Cat, Rat, and Dog
By Matelia-legwll
A/N: Last chapter, James was having a fun time bathing Lils. ^_^
I've got, what, thirty seconds to get rid of the bubbles? How hard could that possibly be? I looked into the mirror and gasped. I mean, I'm used to my untidy hair in my reflection, but it's usually black untidy hair. I didn't ruffle my hair that much, did I? How the newt did those bubbles turn my lovely dark hair to white? Is that what I'll look like when I'm old? I wrinkled my nose. I certainly hope not. Lily wouldn't have that much to look at if that's the case. How in the world could I get rid of all those bubbles in time? I glanced at my watch. Five seconds. Might as well just call Sirius in here. Maybe he'd have some pointers on how he rinses all of this soap out every time.
"Padfoot!" Sirius was going to pay if this was somehow a prank. How the newt did he know I'd use his shampoo? "PADFOOT!"
CHAPTER TWENTY SIX: Lily
What was that? My head shot up off my paws. Where was I? What had happened after my bath? The last thing I remember was the warm dry towel, and the scent of peppermint. I vaguely remember hearing some laughter, but that is a bit questionable. Of course, if I could say that excuse about the whole bath experience, I'd be loads happier. I could still smell the peppermint, but from my vantage point it looked like I had been sleeping in my basket for the last several hours.
I looked nervously around the room, taking in the comatose forms of my protectors. All snoring, all asleep. Well, not quite all. Peter was blinking his eyes blearily waiting for sleep to claim him more fully. What was it that had woken me up? I heard the rain pounding the windows, the heavy breathing of the four boys. Nothing to worry about, I reassured myself as the room lit up unnaturally for a millisecond. I laid my head back down and curled into a ball, before the noise that had awoken me reoccurred. Like a shocking wave, the noise shook the room. An enormous thunderclap.
I screamed and jumped. How come the thunder was that loud? I was used to the little thunderstorms that usually accompanied spring. But this was louder than the loudest thunderclap I had ever heard. However, the boys didn't react that much. Peter rolled over again; James stretched and then relaxed once more; Remus pulled his pillow over his head; and Sirius snored on.
I meowed loudly, hoping desperately for someone--anyone--to awake and explain to me why no one was reacting. Their lack of reaction, more than the loud noise of the storm itself, was more disturbing to me at this point.
Pettigrew groaned quietly. "I hate rain," I heard him mutter. Remus stilled into a statue similar to Sirius's prone form, and James sleepily rolled to his side.
Were they totally unaware of how loud that thunder was? Why? I meowed again in my anxiety. This was accompanied by another unnatural flash of light, and I braced myself as the loudest thunder I had heard in my life rolled forth from the heavens. I couldn't stop myself from shaking in my basket, even after I had burrowed under the blankets these boys had procured for me.
I peeked out of an opening in the blankets to see that James had raised his head off his pillow and was looking curiously at me. I noted that he had put his glasses on at some point when I wasn't looking. As he watched, another flash of lightning lit up the room, and I squeezed my eyes shut in preparation for the loud boom that was sure to come. I whimpered as the sound filled the room, and I looked out again to see that James's eyes had widened.
His whole face softened immediately, and he held out an arm, beckoning me.
"C'mere Lils. It's okay, c'mere," he murmured gently.
I hesitated. If it had been anyone but James Potter, I would have dashed into his arms. But, annoyingly, my conscience took that moment to remind me of all the times I had trusted Potter and he and his friends had betrayed that trust. Loads of these instances had ended with my hair changing colors, Peeves dive-bombing me with water balloons, and getting strung up by my heel in the Great Hall.
Suddenly the flash lit up the world from behind me, and everything was thrown into sharp relief. My only choice for comfort may have been Potter, but he was still James underneath.
I dashed to his bed, leaping up on top of the mattress, and I stood there a moment processing the awkwardness of the situation, until James gathered me in his arms and gently held me to his chest as the thunder rolled by.
