Cat, Rat, and Dog
By Matelia-legwll
A/N: The little snapshot from the end of the last chapter:
"They all have furry little problems," corrected James.
"Oh," said Remus, Peter, and I, comprehension dawning.
James roared with laughter. We all joined in once we understood how hilarious we sounded.
An evening of laughing and planning was in store for us. If only that could have lasted forever.
CHAPTER TWELVE: Lily
The second full day I was a cat, I experienced the first of my woes. Well, I guess not technically the first of my woes. But, well, come on, it's just an expression.
Anyway, that was the day I had an itch. An irritating, annoying, maddening, bothersome, aggravating, exasperating, inconvenient, and vexing itch. Yes, I had all day to come up with the synonyms.
It was on the right side of my jaw, close enough to my mouth not to get petted or scratched in normal associations.
And it wouldn't — go — away!
I woke up and lazily stretched on the pile of blankets the boys had designated as my bed. I sat on my haunches to start washing myself, but noticed as soon as I licked my paw that there was something wrong with the side of my jaw.
I batted at my face, probably looking absurd, but even my humiliation didn't help the growing irritation.
I looked around the dormitory for anything that might help, but all of the boys were gone. Not a single one of those blokes had stayed around to watch for when I awoke.
I was vexed with the itch, disappointed that not one of them had waited for me, and mad at myself for wanting James to be the one to wait for me.
Not a very good combination of emotions, if I say so myself.
They had better have left the door open, I thought to myself, turning to inspect the main door.
Not even a crack. Lovely.
The door to the lavatory was — open. Nice. At least they took into consideration that I might need to use my litter box.
I can't believe I just said that. This cat thing is affecting me more than I care to admit. The Marauders seemed to be excited to care for an animal: After their planning session, they had promptly set forth to gather supplies from the house elves, tips from other cat owners, and told me the ground rules.
One: No "surprises" anywhere besides my litter box.
Remus really needn't have bothered. I might have been tempted to leave a surprise for Potter and Black in their shoes, but the last time Potter got frustrated with me, the dog wasn't very nice. I don't want to go back to that.
Two: No chasing of mice or rats.
Like I would want to anyway. Everyone gave Peter an indulgent smile for that rule. I kind of wondered why.
Three: No tagging along during a prank.
Sirius got odd looks for saying that, but I was disappointed that he had mentioned that as a ground rule. It would've been interesting to watch the Marauders in action. Especially after I was able to listen in on their planning session last night.
Four: Have fun.
I had tilted my head when James first said this. What an odd ground rule. James had gotten a wary look from Sirius and Remus, and a worried one from Peter.
Really, I don't know what there was to worry about. It wasn't like I was about to shred the curtains in my frustration.
Actually, that sounds quite fun.
No, I will not do that. Although, maybe their sheets. . . . No, get those ideas out of my head. I am a responsible Prefect, who just happened to be turned into a cat for a fortnight. I will carry on with my duties.
Anyway, when are those blokes getting back? Did they leave a note or anything? Sirius would've made sure it was discreet, but surely they left something.
Argh, there goes that bothersome itch again. I started rubbing my jaw against the lavatory doorjamb. There must be some way to get rid of this itch.
Ahhh, momentary relief. Wait, what's that on the mirror? Looks like letters, but I can't make it out yet. The finger traces are just too faint from the steam evaporating completely before I woke.
I concentrated harder, coming closer. Someone had written something. I bounced into the air as my concentration paid off. L—E. My initials. They had left a note for me.
After about five minutes of pure concentration, I only got two more letters. J—P. I sighed. No need to ask whose initials those were. Looking over it now I can almost see the plus sign in between the two sets of initials. Or is it a four?
Aw — oh please. Go away itch. What must I do to get rid of this maddening itch? I need to rub it against something. Ooh, cabinet knobs. Perfect. Or should I say Purr-fect? Joking! I get that it is a very bad pun. I am known for them. Especially when I'm irritated.
Where are they? I journeyed out of the toilet and looked at the beds.
