Cat, Rat, and Dog

By Matelia-legwll

A/N: The tiny snapshot from the end of the last chapter:

Ten's a good place to stop, don't you think? I wonder what is happening in the common room. There hasn't been any explosions down there. What could they be up to? I better go check on the situation. Signing off.

Did — did I just think something that stupid? I wonder where I got that phrase from. Argh. Not helping. Got to go to the door, grasp the handle, open it, and stop thinking about stupid things.

And, because I'm nice, here's that cliffhanger:

"Just a cat?" asked Sirius aggressively. "Would any old cat be able to understand what we say? Be able to communicate back with us?"

James's eyes widened in revelation.

CHAPTER ELEVEN: Sirius

Aah! Oh bloody Merlin, how could I have let that slip? Everything was going just fine until I had to realize what I was saying and stop before Evans got too much information. And then I just had to open my bloody big mouth and say things that undoubtedly are true, but Prongs and Moony hadn't made the connections yet. Okay, shut it, brain, James is speaking.

"Lils — Lils is a Kneazle!" James said, amazed at his own brilliance. Wait, brilliance? Kneazle?

"Say what?" I blurted out, astonished. This was not the realization I had been expecting.

"A Kneazle. Sure she doesn't have the outsized ears, or the tail like a lion, but she must have some Kneazle ancestry to understand us and communicate with us," declared James.

I opened my mouth to argue, but decided that now wasn't the time. I was not trying to make Prongs suspicious, I was not trying to make Prongs suspicious, I was not trying to make Prongs suspicious.

Moony saved me by asking, "She can communicate with you?"

"Communicate with anyone, I suppose," said James. "I reckon she tried to communicate to Snivellus yesterday, but nothing gets through his thick head."

I was fit to burst with laughter. Oh, the expressions on that cat! James has no clue he's insulting that grease spot to Evans's face. She stalked away from James after giving the clueless stag a glare, and started meowing to herself.

I feel that if I were transformed into Padfoot, I'd hear her muttering along the lines of 'Nothing gets through his thick head? Hmph. Nothing gets through your thick head, more like.'

I'm glad I'm not Padfoot right now. James has his own reasons why he hates Snivelly, but I'm not so sure those reasons would fly with Evans.

"Prongs guessed her name and her owner and she agreed with him. She didn't particularly like me at first, and I'm trying to keep it that way," I said to Remus.

"Interesting," remarked Remus. "Where's Wormy now?"

"Upstairs," said James absentmindedly, still crouched on the floor, looking curiously after the cat.

I couldn't stifle a snort of laughter.

"What's so funny about that?" asked Remus.

"He must be working on his 'end of the world' list," I grinned.

This got James's attention, and he smirked at us as he stood. "Guess what his number one thing to do is, Moony," he instructed.

Remus shrugged. "I dunno."

"Hide the map," James burst out, laughing.

Moony's eyes widened. "He doesn't actually have the map to hide, does he?"

"Course not," said James. "It's in my trunk."

I grinned evilly. Wormtail must have been bluffing. I had looked under his pillow this morning to see if James's guess last night was right, but there wasn't anything there. And then Wormy shot me a triumphant look. What was up with that?

Speaking of Wormtail, here's the little devil. He just came down the stair with a puzzled look on his face. At least until he saw Moony. His expression changed into worry that grew more intense as he spotted the cat a meter or so away.

"How's the list going, Pete?" teased James.

"Up to number ten," replied Peter in a vague tone, keeping a steady gaze on Evans.

"What did you put down?" I asked.

He shrugged and finally looked at the rest of us. "You'd just take the mickey from me, so why would I tell you?"

Remus gave a half-grin. "True."

I started to pout. Several girls around the common room sighed. I frowned. There goes the chorus of sighs again. Can't I make one facial expression without getting mobbed by my fan girls? Okay, okay, so they haven't mobbed me. Yet. Some of those girls are scary. I learned early on never to date any of them.

Onto a different topic. Let me see. I know. Pranks! Pranks for the Easter Holidays.

"So," I said, flinging myself down on a nearby couch (to more sighs that I'm just going to ignore from now on). "We're all here, with nothing to do, and I'm bored," I hinted.

"You always could study for the O.W.L.s," suggested Remus, settling himself into a nearby, and quite comfortable, armchair.

I narrowed my eyes at him, and he just grinned, knowing how much an answer like that irritated me. "I — don't — study," I growled.

Wormtail and Prongs roared with laughter at our interchange. Moony grinned triumphantly as he replied, "I know you never did. But that doesn't mean you can't start."

I have now decided that I dislike Moony.

Joking! But he was being a real pain in the you-know-where. Thankfully, James got the message.

"So, Padfoot, what did you have in mind to . . . occupy our time?" said James, gingerly stressing the one word.

I shrugged casually. "We haven't pulled a prank in a while."

The response was immediate. Remus sat up straighter, Peter plopped himself on the floor close to the couch and armchair looking at us with an eager expression, James grinned broadly as he leaned on the two pieces of furniture, and Evans's head shot up off of her paws.

I rather enjoy the feeling of all my friends hanging on my words, if I say so myself.

"Who'd be the victim?" asked Remus.

"Slytherins if possible. Right, Padfoot?" commented James.

"Who else?" I noted loftily.

"What are we going to do?" asked Peter, wide-eyed with excitement.

I made a thoughtful face. "Anyone have any genius ideas?"

"Something new, something creative," mused James.

"It is the Easter Holidays," pointed out Remus.

