Chapter 8
She sat on the edge of her bed, conflicted about all that had happened within the past year. She didn't enjoy dwelling on all that had happened, and having it consume her ever day thoughts even now. But since her past was the only key to fixing how her life was now, she'd dwell on it all she could. She'd reached an all-time low.
To tell the truth, at this point in her life, she was more tired than she was miserable. She longed for the girl she was before all of this mess began. Although a little scarred by the death of her father, she had a grip on life. Her time spent with friends was enjoyed, her mother was less of a shrew, and she knew that great success was present in her future.
Now, she didn't know what was in her future. All she knew was that she didn't want this anymore. She'd already gotten a taste of how the rest of her life was expected to play out, and it made her sick to her stomach.
She decided that if no one else would stand up for her, she'd stand up for herself. She didn't want to be that whiny little girl anymore, who complained about everything to the grownups. Each time in hope that they'd finally open up their eyes and hear the desperation and how wrong the situation was in her pleas, she only hurt herself. They would never listen to her, no matter how loud the cry was. So, she was going to take action herself. Even if that meant cutting certain people out of her life.
It took a grown man punching her in the face to realize this. Maybe the expression of "knocking sense into" people really was an accurate saying.
That night, the plan of escape was more than just a silly little plan they'd come up with in a time of Rachel's sorrow of the life being presented to her. There was no more doubt in the success or accuracy in it. It could no longer be a back-burner thought that she'd bring into the light when things didn't go her way. It was now her backbone. It was now her necessity. There were no other options in Rachel's mind that night. There was no more questioning of her escape to New York.
One year ago
The last of her overnight things were placed into the large bag in front of her. To be truthful, she threw most of her closet in it. She didn't know when she'd be returning to her home. She didn't even know if she would ever want to.
When grabbing the necessary toiletries from the bathroom, she caught the first glimpse of her new physical appearance in the mirror. She was instantly reminded of the time she fell and hit her head after the initial shock of what was discussed at dinner the night that determined everything. Even then, it didn't look this bad.
She remembered when the girls brought up physical abuse when looking at the legal aspects concerning her situation. She also remembered brushing it off like it was the most ridiculous thing that she'd ever heard. No one would ever put their hands on her in her household. There was nothing that she was more certain about. She cringed internally, bringing her hands to the face being projected by the mirror in front of her.
When her hand met her cheek, she winced at the pain. Removing the glasses from her face, she grimaced at herself in the mirror and threw them on the counter before her. The shards of glass shattered all over the place, but that didn't faze her gaze in the mirror. She couldn't look away from her image. She couldn't turn away from the disappointment in herself that it presented.
She couldn't decide what looked uglier, her face or what was inside. Before all of this happened, she liked to think that she was like Katniss Everdeen. She liked to believe that she was strong, and capable of fighting her own battles. She also thought that she could get through everything, on the brighter side where the light shown. She wanted to face her obstacles until she could come out with a victory every time. Hell, she'd somewhat tried to survive the death of her father.
But, somehow, she managed to create a negative atmosphere for everyone somewhere along the way. It probably started by all of the wickedness spat between Finn and Rachel. She couldn't accept anything. She was defiant and juvenile. She should've kept her mouth shut tonight, she told herself.
Everything had been so dark lately. She hadn't even made an effort to change it; to change herself. She'd been so resentful to everyone. Spreading hate around her with the words she spoke to Finn, her mother, she seemed to forget that it was only pooling and consuming her on the inside. Poison had been filling her head unconsciously. She was full of hate now, and that's not the person that she wanted to be. That was not how she wanted to live. Her father taught her better.
She gained all of these thoughts while looking at her in the mirror. There had to be a way to reap consequences for her previous actions. There had to be a way to change for the better. She wanted to be the person that everyone rooted for. She wanted a slice of that positivity that she constantly had before this whole situation began.
She wanted to wake up every morning, ready to face the day head-on. She wanted to be able to not let her mother's words get to her. She wanted to be able to ignore negative people and strive to be better, like she did every single day of her past. She wanted to be able to keep a hand on school work, be a positive contributor to the environment, see her favorite animals every day, and talk to Emma like she used to.