Hmm. Remus left a book on the floor. I wonder what book it is? As soon as the thought entered my mind, I went over and read the cover. Hairy Snout, Human Heart. I wonder why Remus is interested in that. I heard it was a very touching book, a heartfelt classic tale about an anonymous werewolf's struggle with his lycanthropy. Is Remus into inspirational stories? This one must be hot off the presses, it still has its glossy hardcover. Oh. Ohhh. Feel that corner. Oh, that feels nice against my aggravated itch. If I bend my head just so —
"Are you trying to gnaw that off?"
I jumped at least a foot in the air. I hadn't heard anyone come in the door. Remus was still looking at me curiously, as if waiting for an answer to his question. I tossed a guilty, but confident, look up at him. He shook his head slightly, then put the book back on his bedside table before heading to the lavatory.
I glanced at the newly opened and closed door. I could hear the other three boys climbing the stair now. Peter was, as usual, extolling the virtues of having James on one's team. Sirius was laughing and putting in little jabs at Peter's own lack of skill, while I assumed James was just lapping it all up.
I prepared myself as the door handle turned slowly. The three boys poured in, and stopped short at the sight of me. I was glaring at them, lashing my tail back and forth, and I opened my mouth to rebuke them.
"Where have you —" Oh, not now. Inconvenient itch. Just shake my head, start over, and ignore it. "Where have —" Okay, I really need to scratch it against something. The bedpost looks handy. Alright. I'll give myself a quick rub then get back to scolding. There. Now I can at least complete my sentence. "Where have you been?"
Annoying itch. I don't know what else to rub my jaw on. Maybe I could get one of the humans to scratch it for me. Ach, did I just refer to those blokes as humans? How could I. And implied that I was not a human too. What is wrong with me? Ah, yes, the itch. How could I forget.
Three pairs of legs presented themselves in a light more desirable than would have ever been possible, had I not been a cat suffering from my first woe. I rubbed first against Peter, he was closest. But not for long, as he immediately jumped to his bed and threw his covers over his head.
Regarding him curiously for an instant allowed the exasperating itch in the side of my face to build to an uncontrollable level of irritation. I quickly brushed the side of my face on Sirius's trouser legs, before he erupted in a cackling fit of laughter regarding Peter's behavior and collapsed onto the ground.
I turned to James with a confused and pleading expression. He had been carefully observing me this whole time, and he knelt down and held out his hand to me.
"C'mere Lils." The invitation rolled pleasantly off of his tongue. I warily traipsed over to him.
As soon as I was close enough to him, he started rubbing behind my ears and around my face. I maneuvered my head so that he was actually scratching the itch, and closed my eyes in pleasure and relief.
After a moment or two, I opened them again. What was that motor-like sound coming from my chest? I looked to James for a clue, but he just had a gigantic grin on his face. Was I — was I actually purring?
I suppose I was.
How lovely. Honestly. I had never before considered how pleased a purring cat is, but a cat can be quite delighted indeed.
I grinned as he scratched my itch away.
His watch slipped around his wrist enough so that I could see and read it. Four o'clock? In the afternoon? I gave a little start and stopped purring. Yikes! Where had all the time gone? No wonder no one waited around for me to wake up.
I was so used to waking up at seven o'clock sharp. What'll happen when I get changed back? I had so far ignored the adolescent extra need for sleep. But sleeping in no earlier than three-thirty in the afternoon? Merlin's beard, that's a lot of time I spent asleep.
"Padfoot? What's this on your bed?" asked Remus, coming out of the loo, and spotting the parchment lying on Sirius's bed.
Sirius threw a quick glance over to me, then said airily, "Oh, nothing."
"Oh, so 'Evans, Quidditch rocks, Sirius' is nothing?" asked Remus, amused, reading the words off the slip of parchment he had picked up.
"What?" exclaimed a bewildered James. He quickly stood and strode over to Sirius's bedside, snatching the note Remus was holding and reading it for himself. Sirius's eyes widened with unaccustomed fear as he glanced between James and Remus, and James and me. His eyes focusing on James, he spoke once more.