"There, there, Lils. It's okay. See, that wasn't so bad, now was it? I may not be Lily, but you can trust me to look after you as she would."
The irony of his comment was not lost on me as I nestled into his shoulder, but I had decided just for tonight to ignore the fact that nearly six days ago I was that same Lily Evans who had declared her utter dislike for this boy and all things connected with him, and just allow him to soothe me. I truly needed the comfort.
The gentle rumbling of his chest as he murmured more reassurances to me, the constant steady rhythm of his heart, and the warmth emanating from him calmed me. I once again allowed myself to immerse in the sense of safety that I felt in his arms. I finally let go of all my anxiety of the past six days and relaxed in his comforting grasp. My eyes started to droop.
The next thing I knew, I was rudely awakened by someone's choking laughter, and Sirius's hand was the first thing I saw, trying to shake James awake.
"Item four, item four," squeaked Peter, trying to muffle his laughter.
"Prongs, Prongs, c'mon, wake up!" Padfoot was saying. "Breakfast! What do I have to say to get you to get up? Quidditch? The castle is on fire." Sirius started to spout off random complaints that would have gotten any normal person to jump out of bed and look around in fear. I thought one of his best was the rampaging hippogriff that was being chased by an irritable dragon.
"No," murmured James in a sleepy tone. "I don't wanna—"
"How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?" interjected Peter, finding the opportunity priceless enough to contain his laughter and seize the moment.
"None," muttered James. "Not while he's having a lie-in."
"Bad luck, Wormtail, I thought you had him," said Sirius in an undertone as James rolled onto his side and tightened his grip slightly on me.
The banter had given me some time to remember and contemplate my position in this situation. I meowed hesitantly, a bit anxious about being found in a Marauder's bed. Oh, that sounds really awful too. Especially since the only two that know I, Lily, indeed am Lils, found me. Oh, it's nearly as awful as saying James gave me a bath. I'm not saying he didn't, but to hear the words spoken aloud... I shuddered. But my meow seemed to have had the desired effect. James sat bolt upright in bed, jamming his glasses onto his face. "Lils?" he said, looking around the room.
"Of course, the cat. Why didn't I think of that?" asked Sirius sarcastically. "And by the way, Prongs, she's on your bed."
"Lils!" James happily exclaimed, scooping me into his arms upon seeing me. Against my will, I might add. It wasn't that I didn't like the feel of being held, but Potter was getting much too familiar with his actions for my tastes. "See, the storm wasn't so bad, was it? Was it? Was it, Lils?" he said in a tone that should be reserved for infants and never again used on small animals.
I stared incredulously at him, and he took my silence as agreement with him. Interesting. He will interpret my silence both as agreeing with him and disagreeing with him. I suppose as long as I was a cat, that couldn't be helped. I'll have to remember to verbalize my answers when I get back in human form. Thankfully he set me down on the bed again so I could do my morning stretches. I was growing to enjoy them.
So what was the plan this morning? I looked around, studying the state of the dormitories. I really couldn't mess it up again, not like I did yesterday with the socks and the ink. I'll go on record for this though: the sock mess was not entirely my fault, and the ink, well, couldn't be avoided. I had tried my best to write a note to Padfoot, and while the note did not succeed, I did not want a bath from trying that again. Oh dognap it, I said 'Padfoot' again, didn't I? While I imagined 'Padfoot' would be easier to write than 'Sirius,' I didn't realize it could be so invasive in one's thoughts. Of course, I've been having the same problems with 'Prongs' and 'James.' I don't particularly like the course my thoughts are taking right now. Hm.
To distract myself, I padded over and looked out the window by James's bed. But it's not like I could go outside, either. The grounds were still too wet. I leaped off the bed, wobbling a little on the landing part because my tail swished a little too far to the left while I was going down. I swear, having a tail can be a hindrance more than a help sometimes. How do other cats, normal cats, know how to move their tails when jumping or climbing or running?
