Cat, Rat, and Dog

By Matelia-legwll

A/N: Last time, Lily was having problems with yarn:

Yarn! Come back here! Ugh. I felt disgusted with myself. I am a prefect. A perfect prefect. Not one that can be swayed by an ounce of yarn, for I have more than an ounce of sense. Ooh, pretty. . . . Alright. Fine. Compromise.

One hour spent gleefully chasing that red yarn down and then naptime. That sounds good. There was a thin red strand hanging off of the yarn ball that I fixed my eyes upon. I can stick to that, I decided as I crouched, my tail lashing the air behind me. And then I pounced.

CHAPTER TWENTY TWO: Sirius

Merlin. What an excellent prank. It relaxed me, and taunting Peter about his homework lessened my drive to cause physical harm to come to him. When it was time for supper, I stuffed a couple pieces of parchment under my four-poster bed, and noted that as another place to put down on my list.

Supper was fun as we got compliments all around from those admirers of ours, while all the Slytherins pointedly glared at us. That was even more entertaining.

When we got back to the Common Room, to pass the rest of the evening, Prongs and I decided to play Wizard's Chess. Moony and Wormtail had to make a trip to the library to bring back a couple books, and they hadn't come back yet.

"Knight to E-five. That powder sure made a difference on all the Slytherins. Brilliant idea, Prongs."

"Pawn to F-four. I wonder if Moony or Wormtail noticed."

I snorted as I contemplated the board. "Wormtail didn't."

He nodded. "Probably not. But it made their reactions almost as hilarious as the Slytherins."

"Knight to G-six." I decided, then sighed. "I can't quite believe you didn't put any hexes on the 'invitations' along with the powder. You had the opportunity, and didn't take it," I bemoaned. Prongs had managed to put a powder on the fake invitations that had made the entire Slytherin House act rather oddly. If only he had utilized his creativity I could have something else to entertain myself with instead of chess.

"Rook to H-six. Who said I never put anything else on?" he muttered, smiling to himself.

I sat up straight and looked at him for a full minute.

"It's your move—What?" he asked, finally looking up and noticing my stare.

"Ruddy salamanders can move. Mr. Padfoot is still waiting for details." This was brilliant. If it wasn't just as annoying. Dragging details out of Prongs was almost as difficult as getting a straight story out of Wormtail. Well, I started to reconsider that statement, then changed my mind. Yeah, Wormtail is more difficult.

"Oh, right." James looked back down at the chess board. "Well, Mr. Prongs had happened upon this wicked jinx. Makes you itch. Mr. Prongs added a location spell, and a timed delay on certain ones of the Slytherins' invitations."

"Get a move on! I'm tired of standing around here waiting!" My castle shouted out from the board.

"Oh shut it," I muttered to the annoying chess piece, then addressed Prongs. "Who?"

"Snivellus, Mulciber, Avery, Crabbe, Goyle, Rosier, and Wilkes."

I nodded, pleased. "And when?"

"Come on! Over here! Your knight is about to get creamed, let me defend him!" The castle was shouting again.

"Shut it!" I ordered.

"Tetchy, tetchy," muttered the piece turning back to face the front.

I glared at the board for a moment then decided, "Bishop to H-six."

James bit his lip. "Bludgers and Snitches! I forgot about that bishop."

I grinned down at him. "Just your luck."

He rolled his eyes and started in on the luck argument again. "My luck is what gets me unnecessary detentions. I always seem to get caught. It has nothing to do with winning or losing a chess game."

"Whatever," I dismissed, as Moony and Wormtail came into the room each with a pile of books.

Prongs sent me a half-smile. "By the way, Queen to B-five. Check."

No way! I stared at the board in disbelief. I had been winning, I was sure of that, but one move from Prongs and I was in danger of losing the silly game. I pursed my lips. "Not today," I muttered. "King to D-one."

"Pawn to F-five," James said serenely.

"Castle to A-one," I said through gritted teeth. Maybe after I took out his castle in the corner— My train of thought was rudely derailed.

This last move had roused a protest from the noisy castle on the other side of the board. "Not him! He doesn't know a thing about defense or fighting an enemy. You can't use him!"

"I thought I told you to shut it!" I snapped.

"I won't stand down! I will make my last stand and defend myself well! Unlike you!" declared the aggravating castle.

The other castle retorted, "I do too know what to do when I have to fight. I've lasted this long."

I groaned. "Just move. I'll deal with the consequences later."

"Problems with your chess set?" asked Prongs innocently, too innocently.

I glared suspiciously at him. "What did you do?"

"Nothing," he raised his eyebrows at me as if suggesting that the idea was preposterous.

"He—he did talk to us, a little," offered a wounded Bishop on the side of the board.