Emma. She realized that she hadn't spoken to her since all of this drama began. She hadn't been doing any of her previous regular activities since this began. For the first time in her life, she'd failed her community. She was slacking to B's instead of A's in school, she'd been arriving to school too late to perform her student council duties, Glee Club practices were skipped very often due to afterschool commitments for the "future wife of the mayor", and she hadn't been to the animal shelter in what felt like months. In the meantime, Sam was working double, trying to cover her ass like a blanket.
With everything going on, she never even noticed. She was so busy focusing on her own worries and troubles. This was another thing that she wanted to fix. She'd never accept someone working so hard for her, just so she could reap the benefits. She hated when people stole her credit for hard work in the past, so why would she do that to someone else? Especially, Sam.
Change would be necessary for her future. But, what she didn't know yet, was that it wouldn't be happening tonight. Instead, she'd carry out the anger she felt for James onto the people who loved and cared about her. She didn't know it yet, but she'd ruin an aspect of her life in a matter of minutes tonight.
The knocking on her door sent her back to remember her present state, hunched over the sink and staring her worst enemy in the eye. Standing up, she walked back into her room. Thinking it was Santana here to pick her up, she swung the door open. Instead, her mother was waiting for her with a saddened expression.
Without asking, she barged in past Rachel and turned to look at her.
"Oh Rachel, I'm so sorry," she cried, pulling Rachel into her quivering arms. "It took me too long to get things through my thick skull. I have no idea why I said any of those things to you just now."
She didn't know how to react. The last time she saw her mother was an hour ago when she watched her walk away in anger.
"I should've kept my mouth shut, there's nothing to apologize for," She explained, resuming her act of placing clothes into her bag.
She ignored the comment. All she did was raise her hands to Rachel's face. "I can't even look at you without becoming sick. I can't believe he did this to you. You're hurt." She whispered to herself. "He hit you and there are no excuses I can make for that, even if I tried."
Rachel didn't reply, listening to her mother's realization. "Welcome to all of the things you've been so blind to see for the past few years since dad died," she wanted to tell her. But, she didn't want to be like that right now. Instead, she let her mom examine the blue and black again, surrounding her eyes and cheeks again.
"Where are your glasses?" she asked.
"Crushed on the bathroom counter," Rachel replied nonchalantly.
"You don't seem to have any glass in your eyes. But, there are a few cuts," She said, brushing her hand against Rachel's cheek. She jumped back with a yelp.
"Please, "she whispered when Shelby threw her hands back in fear of hurting her. "Don't touch, it still hurts really badly."
"I think I have a bag of peas in the freezer downstairs. Hold on, I'll go get it for you." Shelby was trying everything to break through the obvious distance her daughter was providing her with. She knew that she shouldn't expect much, especially after all she'd said to her earlier.
She still regrets not staying there after with her, when the door was slammed shut and her little girl was on the floor crying. She should've been a better mother. She should've held her little girl in her arms and promised that everything would be okay; that the pain wouldn't last forever.
But with the stern mother that Shelby grew up with, she never really developed emotional traits like these. She was never good at any of it with Rachel. She'd read all of the books before Rachel came, and tried really hard with her daughter in her earlier years. But, at a certain point, she stopped trying. She knew that no matter the outcome, she'd always end up disappointing her. John had always been better at parenting than she was, and at times she'd become so envious.
She didn't know, she guessed that connecting with Rachel was always so hard because of her lack of emotions and feelings. It was also a hard thing for her to do because of how Shelby found out that Rachel would be coming into her life. But, she didn't want to talk about that. That was a secret she'd take with her to the grave, and unfortunately, John did.
"Actually, my ride's here. But, thank you," Rachel told her, looking down at her phone. Santana had sent her a "here" text. Grabbing her bag, she stopped when Shelby jumped in front of her.
"Wait, where are you going?" she seemed disappointed. Some part in Rachel felt bad, but she had to get out of that house.
"I just need to get out of here, Shelby." Rachel replied, trying to get past her. Shelby ran to try and block her door way as Rachel was moving towards it.
"No, you can't go. We need to talk about this." She pleaded.
"What's with you? Why are you being like this?" Rachel was frightened by her mother's outbursts.
