Lesson in Living
Chapter 4
By: Starath
Author's Note: This chapter was an absolute riot to write out, although I'm going to try and not make them any longer than this. It took a lil bit to get this done since I went to Botcon2007—if you ever get the chance, go to Botcon! As always, I don't own Transformers and special thanks to Crab for his help and inspiration for some of the impending insanity!
The next morning Casey's door slowly swung open. She appeared in a fuzzy bathrobe and bunny slippers, her hair a tangled mess from sleep. She peeked into the living room.
The Decepticons hadn't moved from where she left them. Starscream snored softly from the recliner. Soundwave had pressed himself entirely onto the windowsill with his baseball hat shading his eyes, his sunglasses knocked to the floor. For a moment Casey didn't see Rumble and Frenzy until she realized the twins had curled up and disappeared under their blanket. One glance at Megatron made her clamp her mouth shut with both hands to smother giggles. Sometime during the night he had rolled over onto his belly and he was snoring with mouth wide open, face mashed into his pillow. Oh, she HAD to take pictures of this!
Whoever invented camera-phones was a genius.
Casey slipped into the bathroom to take a shower and prepare for the craziness of the day.
Some life stirred when she moved around the kitchen later. Rumble shifted and appeared out from under the blanket like a turtle. Frenzy's head emerged soon after. The looked at each other sleepily and shared goofy grins. After taking in their bearings they spotted Casey at the same time. She smiled and motioned for them to stay quiet. They nodded and took the blanket with them in the kitchen, huddled to stay warm.
"Good morning you two."
They sat down heavily at the table, drowsy.
"Who put this fuzz in my head?" muttered Rumble. "I can't think yet."
"I'm hungry," grumbled Frenzy.
Casey put a slice of peanut-buttered toast in front of them both. "There you go for now. And it's okay Rumble, you're just not awake yet. You'll be able to think soon."
"I'm not sure I wanna." He gnawed at the toast. "What are we going to do today, Star?"
She had been wondering about that herself. Unfortunately, the thing she had in mind was not very appealing. "Don't know yet. We'll wait for the others to wake up before I decide."
"Okay." Frenzy pulled on the blanket to get more of it from his brother, engaging a brief tug-of-war. They settled down, not awake enough to fight.
"Geez, I didn't know Megatron could snore so slaggin' loud." Rumble dropped his toast to cover his ears.
Soundwave crawled out of his windowsill next and almost hit the floor. He wobbled upright with a lot of stretching and groaning. His large frame wasn't meant to be stuffed in such a small space. He wandered into the kitchen and sat down, imitating a lump on a frog while staring at nothing. Casey reassured the worried twins that Soundwave's mind was taking time to restart and there was nothing wrong with him.
With a snort, Starscream came alive and gazed at the ceiling, wondering vaguely if he had come back from the dead. Soon enough he was also sitting at the kitchen table trying to wake up, sleepy but somewhat coherent. Luckily his mouth wasn't among the first things reactivated so he mostly answered with grunts and other equally unintelligent noises.
Megatron awoke last and found himself face-down on the couch. It took awhile before he realized why. He sat up and blinked, rubbing his hair. It had become a matted silver patch shoved sideways like a short mohawk in harsh winds. Casey watched him, particularly curious about what a sleepy Megatron might be like.
"Good morning Sunshine!" she chirped.
His head snapped around. She could see the gears of his mind slowly grinding back into motion through his eyes.
"To the Pit with you, slagging femme." He grumbled after a long pause.
Ah. He was just as grouchy as the awake Megatron, only with a time delay.
"Is he always so pleasant in the morning?"
Rumble shrugged. "I dunno. Actually, I don't think we've ever seen him right out of recharge."
"Yeah. He usually stays holed up for awhile." Added Frenzy. "Have you ever seen him after recharge, Dad?"
Soundwave didn't answer. He snored lightly, head resting on folded arms. Frenzy tried poking him. No response.
"Just let him be, Frenzy." Casey smiled brightly as Megatron staggered towards them in the kitchen. "Had a good sleep?"
"If that's what you call it," he blinked, trying to focus on her through bleary eyes. "I don't remember anything after you mentioned a vacation."
"Wow. You went out like a light then."
"Although… I recall the strangest visions." Megatron leaned on the short wall, shaking his head to clear it. "It was… About these two guys in black suits and hats. They drove around in a giant pizza. And then the pizza started singing and a whole swarm of short Primes started dancing in the streets." He paused. "It was bizarre. Are night visions normal too?"
Casey giggled. "You were dreaming. A weird one, but it was just a dream. Sometimes a resting human mind creates them out of things you've seen during the day. In this case you saw the Blues Brothers, the pizza, and your worst enemy combined into one."
He sighed with relief. "Good. I feared for my sanity. I thought I was losing it."
"It would certainly be a short trip." Predictably Starscream's first intelligent phrase of the day was an insult.
"How would YOU like a short trip?"
A loud gurgle interrupted further argument. Starscream sat up straighter, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "Why is my midsection making that noise? It hurts."
