Cat, Rat, and Dog
By Matelia-legwll
A/N: Last time, Sirius was having fun musing and laughing after a game of Wizard's Chess:
When we confined our laughing a little, I started to tally up my points for the night. With the ten-pointer, the snitch catch, plus the chess win that had to count for two hundred points, and the overtime fifty-pointer... "Wow. If I had that many Galleons, I could buy that flying booster for the motorbike I want to get," I mused aloud.
I got hit by two pillows and a blanket for bringing that subject up again. And we all started to laugh again.
CHAPTER TWENTY THREE: Lily
I was woken up by a trouser leg falling on my face. I shook it off, and lazily stretched before climbing to all four paws. I smiled as I took in the scene confronting my eyes.
Remus was standing, hands on his hips, by the end of his bed, calmly observing the tornado that was Sirius. Sirius was currently flinging around items of clothing, obviously looking for something. Peter was sitting on his bed, struggling to get his robes on straight. Yes, it was morning. And the boys were trying to dress. Thank Merlin they were all modest right now.
Remus sighed, then spoke. "Padfoot, I'll ask you again. Where did you put my socks?"
Sirius half-turned to retort, before going back to his search. "And I'll ask you again. Why would I even have your socks, Moony?"
Peter, having finally managed to get his robes on right, looked around him and squeaked in panic, "Padfoot, my socks are missing. I put them right here last night and now they're gone!"
Sirius snorted. "Honestly, Wormtail, do you really think I would care enough about your socks to hide them?"
James, coming out of the bathroom with wet hair, sticky robes, and bare feet, asked, "Hey, Padfoot, have you seen my socks anywhere?"
Sirius exploded. "Merlin's beard! Why does everyone assume I had something to do with their missing socks? It's not like it's shoes! I don't have a socks fetish!" Clothes continued to fly everywhere from Sirius's side of the room during his rant, and he finally threw his arms up in the air as he proclaimed, "I can't find MY socks! Why the newt would I know what happened to everybody else's?"
I grinned and stepped lightly over to James as his eyebrows shot up in reaction to Sirius's outburst. James absentmindedly picked me up and started stroking my fur. Sirius resumed his search with renewed vigor, pointedly ignoring the reactions of his friends.
James spoke after a minute. "We're wizards, aren't we?"
This question brought a halt to the frantic searching of Sirius, the disapproving stare of Remus, and the panicked expression on Peter's face. As one, the other three slowly turned to look at James with newly blank faces.
James automatically shifted me so that I was totally held by his left arm and dug his wand out of his robes with his right.
"Let's summon them! Accio socks!"
I meowed anxiously as soon as I heard James's spell. I knew my charms and I knew that James wasn't specific enough.
Sure enough, socks came flying through the boys' open window, slid underneath the door, and out of the pile of clothes that Sirius was tossing around. Four pairs of socks came out of my basket, but the boys were more interested in the socks that were coming off of Peter's top curtain.
"Wormtail?" asked Sirius in amazement. "What are socks doing on top of your curtains?"
"What? Oh. That's where I always keep my socks. They don't get holes nibbled in them if you keep them up high enough. Rats are usually wary of going out on a drapery that is high above the ground. Unless the socks smell like cheese, anyway."
"Thank you for that information, Wormtail," said Sirius, dripping sarcasm.
"Oh, you're welcome, Padfoot. Thank you for asking," replied Peter blithely.
Sirius coughed. And that particular subject was dropped rather quickly. Completely without Peter's knowledge, I'm sure.
"So what are we going to do with all these socks?" asked Remus.
James's eyes lit up. "Banish them, of course!" He raised his wand, which was immediately snatched away from him by Sirius.
"You, Prongs, are going with Wormtail, and Moony, and you are going to hand deliver each of these socks back to their owners. But first, our socks need to be delivered to us. And then we can work on your game plan."
"Padfoot," whined James.
"Prongs," said Sirius warningly.