"Because…" Shelby stumbled, not knowing what to say. She decided to go with what she knew best. "Do you know how bad this will look to the public? This could ruin everything within seconds. I can't let you risk that. Not after everything that we've built over the past few months. We have to come up with a cover story."
"There it is," Rachel clenched her jaw in pure disbelief. "This whole time and I thought you were trying to be sincere."
"I am, Rachel," she tried to explain. "It's just really hard for me to…" she came to a loss for words. "You have to understand. I'm not like you."
"What's that mean?" she became offended.
"No, that's not what I meant."
Rachel shook her head and placed her hand forward to silence her mother.
"You may not mean it, especially with some of the things that you say to me. I'd love to believe that you don't mean most of those things. But, I can't stay here tonight, Shelby. I'm sorry," she repeated walking past her mom and out the front door.
Hopping into the car, Santana decided to start off their time together with a lame attempt of a joke, like she always did. Rachel appreciated it, but she wasn't up for it.
"What took you so long?" she asked, "Taken that it's this time of night, I'd say you fell asleep on me." She laughed, until her head turned to the side to take in Rachel's appearance. The only light showing in the car was the reflection of the car lights shining on the garage door, but it was still enough to see her features without squinting. Rachel looked to the floor, swearing she could hear the smile drop from Santana's face.
Rachel heaved out a sigh and rested her head against the window.
"Just drive," she instructed. "I don't want to have to see this house anymore."
"You're not stuck," she reminded her. "I want you to remember that."
Placing her hands through her hair, she turned her attention out her own window. "I don't want to talk about it right now, okay?"
They rode in silence for the rest of the car ride. When they arrived to Quinn's, she was standing in the kitchen waiting for them. The house was empty besides the three girls. Ms. Fabray was on duty for the night, so they had the house to themselves.
When she saw Rachel, however, like Santana, her grin dropped. Then she was immediately holding her into a tight hug exclaiming in her ears. It was a bit overwhelming, but she had to remember that it was Quinn. Overwhelming was a permanent characteristic of hers.
"What the hell happened? Are you okay? Who did this? Was it Finn? I swear, I'm going to beat his ass. I can't believe you look like this. I'm so sorry. Oh, you poor thing. I'm going to get you some ice. Where was your mom? Does she-"
"Quinn, she just walked into the house. Calm down," Santana told her.
"You're right, I'm sorry Rachel."
"No, its fine," Rachel told Quinn. However, the assurance didn't seem sincere. No matter how hard she tried tonight, Rachel's mind was racing at its own speed. She felt a million miles away and she was sure she sounded like it too.
It was a bit ironic how she was the one to call the sleepover and couldn't find it in her to confide in them when she originally planned to.
"Are you going to tell us what happened?"
"What do you want to know?" she asked, sitting on the counter.
Two hours later
"And that's when Santana showed up and we came here."
"Oh my gosh, Rachel that's terrible," Quinn told her.
She only shrugged her shoulders. "There's no point in reflecting on it. It's only going to get covered up."
"No, Rachel, you can't let that happen." Santana jumped in.
"What do you want me to do? Scream from the rooftops of the town that I got punched by my uncle?" she tried to make them see how all of this was absurd. "My name's already in the newspaper enough…"
"Well, you need to tell someone." Quinn told her.
"I just did. You're welcome," she said, rummaging through Quinn's cabinets for something to eat. The last meal she had was a bag of skittles a few hours ago.
"Rachel, what's with you?" Santana asked. "You're acting differently. I know you didn't want to talk about things in the car, but you shouldn't be acting like this."
"How's that?" she asked, thinking about how she would be able to explain her feelings to them. She didn't think they would get it. They'd place her as the victim in their heads and she didn't want that. She mouthed off and got hit. It was that simple. She didn't want pity. She wanted them to hate James as much as she did. She wanted to get out of town and change her life, that's it. She was tired of people feeling sorry for her.
"You just went through something traumatic," Quinn reminded her.
"What do you guys want me to do? Scream, cry? Please, tell me so I can fulfill your satisfaction…"
"We want you to feel," Santana told her.
"I do feel, Santana. You have no idea how much I'm feeling right now."