Another gurgle answered the first. "Mine too," admitted Megatron.
Soundwave continued snoring.
"That's your stomach trying to eat itself. You have thirty minutes to live."
"WHAT?"
Rumble choked and dropped his second piece of toast. Frenzy fell off his stool. Soundwave snorted and his head came up, eyes wide open. Starscream clutched his midsection, trying to smother the gurgles. Megatron's eyebrows had disappeared completely into his hair. They stared at her in complete horror. Casey took the opportunity to take another picture, cackling.
"What are you laughing about, femme? We require feeding!" roared Megatron.
"Calm down, calm down. I was joking. I knew that would wake you boys up."
They stared at her a moment more before it sank in. So they weren't going to die. The Decepticons let her have it.
"Oh Primus, don't say things like that!"
"I must face Prime in our deciding battle! Death here is out of the question!"
"Yeah, I can't die in this body! It lacks dignity befitted to me!"
"Insufficient humor not appreciated."
Frenzy was closest to her and tried to grab her. "Babe, don't scare me like that!"
She dodged out of the way, getting close to Megatron in the process. He wasn't completely awake yet but there was murder in his eyes. "In the future do not say such things."
"Then how am I going to have any fun?"
"If I had my fusion cannon right now you'd be tasting it!"
The threat was overshadowed by something else entirely. "Phew!" Casey waved a hand in front of her nose. "When'd you eat that possum, Megs?"
"What nonsense are you spouting? I don't even know what a 'possum' is."
"Ah, Primus! Morning breath to the extreme. It's the mouthwash for you, little mister!" She snagged his arm and dragged him to the bathroom. He inspected the tiny room while she poured him a small cup of blue liquid from an enormous bottle.
"Is this another joke of yours?"
"No. This kills things that make your breath smell bad. You need it. Trust me. Drink this but don't swallow. Hold it in your mouth as long as you can and then spit it out in the sink."
Megatron eyed her before taking the cup and doing as instructed. Within moments his eyes watered and he gagged, letting the mouthwash go in a minor eruption.
"By the Pit! How can you humans torture yourself for such a trivial reason? It burns!"
Casey handed him a towel. "It's supposed to. It means it's working. And it's seen as a common courtesy to those around you." She took a sniff. "Now you're minty fresh!"
"Decepticons are not "minty"," he grumbled.
Breakfast wasn't a fancy affair. The extent of it was cold cereal and toast. Casey explained to them that a human body typically had to be fed three times a day so it had enough fuel to function properly. It was an odd concept since they were used to running off of energon, but no one complained if it meant feeding a stomach so it wouldn't eat itself.
With food in their bellies the Decepticons were finally awake and ready to begin their second day of being human. "Ready" and "willing" were two different things, however. The twins looked forward to it at least. They sat on the back of the couch, their feet dangling down as they wobbled to keep balance.
"Everyone's up now, have you decided what we're gunna do today?" asked Frenzy.
Megatron grimaced. They were asking her instead of him?
"Make it something fun. We never do anything fun back at base." Chimed in Rumble.
Destroying Autobots wasn't fun?
"Um, well, I'm still thinking about it."
Soundwave inspected Casey's radio, TV and DVD player again; interested in knowing how they worked. If only he could take them apart… His knee bumped the end table and the lamp rattled on its old stand. He steadied it but knocked several picture frames over in the process. He ignored them until an image caught his attention. He picked it up.
"Starflight."
"Hmm? Oh, did they fall over again?" Casey went to his side and righted them carefully. She checked the frames for damage. Soundwave handed her the photo.
"Identify these individuals."
It was a family portrait in front of a pine tree, everyone smiling happily at the camera. A young version of Casey stood in front of a middle-aged couple between an older brother and younger sister. A sad smile crossed her face that deepened when she remembered they thought she was a real Decepticon.
"Well, I was sent here to study humans, which meant growing up among them. This is my baby sister Kimberly, but we call her Kimmi. This was taken when she was four years old. She's ten now. Keith is my big brother. I haven't seen him for a few years though. He's in the military. And that's my mom and dad. Dad still lives up north with Kimmi. Keith is serving in Iraq right now."
"Iraq? Location unknown. Identify."
"It's a country in the Middle East. There's…. there's a war right now. I don't agree with it… but I support my brother nonetheless." Casey took a deep breath and tried not to cling to the picture too hard, aware they were watching her. "I know you're all soldiers and you're used to war and losing people you know… but I'm not. I want Keith to come home. I miss him so much."
Starscream pushed himself away from the kitchen window. "War has a price. Be careful about being too hopeful."
Water brimmed in Casey's eyes. "I know."
"What about the one you call mom?" Frenzy wiggled in beside her. "Where is she?"
Pain blossomed on her face. She bit her lip, determined not to cry. "She's gone."
"Where?"
Casey set down the framed photo and straightened up the neat row of precious memories. "No Frenzy, she's gone. She was killed in a car accident two years ago in December."