I hadn't really thought about it all that much. Even being turned into a cat for six days hadn't made me that aware of my tail. It is something humans don't have, or know how to deal with. I had pretty much ignored my tail before last night, but now I found that I had several questions that needed to be answered with regard to tails in general, and my tail specifically. It's so fluffy, and it tends to swish right when I don't want it to, causing me to be more clumsy.
Hearing Remus's voice caused me to tune back into the conversation. Remus must have just been in the loo or something. He definitely wasn't there when I woke up, but he certainly is here and participating in the conversation now. I wonder when exactly he came back.
"Detention is tonight," mentioned Remus.
"Yeah, but what are we going to do until then?" asked Sirius.
"Quidditch is out," said James gloomily glancing out his window. "It's still drizzling."
"Yeah, who'd want to come in all muddy and get Filch mad at them?" said Peter, dismissively.
"Actually," said Sirius, raising a finger. "That gives me an idea."
"What kind of idea?" asked James curiously.
"Remember that illusionary magic that Mclour was saying Muggle magicians use?" remarked Sirius.
"It's all slight of hand, smoke and mirrors, though," said Remus. "Nothing too special."
"Well, Moony, are there any spells that create illusions in the magical world?" asked Sirius.
"Are you saying—?" started Potter.
Black nodded. "Exactly. Why not?"
"Why not what?" asked Pettigrew. "I don't get it."
Sirius sighed. "That happens so often, I don't know why you bother announcing it."
I zoned back out of the conversation again. It appeared that Sirius and James at least knew what the four of them were going to do. I still didn't have any idea on what I wanted to do. Except perhaps just to stay clean today. That sounds like a good goal.
Hey! Let go! What the newt do you think you are doing Potter?!
"C'mon, Padfoot. She's so cute! You just can't help but like her," said Potter, cradling me and making one of my arms wave at Black.
Sirius crossed his arms. "That doesn't explain why you think we have to take her with us," he said skeptically.
Take me with them? I looked between the two Marauders, horrified. What had I missed? How in the world had I gotten involved in this conversation, anyway?
"Moony, you saw the mess she made last time we left her alone here," James appealed to Remus.
Remus smiled. "It wasn't really that bad, Prongs."
"Hey Moony, what does six of one and half a dozen of the other really mean?" asked Peter suddenly.
"What does that have to do with anything?" asked the other three boys.
"I've honestly been wondering about it," protested Peter. "It shouldn't make sense, so why say it?"
"Why waste time on this? We could be bothering Filch," said Sirius impatiently.
"Yes! Let's go," exclaimed James, standing up and taking me with him.
I meowed. I really didn't want to go with them. Why was Potter insisting on it anyway?
"Right." Padfoot caught hold of James's shoulder. "You still haven't explained yourself."
James looked down at me and bit his lip. "About Lils? Padfoot… I feel kind of guilty. I should've been keeping a better eye on her. If Evans had been here…"
Padfoot and Prongs exchanged a look, and Sirius nodded, satisfied, I presume since he dropped the subject. I wasn't sure what I thought of the whole subject. Besides, I was hungry now. Was that Bertie Botts' Every Flavour Beans sitting on that chest? I twisted in James's grasp, trying to slip out.
"Where do you think you're going, Lils?" asked Potter quietly as he readjusted his grip on me.
I meowed impatiently. Isn't any one of these idiots going to feed me? Surely four teenage boys would be hungry when awakening. I could tell that if I didn't get food soon, my stomach would growl, and it would be just like these gits to interpret "growling stomach" as "purring cat."
"First task, finding Filch. Then casting the illusions on the floor around him. And finally laughing as he tries to clean the illusions," muttered Sirius to himself as the group exited the dormitory. He paused, then turned on Pettigrew, walking sideways down the stair. "How are we supposed to find Filch without the Map, Wormtail?"
Filch is on a map? What in Merlin's name was Sirius talking about? I've never heard of a map like that.
"I dunno. So… what is it with odd sayings?" asked Peter, hurriedly changing the subject. "Surely you can think of a couple, Moony."