"Your blaming yourself, aren't you?" Quinn realized, watching Rachel's expressions.
"It wasn't expected, but I mouthed off and deserved it." She told them.
"Rachel, do you hear yourself right now?!"Santana exclaimed. "He's a grown ass man who punched a seventeen year old girl. This is not your fault."
"But you think that it is and the more that you keep this buried inside, you're going to believe yourself." Quinn told her.
"She's right, Rachel. You can't keep this a secret." Santana agreed.
"Besides, people are going to become suspicious anyways. You look like Brooke Davis in that episode of One Tree Hill when she was attacked in her store."
"Quinn now's not the time for TV show analogies," Santana warned her.
Rachel shook her head and crossed her arms, paying no mind to what Quinn just said. Instead, she stuck to her own views.
"What about Hudson?" Santana asked. "Aren't the two of you friends now? Or was I hallucinating reading that text message?"
She easily dismissed the idea after she let out a desensitized chuckle. "How come I knew that he'd be brought up sooner or later?" she asked.
"I thought you said that everything was okay with you guys? Maybe he can help you," Quinn added.
"You think I trust him?" she asked.
"Well," they both said, but came to complete silence. They didn't know what to say.
"I mean, I probably played things out a little too dramatically, telling him that I was going to be the best friend he's ever had. I may be a little naïve sometimes, but I'm not stupid." She told them. "And neither should you guys be in suggesting that I talk to him about all of this. We had a ten minute conversation in a sweaty locker room, that's not going to cover almost ten years of complete torture, hatred, and humiliation he's caused me."
Santana held her hands up in defense. "It was just a suggestion, don't attack us. We're trying to help."
"I'm just trying to say that, he may be sincere in what he said to me tonight, but I don't trust him yet. Just twenty-four hours ago, we couldn't even look at each other."
"So, what are you going to do?" Quinn asked.
"The most predictable thing I've ever done," she began. "I'm going to let my mom cover things up and you guys are going to help me get away when high school finishes."
Quinn instantly shook her head in disappointment. "Forgive me for saying this, because I don't want to, but you're downright stupid if you really just said that."
"I know that I am, but there's nothing else that I can do, Quinn. Don't you see that?" she begged. "We've been over this before. There's no point in telling people, or the police. Don't you think if I wanted James out of my life I would've reported him for the gross things that he did already?" she pointed out to them. "He's only going to talk or pay his way out with law enforcement like he usually does and then what? Probably more bruises on my other cheek. Tonight, I finally got the hint. New York is my only option. So, please, be the friends that I really need the both of you to be right now and say you'll help me."
She looked to both of the girls with pure desperation. Somewhere deep inside, she knew they knew that she was right by the look on their faces. But, the one thing that made her tear up the most was the fact that neither of them could truly understand what she was going through right now. And, it was okay. She didn't expect them to. They had their own lives to live and couldn't spend every moment worrying about her.
However, all she needed in this moment was their promises; their promises that she wouldn't have to go through all of this alone. This was that defining point in one's life where true friendships were tested. If they were anything like the two little girls who were banging on her door in front of a yard full of press when her father died, this decision would be a no brainer.
Suddenly, Santana stepped forward and wrapped her into a hug. "I meant it when I said it before and I mean it now. You're not trapped. I'm not going to let you do anything that you don't want to. I promise you that I will help you out until the day we both die trying." Santana giggled with a few tears falling down her cheeks. "That's what best friends are for, no matter how much I may disagree. I'm here for you."
"Thank you so much, Tana" she sighed with relief knowing that Santana was on board. She knew there was a reason that she'd been brought to her life in freshman year. Now, it was up to the blonde standing in front of them to complete the circle. "Quinn?" Rachel asked, a bit of hope shining in her eyes.
It wasn't until she started to shake her head and back away that Rachel's eyes darkened. She stuttered in fear. "Q, w-w-what are you doing?"
"I just," she took a moment to think over her words. "I just don't believe that this is what's right for you. And as your best friend, I think I should be the one to tell you that you're being dumb right now. New York isn't the answer, sweetie. You're only running away from your problems instead of facing them and you're going to regret it one day. I can't help you make that mistake."