The room went quiet. The gravity of her words weighed unusually heavy in the air. Megatron saw Casey tremble and exchanged glances with Starscream and Rumble. Death happened all around them while they warred with the Autobots. It wasn't something they dwelled on but it was still there when best friends suddenly disappeared. It was part of the life of a soldier. Casey was much more sheltered. Was it a treasure to have, to still grieve over death and value life? Or were they too hardened by war to care anymore?
Frenzy looked up at her but she avoided his eyes. He scanned over each of the photos, noticing which ones lacked the mother, then her older brother. Could he be apart from Rumble and not be affected like Casey was? They weren't really brothers but nothing else described their companionship. Why else would they have been made brothers as human? He wondered what it would be like to have memories like Casey had. She was a lucky Decepticon. Soundwave arrived to the same conclusion just as she moved away and dried tears before anyone could see them.
"I know what we can do today."
"Yay!" Rumble slipped off the back of the couch. "What is it?"
Casey turned away from the end table. "This is asking for trouble without a doubt, but I need to go shopping. I don't have enough food to feed you boys for long, and while we're at it I might as well get you a change of clothes and supplies."
Megatron swiftly took charge. "Excellent. Where will we partake in this 'shopping'?"
"There's a WalMart about half a mile from here. We can walk there easily, and whatever we need will most likely be there."
"I have a question," said Starscream, looking uncomfortable. "Why does my butt hurt?"
Casey blinked. Realization hit like a hammer. "Oh dear Primus. What about the rest of you?"
Frenzy shuffled his feet. "Um, actually…"
She hid her face in both hands. "Oh geez. I should have KNOWN." She groaned. "This is… is… is… going to be SO gross." She spat out, ears turning pink.
It took a lot of fussing before they set out for WalMart. First the Decepticons learned the most disgusting part of being human, something nobody enjoyed. There was talk of never eating again until they remembered what hungry stomachs did. Then Casey straightened each of them up and gave them a lesson in personal grooming. Not used to having hair, or clothes, or anything, really, this was also something nobody particularly liked either. Transformers never paid attention to their appearances since it never changed, except those vain enough to care. It was quickly discovered that Starscream was one of those individuals, much to everyone's chagrin. Street etiquette and public behavior was also covered briefly, and lastly Casey insisted that they practice calling each other by their human names.
"It's the whole reason I'd given them to you!" she cried when there was much complaining, and they finally gave in to playing Go Fish. Megatron and Starscream proved they could turn anything into a life-and-death competition but at least they used their human names amid heavy cursing.
Eventually Casey became satisfied that the Decepticons were ready to mingle with the public. She wasn't sure if the public was ready for them, but she could only do so much. While they left the apartment building she prayed to God and Primus and whoever else that might be watching for strength.
She should have prayed for patience.
"What's that?" asked Starscream for the fifteen-millionth time since they had stepped outside.
"A parking meter."
"Is it sentient?"
WHY does he keep asking that? "Only when it wants money. Otherwise it steals souls."
"Really?"
"Yes. Megatron, if you try to attack another semi I swear I'll let it run you over."
He veered back onto the sidewalk. "It's not my fault they look like Prime!"
"The last one wasn't even red. And it's not like you could fight him right now anyway. He'd laugh and step on you. Soundwave, leave the gumball machine alone."
"What's that?" interrupted Starscream.
"A homeless person. Don't stare at him."
They turned the corner. A few blocks down the huge blue and grey WalMart sign was visible. Casey focused on the building, willing it to get up and move closer. Between Starscream's endless questions, Megatron's habit of charging semi trucks (red or not), Soundwave getting distracted by anything shiny or electronic she was mere inches of screaming, running home and hiding in bed forever. She glared at the sky above. Just who decided SHE had to be the one stuck with these goons?
The only Decepticons not giving her a headache, strangely enough, were the Cassetticon twins. They walked along quietly, absorbing everything around them. Casey watched them suspiciously. Maybe they were saving energy. At the next intersection she halted them and pointed to the left.
"Since you're going to want to know this later, listen up. See that green and white sign across the street?"
They leaned over, stretching to see the colors. Megatron checked over his shoulder for any sneaky semis. "What about it?"
"That's where I work. Luckily I'm off today or I wouldn't be able to take care of you boys."
"Oh really?" he made a mental note of the location.
"It's a pet store. You can't miss it when you go by; it's the only store with birds in the windows. So, if I'm ever at work and you need me, that's where I am, a whole ten minutes from home." Casey found herself uncomfortably close to Megatron again. He patted her back.
"Good of you to point that out, Starflight."
She edged away from him. "Like I said, you were going to want to know anyway. Alright, we're almost to WalMart. Everybody remember their names?"
A ragged chorus of "Yes" went up.
"Good. Let's go then, and remember: Don't scare the locals."
Casey politely waved hello to the WalMart greeter by the front door. She wandered over to a row of shopping carts to grab one. She started shoving it past the cash registers, pausing in her tracks when she realized she wasn't being followed. The Decepticons still stood in the doorway, mouths hanging open in awe. She had to grin. Welcome to the symbol of American Consumerism, boys…
"Uncle Mike! Guys! C'mon! Time's wasting!"
