(Thanks everyone for the support! Here's the next chapter. Grantaire's point of view again)
When Grantaire opened his eyes, he had no idea where he was. He didn't know what had happened and he didn't understand why his mind was so foggy. He couldn't remember anything. He couldn't remember that Courfeyrac had found him in his apartment hours earlier. He couldn't remember how his friend had called an ambulance. He couldn't remember how the doctors put him to sleep. He couldn't remember how much he had to drink. He couldn't remember anything.
Except Enjolras' face. That he could remember very clearly. He remembers it like it's right in front of him. The pain in his eyes. The betrayal. The disbelief. He remembers it so vividly it's like it has been carved into his very brain. Grantaire wanted to hide away from that face. He wanted to take it all back. Everything that had happened. He would trade his own life for it.
A beeping sound had Grantaire turn his head and look around. A hospital. He was in a hospital. He was in a hospital and his stomach hurt and his head hurt and he didn't know why he was here. Why was he here? What had happened?
You destroyed everything, that's what happened.
Enjolras was not there.
Grantaire's eyes found the only person sitting next to him in a plastic chair. Courfeyrac gave him a sad smile and reached out to grasp Grantaire's hand in his own. There were tears in his eyes and a look that Grantaire could not quite fathom. Was it pity? Sympathy? Disappointment? His friend shook his head ever so slightly and looked away from him. When he looked back up, his face had hardened and Grantaire definitely recognized anger.
Good. You deserve anger. You destroyed everything.
Enjolras was not there.
Courfeyrac was speaking and Grantaire had to focus very hard to understand what his friend was telling him. He soon found he didn't want to hear it. He didn't want to hear that people were worried about him. He didn't want to know that he had almost died. He didn't want to hear that he had failed again. He should've died. He should've relieved everyone from the deep disappointment he was. From the burden he had always been.
Good for nothing. You don't deserve their concern.
Enjolras was not there.
"Don't ever do something like that again, Grantaire. Don't ever scare us like that. How could you? How could you do that to Enjolras? You have friends, R! People who care about you. So much more than you seem to realize. Don't ever do something that stupid again, you hear me? If things go bad, you call out to one of us. We are here for you. When will you learn that?"
There was desperation in Courfeyrac's voice, Grantaire could hear it very clearly. He just didn't understand why it was there. Did Courfeyrac not know what he had done? Had Enjolras not told him how he had destroyed everything? Surely if his friend knew, he wouldn't be sitting here next to him, would he? As soon as they all knew what he had done, they would leave him. They would leave him, that sorry excuse of a man, behind and never look back.
They should. You are not worthy of their friendship.
Enjolras is not here.
Grantaire didn't realize he had spoken the words out loud. He also didn't realize there were tears falling from his eyes. His head was filled with self-loathing thoughts and he wished there was someone or something to take his pain away. To relieve him from himself. But then Courfeyrac was speaking again and he was talking about Enjolras. And when someone talked about Enjolras, Grantaire was bound to listen. Because it was Enjolras.
"He was here, 'Taire," Courfeyrac told him softly, squeezing his hand in a comforting gesture. "He was here for a while actually. He only left when the doctor told us you were going to be okay."
Of course he left. He must've been disappointed that you didn't die.
"You can't blame him for that. He has every reason not to be ready to talk to you," Courfeyrac continued somewhat sternly. "But he was here, R, and that means he cares. He still cares. Try and hang on to that."
Enjolras was not there.
And that was all that echoed in Grantaire's head. He had destroyed everything and Enjolras was not there. It was all ruined. He should've died.
TBC.
(Hope you liked it. Next will be Combeferre's point of view again. I wonder if the story is easy to follow with all these different point of views? Please review!)