"You understood before," Rachel reminded her, raising her voice in disbelief. Santana only looked to Quinn with a confused expression. "You helped me come up with New York. In fact, you were the one who suggested it. Now, you're telling me that I'm being stupid?"
"I really didn't think it'd all amount to you actually taking that route. I suggested it because I was trying to make you feel better that night. You were crying and I wanted to give you a light of hope. We both did," she motioned to Santana. "I didn't think things would actually turn out this way."
"But they did," Rachel exclaimed. "Q, all I'm asking for is your support. You may not agree with my decisions, but as my best friend since middle school, I just want you to support me. You've done it many times before. I don't know why you're not doing it now."
"I'm trying to be a good friend for pointing out what you're missing here. If you think that everything's just going to be okay after you cover everything up and pretend like nothing happened, then you're really stupid." Quinn informed her.
"Quinn, stop calling her stupid," Santana suggested.
"No, you know what?" Rachel silenced the both of them by raising her hand. "This is the third time you've called me stupid, and if you were a real friend, you'd know to hold your tongue even if your head was screaming at you to call me that. Trust me, I know from experience."
"What are you trying to say?" Quinn crossed her arms.
"I'm trying to say that, now that I think about it, you have no right to be standing here and judging me about my life decisions. You've been just as stupid." Rachel placed her hands on her hips.
"I'm stupid? At least I'm not dodging my own happiness just so I can satisfy my monster of a mother. You literally let her get away with everything and then come here crying, wondering how everything went wrong." Quinn fired back.
"Girls, stop it. This is starting to turn ugly. You're both going to regret this." Santana tried to intervene.
"Well, I guess not everyone has the privilege to live in the perfect life of Quinn Fabray. Not all of our mothers can be the Sheriff of the town who goes out of her way to spoil a daughter who treats her like the dirt under her shoes when she doesn't get what she wants." Rachel ignored Santana. "You have no idea how much some of us would kill to live your life."
"Right, because yours is so hard," Quinn spat out. "You have a trust fund that could cover the whole town and you're getting married to a hot guy."
"You know, I knew you were a bit shallow with all of the guys that you've been out with, but I didn't realize you had the depth of a kiddy-pool." Rachel remarked.
"Oh, so now I'm shallow?" she scoffed. "If that's the case, then how was I friends for so long with a girl who looked like a potato until freshman year? If I was as shallow as you think I am, I would've left your ugly and short ass a long time ago."
"Quinn, that's enough," Santana warned.
"Yes, Santana, let's all take up for Rachel, because she always seems to find herself in the chair of the victim. No matter how much she's thrown us under the bus to attend her fancy, rich people meetings; let's forget that. Because it's not like she's ashamed of our looming middle class statuses that her mother loathes. What's that saying? Like mother like daughter?"
"Now you know I've never judged either of you for where you come from." Rachel defended herself through her hurt eyes. "If anything, I've loved you more because of it."
She continued, "I can't believe this is happening right now."
"See, always playing the victim, I told you. Go ahead, how are you hurt this time, Rachel?"
"I thought you were my friend this whole time and it turns out that you're just as much of a bitch as Sugar is and I'm done." Grabbing her bag and heading for the door, Santana tried to chase her. "I hope you're happy, Quinn. You just lost the best friend that would've been there for you, no matter what. Too bad you couldn't choose to do the same."
"You guys don't understand what you are doing." Santana called, as Quinn followed them in a slower pace with an angered expression and crossed arms over her chest. "This will ruin the both of you. You don't mean any of this. Please, you guys are ruining everything we've built all of these years. It's like breaking up the Musketeers."
"It was never the three Musketeers, Santana. It was just us too and a fake bitch," Quinn corrected her.
Laughing nonchalantly, Rachel opened the door to the cool night breeze and looked back at the house she'd never see again. "It's such a shame, too. I really thought we could've gotten really far together in life." "Come on, Santana. Let's go," she said holding the door open. Just when her only true friend walked towards Rachel, the blonde ran behind her and pulled her arm back.
"You're not going anywhere, Santana." Quinn told her.