It took a moment before Megatron reacted to his human name. It helped that Starscream started into another giggle-fit over "Uncle Mike". He shook off amazement and swatted Starscream's shoulder none too gently, pushing him forward.
"Come, Maverick, we have shopping to do."
"Lead the way, Mighty Uncle Mike!"
Rumble and Frenzy darted out from behind them to join Casey.
"There's so much stuff here!"
"Yeah! Do hu- er, people really need everything here?"
"Not all of it, no, but some people think they do."
"What's this for?" Frenzy pointed at the shopping cart, kicking one of the wheels that kept squeaking.
"It's for gathering up all the stuff I'll have to buy." Casey winced. This was definitely going to hurt her checkbook. She glanced behind her. Megatron and Starscream were catching up, but… "Uh oh. Boys, go get your father. You're going to have to help me make sure he doesn't take anything apart."
They spotted Soundwave prodding a popcorn machine. Rumble sighed. "I'll get him."
Starscream pried himself out of his leader's painful grasp and sidled up to her. "So Casey, where do we start?"
She veered the cart down a left-hand path. "Clothes first, like I explained to you earlier. You need something to change into; otherwise your current clothes will get dirty and stink."
He huffed. "Humans have such trivial restraints."
"Well you're gunna have to live with it for now." She spotted the men's clothing sign and took in a long breath. She'd never had to get anything there before. This was going to be… interesting. She steered the cart between two displays of shirts and headed for the row of jeans. Rumble caught up, dragging Soundwave by the hand. Casey noticed his facial expression and frowned.
"Soun— er, Walker, could you do something for me?"
"Possibly."
"Try smiling, please? You look like you want to kill somebody."
His face twisted up in a resemblance of a smile that would scare all the hair off the Grinch if he had been present. Casey took a hasty step back.
"Okay, never mind, you're scaring me now. Go back to… whatever it was before."
"He was looking completely normal, Star." Frenzy poked at a pile of jeans on the shelf closest to him. "These are some of what we need, right?"
"Right." Casey shoved the cart to one side for room. Then her eyes widened and she smacked her forehead. "Aw slag. I forgot to check what size you boys wear earlier!"
The Decepticons shifted uneasily. Somehow that did not bode well. She scanned the five of them, debating who would be least likely to pound her for what she had to do. She blew a piece of hair out of her face. A mother doing this to her little boy was one thing, but with grown men… Resolving to just get it over with, she marched behind Soundwave.
"Hold still."
His eyebrows jumped over his sunglasses and into his ratty baseball hat when she yanked on the top of his pants. While she read the size tag the others watched him make funny faces.
"This is highly uncomfortable." He croaked.
"Yeah, sorry. Had to be done though. I have your size number now." Casey searched the shelves and pulled a pair of jeans out to toss in the cart. That was one down. "Who's next?"
"I'll take my chances with a guess," said Starscream quickly.
"Me too." Rumble and Frenzy agreed in one voice.
Casey looked to Megatron, who recoiled. "Oh no. I'll save you the trouble." He then proceeded to drop his pants in front of her. Casey squealed and spun away from him, covering her eyes.
"M-Meg— Michael, you don't do that in public!"
He exchanged glances with the others, just as puzzled as they were. "Then how are you going to check the size number?"
"You do it! Just hurry up! Or I'll guess, I don't care! Put your pants back on!"
"Why are you so worked up?"
"Why do you THINK, genius? Decency! Remember what I said earlier? You don't do that in public! Hurry up and put them back on before anybody sees you!"
Shrugging, he did so. "I wasn't about to have you do to me whatever you did to Sound—gah, Walker."
"T-that's fine," she took a peek to be sure it was safe. Her face was a bright red. "Just don't do it again."
She estimated the sizes for the rest of them, grateful that the Cassetticon twins wore the same size at least. She told them to do a little exploring to find any shirts they'd wear and she'd buy them two each if they wanted. Not really knowing what they were looking for, the Decepticons gravitated towards favorite colors, or, in some cases, witty sayings.
"Hey Star— eh, Maverick, I found the perfect shirt for you," called Megatron, looking at a long display of t-shirt designs. He tucked the shirts he'd chosen under his arm as Starscream approached.
"What, pray tell?"
He read it aloud. "'Everybody has the right to be an idiot, but you're abusing the privilege.' Clever. I should remember that."
"...Haha, very funny Meg- Michael, although I prefer the one that says 'I'd like to help you out… which way did you come in?'"
"Hey guys, how's it going?" Casey's squeaky cart rolled up beside them. She giggled. "Oh, I've always wanted these kinds of shirts. I love them, but they never make them small enough for me. I see you two have picked something out."
They traded glances at each other's choices but didn't say anything. Soundwave approached with the twins in tow. They dumped their stuff into the cart. Casey checked them over. "Hmm… we might need to have you try these on just to be sure that they fit."