"Moony—" James started to appeal to Remus.
"No."
"But—"
"No."
"Wormtail," James looked at Peter with big, pleading eyes. Yes, I noticed them. It's not that I was watching his face. No, not at all. It's just something I noticed.
Peter pursed his lips and paused for a minute. "Okay," he sighed.
"Yes!" whispered James, pumping an arm in victory.
"Worm-tail!" complained Sirius. "You're not supposed to give in. Prongs is the one that's supposed to do it."
"I'm not going to be the one to do it for you, Wormy," warned Remus.
"You're not?" asked Peter anxiously. "I really don't want to do magic right now, though. I'm not on top form."
"Then you shouldn't have agreed," pointed out Sirius.
Hang on a moment. What in the world were they talking about? They kept being so vague that I wasn't following the conversation. Were they still on about the socks? I looked at the piles of socks still streaming in from around the castle, and I suddenly saw a pair of socks that must have snuck under the door. They were mine. No, not the four that I had nicked during the night, but the ones that belonged to me, Lily Evans. When I was Lily Evans, anyway.
I leaped out of James's arms, dashed over on top of the piles of socks, grabbed a hold of my socks with my teeth and started to drag them over to a corner, only to spot some that were Alice's. And then I saw a different pair with fancy embroidered designs on them. I also thought I recognized a pair of socks that belonged to Sev. I told him to give that pair over to the laundry, two weeks ago. I looked around in dismay. How long would it take to get all the socks from the castle to fit into this tiny room? I would start to drown in socks before long. I'm not actually that big of a cat.
All five of us stared at the door as there was a knock. Remus opened the door to reveal Ruby standing at the door, holding her shoes in one hand, with socks rushing in the door around her. She was pushed slightly in by the volume of the socks, and started to speak.
"I would very much appreciate if you didn't take all the socks from all the people in the castle. Do you know that you can't stand up if your socks are coming off magically?"
"Er—" Remus looked anxiously at the others, but Ruby had begun to talk again.
"So, if you could just give me back my socks, I will be on my—" Ruby looked around, and was actually shocked speechless for a moment. But not long enough for any one of the boys to actually do something about controlling the conversation.
"WHAT in the world do you need with all these socks?" Ruby exclaimed. "I can't even see your beds. How are you going to be able to sleep tonight? Especially knowing that you took all the socks in Hogwarts and crammed them in your room." A sock passed just under her face and she wrinkled her nose. "I do not envy you the smell though. Eww. I feel a bit sick now." Ruby got out her wand, and cast the spell that separated her socks from the rest and sent all of her pairs out of the room. She snatched back the last pair of her socks from the air and put them on right there. The boys were still speechless for the most part, and once she had her socks on, she turned and said, "Good day," before leaving the room.
She also left the door open and the socks started to stream into the room in massive numbers. I jumped my way over to James, and leapt onto his shoulder. I really needed another good stretch, but it might take a while to get enough room to do that.
"FINITE INCANTATEM!" shouted a voice from the Common Room. As every single sock dropped to the ground, all four of us looked at James, feeling truly sorry for him.
Soon after, I could hear footsteps going up to the girls dormitory. And the same sharp footsteps came back down, and started going up the steps to the boys dormitory. James wore such a dejected expression, I dismissed my instinct to jump off of his shoulder, and wrapped my tail around the back of his neck instead.
"Mr. Lupin, as Prefect, would you kindly inform me as to the situation and reason why every student and professor in Hogwarts is now barefoot?" asked Professor McGonagall as she entered the open door.
"Even the Professors?" asked James in astonishment. Oh, he hadn't thought of that part yet, had he?
"Yes Mr. Potter. Am I to assume that you had a hand in this mess?"
"I don't have a wand," he said, and I could hear the smirk.
"Ah yes, Mr. Black does have possession of your wand," noted McGonagall.
"Yes, Professor, yes I do," agreed Sirius.
"Padfoot!" complained James in a mutter out of the side of his mouth.