Santana sent the both of them a constricted look before burying her head in her hands and let out an annoyed scream. "You guys are acting like children. You are going to have to figure this one out on your own." She said before walking towards the door and passing Rachel.
Rachel didn't blame her; it wasn't like she chose to be in the middle of this argument. Even if they would no longer be friends, she knew that Santana would remain constant in both of their lives.
Gosh, this didn't even seem real to her. But, it was. She shook her head thinking of how just a few moments earlier, Quinn had taken her in her arms when she first got here. She'd felt the warmth radiating from the tall blonde. Now looking at her, she felt nothing but cold.
They stood there for a few moments, shocked at everything that was happening. At least, that's what Rachel felt. She didn't know what was going on in Quinn's mind, nor did she care enough to find out at this point.
She didn't know if she wanted to go in depths of regretting ever being friends with Quinn, because it had only been a few minutes since they called everything off and they had really good memories together and they always would. But at the same time, she was a little surprised at how quick their eleven year friendship ended.
"Get out of my house, bitch."
At that moment, Quinn rushed forward and shoved Rachel out of her doorway. It took Rachel by surprise when she regained her balance from the force. She considered moving forward and hitting the blonde, but she refrained. She only looked at her through the moonlight shining on the porch.
"You're no longer welcomed to this house, or my dad's." she informed her with a tear-filled glare.
Rachel's insides were burning, but she held her composure in this moment. Finally, she spat out the words she never thought she'd be able to say to the girl in front of her. "No love lost."
After hearing a door slam that could've shattered the windows, Rachel hurried down the three wooden stairs and made her way onto black concrete of the subdivision street. After walking a little ways, she pulled out her phone and tried to figure out her options. She'd be damned if she was expected to return home, and seeing as how Santana was already gone, she was no longer an option.
When she finally decided on whom to dial, she pressed call and waited for the phone to ring. She was to the next street leading to a different subdivision by the time the head lights shown on her back. Using the handlebar on the top of the truck, she lifted herself with all of her might and leaned back in the seat and closed her eyes. Buckling her seatbelt, she turned all of her attention to the window on the side of her.
"So, we're not going to talk about how it's almost 4 am and I'm here picking you up instead of getting my beauty sleep?" Finn asked, taking turns looking at the road in front of him and then at Rachel.
"You were probably banging on those drums anyways," she told him.
He laughed to himself as he put on his blinker to go down another road. "You know me so well."
She didn't respond when they passed Quinn's house. Instead, she tried to brush away the tears that trailed down her cheeks before the moonlight revealed everything that she didn't want Finn to see; both her bruises and her tears.
A few moments later, she felt one of his hands tugging to lower her arm so he could get a look at her face. "Hey, what's going on? Why are you crying?"
"Life just really sucks," she remarked jokingly, trying to avoid any further commentary.
He chuckled in understanding, looking at her. Just then, the moonlight caught her facial features perfectly, and he was looking at her with wide eyes. Before she knew it the car was slowing down and pulling over in the middle of nowhere. Turning on the lights in the car, he ran his hand against her cheek. She flinched.
"What happened tonight after you left the game, Rachel?" he asked with suspicion in his tone. "Your face looks terrible."
She didn't want to make everything sound like a cliché to him, so she'd avoid the occasional "I'm clumsy", or "I fell," that she'd heard so much in the movies and TV shows. But, she didn't trust him enough to tell him the truth either, so she decided to put her acting skills to the test.
"It's never smart to go to a friend's house after a football game when you're wearing the same outfit you'd left a charity event in." she laughed.
"That doesn't explain why-"
Before he could finish his words of protest she shut him up by changing the subject real quickly. "What happened tonight after you left the game, Finn?" she asked, bending forward and picking up an empty condom wrapper.
"Okay," he exclaimed, turning the light back off and putting the truck back into drive. "I think it's time we get you home. I'm not sure but I think there's some sort of rule about having a seventeen year old out this late."
"No," she quickly rejected the idea. "You can't take me home."
"Why not, Rachel? What are you not telling me?"
"When I left, James and Shelby were looking at each other with these frisky eyes and I don't want to risk walking in on that; especially considering the time and how long they've gone before. That night was crucial." She forced laughter to sell the joke. She thought he bought it, but if he didn't she couldn't tell. He didn't push further for answers he wouldn't get from her.
