Part 1

TW: Car crash, blood, referenced abuse, alcohol abuse

Hi.

My name is Sonia Jordan.

I go to Franklin High in Texas.

I have ADHD and Dyslexia.

My only friend is Will Solace.

At the beginning of the school year, I was getting bullied because I was 'unnatural'. Because I was born a boy but also wasn't a boy, if that makes sense.

That's when Will swooped in and defended me saying how I was just who I needed to be. Whenever I have a hard day, I think of all the good things he said about me that day, without even knowing me.

We've been inseparable ever since.

"So who's this mysterious boyfriend of yours?" I asked Will on our way to class. "You talk about him like he's the sun to your stars yet I've never met him."

Will grinned like he knew something I didn't. "I wouldn't worry about it. I feel like you too will meet real soon."

"Good." I said as we entered the classroom. "Then I can ask him for all the embarrassing WIll Solace stories he has on tap."

"I swear you still text my mom for those." Will said, looking me over suspiciously. "Trying to use them as blackmail someday?"

"You'll know soon enough."

"That's scary."

I had to stifle my giggles as Mr. Robinson walked in and started his lecture on a topic that excited him so much he was beside himself–mitosis and meiosis. Yay.

I couldn't focus, so I pretended to take notes while really just doodling and looking outside the window.

It was completely overcast, with very little sunlight managing to break through the cloud cover, casting the whole world in a dull shade of uniform gray.

That might be why I'm so tired and down today. I find that my emotions can be influenced by the weather. When it's sunny, I'm happy and full of energy, when it's rainy or overcast like today, I'm tired and lazy.

Will's like that as well. Even now, he's struggling to keep his eyes open.

Thankfully enough, that was the last class of the day and the last school day of the year. Meaning that the second the bell went off, everyone started muscling their way out the door even though it was the senior bell and half of them weren't seniors.

Will and I waited patiently, packing up and letting everyone leave. This way when we leave, the hallways won't be as crowded.

"Taking the bus?" Will asked when the actual bell rang and left the classroom. We had arrived at our lockers.

"No, actually." I started stuffing everything back into my bag. "My mom's gonna pick me up." I tried not to sound so bitter.

My mom was an alcoholic and most of the time she just ignored my existence. The only times she didn't was when she was drunk and I did absolutely anything and I think you can guess whether or not we would have a friendly mother-daughter chat.

Spoiler alert: we didn't.

"I can take you home if you want." Will suggested with a wrinkled brow.

"No." I sighed. "That would just make her angry."

"Well, if you're a car rider today, that means that you'll be able to meet my boyfriend."

"Finally." I said. Will talks about his boyfriend—even though I don't have a name—always with a smile. His boyfriend seemed to always make him happy and I wanted to meet this boyfriend to make sure that he knows that if he hurts Will, I'll hurt him.

He's become like a brother to me.

"When's your mother getting here?" Will asked me.

I shrugged as we came outside and sat down on a bench, far from the crowds. "I don't know. It would be much easier if she would let me have a phone." Which is something she'll never let me do. She doesn't like spending money on me even if I just ask for a singular pencil, so a phone was out of the question.

I doodled on my notebook while keeping up some small talk with Will, and looking out for my mom's car.

The crowd of students gradually thinned when a normal looking black Subaru pulled into the lot.

It wasn't my mom's, so I went back to drawing. In fact, I wouldn't've even paid attention to the car, if Will hadn't straightened at the sight of it and wasn't looking intently at the driver's side door.

I was about to ask what was up when the door opened.

Out stepped a boy who seemed a little younger than me, but was probably more mature.

He had pale skin and pitch black hair that hung down in front of his eyes. He wore a black shirt with a skeleton drinking some coffee. It seemed to read something along the lines of "dead inside, but caffeinated" but the words were partially cut off by an aviator's jacket.

I'll only later wonder how I'd been able to read his shirt with my dyslexia.

He shut the door with a hand with black nail polish and a silver skull ring which he fidgeted with nervously.

He scanned the yard. Some girls had already noticed him and were obviously already crushing on him.

Such was the nature of teenage girls.

His eyes found Will and he gave the goth equivalent of a smile and started to walk over.

Will, on the other hand, was grinning ear to ear.

This was the boyfriend? I'm not judging, I'm just noticing how opposite they were.

Will was like the sun and he was like the moon.

I put away my notebook and pencil as the boyfriend approached. Will rose to greet him.

They met just out of earshot, just where I couldn't hear them.

Will kissed his boyfriend before pulling him into one of his patented bear hugs. The goth boy looked a little uncomfortable at first but melted into the hug.

I found it really sweet.

I let them have a short little conversation before I heard Will call me over.

"Sonia, I'd like to introduce you to my boyfriend, Nico. Nico, this is my best friend Sonia."

"Nice to meet you." I smiled warmly and held out a hand.

Nico looked at me suspiciously before shaking my hand. "So you're trans?"

Will scolded Nico but I didn't mind him being so direct. Better than beating around the bush until all the branches were broken.