"Prongs, it doesn't matter. I was just trying to come up with a way to convince Evans to come to our next match, as a surprise for you," said Sirius.
James and Remus exchanged glances and snorted. "Way to be convincing," said Remus sarcastically.
"Quidditch rocks?" said James incredulously. "That's the best you could come up with?"
"Yeah, well. It's not like I had a lot of time to think on it. I just wrote that down this morning, remember?" protested Sirius sulkily. "You weren't supposed to find out about it."
Quickly realizing that this was the note Sirius left to tell where they went, and that he wasn't as discreet as I'd assumed, I decided to make a distraction of myself for James.
I jumped up on Sirius's bed, stood where James's free hand was, and started rubbing my head against his hand.
"Aw, Jamesie, the ickle kitty wikes you," said Sirius in a mocking tone.
I tossed a glare in his direction, but continued to rubbing against James's hand. Sirius should be grateful I'm taking James's attention away from his pathetic note.
James grinned down at me and my stomach flip-flopped. No! I didn't mean to say it like that, I swear! If my stomach did move around, it was purely unrelated to his dashing grin. Ach, did I just — I didn't mean that! Honestly!
"Yeah, well. Give a rat some cheese," replied James.
Peter stuck his head out from under his cover. "What's that supposed to mean?"
James shrugged. "I dunno. The maid, Laura, always said it whenever I got anything Quidditch related as a present."
"And that applies to the cat, how?" asked Sirius. Peter ducked his head back under the cover at the mention of me.
"I dunno. I just thought it fit," said James, sounding a little sullen.
Come on, just stop worrying about your thick friends and pet me. I started meowing, "Pet me, pet me," as I went back and forth against his hand. He shouldn't be able to resist me for much longer. His fingers are twitching.
Oh, Merlin's beard! Am I actually begging James Potter to pet me? I am going absolutely mental!
Of course, as soon as he started rubbing my face, those worries slipped away.
Hang on, did they leave the main door open? I'm hungry. I sneakily turned and looked toward the door, as James started to rub my back. It is open! Freedom is in sight once more! Did — did James just — did he just stroke my — my tail? Ooh, I'm going to get him for that. By streaking out the door he forgot to close all the way. Ha, ha! Ta ta for now, James!
Peter's List
Item one: Hide the map.
Item two: Tell Sirius.
Item three: Laugh off any weird questions.
Item four: But don't laugh when an ironic situation comes up.
Item five: Take a deep breath if the subject comes up.
Item six: Don't hyperventilate when others are discussing cats or Evans.
Item seven: Just stop reminding myself that the cat is Evans.
Item eight: Change the subject if it is hitting too close to home.
Item nine: Don't look suspicious.
Item ten: Don't tell anyone the real reason for this list.
A/N: I believe this is my longest chapter yet. Is that enough fluff to keep you all for a while? I do need to once more increase my cache of chapters. The next update, Chapter Thirteen, will be coming Tuesday, April 22, unless you can persuade me to do it a little earlier.
Well, what do you think? What's your favorite part so far? Any good dialogue or good rants? Any suggestions? I'll take them into consideration, I promise. Any questions for me?
All readers-Here is your chance. Take a look back at Peter's list. Can you think of anything to add? Tell me in a review or PM, and chances are I'll use it. My only request be that the list consist of rather obvious or pathetic notions, and that it would be absolutely hilarious to make Peter follow through on. Keep them coming!
Keep reviewing, please. I promise I'll respond to all reviews. Even to anonymous reviewers, as long as you include an email address. And please do include an email address, if you plan on being anonymous. I know it sounds like an oxymoron, but it's just one extra line. And who wouldn't want to hear from this author? The Marauders and Lily and even Madam Pomfrey have been known to make appearances in the review responses. I know you must hear this a lot, but every new review does make my day.
Oh, and I've been updating my profile avatar image to correspond with something in each of these chapters. Check it out for some cute kitty pictures. I have a few different pictures that correspond with the events in this chappie, so go ahead and visit my profile more than once. Especially if you are waiting for the next chapter.
Thank you for reading!