James stared at him, dismayed by the one-sided loyalty of the one legged chess piece. "That was supposed to be our little secret," he hissed.

"I'm sworn to tell the truth to Master Black," declared my Bishop. "Otherwise he'll curse my other leg off," he added in an undertone that I hoped Prongs hadn't heard.

"So there," I said, sticking my tongue out childishly.

"So immature, is more like it," muttered Remus.

"Are you still reading that history thing of Shakes-peer?" asked Peter, stumbling over the name. "You're supposed to be helping me find the answer."

Moony just rolled his eyes.

I took it upon myself to correct little Wormy. "It's Shakespeare; even I know that."

Moony snorted. "Only because I took the time to correct you. You used to pronounce it Shack-es-pare-ay."

Prongs started to laugh. "You didn't, Padfoot."

My eyes had widened at Remus's lack of tact. He had formally agreed never to mention that again.

Moony grinned up at me. "Couldn't let your head get too big, Padfoot. And Prongs, you were even worse."

"Worse?" I asked, surprised.

Prongs froze, then ducked his head and ruffled his hair awkwardly.

"Shay-keys-pee-are," he admitted.

I stared at him. "I know my excuse for pronouncing it wrong is never listening to my hag of a mother. What's your excuse?" Mrs. Potter was much too nice to be ignored like that.

"Mum thought the mispronunciation was cute. She knew that I'd never really need to say it right, not for Hogwarts, anyway."

My eyes were drawn to the corner of the room where Evans, as a cat, stretched in her basket, waking up from her nap. If she woke up, I had a few one-liners that I'd like to use. They would really mess with Wormtail, as he was aware of the double identity like I was.

"Stop ignoring the game and finish it already!" shouted my castle.

I grimaced at Prongs. "Please take out my castle."

"How dare you suggest such a thing! Have you no sense at all?" objected the castle.

Prongs smiled. "I was going to, but you eliminated my bishop white already."

"How come your pieces haven't been piping up?" I suddenly wondered.

James shifted uncomfortably. "Er, it has to do with, er, a silencing charm that I, erm, put on all my players."

"You did what?" Silencing charms didn't work on normal chess sets. I would have silenced my pieces years ago if that worked. "How?"

"Er, well, you know."

"No, actually I don't. I wasn't aware of any silencing charms that actually worked on chess pieces."

Moony looked up curiously. "Yes, Prongs. Do tell."

"Well, I sort of got that spell by bouncing ideas off of—" he started.

I twitched, knowing the name he was about to say. James snorted with suppressed laughter, then went on. "Anyway, it doesn't really matter. The spell is just the Latin conjugation of 'mute the chess.' Her idea."

I twitched again. I honestly couldn't help myself. Prongs laughed again, and was thankfully distracted by Lils lounging out of her basket and sleepily trotting over to Prongs.

"Aw, Lils, you're so cute when you just wake up like that."

Evans stared at him, then put her head on her paws and allowed him to stroke her fur as she lazily closed her eyes again.

"Your move, Prongs," I reminded him.

"Oh, er, pawn to B-three."

"Then, knight to F-four." I nodded. Prongs wasn't so good of a chess player when he was distracted. I might be able to win for once.

"Your fur is so soft, Lils. Soft and pretty," James crooned to the cat.

"Yeah," I agreed. "Petting her is just like running your hands through a girl's hair, isn't it?"

I heard a book snap shut. "Padfoot!" whined Wormtail. The Chaser had entered the scoring zone.

James ignored Wormtail and answered me. "Yeah, I reckon," he shrugged. "Not that I've really volunteered to do that."

"Well, the cat is a girl, so technically..." I trailed off suggestively.

"PADFOOT!" Wormtail shouted in outrage. I turned to him and saw that he had stood up, chest heaving, and glaring at me.

And the Quaffle sailed right through the center hoop, but I still wanted to go for the Snitch catch.

Moony looked taken aback, and James, well, James was still petting Lils and ignoring Wormtail.

"What's wrong, Wormy? That's not even that bad. Padfoot is usually a lot worse," Remus stated, and I had to suppress a grin.

Wormtail pouted as he sat back down on his bed. "But still. You're not supposed to say things like that," he muttered.

And here's the dive. "What? You feeling a bit left out Wormy? Feeling a bit jealous of the cat?"

Prongs finally looked up. "Ew. No innuendos about mates, please, Padfoot." He scrunched his face and shuddered. "Bad mental images. Bishop to D-three."

"Knight to D-three. What sort of images did you come up with, Prongs?" I asked curiously as my knight rode down his other bishop.

Three groans greeted my question. Evans must have gone back to sleep, because I got no reaction from her. Oh well. The catch was still spectacular. And that means that I could say a line that I didn't dare say while Evans was awake. But first, the chess.

