Cat, Rat, and Dog

By Matelia-legwll

A/N: Keep in mind this pair for the next chappie, for we left off with The Wolf:

I blinked, then said, "Perhaps, perhaps I could help you find the same place Prongs found it. I'm not guaranteeing that there will be an answer, but maybe finding it will be productive to getting it out of your system."

Peter looked up at me, his eyes watering in admiration, or was that because he had just sneezed? Anyway, Peter said, "Really? We could do that?"

I shrugged. "Sure. Why not?" I gathered up my stuff to transfer it over to a table nearer the Muggle Studies section, and Peter followed my lead as we began our researching.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN: Lily

Waking up without an itch is rather nice, I must say. Perhaps one must experience the opposition to know the benefits of regular life.

I took to chasing butterflies out on the grounds on this clear late morning. Devilish little blighters they are. I no sooner got closer to one then it would flit away off to Merlin knows where. I say 'flit,' but I probably should say 'fly away with the speed and force of an aeroplane'. Honestly, I was wondering if there was a hidden untapped source of energy there.

I caught a glimpse of a rabbit and a few birds, but they all disappeared before I could play with them. The butterflies were the most congenial, but, Merlin's beard, they were fast.

I was out there enjoying the uncommonly sunny spring weather, when I saw Sirius Black, muttering to himself distractedly as he crossed the grounds to the castle.

Perfect timing to put my persuasion tactics into play. I had decided I was not going to be a cat any longer than I could help it.

"Hey, Sirius!" I loudly meowed, coming up behind him.

Sirius ignored me, and kept walking. I'm going to have to try harder, I guess.

I wrapped my body around his feet, well foot, and meowed again.

Looking down for the first time, Sirius looked taken aback to see me there. "What is it, Lils?"

"I don't want to be a cat anymore," I told him outright. "It is too distracting."

"Are you hungry?" His question startled me until I realized he hadn't understood my meowing.

I shook my head. "No, not really."

"Then what is it?" Sirius inquired. "Thirsty?"

I shook my head again. How do I express my want to speak to the dog? I sighed. That was one thing we had never discussed.

"Oh, er, do you want someone to play with you?" guessed Sirius hesitantly.

That was an interesting question. It almost hit the topic, but it was not nearly close enough. I tilted my head in reply.

"I could go get Prongs if you want me to," offered Sirius.

I shook my head. No. That was not the point at all.

"You want to play with me? Why?" asked Sirius, not realizing that if he asked me anything but a yes or no answer he wouldn't understand my answer.

I shook my head, despairing of actually getting through to him. This despair was reinforced with his next comment.

"Then why are you bothering with me? Just go and find the person you need." He casually flung himself down, lounging now, and closing his eyes in thought.

I glared at him and pointedly sat down in front of him. I had to think through this next part or he'd never get it. I tried to make a barking sound with my voice.

Sirius laughed incredulously as he looked at me. "Are you coughing up a hairball, Evans? Because I really don't need to see that."

I shook my head. Again. I was getting weary of shaking my head. It inspired me though, so I motioned to Sirius to sit and stay. He leaned up on an elbow. I took a few paces back from him and cleared my throat. If I was going to act, I was going to do it in the best way possible.

I started off simple — shaking myself like a wet dog would.

"Are you wet?" asked Sirius skeptically.

This calls for more drastic measures. I unsheathed one of my claws, displayed it to him, and then proceeded to do a reenactment of the events after we left the Great Hall, using close trees as stand-ins for James and Sirius and the dog.

"You are scared of that tree?" guessed Sirius.

Couldn't he see any symbolism? I had made it perfectly clear. He was just looking on the surface, if only he dug a little deeper... Right, then.

I climbed down from the tree that was supposed to be representing James, and displayed two unsheathed claws. I then proceeded to paw at the ground in an attempt to dig a hole. For my first attempt, I didn't try very hard and it was a rather pathetic hole. I looked up to see Sirius trying to hold in his laughter. I deliberately tried again, moving a meter or so to the side. This go turned out rather well, if I said so myself. At least, I thought that until I caught a glimpse of Sirius's face, which was red, and his shoulders, which were shaking with suppressed laughter.

