"I was really worried about you. I can't do this life without you."

Her eyes stared at the text message on her PADD. She had typed it out in a rush of emotion but couldn't get herself to hit send. It was a confession that might change things between them, and for the first time in forever, she was wracked with doubt. And over him, of all people!

"Dammit," she whispered, erasing her message and putting her PADD back under her pillow. She could hear Rutherford snoring and the soft padding of feet as the towel guy walked past.

"This is stupid," she sighed. She punched her pillow and rolled over, facing the wall in her bunk, attempting to get some sleep before their shift started.

Mariner forced her eyes closed and tried a meditation technique that she'd learned a few tours of duty ago, but instead of calming her body, she simply became hyper aware of her surroundings. Tendi was reading her PADD in the dark, likely studying her Senior Science Officer training manual. Rutherford continued to snore and occasionally mutter something about the warp core.

She sighed loudly. Her brain reminded her that the bunk adjacent to hers was empty, and her thoughts again floated to sickbay, where he was recovering from a recon mission gone wrong. "I mean why wasn't I assigned to the mission as well? Ransom is an idiot," she stewed, crossing her arms and scowling, "I could have protected their asses."

According to the after-action brief on which she'd eavesdropped outside the conference room, everything had gone wrong from the second the away team left the Cerritos. Engine troubles, a double-crossing ambassador, diplomatic faux pas, a dampening field, and ultimately their cover being blown. Ransom worked some magic, shirtless she assumed, and convinced the hostile locals to let them go, but not before Boimler and two other crew members were fired at, captured, and probably tortured.

Now those three officers occupied beds in sickbay and were under the care of Dr. T'Ana. Mariner had already been kicked out of sickbay once for "disturbing the patients" but was considering risking it again. She wasn't even sure why she needed to see him; maybe just to make sure he really was going to be okay.

It was one of the first times that her stupid best friend had been on a dangerous mission without her, and she was more than irritated about it. She rolled over again, pulling her blanket over her head to block out the rest of the ship. When she closed her eyes, all she could see was Boimler's stupid face. He had been unconscious when she, Tendi, and Rutherford stormed into sickbay, demanding to see their friend.

She thought back to her first glance at him; he was sunburnt from his time on the desert planet, and he had scratches down his left cheek along with dirt splatters and a few streaks of blood. She hoped it wasn't his blood. The medical arch had blocked the most serious injuries from their view but Tendi had told her that he was in serious condition.

She felt her PADD vibrate under her pillow, and in her agitated state, she was unable to ignore it. Pressing her thumb on the sensor to unlock it, she saw a message from Tendi, who was just one bunk above her.

"Are you okay? I hear you sighing," Tendi had typed.

Mariner frowned. She didn't know if she was okay or not.

"I don't know," she answered honestly.

"You're upset," Tendi assessed.

Mariner didn't know how to reply to that, so she simply sent a thumbs up emoji.

"Dr. T'Ana is usually asleep at this time of night. Just in case you wanted to sneak into sickbay for any reason," Tendi sent.

"Do you want to go?" Mariner asked, not really wanting to go alone and hoping that Tendi would help her regulate whatever these emotions were that she couldn't name.

"I have to brief the captain on a science mission at 0600, and I have to review three sets of reports from previous missions. You go," Tendi replied, hiding a smile.

Sighing again, Mariner crawled out of bed. She located her boots under her bunk and slipped them on, suddenly feeling self-conscious about her appearance. She smoothed out the RITOS t-shirt and sweats she was wearing and pulled her hair back into her signature ponytail.

Skulking through the ship during Delta shift was familiar to her, and she avoided the areas that were likely to be populated. She wasn't breaking any rules, but she didn't want Dr. T'Ana to catch her disturbing the patients again.

Zipping around the corner, she glanced through the glass doors of sickbay and saw that the lights were dimmed, and three patients appeared to be sleeping under the displays of their biobeds. The readouts cast a blue light on Boimler's face, and Mariner paused before entering. Maybe she really shouldn't disturb him, she thought, but ventured through the door anyway, knowing that her friends would sneak in to visit her if the roles were reversed.

She noticed that Dr. T'Ana had taken care of all the scratches on Boimler's face and had turned his sunburn to a sun-kissed tan that brought out the light freckles on his cheeks. His purple hair was a mess, but he looked peaceful as he slept.

"Boims," she whispered, gently poking him in the side.