"Knight to G-four," Prongs muttered.

"Castle to A-two," I ordered.

"Hah, like that'll work," muttered my knight.

Now, his move. "Pawn to B-four." Ah, so he didn't see that I was blocking him off.

"Queen to E-four." James was really good at chess. Surely by now he has spotted my strategy. I've only used it against him four different times. And he had a record of having blocked it four times.

"Wow, I'm shocked," remarked my queen sarcastically as she glided forward. "You're actually using me. Usually I'm just standing around, waiting for you to lose." I rolled my eyes. There was a reason I preferred to use my knights more than my queen, but I don't think I'll get into that now.

"Knight to F-two." Nope. He still didn't realize. He thought my queen was threatening his knight. Wow. I will actually win. I grinned.

"Queen to F-three. Check and checkmate," I said triumphantly. "Here Wormtail. Kiss Lils in celebration of my victory. Go on, kiss and make up."

"WHAT!" exclaimed James and Peter together in horror, for completely different reasons. Prongs was staring disbelievingly at the chess board, and Wormtail was looking panicked, switching his gaze between me and the still unmoved cat. She must be asleep.

"See. It could get a lot worse, Wormtail," warned Moony.

I laughed, practicing my evil laugh to get better than Prongs. The other Marauders joined me in my laughter, after Prongs and Wormtail had gotten over their shock.

When we confined our laughing a little, I started to tally up my points for the night. With the ten-pointer, the snitch catch, plus the chess win that had to count for two hundred points, and the overtime fifty-pointer... "Wow. If I had that many Galleons, I could buy that flying booster for the motorbike I want to get," I mused aloud.

I got hit by two pillows and a blanket for bringing that subject up again. And we all started to laugh again.

Peter's List

Check. Item one: Hide the map.

Check. Item two: Tell Sirius.

Check. Item three: Laugh off any weird questions.

Item four: But don't laugh when an ironic situation comes up.

Check. Item five: Take a deep breath if the subject comes up.

Check. Item six: Don't hyperventilate when others are discussing cats or Evans.

Item seven: Just stop reminding myself that the cat is Evans.

Item eight: Change the subject if it is hitting too close to home.

Item nine: Don't look suspicious.

Item ten: Don't tell anyone the real reason for this list.

Item eleven: Don't show fear of the cat.

Item twelve: Do be very, very careful around Moony.

Check. Item thirteen: Don't talk or have any conversation with Dumbledore.

Check. Item fourteen: In fact, avoid Dumbledore completely.

Item fifteen: Never look at Evans directly in case her glare makes you feel guilty.

Item sixteen: Make sure not to call Evans "Evans" around anyone who is not Evans.

Item seventeen: Don't let James figure out the cat is Lily.

Check. Item eighteen: Steal Remus's chocolate.

IMPORTANT EDIT: I have gone back and changed the character previously referred to as Mary Macdonald to the character name of Ruby Jones. I'm going to try to make this fit as real as possible and I don't want to set up a situation that wouldn't happen. Also, I got really tired of an out-of-character Mary.

A/N: This chapter I dedicate to Umi Pryde. She was an inspiration for one of the main conversations. I won't promise anything because University is still hectic, but I am still alive and I'll try my hardest to keep going in a timely manner.

Well, what do you think about this chapter? What's your favorite part so far? Any good dialogue or good rants? Any suggestions? I'll take them into consideration, I promise. Any questions for me?

Can you think of anything else to add to Peter's list? Tell me in a review or PM, and I'll find a way to use it. My only request be that the list consist of rather obvious or pathetic notions, and that it would be absolutely hilarious to make Peter follow through on. Keep them coming! Please!

I'm trusting you, my lurking reader, to step it up and send me a little note. I'm trusting all my stalwarts to keep up the excellent reviews. Keep reviewing, please. I promise I'll respond to all reviews. Even to anonymous reviewers, as long as you include an email address. Just review! I need the feedback, and it makes my day, and allows me to make your day when I reply.

Oh, and I've been updating my profile avatar image to correspond with something in each of these chapters. Go ahead and visit my profile, especially if you are waiting for the next chapter. I try to post the next picture during my editing stint. It's a tiny insight to what I'm planning in the next chapter.

My friend Umi Pryde and I have been working on a set of hilarious mishaps that might or might not have happened in the HP World. Check it out. It's called Short Sorcerer Scenes. It is under her profile, or you can check it out from my favorite stories on my profile. You'll find scenes with the Marauders, Harry, Luna, Snape, Moody, McGonagall, Draco, Hermione, Ron, Uncle Vernon, Hagrid, Fred and George, and Flitwick, among others. Feel free to suggest other scenes, too.

Thank you for reading!