I glowered at him until he'd calmed down and looked politely at me for an explanation. I indicated the first hole. He nodded, grinning once more. I walked deliberately over to where he had flung himself down and just as deliberately placed a paw on his chest.

Sirius looked taken aback. "That—that thing? Is me?" He shook his head in disbelief. "I can't even call that useless indention in the ground a hole. And that's supposed to relate to me?"

I nodded, pleased for once. I scurried back to the second hole, the better hole, and hurriedly indicated it, then tried to place my paw on my own chest. That — er — didn't work so well. Cats are not meant to place paws on their chests, at least not when they try to go from all four paws on the ground to balancing on only three, without sitting down first. I ended up whacking myself on the nose, and overbalancing. I hate to say this, but it probably looked to Sirius like I was trying to knock myself around the face. Confusing, no doubt.

Gathering my shattered pride, I got back on my feet, er, well, my paws, and this time sat on my haunches before indicating the hole and myself once more. Sirius looked extremely befuddled (more than the exercise called for), and I was on the verge of asking someone to take off the Confundus Charm that apparently was affecting him, before I realized that no one (besides the dog) could and would understand what I am asking of them. Oh, Merlin help me.

Sirius, finally understanding that I am trying to get a message across to him rather than just entertain with my acting skills, suggested, "All right, so I'm not getting what you're trying to say. Maybe if you took me on a guided tour? Places spark my interest and creativity more than guessing games."

I considered that, nodded then quickly dashed across the grounds towards the Entrance Hall. I almost laughed as I heard him call out to me, "Wait up! Lils! Couldn't you slow down for half a moment and allow a bloke to catch his breath?"

'Almost.' An extremely key word when dealing with the Marauders. Such as 'I almost laughed at their prank'; 'I almost took pity on them'; 'I almost didn't give them detentions'; 'I almost believed them'; or 'I almost didn't take away any points from Gryffindor.' Also used incorrectly by my friends as 'I almost said yes to Potter's latest and most pathetic attempt to get me to go out with him.' Still, when one is around the Marauders, go with 'almost.'

Or, 'nearly.' 'Nearly' is good, too. I rather do like the word 'nearly.' It's foolproof. But all those two words mean is that my brain and logic are still in control of what I do. That I haven't become a mindless idiot that swoons at the first word that comes out of a bloke's mouth. Isn't that absolutely wonderful. Severus has made sure that my book smarts don't replace my logic. Just brilliant, no?

Severus. I stopped in my tracks, allowing a very grateful Sirius to catch up to me. What in the world is Severus thinking right now?

Oh.

My.

Merlin!

I started to hyperventilate in my panic.

How in the world had I forgotten? He knows me. He knows that I wouldn't get a cat. He knows that I would at least tell him first if I planned to do that. He knows that I respect Tuney's fake pronouncement, just to help bridge the gap between the two of us. He could even know that I'm not at home. Tuney knows how to send an owl to him.

What am I going to do? What will I tell him?

The truth? Yeah, right. Like that'll work. I sighed, calming down slightly with the ridiculous suggestion. The truth will only get me weird looks and even more distrust and hatred between the Marauders and Severus. Never mind the fact that James had absolutely nothing to do with it and Sirius is actually helping me out.

Oh, what will I say?

I suddenly became aware of Sirius staring curiously at me. "I've always wondered what goes on in a cat's head," he remarked.

I gave him an exasperated look. Well, if he wanted to talk with me, he could always find the dog and save me all the trouble of this miming business.

I gave a little shake. I still had plenty of time to come up with a cover story for Severus. Right now, though, I needed to get a move on if I was going to keep Sirius's attention. Alright.

First stop, the Great Hall. I led him straight to the double doors, but made sure that he did not enter. Very important. I glanced in to see that the Hall was practically empty, what with it being only midmorning during the holidays. I grinned to myself, no one was at the Slytherin table. Maybe if I gave him a little dèjá vu...

I made sure Sirius was still there and watching me intently instead of the leftovers from breakfast. I unsheathed all of my claws on one paw and displayed them to let him know that this was an attempt to communicate.