I happened to glance down at the floor, only to be startled by a pair of anxious green eyes looking up at me. Evans, the cat. I breathed again, half wondering if James had already noticed the cat's resemblance to her "owner" or if this was still yet to come.

"Go away," I mouthed. "Go be a cat."

Evans shook her furry head. Thankfully, no one had noticed my exchange with her. Yet.

"Reow," she meowed simply. I felt sure she was saying 'no.' Aggravating is what she is. Then again, all cats aggravate me.

James finally noticed her presence and scooped her into one arm. I noticed that even though she was glaring at me and the rest of the Marauders, she relaxed instantly as he started to pet her absentmindedly. Ha, ha. Revenge comes for me without any thought — on mine or James's part.

"I want some chocolate," groaned Remus, putting his head in his hands.

"Chocolate! That's it!" exclaimed James, looking excited.

"What? What about chocolate?" asked Peter earnestly.

"The chocolate Easter eggs. I'm sure we could spike them . . . or something," James trailed off.

"Spike the chocolate eggs. Good, but what with?" I mused aloud. "Firewhiskey?"

"You know Rosmerta won't let us buy firewhiskey, and neither will that barman at the Hog's Head," inserted Remus, looking up. "But we should do it with something we're good at."

"A whole lot of help Transfiguration is for spiking chocolate, Moony," I said sarcastically.

"Actually," started James, tilting his head in thought, "if we could figure out how to transfigure people momentarily when they eat food, we could have a whole line of jokes."

"I can see it now," I said, grinning and waving a hand in the air from one side to the other. "Doggy doughnuts, birdie biscuits—"

Peter inserted, "Kitty Knuts," and we all gave him a little stare before I pointed out that Knuts are not food. He looked down, muttering 'oh,' and I continued my list.

"Er, Rabbit rice, snake salad, turtle tarts, giraffe gravy, canary creams, hare honey," I broke off, frowning thoughtfully. "Jam. What animal would go well with jam?"

James and Remus were trying hard to contain their laughter. Peter smiled weakly before meekly suggesting, "Jellyfish?"

We all erupted into laughter. A Jellyfish Jam. I even heard Evans give a little kitty laugh.

Sometimes Peter is just thick. But at other times he knows exactly what to say, and when to say it. This, obviously, was an "other time."

Once we had settled down again, James's head shot up. "What if, instead of transforming the eater, we transfigured the chocolate itself?"

"Into what?" I asked curiously.

"Rabbits," suggested Wormtail suddenly.

"Why would we transfigure chocolate into rabbits?" asked Remus.

Peter shrugged. "I dunno."

Suddenly an idea struck me. "Great idea, Wormy!" I looked up at my friends' astonished faces. "It's Easter. We need an Easter Bunny!"

"Or more than one," said Remus, seeing my vision.

James started laughing. "Everyone can have a furry little problem," he said, chuckling.

Moony's head turned sharply and he stared anxiously, I looked at Prongs in confusion, and Wormtail mirrored my expression.

James looked at us and grinned. "Relax Moony. You know that story that got circulated because of those three words?"

Remus nodded, still not comprehending any joke. "I was supposed to own a misbehaving rabbit."

"And what happens when everyone has a misbehaving rabbit?" asked James patiently.

"They — just — all have misbehaving rabbits?" answered Remus uncertainly.

"They all have furry little problems," corrected James.

"Oh," said Remus, Peter, and I, comprehension dawning.

James roared with laughter. We all joined in once we understood how hilarious we sounded.

An evening of laughing and planning was in store for us. If only that could have lasted forever.

Peter's List

Item one: Hide the map.

Item two: Tell Sirius.

Item three: Laugh off any weird questions.

Item four: But don't laugh when an ironic situation comes up.

Item five: Take a deep breath if the subject comes up.

Item six: Don't hyperventilate when others are discussing cats or Evans.

Item seven: Just stop reminding myself that the cat is Evans.

Item eight: Change the subject if it is hitting too close to home.

Item nine: Don't look suspicious.

Item ten: Don't tell anyone the real reason for this list.

A/N: Happy Birthday Fred and George Weasley! Happy April Fools Day! Hope you liked the prank conversation. And yes, I did the reference purely to honor a very specific invention of the Weasley twins that was first tried on Neville Longbottom in GoF. You guessed it. Canary Cream, anyone? Only seven Sickles, bargain! I'll even pay one Sickle out of pocket for one Canary Cream for each reviewer. Well, as soon as I figure out where that Leaky Cauldron is hiding on Charing Cross Road.

Well, what do you think? What's your favorite part so far? Any good dialogue or good rants? Any suggestions? I'll take them into consideration, I promise. Any questions for me?

All readers--Here is your chance. Take a look back at Peter's list. Can you think of anything to add? Tell me in a review or PM, and chances are I'll use it. My only request be that the list consist of rather obvious or pathetic notions, and that it would be absolutely hilarious to make Peter follow through on. Keep them coming!

Keep reviewing, please. I promise I'll respond to all reviews. Even to anonymous reviewers, as long as you include an email address. And please do include an email address, if you plan on being anonymous. I know it sounds like an oxymoron, but it's just one extra line.

I know you must hear this a lot, but every new review does make my day. And seriously, the more reviews I get, the sooner I start on getting the next chapter ready and out. I try to justify putting it up with getting a certain number of reviews. Also, keep in touch with a PM or email, and you may get certain treats!

Oh, and I've been updating my profile avatar image to correspond with something in each of these chapters. Check it out for some cute kitty pictures.

Thank you for reading!