"What? Oh." Sirius rolled his eyes. Peter looked curiously between the two. Again, I didn't really have a clue as to where their minds were. And I'm not sure I actually want to know on this one.
"Well, it was really an accident, Professor." Remus tried to explain.
"And how is that, Mr. Lupin?"
"You're really lucky, Padfoot," muttered James.
Remus continued, "No one was actually trying to make a mess. A spell just misfired."
"Yeah. At least there's no more lost socks in Hogwarts," added Sirius. Now was that in reply to James's comment or to the conversation going on between McGonagall and Lupin?
Professor McGonagall turned her gaze back to Sirius. "To the contrary, Mr. Black, all the socks in Hogwarts are lost now. Lost in this pile." She indicated the room with a wave of her hand. "So, to whom do I issue the detention?"
"Please, Padfoot?" James suddenly started begging Sirius. I stared at him in confusion. "C'mon, you'll catch up soon enough. I'll only be two ahead of you. And it will be really easy to just get two. It's just my luck."
Sirius sighed. "Fine, but you owe me. This detention should've been mine."
Oh, they're talking about the detention record again? Boys. I bet I could do one better.
Hmm, I looked around as McGonagall told James the time and place for the next detention and left the room with the order to give back the socks.
Peter started to manually clear a trunk off of socks before Sirius stopped him.
"Wormtail, we don't have to clean it right this instant, and besides, that's my trunk, thank you very much. I'll clean it off myself."
Remus's shoulders started to shake. "Well, that's never going to happen then," he said eventually.
Sirius objected to that comment, but my eyes were drawn to a little bottle of burnt amber ink that Peter had uncovered from the piles of socks. At least, I think that's what he proclaimed the color to be. It just looks orange to me. But with what I need it for, any color will work.
I know what I'm going to do today.
Peter's List
Check. Item one: Hide the map.
Check. Item two: Tell Sirius.
Check. Item three: Laugh off any weird questions.
Item four: But don't laugh when an ironic situation comes up.
Check. Item five: Take a deep breath if the subject comes up.
Check. Item six: Don't hyperventilate when others are discussing cats or Evans.
Item seven: Just stop reminding myself that the cat is Evans.
Item eight: Change the subject if it is hitting too close to home.
Item nine: Don't look suspicious.
Item ten: Don't tell anyone the real reason for this list.
Item eleven: Don't show fear of the cat.
Item twelve: Do be very, very careful around Moony.
Check. Item thirteen: Don't talk or have any conversation with Dumbledore.
Check. Item fourteen: In fact, avoid Dumbledore completely.
Item fifteen: Never look at Evans directly in case her glare makes you feel guilty.
Item sixteen: Make sure not to call Evans "Evans" around anyone who is not Evans.
Item seventeen: Don't let James figure out the cat is Lily.
Check. Item eighteen: Steal Remus's chocolate.
A/N: Yes, Lily is finally done! (I'm celebrating right now.) And several various references came from Umi again, so this gets dedicated to her. And I did take that suggestion to heart, shetlandlace. I hope you liked it. I won't promise anything because University is still hectic, but I am still alive and I'll try my hardest to keep going in a timely manner. I've already been working on future scenes, so hopefully I'll be able to get this rolling again.
Can you think of anything else to add to Peter's list? Tell me in a review or PM, and I'll find a way to use it. My only request be that the list consist of rather obvious or pathetic notions, and that it would be absolutely hilarious to make Peter follow through on. Keep them coming! Please!
My friend Umi Pryde and I have been working on a set of hilarious mishaps that might or might not have happened in the HP World. Check it out. It's called Short Sorcerer Scenes. It is under her profile, or you can check it out from my favorite stories on my profile. Also she has redone it, and organized it, and I would greatly advise reading her story Poker and Prongs's Plan, especially if you like the Marauders. It migrated to its own story from Short Sorcerer Scenes.
Thank you for reading!