He groaned but she quickly shushed him. "Mariner, what are you doing? Don't let Dr. T'Ana catch you," he whispered groggily, glancing around to see who was occupying sickbay.

"Come on, my best friend is in sickbay, of course I had to sneak in for a visit," she laughed, feeling quite a bit calmer now that he was conscious and appeared to be on the mend. She pulled the doctor's rolling stool next to the biobed and leaned over to rest her arms on the side of the bed.

"So, tell me everything. Did Ransom do anything stupid? You didn't get eaten by a spider cow again, did you?" she quipped, bringing a smile to his face.

"I followed away mission protocols to the letter, of course," he said, his voice hoarse and tired but relieved, "it all started with the stupid warp nacelles. But the best part of the story is when Ransom had to do this apology ritual in front of the Argosians… naked."

Mariner snorted and quickly covered her mouth to muffle her laughter. She glanced over at the other patients to make sure she hadn't woken them and then turned back to Boimler, continuing to laugh quietly.

He meandered his way through the rest of the story, occasionally yawning or coughing, making it evident to Mariner that he wasn't feeling great and probably needed to be resting instead of entertaining her. But his eyes twinkled, and his mouth curved into a smile as he relayed the best parts of the story, embellishing a bit to paint himself as the hero. Mariner knew better, but she didn't care.

"I should let you go back to sleep," she whispered, dropping her hand from her chin to the bed, realizing that she'd put her hand directly on Boimler's arm. For some reason, she kept her hand there, and she felt him take her hand in his.

"Stay here for a little while longer," he whispered. She found her black heart melting in just the tiniest way. A weird feeling came swooping through her body, landing in her stomach, and it wasn't unpleasant but it made her heart beat a little faster.

"I know you're scared of the dark, it's okay to admit it," she deflected, winking at him jovially, "but what are best friends for if they don't protect you from salt monsters and parasites?"

"And Ferengi in caves," he reminded her with a smirk.

"Now you know I—" she began, but he interrupted.

"I know, Beck," he whispered, calling her by her super-secret nick name, typically reserved for her parents.

"How did—"

"I just know."

She shook her head with a smile, enjoying the feel of her hand in his. She wasn't sure if best friends held hands; Boimler was the best friend she'd ever had.

"Are you getting out of here in the morning?" she asked, again changing the subject, deflecting her feelings again.

"As long as my spleen is healed," he said, pulling up his shirt to show her a giant bandage that had been wrapped around his torso.

"Ouch," she replied, wondering how badly he had actually been injured, "Are you sure you're really okay?"

"I'll be okay, I promise," he said, taking her hand again. He gave her a soft smile and yawned. "Thanks for coming to see me," he whispered groggily.

Mariner tiptoed out of sickbay after Boimler drifted off to sleep. She had felt a little sad as she slid her hand out of his. And weird. She felt incredibly weird. Do best friends really hold hands? Surely they do, she thought, because she sure as hell wasn't starting to feel something else. No way. Nope.

Tendi was eyeing her at breakfast while Rutherford shoveled down his omelet. "Did you sleep okay?" Tendi asked nonchalantly.

"Just fine, thank you for asking," Mariner confidently replied, scooping up another spoonful of cereal.

"Hey, Boimler's back!" Rutherford exclaimed, waving excitedly as Boimler entered the mess hall.

Mariner felt that weird swooping sensation in her stomach again, but she swallowed her stupid emotions and grabbed Boimler in a hug as he got to their table. Tendi and Rutherford joined in with laughter, smashing Mariner and Boimler together awkwardly.

He looked to be in much better shape than he had been eight hours prior. He replicated himself some breakfast and joined his friends at the table to catch up on what he had missed. Mariner tried not to look like she was hanging on every word, so she let her eyes wander around as Boimler rehashed his experiences for Rutherford and Tendi.

"Wait," Mariner thought to herself, "Are they playing footsie under the table?!" Looking at Tendi's face, you'd never guess that she was rubbing her leg on Rutherford's, but Mariner gave her a pointed look and noticed the slightest blush of color other than green on Tendi's face. This would be a story for later.

The opportunity for a chat rose immediately, as Tendi and Mariner were paired together to clean the holodeck filters. As soon as the doors slid closed, Mariner turned to Tendi and said, "Okay, when did you start playing footsie with Rutherford right under my nose?"

Tendi exploded in laughter as she picked up a mop. "I don't know how it took you this long to notice. You've been distracted, clearly," she said.