"Er, sure, I guess, Wormtail. Wait. Why does Padfoot think you—"
"I'm sure I don't know," interrupted Peter, a terrified look coming into his eye. "Just because I put it on my list doesn't mean—" He stopped himself and forced a smile.
"Wormtail," drawled James. "You're not a very good liar." I shook my head in agreement. James noticed, unfortunately. "See! Even Lils knows it. You can't even fool a cat, Wormy," he said excitedly. I tried the eye-rolling thing again.
"Of course I can't fool them, they can sense my fear of them!" exclaimed Peter.
"Mate, I'm pretty sure that is dogs you are thinking about," corrected Sirius.
"No, honest!" protested Peter. "Cats have this sixth sense so that they never believe me."
"Don't they just use their sense of smell?" questioned Remus.
"How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?" Peter burst out.
Sirius held up a finger. "And… that is supposed to relate… how?"
James grinned. "Ooh, are we playing the question game?"
Sirius turned on James. "Do you want to?"
James considered that for a moment, his face cutely contorting as Remus led the way out of the Common Room. No. Uh-uh. No way. I did not just use the words "cute" and "James's face" in the same sentence. Please no. I really don't want to spend time with the Marauders. But… I don't know what else I want to do.
Hang on. I want to eat. "Can someone please get me some food now?" I tried to express. Of course what they heard was more like, "Mrow. Mreow, mreeeow! Mew, meow?" But seriously, they should be able to translate just that. I was even pointing at my mouth with one hand, er, paw.
"Lils, what's wrong?" James asked in concern.
"Prongs, are you aware that if she doesn't answer with a question, you've just made a cat lose?" asked Sirius.
"Nrow?" was my spoken version of "What the newt?"
"Ha! See, she did it," grinned James triumphantly.
"Sorry mate," said Remus. James's smile slowly slid off his face as he was greeted by the sober expression Remus was wearing.
"Eh?" James looked between Sirius, Peter, and Remus—now all of them were wearing sad, serious faces.
"You lost that round, Prongs."
James groaned; while Remus and Sirius and Peter laughed, unable to hold their solemn faces any longer.
"Golly. You made me think someone had died," complained James.
"What would you have done if it was Evans or someone?" asked Sirius curiously, eyeing me with an undecipherable gaze.
"First, pound the lot of you into the ground for keeping something like that from me. Second, comfort Lils here and keep her as a pet. Third, wallow in my own misery," James rattled off rather quickly. Had he actually given some thought to the answer of that question?
Never mind that. They haven't fed me yet.
"So, how exactly are we going to find Filch?" asked Sirius peering down a corridor.
"Mreow." C'mon, notice me.
"Peeves would probably know," suggested James.
"Mreow." I'm going to keep repeating myself until you do.
"Yes," agreed Sirius. "But that would involve finding Peeves."
"Mreow." I can be very annoying, you know.
"True," stated James, nodding his head.
"Mreow." I have absolutely no problem with attracting attention at this point.
"What is the matter, Lils?" James finally burst out.
"Mreow. Rew mreeeow." Food is the matter. You know, I sort of need it. Aren't you ever going to feed me?
"Prongs, did she get anything to eat yet?" asked Remus.
Thank you, Remus! Thank the heavens! Thank Merlin! Thank Godric! Thank goodness! Someone finally got the message.
"That's why we're going to the kitchens first."
What? My head snapped back to look at James. How come I never heard of this plan?
"It's not my fault if you didn't listen, Lils," he said, catching my look. "I did tell you."
And when did this supposedly happen?
"Isn't that Filch?" asked Peter, suddenly pointing down the corridor.
"Honestly, Wormtail, does that really need to be a question?" asked Sirius.
"And the answer is yes," added Remus, drawing out his wand. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."
"Now? You're really going to start now?" whined Peter. "But I'm not ready yet."
"You're never ready Wormtail." Sirius took out his wand as well. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."
Hello. I still want food. Feed me. C'mon... Please! At least acknowledge my presence, you nitwits!
"I'll take Lils to the kitchens and come back after we've had some food," announced Potter. "Keep Filch around this corridor for as long as you can."