"A waste of time." snorted Megatron. "We don't care what they look like."
"Speak for yourself." snapped Starscream. "If I'm going to have to wear this garbage it had better look good."
Casey coughed loudly before an argument could go into full swing. "To the fitting rooms, then!"
There were only four fitting rooms available when they arrived. Casey sorted out the clothing and carefully explained to them what they had to do. The Cassetticon twins found the idea thoroughly amusing and hurried into their appointed stalls. Starscream took to his stall too, more concerned with his appearance than amused. Casey had to promise Soundwave that they'd go look at shiny electronic things afterwards before he would go. After a long awkward moment she realized she was alone with Megatron.
He shifted from foot to foot, growling. He had an inkling that there was far too much here that he didn't care to or want to understand. This business about clothing? He never cared about such things like appearance or comfort. Amour was permanent. And this girl! Did they realize they kept asking her for guidance instead of him? It was absurd. He should know these things, and HE should be in charge of what they were doing at any given moment. Living in this world as an accursed human was just getting better and better…
"Um, Meg- er, Uncle Mike?"
"What?" he snarled.
"I was wondering, why didn't you tell them I'm human?"
"Isn't it obvious, even to you?"
Casey stared at her hands, effectively silenced by his savage glare of venom. Megatron reigned in his temper, barely.
"Do you really think the others would allow me to utilize your help otherwise? I'd never hear the end of it, especially from Starscream. We can't afford to create trouble here. It's best that they don't know."
"Okay… but I worry they'll figure it out if I slip up."
"Then you'd better not slip, Starflight. It'll make both of our lives easier."
Silence fell between them again. From the stalls some giggles from the twins could be heard. Primus knew what they were doing in there.
"Um, I was also wondering…" Casey trailed off at his annoyed growl, but steeled herself. She couldn't let him intimidate her. "How did you find the others yesterday?"
Megatron leaned on the cart. "After I left you I headed to where I had trespassed into your world and met them coming in my direction. Soundwave had tracked down Rumble, Frenzy and Starscream with his remaining abilities left from his true form. He found me last."
"Wow. So did all of you keep something from your real forms?"
"Affirmative."
She couldn't resist. "Like what?"
He gave her a nasty smirk. "You'll have to find out in time."
"Hey Star!" A sandy-haired head popped out of the fitting rooms. Casey couldn't tell which of the twins it was, but he had pulled his shirt of choice over the top of his current one, and had somehow turned it inside-out in the process. The tag tickled his chin. "Did I do this right?"
"No you didn't. You're supposed to take your old stuff OFF first. Pull it right side out while you're at it."
A collective "Oooh" came up over the other stalls. Megatron held his face in a hand, shaking his head while the mis-dressed twin disappeared back into his stall. "Idiots. All of them."
"Oh admit it; you would have done the same thing."
"I'm not THAT dense!"
Rumble and Frenzy scampered out, waving the new shirts like flags. "We're done!"
"Oh good. Your turn, Uncle Mike."
Starscream emerged just in time to hear the nickname and laugh. "Have a grand time, Uncle Mike,"
"Thank you, Maverick," Megatron ground out between clenched teeth. He stormed past him into an unoccupied fitting room. Casey flinched when he slammed the door shut.
"You could try being nicer to him," she muttered.
Starscream threw his shirt into the cart, sneering. "Why? It's not like he deserves it."
She sighed. These two would be the death of each other if they weren't careful.
"I think I need to get a smaller shirt Star, I'll go get it." Interrupted Rumble.
"I'll come with you," Frenzy appeared by his side and they dashed off together, laughing.
"Er… Come straight back here you two!"
Starscream's sneer lessened a bit. "Don't think you can keep them out of trouble. We've tried. Only Soundwave can do that."
"I guess, but if they're not here who will keep him out of trouble?"
The aforementioned robot-in-human-disguise exited his fitting room, slipping his sunglasses back on. "Proper garment measurements are satisfactory."
"Good. We'll wait for Michael." She took a moment and prided herself that she'd said it right the first time. She scooted in front of a mirror on the wall and straightened her hair. Dealing with these boys made her look more disheveled than usual.
"Uh, Casey?"
"Yes?"
Megatron cautiously came out of the fitting room. His camouflage shirt had been replaced by a black one and a white button-up shirt with black trim over the top of it, left unbuttoned. He fussed with the collar and ruffled his silver hair. "Did… uh, does this look okay?"
Casey's jaw dropped. "Damn you look good."
He froze. "What did you just say?"
She clamped her hand over her mouth. "Nothing."
"No, you said something. What was it?"
"Nothing important. Honest. I forgot it already."
"No you didn't. You're blushing. Tell me."
"How would you know what that means?"
"Don't change the subject. You're going to tell me what you said."
"You can't make me."
"Oh?" He raised an eyebrow at that challenge. "Now I'll HAVE to make you tell me."
Casey squeaked and backed off. "You can't make me tell you something I forgot. You look fine. Put your old shirt back on." She quickly scurried behind Soundwave to the cart, blushing furiously. Starscream eyed her.