Now Mariner was the one that was embarrassed. Was she losing her skills of observation?! And how dare Tendi start something with Rutherford without telling her!

Mariner waved her hand as if to clear the cobwebs from her brain. "So how long? Days? Weeks?" Mariner demanded, crossing her arms.

"I'll tell you… but first you have to tell me what's going on between you and Boimler," Tendi smiled slyly, starting to mop the floor in the holodeck.

Mariner was confused. Was something going on between them?

"Okay, I honestly don't know what you're talking about," Mariner said, her confusion evident. Tendi stared her down intensely, and Mariner was sure that if something was actually going on, she would have spilled her guts by now.

"Are you sure?" Tendi replied.

"Did Boimler say something to you?" Mariner asked, now wondering if something was going on behind her back. "Wait, you're joking, right?"

Tendi sighed. It was going to take those two forever to figure things out, she mused.

"Okay, anyway…" Tendi changed the subject, moving on to a story about Ransom working out at 23:00 the previous night.

Mariner zoned out, her mind racing through recent encounters with Boimler to see if anything they had done would have caused Tendi to believe they were more than friends.

To add to her confusion, those swoopy feelings were back again as soon as she saw Boimler at lunch. "Cargo bay clean up duty, Mariner!" he said, holding up his PADD and referencing their next duty assignment.

She tried very hard to act like her usual self during lunch, but she knew Boimler suspected something.

"You're not mad at me, are you? You seem weird," he said as they walked down the corridor and into Cargo Bay 7. They both groaned as the doors slid open and revealed crates in disarray and cargo spilled onto the floor.

She sighed. "Of course, I'm not mad at you," she deflected.

Boimler laughed and replied, "Are you kidding? You're mad at me at least three times a day, sometimes more! And you're still mad at me about the Titan."

"How many times have I told you not to mention the Titan?" she grumbled, bending down to pick up a crate, "And yes, I'm still mad at you." She smirked, showing him that she wasn't actually serious about it.

"Okay, so what did I do this time?" he continued, joining her in picking up crates and stacking them.

Mustering up her usual tone of voice, she said, "You tried to die without me. You know that we promised each other that we'd go out in a blaze of glory, TOGETHER!"

He laughed again, pausing to lean on a stack of crates. "I distinctly remember refusing to pinkie swear on that," he joked.

She felt a flush of fury and fear as tears welled up in her eyes, finally understanding that she had been afraid of losing her best friend. She angrily swiped them away and turned back to her task. Boimler didn't notice and picked up his PADD to check their duty instructions.

"I'll clean up this cargo spill and you take the blue crates, okay?" he said, setting his PADD down and grabbing a broom. When she didn't reply, he frowned and looked around for her. Had she snuck out to leave the job just for him?

"Mariner, where the hell did you go?" he asked, dropping the broom and looking behind the stack of grey cargo crates.

He saw that she was sitting on a crate, her hands covering her eyes. And he was pretty sure he heard a sniffle. "Woah, woah, woah, what's wrong?!" he rushed over to her, bracing himself for a prank.

When she continued covering her face in silence, he sat down beside her, putting his arm around her shoulders. "Did you stub your toe? Smash your finger? Need me to call mommy—" he teased.

"Shut up Boims!" She said angrily, looking over at him. He could see that her eyes were red, and her cheeks were wet. He'd never seen such an expression on her face.

"No, no, no… something is wrong for real," he said, pulling her hands down as she went to cover her face again.

Her cheeks were glowing red with embarrassment, and she tried to stand up to go hide, but Boimler pulled her back down to the crate and she awkwardly fell into him, both of his arms around her waist.

"I'm fine," she said, sniffling.

"No, you aren't," he said softly.

She sat silently for a moment and Boimler released his grip on her, clasping his hands together and leaning forward with a sigh.

"I was worried," she finally said, crossing her arms.

"I'm fine! Nothing bad happened!" he said cheerfully in an attempt to mollify her.

She angrily wiped another tear off her cheek as she choked out, "But you're my best friend. A captain can't go on without her number one."

It took him a few seconds to register what she had just admitted but he hesitated too long to ask her about it.

She sniffled again and tried to pull herself together. No one was allowed to see her cry. No one was even allowed to know that she had emotions except for Boimler.

"Don't tell anyone I cried, or I'll punch you," Mariner looked over at him.

"I would never," he replied.