Easily dashing across to the Slytherin table, I stopped right in front of where Severus usually sat, then looked triumphantly at Sirius before plodding back.

"You want to talk..." said Sirius wonderingly.

I nodded eagerly as Sirius finished his thought.

"...to Snivellus?" his nose wrinkled on the last word.

Hang on, what? I shook my head. No, no, no. That was all wrong. I quickly went up the corridor to the place where James had stopped and told Sirius to get the dog. I stopped and waited for Sirius to stop looking at me like I was off my rocker. Honestly, sometimes that boy...

Alright try number four, was it? Let's see what I can bring him to think up this time. I signaled that I was starting and began with writhing and hissing on the floor. I abruptly stopped and calmly went into the classroom, using my tail to nearly shut the door. Hardly looking around that empty classroom, I concentrated on ramming the door on my way out. The door, to my pleasure, flew open with a bang. Maybe it's just a bang-y door, because I'm sure I am not physically able to hit it with as much force as the dog did.

I gave my best attempt at barking and growling, before calmly switching over to portray myself, and giving a yowl of horror. I looked over at Sirius when I was finished to find him looking off into the distance. I lashed my tail irritably and impatiently on the ground until he deigned to look at me.

"This has something to do with Padfoot?" he carefully asked.

I nodded, excited once more. He was finally getting it!

"What do you want me to do?" he asked.

I dashed up the stairs in response, heading for that empty classroom that he had dubbed the 'doggy persuading chamber.' Eventually, he followed me up to that classroom, and peered inside.

"Why are we here?" asked Sirius bluntly.

I started talking again, before cutting myself off at his incomprehension. But of course the deaf prat (blind too) doesn't understand cat language. He can seemingly understand dog language though. Hence the reason we were here. I went to the door, pushed it in a little and turned and said the same words I had said that first night. "What do you know?"

He tilted his head at me, looking confused. My heart dropped.

My last try had plummeted to the ground in failure, and I was at my wits' end. I possessed no other idea on how to express myself in an understandable way to Sirius Black.

What else could I do but trod up to the Gryffindor Common Room, allowing him to follow me? Maybe James could talk some sense into his unseeing best friend. I certainly wasn't going anywhere with this miming conversation anytime soon.

I made my way through the passageways, the portrait hole (Sirius giving the password), and the Common Room, and went up the stairs to the boy's dormitory. Sirius followed me, rather distractedly, through all of this. He only spoke once to ask if I had seen Peter take a piece of parchment out of James's trunk. I frowned, remembering that mental episode that very first night, then shook my head. That particular piece of parchment had come from Peter's bedside table, not James's trunk.

Sirius nodded, then smiled vaguely.

A minute later, climbing up the stairs to the boys' dormitory, Sirius out of nowhere blurted, "You." He slowly continued, "Padfoot — You want to talk — Me — Digging." I took a moment to honestly consider him. Sirius looked lost in thought. I nodded, in case he was watching me for verification, and wondered how he was getting closer and closer to the point of the whole exercise without me doing anything else.

His hand on the doorknob to the dormitory, Sirius paused then said, "You want me to get Pad—?" Just then, he opened the door and I caught sight of the animal currently kneeling down on the floor, tossing its rack of antlers impatiently. Sirius slammed the door, but the image was imprinted on my brain. "Prongs!" called Sirius impatiently. "Can't you at least put on a cloak or blanket or something? If I was Wormtail, I would've been scarred for life."

"Good thing you're not, then," came James's muffled voice.

Sirius chuckled and opened the door once more. I looked around eagerly for any sign of that deer, but all I saw was James, fully dressed, sitting on the edge of his bed. What had happened to that stag? I went to the center of the room, and poked my nose about where I had seen it, while James and Sirius bantered back and forth.

"Anyway, Wormtail has seen me like that, remember?" James was saying.

"How could I forget?" grinned Sirius. "But, honestly, what if Moony was the one who came in, and not me? He'd be sure to give you a telling off."

James puffed out his chest, obviously doing a well practiced impression of Remus. "What would you have done if someone else had walked in on you? If one of the teachers, or worse, a student had come looking for one of us four and found you like that?"

