
Item three: Laugh off any weird questions.
Item four: But don't laugh when an ironic situation comes up.
Item five: Take a deep breath if the subject comes up.
Item six: Don't hyperventilate when others are discussing cats or Evans.
Item seven: Just stop reminding myself that the cat is Evans.
Item eight: Change the subject if it is hitting too close to home.
Item nine: Don't look suspicious.
Item ten: Don't tell anyone the real reason for this list.
A/N: My first full-blown cliffie! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! (Is startled as lightning suddenly flashes through the clear blue sky) Er, hem hem. Anyway...
Well, what do you think? What's your favorite part so far? Any good dialogue or good rants? Any suggestions? I'll take them into consideration, I promise. Any questions for me?
All readers--Here is your chance. Take a look back at Peter's list. Can you think of anything to add? Tell me in a review or PM, and chances are I'll use it. My only request be that the list consist of rather obvious or pathetic notions, and that it would be absolutely hilarious to make Peter follow through on. Keep them coming! Thanks to Tang Si Ming-Yue for items six, nine, and ten. I have a list now of all the suggestions so far and who made them, so they'll be coming. Yay for lists!
Keep reviewing, please. I promise I'll respond to all reviews. Even to anonymous reviewers, as long as you include an email address. And please do include an email address, if you plan on being anonymous. I know it sounds like an oxymoron, but it's just one extra line.
I know you must hear this a lot, but every new review does make my day. And seriously, the more reviews I get, the sooner I start on getting the next chapter ready and out. I try to justify putting it up with getting a certain number of reviews. Also, keep in touch with a PM or email, and you may get certain treats!
Thank you for reading!