"What was that?"
"Never mind. It doesn't matter. Are the twins back yet? Oh look, uh, gardening supplies! Any of you boys like to garden? La la la!" She tittered on and pushed the cart in a hurry down the aisle, talking to no one in particular.
Soundwave exchanged glances with his fellow Decepticon. "Femmes are strange."
Starscream huffed, scratching at his black hair. "You're telling me. They make less sense than the Autobots do."
They waited for Megatron to finish up before following after her. A few minutes later Rumble and Frenzy arrived on the scene only to find the place empty. Shrugging with a shared smile they set off to find their friends in the opposite direction.
On the way to the electronics Casey stopped to get anything she could think of that the Decepticons might need. While his companions poked around and asked about everything, Megatron watched a small mountain of supplies gather itself into the shopping cart. They honestly needed all of this? Toothbrushes and toothpaste hit the pile. Hair utensils followed them in. He shuddered when the toilet paper pack landed on top of their chosen clothes. He was not looking forward to using that. Casey found a few more blankets and picked out a sleeping bag for Soundwave so he wouldn't have to cram himself into the windowsill again. Somewhere in the midst of this socks and boxers appeared.
Megatron trailed along behind them, his head pounding at the enormity of it all. They needed wax for teeth? Additional coverings to keep warm at night? More clothes? He paused behind the others while Casey tossed two big bottles of aspirin into the cart.
"I know I'll be needing these."
Starscream held up a nicely-wrapped package. "Do we need these too?"
She glanced up and snorted. "No, unless you think you'll want adult diapers."
He fumbled with it and shoved it back on the shelf. "Not really."
"Didn't think so. Hey Uncle Mike, you're awfully quiet back there." Casey steered around a display of giant bouncy balls. "Everything okay?"
He didn't notice Soundwave halting in his tracks and making a beeline for something on the far right. "Huh? Oh… yeah…" He studied his boots with dull eyes.
"Megatron."
He looked up before walking into a display of Tonka Trucks. Fighting annoyance he went to Soundwave's side. "What? You know you're not supposed to call me that here."
"No, It's Megatron." He shoved a small box into his leader's hands. "You are a toy. There are others."
He stared at the purple and black lettering that announced the box's occupant to be the "Classics Transformers: Robots in Disguise Decepticon Megatron". He sputtered. "W-what is this? Star-FLIGHT!"
Already several aisles away, Casey and Starscream jumped at the mighty roar. The Air Commander blinked. "Whoa. That's how he usually yells for me. What'd you do?"
She realized which section of the store they had just passed. "Uh oh. More like what I didn't tell him."
They found Megatron and Soundwave in the action figures aisle standing in front of a display of Transformers toys. Megatron had worked himself into a furious fit.
"You bellowed?"
He thrust the box at her. "Explain this. Now."
"Here is Starscream." Soundwave gave the toy to its namesake, who took it with some reverence. "I'm… I… have a toy?" He looked at the small package and saw his name clearly printed on the front. His face broke into a huge grin. "I'm a toy! How wonderful! It's about time somebody idolized me!"
"Affirmative. On the toy account. Optimus Prime, Cliffjumper, Bumblebee are also present, among others." Soundwave sighed. "However, I am not." He spotted a shiny array of upcoming Transformers movie toys. "We are well-liked, it seems."
"Well?" demanded Megatron.
"Uh… I told you Transformers were known here. But it's all fake, all made of TV shows, comics and toys. No one knows you're real."
"I couldn't care less about that. Explain to me why MY namesake is painted in such ridiculous colors!"
Starscream gurgled happily. "They got mine right!"
"It's because of some toy gun laws or something. They had to make it so it didn't look too real. That's a new design anyway, and when transformed it doesn't look that bad."
"Megatrons do not follow toy laws! That's absurd." What she said brought his rant to a screeching halt. "And how would you know?"
Casey blushed. "I have a few of these at home."
"Can I have this?" asked Starscream, clutching his toy's package.
"No. Your ego's big enough."
"I'll start asking annoying questions again."
"You're already annoying."
"Hey!"
Megatron ignored him, growling. Him, the Great Megatron, a toy! This world was absolutely twisted. He deserved more respect than that. He was no mere child's play thing. He noticed an Optimus Prime toy and picked up the box, smiling grimly. Having Prime in this size wasn't so bad. In fact, he'd prefer Prime that way. Maybe he could invent something that could shrink the Autobots down to toy size….
Casey hung the Classics Starscream back on the hook, ignoring Starscream's pathetic pout. "We need to keep moving and find the twins before something explodes."
That caught everyone's attention. "They sell explosives here?"
"… No, but I'm betting that wouldn't stop them. Put your toys away Megatron, you can see mine at home."
On the other side of WalMart, Rumble and Frenzy explored the pet supplies aisles. Frenzy pushed up his sunglasses so he could see clearly into the fish tanks. The orange goldfish darted away when he bent to look at them.
"There's a lot of crazy stuff here. Do you think humans eat these too? They're kinda small."
