(Thanks for the support, mes amis. Means so much to me. Here's the next update!)
Enjolras was amazed that he still had tears left. He had been crying more in these past few hours than in his entire lifetime. Except perhaps that time when his mother died. And each time Grantaire's face popped up in his mind – which was pretty much non-stop – Enjolras' eyes burned and tears came. He couldn't believe that this was happening. No matter how much he tried to wrap his head around it, his heart was utterly lost.
Combeferre had tried his best to calm him down, had tried to get him to open up, but Enjolras found he couldn't tell the story. Not yet anyway. It hurt too much to think about it, let alone speak of it. He had muttered a few words however that allowed his best friend to take a good guess. Grantaire. Fight. Betrayal. Break-up.
He was so exhausted and so messed up that he didn't even care that he was losing it in front of Combeferre. He didn't care that he lost his composure. He didn't care that he was breaking down. He didn't care that Combeferre saw him weak, ashamed and vulnerable. He didn't care, because his world had come crashing down on him and all he could think about was why. Why. Why. Why?
Enjolras didn't realize that he had fallen asleep.
When he woke up and heard Combeferre tell Courfeyrac that he was worried about Grantaire, he felt even more lost. Would they choose Grantaire's side? What if they all thought that it was Enjolras' fault? Was it his fault? Was he to blame for Grantaire's actions? Enjolras didn't know and he was so confused. He didn't have a grip on neither his emotions nor his thoughts and felt completely out of control. It wasn't a feeling he was used to. And he hated it.
Sobs caused his body to shake and those traitorous tears came leaking from his tired eyes again. Was he going to lose everything now? When strong arms pulled him into a tight embrace, Enjolras cried even harder and before he knew what he was doing he was begging Combeferre to stay with him. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he cursed himself for falling apart like this. He loathed his own weakness and inside his head he screamed to get a grip, to pull himself together. But it was no use. For the first time in his life, Enjolras' mind was losing the battle against his heart.
"I'm always on your side, Julien. I will always have your back. I'm not going anywhere."
Enjolras only vaguely registered Combeferre's words. He tried to hang on to them. He tried to hang on to the present and to his friend's attempts to comfort him. But pain, anger, confusion and betrayal dominated his whole being. He kept reliving those last few moments before he stormed out of Grantaire's apartment. He constantly saw himself open the door, ready to apologize and ask his boyfriend for forgiveness. He could still feel his once brave and proud heart shatter into a million pieces when he thought back on the vision that met him. Grantaire and this woman. Grantaire naked. Both naked. On the couch. In the middle of the act. Tequila bottle, beer bottles and clothes forgotten on the floor.
And then the look of shock in Grantaire's eyes. The pure anguish. The guilt and the sorrow. The way he tried to scramble up, only to fall back down because his drunk, wobbling legs wouldn't carry him. The way his gut wrenching scream cut straight through Enjolras' soul when the blonde fled from the apartment.
Why, why, why? They were happy. They had been happy for so long. Hadn't they? Had they been living a lie? No… No… they were happy. They were both happy. So then why?
Enjolras was suddenly pulled back into the present when he realized that Combeferre was shaking his shoulders and called for his attention. His eyes focused on his best friend and he did his best to understand the words that came out of Combeferre's mouth. If Enjolras thought that he had reached his lowest point, that things could not be worse, those words proved him wrong. And the shattered pieces of his heart twisted painfully, only to break even further.
"We need to go. Grantaire's in the hospital. It's not good."
TBC.
(Hope you liked, please review?)