I wrinkled my nose. All this from a little nudity? Well, at least I assumed that from Sirius's comment outside the door. I hadn't actually seen James Potter naked. Thank goodness. In more ways than one. But where had that deer gone?

James continued with his impression, "You might be able to talk your way out of a detention or two, or even Slughorn's parties, but you wouldn't be able to talk yourself out of Azkaban."

I froze. Azkaban? What in the world could James have done that would've gotten him landed in Azkaban? This definitely went beyond nudity in a dorm room. Or maybe that is just proving how much exaggeration Remus would have added. The latter is probably the right choice. Why would anyone joke around about going to Azkaban, though?

Sirius was laughing hard as James continued, dropping the front. "Seriously, Padfoot, don't you agree that it is not that big of a deal? The risk is part of the fun."

Hang on. Risk? What risk? What in the world is he talking about? Did it have something to do with the disappearing stag? Or were they still on about James's nudity? That latter guess wasn't fitting the statements they were coming up with though. Azkaban? Risk?

Sirius sobered up eventually, and casually said, "There was something I was going to ask you."

I perked up. Hadn't Sirius been on the edge of guessing correctly that I wanted to talk with the dog? Hmm. First the dog that was gone when you looked again, now the disappearing stag. What is it with Marauders and vanishing animals? Animals that shouldn't be inside Hogwarts in the first place.

"Oh, now I remember," said Sirius, ignoring my meow of 'Yes?' and continuing, "Can I dig through your trunk for the Map?"

Argh! We were so close! And now he's ruddy on about digging through a trunk. Merlin! How in the world am I supposed to get through to that boy?

James shrugged, "Sure. Why not?" and stood, coming over to where I was on the floor and picking me up. "Time for some lunch, eh, Lils?"

No, no, no, Merlin, no! I want distance today, not cute bonding time. Hence the reason I was outside. Sirius, save me, you prat! Don't you dare ignore me and open that trunk! Sirius bloody Black! Self-centered, inconsiderate toe-rag! I glowered at him.

At the very least you could reward me with telling me where the stag went. Or, even better, where the dog went. Then I could warn those poor animals to stay away from your selfish, uncaring charms.

I sighed as James started to carry me down the stair. I wished that I could ask him a couple questions and hear his explanations. How in the world did you get a stag in the dormitories, James? Is that what brought you to joke about Azkaban? It still doesn't make any sense.

Sense.

Severus! Oh, Merlin, what am I going to tell Sev?

Peter's List

Item one: Hide the map. Check.

Item two: Tell Sirius. Check.

Item three: Laugh off any weird questions. Check.

Item four: But don't laugh when an ironic situation comes up.

Item five: Take a deep breath if the subject comes up.

Item six: Don't hyperventilate when others are discussing cats or Evans.

Item seven: Just stop reminding myself that the cat is Evans.

Item eight: Change the subject if it is hitting too close to home.

Item nine: Don't look suspicious.

Item ten: Don't tell anyone the real reason for this list.

A/N: Well, sorry this didn't come out on Tuesday. I didn't even turn my computer on, I was so busy. I gave you an extra long chappie to make up for it though. Did you like Lily's frustration? Admittedly since she is trying her hardest to communicate, she isn't acting as much like a cat would.

Well, what do you think? What's your favorite part so far? Any good dialogue or good rants? Any suggestions? I'll take them into consideration, I promise. Any questions for me?

Can you think of anything to add to Peter's list? Tell me in a review or PM, and I'll find a way to use it. My only request be that the list consist of rather obvious or pathetic notions, and that it would be absolutely hilarious to make Peter follow through on. Keep them coming! Please! The most I have right now is nineteen. Can we make nineteen a good twenty-five? It's only a couple more chapters until he adds what I have to his list.

I'm trusting you, my lurking reader, to step it up and send me a little note. Thank you to my eight stalwarts! You make my day! Keep reviewing, please. I promise I'll respond to all reviews. Even to anonymous reviewers, as long as you include an email address.

Oh, and I've been updating my profile avatar image to correspond with something in each of these chapters. Check out tree-climbing Lils! Go ahead and visit my profile, especially if you are waiting for the next chapter. I try to post the next picture during my editing stint.

Thank you for reading!