Rumble tapped the glass of another tank. " Nah, I don't think so. Star said humans prefer dead things that don't move."
Frenzy's stomach gurgled. "Aw man, I'm hungry again. Having to eat all the time really bites."
"Maybe there's something here we can have. Star said there's food here too."
"Yeah, that's right. I wonder what it looks like?"
Rumble shrugged. "Dunno. I'm sure we can find something."
They left the fish and traveled down the pet food aisle. Frenzy picked up a dainty can of cat food and shook it, examining the label.
"Uh, bro, do you know how to read human writing?"
Rumble took the can. "Kind of. I read the Sunday comics sometimes." He turned it over and read the side. "It says food…"
"Really? Open it up, I'm starving!"
"But there's a cat on here. I'm not sure this is human food."
"I don't care! Gimme!"
An elderly voice piped up behind the twins. "Excuse me young man,"
They jumped in unison with a yelp and spun around. A petite old lady had somehow approached them without their notice. She carried a basket on one arm. Bird seed treats and a box of Q-tips were piled inside. Her bright eyes got lost when she smiled kindly at them, tipping a worn knit hat.
"That happens to be the food Fluffy likes very much and I can't reach it on that shelf. Would you mind giving me that can?"
"Uh… sure." Rumble handed it over while Frenzy whined.
"But I want it…"
He elbowed his brother in the side, shaking his head. The old lady put the cat food in her basket.
"Thank you dearie." She studied them for a moment. "Are you the young men Casey brought home yesterday?"
They blinked at her. "Yeah, we are." Frenzy answered, nervous. He wanted to shrug off this old withered human but something told him that wouldn't be the thing to do. She chuckled softly.
"I see. Casey would have to get supplies to take care of you boys. She almost never has company, you know."
"Really?"
"Oh heavens no, the poor dear works too hard for that. I try not to worry the way that child goes rushing around like she does. You two make sure to take care of her while you visit. Don't let her bury herself in the books too much."
"Uh… okay." Rumble scratched the back of his head. "Er, we really ought to find her and our friends. Do you know where the hu— er, people food is?"
The old woman laughed. "Oh my, 'people food' is one way to say it. It's all on the far left side of the store, dear. You can't miss it. Please tell Casey Mrs. Peony says hello, would you?"
They nodded together, turning to head in the appointed direction.
"We will."
"Yeah, thanks lady!"
Mrs. Peony waved at them until they disappeared around the corner, chuckling to herself. "What nice boys. Casey sure is lucky."
Casey felt cursed.
Megatron had been sulking since they left the toy section, making him more irritable than usual. Starscream kept babbling about how great it was to be "immortalized" as a toy and wouldn't shut up. More than once she had to get between them before they could fight. If this went on much longer she would knock them both out. Soundwave was currently distracted by a myriad of electronics, leaving her alone with the Terrible Two. Soundwave kept bringing things to ask about too, and although she did her best to explain "human technology" her answers did little to satisfy his curiosity.
"No, I will not buy that for you." She said firmly for the sixth time, and stared forlornly across the store where the food was. We're almost done, we're almost done…
"What's that?" asked Starscream, pointing to a display of MP3 players. He hadn't given up on getting her to buy his toy. Casey gritted her teeth and counted to ten. That bottle of aspirin looked really good right now. To chuck at his head.
"Maverick, I swear if you ask that again I'm going to beat you senseless with my left shoe."
"Okay." He picked up a cell phone case and presented it to her. "Identify this object."
She bent down. "Alright, that's it!"
Megatron grumbled to himself, focused on his feet while cursing the nature of his current predicament. Another pair of booted feet ran across his field of vision, bringing his gaze up. He stared at the sight of Starscream being chased around by a girl slinging her shoe at him. What the slag…? As absurd as it was, he resolved not to let the Air Commander forget this incident anytime soon. He watched Casey jump high enough to swat him between the ears.
"Yow!" he yelped, dodging around the DVD racks. She would have marveled at how quickly he moved if she hadn't been so intent on killing him.
"Soundwave, help me!"
He had just emerged from the data storage aisle just in time for Starscream to dive behind him. Casey tried getting at the pest but it was like trying to get around a Redwood tree.
"Coward! Come out and fight like a Decepticon!"
Starscream peeked over Soundwave's shoulder and blew a raspberry at her. Megatron blinked, hardly believing the entire situation. This was… so ridiculous…Before he knew it a quiet laugh began.
"Uh, Ma'am?"
"What?" Casey whirled around and came face-to-face with a WalMart employee. He hastily stepped back to avoid the deadly shoe swinging by its strings.
"If you're going to continue, uh, chasing people and making noise, I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to leave."
Her eyes widened and she dropped her weapon of choice. "Right. Sorry."
Megatron's laughter hit a hysterical pitch. This girl was certainly something else!
A few minutes later in the grocery aisle a subdued Casey threw apples, potato chips and frozen pizza into the shopping cart. The Decepticons followed along behind, mostly quiet. Occasionally Megatron would start chuckling but she ignored him. She pushed the cart down the frozen food aisles. While picking out a package of burritos she heard a little boy talking to his mother.