"Yeah."

"Cool." Nico shrugged.

I smiled. I approved.

That's when a beaten down pickup truck pulled into the parking lot. Parking so close to Nico's car that the right side mirror scratched the paint.

Nico scowled while I sighed. It's not like she cared.

A woman with brown hair stuck her head out of the window and honked her horn. Her eyes were crazy and I could tell that she was waiting to dig into some form of alcohol the second we got home.

Thankfully she wasn't stupid enough to drink while drinking.

"Isaac! Get in the car!"

I sighed. Isaac was my deadname but I'd never wanted to tell my openly homophobic mother not to call me by that name. Despite how heavily Will advocates that I should.

"Sorry about the car." I mumbled to Nico. "I'll try to make it up to you."

I picked up my bag and dejectedly began to walk down the hill to where my mom was waiting impatiently, even though she'd gotten here less than a minute ago.

"Wait up!" I turned around to see Will jogging toward me with a small slip of paper. I couldn't read what he'd read, despite how plainly he'd tried to write it. "If you ever need me, here's my address and my number."

I smiled weakly. My mother would probably never let me have control over the phone for more than a minute and would never consent to taking me to Will's place, but I appreciated the sentiment. "Thanks man. See you soon?"

"Yeah."

I got into the car with my mom. The inside of the car was a wreck and smelled like broken promises and ten day old Chinese food.

We lived 15 minutes away and I couldn't wait til we got there, when I could hide away in my attic room (it's nicer than it sounds) from my mom while scheming ways to sneak out to get food or to hang out with Will.

I feel like I'm gonna be doing a whole lot of that now that school's out.

"How was school?"

Was my mom seriously trying to make small talk? I'm 15! Now's an odd time to finally try and make an effort with your daughter.

If only father hadn't walked out on her, maybe things would be different.

"It was fine." I responded blankly.

"Glad school's out?"

"Yeah."

"Who's the guy you were with when I picked you up?" She persisted. Slowing down at a red light.

"He's my friend."

"Really?"

"Yes, mom! He's just a friend!" I hadn't meant to snap at her.

"Don't you yell at me!" She snarled. I kept my eyes firmly glued to the window as I gave my most fake heartfelt 'sorry'.

"Good…" The light turned green and mom kept going. Five minutes til home, five minutes until this forced small talk could be over with, five minutes until she would forget my existence…

"You thirsty?" Mom asked. "I might have something for that attitude of yours."

I turned around to tell her that I wasn't thirsty but stopped. She was holding up a coffee cup that rarely held coffee. The straw was right under my nose and I could smell the signature scent of home.

Alcohol.

"Mom…" I said. "You should've have…" I swallowed down my fear.

"It's alright." Mom said nonchalantly. "It's only the best."

I told her I wasn't thirsty and she shrugged and put it down. Thankfully calm for the moment as I sat back in my chair and wrung my seatbelt in my hands.

You hear about the dangers of drunk driving in health class and driver's Ed and on the news, but you never really think of it until you're in that situation.

Mom took a nice long swig from the cup, not a care in the world while I counted down the miles until home.

Just one more minute…one more minute…

But all of a sudden, mom swerved on the road. I suppressed a scream as we tore through the guardrail. The airbags deployed, feeling like a punching glove to the face as we tumbled down the ditch. Until we finally came to a stop, with our feet in the air and our head just above the earth.

I struggled with the airbag, moving it away from my face enough so that I could breathe, which quickly dissolved into me hyperventilating, tears raining down my face as I reached for the seatbelt with a shaky hand.

I released the clasp and tumbled to the ground like a rag doll. I kicked out my car door and crawled out into the sunlight, which seemed almost soothing after the dangerous shadows of the car.

I took a few minutes to calm myself down, my hands still shaking like I was in Antarctica.

I looked at the car.

The windows were all completely blown out or at least badly cracked, looking almost like plastic instead of glass. My door was hanging open from when I'd kicked it open because I hadn't felt like opening like a civilized person.

A civilized person who'd just been in a car accident.

My mom hadn't tried to help herself or yell at me to help her, so I could only assume the worst. I went over to the driver's side door and pulled it open.

My mom was dangling from her seat, the airbag deflated enough so I could see her mangled face. Blood patched her hair and her nose and shoulder both looked severely dislocated. A bone was sticking out of her leg.

I unbuckled her seatbelt and carried her out of the car. I reached for her pulse.

Nothing.

I couldn't help but cry for her. Sure, she was an alcoholic and a horrible mother, but she was my mother. She was the only family I'd ever known. I didn't even have an uncle or a grandparent or a stupid dad to take care of me.

Despite all her threats to give me up for adoption or to abandon me, she never did.

I dried my tears and reached a shaky hand out for her cellphone, left on the car ceiling.

She didn't have a password which was a stupid move if someone ever stole her phone but also smart because she was always drunk and would never be able to remember the passcode.

I dialed a simple number and held the phone up to my ear.

"911, what's your emergency?"