Not you! Please, I need a volunteer... anyone but Potter. Really. I'd even take Wormtail over James Potter right now. Anyone? I groaned as I realized what my brain had done. What did I just think? Honestly, not another Marauder nickname stuck in my head. I really need to find a way to get away from the lot of them. But, how? I am actually traveling farther away from three of them, I just don't know how to shake off the fourth. Technically, I can't run and hide from James, because he's carrying me. I can't get him to stop carrying me, because I can't think of a way to make him let me go, even for an instant. Do I even want to run away from him right now? I mean, yes, I'm hungry. James is currently on his way to feed me. Somehow running away doesn't seem to accomplish the goal of eating food. Alright. I've established that I shouldn't escape now.
Now what do I do in the meantime? Listen to the ramblings of James Potter? I think not! Well, I suppose he is talking to me. So I probably should listen. But I won't. And he will never know it, because James doesn't know that I'm the cat. But I certainly can enjoy the show. Sometimes he looks kind of sweet when he talks about things that have absolutely no importance to me. Argh. My thoughts are not leading me in the directions I want to go.
Wait, he just said my name. He's talking to me about me again? That really doesn't help my sanity. Of course, nothing about this whole situation is very favorable to remaining sane. For one, I'm stuck with the Marauders the whole day, every day. And when they leave my sight, they leave me in a place where I can't just get out of very easily. For another, I'm stuck as a cat for however long Sirius Black wants me to be stuck as one.
Right about now, I'd love to get my claws on some curtains that I could rip. But I must remember... no messes today. Absolutely no making of messes. I need to be clean. Yes, as clean as hands that are washed before preparing food.
Ooh, food! Let-me-down, let-me-down, let-me-down, let-me--Yes! I ran over to where the house elf put the food down on the floor for me. Yum... Mmmm... Oh... Ah... Good. My tummy feels better now. And don't you ever forget about feeding me again, James Potter! Hm, now I can just concentrate on getting rid of Potter. That shouldn't be too hard. Oof! Well, it shouldn't, if I could just get my tail to balance properly and quit knocking me over. Great. He just picked me up again. Will this carrying thing ever end?
Peter's List
Check. Item one: Hide the map.
Check. Item two: Tell Sirius.
Check. Item three: Laugh off any weird questions.
Check. Item four: But don't laugh when an ironic situation comes up.
Check. Item five: Take a deep breath if the subject comes up.
Check. Item six: Don't hyperventilate when others are discussing cats or Evans.
Item seven: Just stop reminding myself that the cat is Evans.
Check. Item eight: Change the subject if it is hitting too close to home.
Item nine: Don't look suspicious.
Item ten: Don't tell anyone the real reason for this list.
Item eleven: Don't show fear of the cat.
Item twelve: Do be very, very careful around Moony.
Check. Item thirteen: Don't talk or have any conversation with Dumbledore.
Check. Item fourteen: In fact, avoid Dumbledore completely.
Item fifteen: Never look at Evans directly in case her glare makes you feel guilty.
Item sixteen: Make sure not to call Evans "Evans" around anyone who is not Evans.
Item seventeen: Don't let James figure out the cat is Lily.
Check. Item eighteen: Steal Remus's chocolate.
Item nineteen: Don't let Snape corner me about Evans or the cat.
Check. Item twenty: Interrupt Remus's thought processes as often as possible to prevent him from realizing the cat is Evans.
Item twenty-one: Don't hide any list or the map behind my back. Find a better hiding spot.
Check. Item twenty-two: Help Sirius get detentions to make him happy and keep him helping me.
A/N: And so the story continues...
Sorry this has been so long on the update. I could give you loads of empty excuses, but I won't. I'll keep this short. I'll try to update soon.
Thanks to all my faithful readers for the reviews and the support. You really do have the ability to make my day! If anyone, and I mean anyone, has any ideas for Peter's list, go ahead and send me a PM or a review with your ideas.
Enjoy! And thanks for reading!