"Mommy, can I hide in the freezer too?"
It almost stopped her in mid-motion, but given the weirdness of the day that sounded relatively normal.
"Guys, is there any food you've heard of that you'd be interested in trying?"
They each thought for a minute.
"I've heard about coffee," said Starscream.
"Hmm…" Megatron rubbed his chin. "Spaghetti. It resembles human brains and entrails."
"Marshmallows." droned Soundwave.
Casey blinked. "O-kay. Well Screamer, I can tell you right now that you of all people don't need coffee. Spaghetti and marshmallows, however, are doable."
A panicked scream ripped across the aisles and a few minutes later an irate woman shoved her cart past them.
"What a wicked thing to do!"
Curiosity piqued, Casey steered the squeaky cart around the corner. She gazed at the row of freezers, wondering what the woman saw that warranted a scream. Just what is going on here? Ooh, green beans! She went to open the door when something pressed against the glass beside her and caught her attention. She shrieked and yanked the door open.
"Rumble—Frenzy, whichever one you are, GET OUT of there!"
A frosty sandy-haired teenager tumbled out, grinning. "Hi Star!"
"Don't you "Hi Star" me, where's your brother?"
Ice cold arms wrapped around her from behind. "Right here Baby! Ooo, you're warm!"
"EEE!" She tried prying him off. "Frenzy! Let go, you're cold!"
"I kn-kn-know, but you're nice and warm!"
"Oh for the sake of Primus! Soundwave!"
The large man broke away from between his fellow Decepticons and cuffed Frenzy on the ear. "Release her."
"Owww… Oh! You're warm too!"
Soundwave endured a two-way cuddle for a few seconds before shaking the twins off. "Explain yourselves."
Frenzy attempted to attach himself to Casey again, circling the cart several times before catching her. "Well, an old lady told us where the human food was."
"And we figured you guys would get here eventually."
"But we got bored so I got us into the freezers. The lock was easy."
"Yeah, freaking people out was fun." Rumble dumped the shirt he had been carrying into the cart. "Oh, Star, the old lady said she knows you. She says hi."
Casey grimaced as Frenzy snuggled with her a little too closely. "That's nice, but what did I say about scaring the locals?"
They both looked at the floor, sheepish. "Sorry Star…"
"It's… fine. Let's just get out of here."
At checkout Casey forked over a check worth over one hundred and fifty dollars. She felt ill doing so and it did little to improve her mood. The Decepticons noticed this and stayed out of her way while she checked the plastic bags to be sure they hadn't forgotten anything. Well, most of them— Starscream had disappeared by the time they got through and were ready to leave the store. Casey fought the urge to scream and settled for making her noises of intense frustration instead. Weighed down with plastic bags, she gave them to the Cassetticon twins. "Make yourselves useful. I'll find him."
"I'm hungry," muttered Frenzy.
She didn't bother replying and hurried past the registers. Within moments she spotted the tall man in the black fighter pilot's jacket… talking to a skimpy-dressed young woman. Casey felt her blood freeze. Great, it just HAD to be Silvia again… She had pulled him off to the side into a corner by the popcorn machine.
"Maverick!"
He turned and saw her coming, but wasn't fast enough to escape the grab for his ear.
"Ow ow ow!"
"It's time to go home now, buster."
Silvia sputtered. "Hey, we were talking here. Who are you to interrupt?"
"He's NOT for sale. Find another victim. Come along now, Maverick!"
Once outside, everyone and his dog complained about being hungry. Casey grasped for the last threads of her patience and told them that they wouldn't be eating anything until they got home. Starscream dropped the bags he had been so unfairly forced to carry just like everyone else.
"Why didn't you say so?" he said, looking very smug.
"What now?" she ground out.
"We don't have to walk back."
"Oh really? What do you suggest, then, fly? Beam me up, Scotty? I hope you know the guy because I sure don't."
The Decepticons shared devious grins.
"Do it," ordered Megatron.
"Do wha—"
With a flourish Starscream snapped his fingers and suddenly they were inches above the carpeted floor of Casey's living room. She stumbled backwards and landed on her couch, rubbing her eyes.
"Wha- what just happened?"
"Teleported us here, what does it look like? For some reason I have Skywarp's talent." Starscream began digging in the plastic bags until he found a frozen pizza.
"Here. Hurry up Starflight; we're hungry."
"But…" Too dazed to say much else, she took it and went to the kitchen like a zombie. Moments ago they were standing on the sidewalk outside of WalMart and now they were here… How WEIRD was this going to get?
On the way home from the store, Little Timmy sat up straight in his car seat and blinked his big blue eyes. He poked the car window with a chubby finger.
"Mommy, dat whole buncha peoples just disappeareded offa the street!"
She sighed. First he wanted to hide in the freezer, now this. "That's nice dear…"
To be continued…
Seeing something like that would certainly make you wonder, wouldn't it? Let me know what you think!