"I'll set up the guest bedroom for you," he informed her.
"Thanks, for all of this," she told him. "It's really nice of you."
He nodded with his eyes trained on the road. "Maybe this whole friends thing isn't as bad as I thought it'd be," he admitted.
"Yeah," she agreed, still thinking about how she couldn't trust him fully with anything personal just yet. They hadn't really taken the time to patch everything up yet, but she didn't see how they couldn't progress if they stayed this way.
For the rest of the night, they remained in a peaceful silence. It felt comfortable.
Present Day
She'd gotten lost in all of her thoughts again. It was a constant occurrence. Once her mind was cleared, she heard the voices downstairs getting closer to the stairwell.
Going over to her desk drawer, she pulled out the unopened envelope from its New York sender. She'd been hiding this for months. Now, as her time in high school was dwindling down to one more month, she figured it was time to find out her fate. She'd been waiting for two weeks to open this harmless envelope. However, she was never able to allow herself to.
That was, until this past weekend. The misery that came along with her Prom night was motivation enough to finally read the words that were hidden behind the white envelope she'd been staring at for too long.
Making sure that no one would come in and find her out, she returned to the edge of her bed. Twisting her class ring around her right ring finger, she took a few deep breaths to calm herself. This moment would either make or break her.
Using her finger to slowly tear the seal away, she pulled the folded paper out and held it in her shaky hands.
"Okay," she whispered. "You can do this." She released a few more shaky breaths before unfolding the paper in front of her and looking away before she could read the small black print.
Facing forward, she squinted her eyes, too scared to look. Then, she heard voices ascending the stares and she had no other choice. Her eyes opened and she took in word after word. She laughed a little when they addressed the fake name Santana helped her create for herself.
Dear Ms. Laurel Calligan,
We are pleased to inform that you have been chosen among the few to broaden your studies at the New York Academy of Dramatic Arts. We are looking forward to having you as a student in our learning environment. Congratulations!
Her heart could finally slow down as she felt its normal rhythmic pattern settle within her chest. As her face curled up, she buried her face into her pillow and let out the cries of relief and pure joy, knowing now that New York was for sure. She could finally get away.
Finding a place in her room that she knew her mother nor anyone else would never go digging in, she folded up the paper neatly and placed it there. Taking the envelope, she placed it in her shredder and waited for all traces to be completely erased. She'd make sure to take the shreds out to the garbage can tonight while everyone else was sleeping. She'd do all of the emailing stuff and contacting them like they asked in the rest of the letter on Santana's computer tomorrow.
When she'd finally composed herself in the mirror of her bathroom, she returned to her room, preparing to go back downstairs and say a farewell to their guests.
Before she could walk out the door, a knock stopped her. Slowly walking over to it, she opened it to look up at Finn.
As she moved to slam it in his face, Finn grabbed the door and allowed himself in her room.
"When the door slams, that means I don't want you in my room," she remarked sarcastically. "But, you never were on the smart side, so I guess I'll have to excuse you for this once."
"Rachel, I just want to talk," he pleaded, trying to make his case. She wouldn't have it. He'd screwed everything up and this time there would be no smiling, and forgiving, and saying that everything would be okay like last time. He did it intentionally like that night at the party, and he didn't deserve anything anymore.
"No," she exclaimed. "Get out of my room, now. I will call Sam," she warned, as if his little brother ever had any effect on him. She knew that he didn't, but she needed something to get him to leave.
"I don't want us to stay like this. I made a mistake and you know I feel terrible about it," tears were beginning to form in the corners of his eyes. "I just need you to give me a second chance, please. I was drunk and it wasn't me. Rachel, please." He begged, wiping his stinging eyes.
"I'm out of second chances to give," she told him. Holding her stance, she delivered the speech her hurt self wanted to give out a few nights ago, but couldn't. "You're a selfish and heartless asshole and all you do is take me for granted because I'm the only one who can see past that big tough guy appearance you put off. Well, guess what? It's not happening again. This friendship between us, it's not happening again. I've tried so hard for so long and it's clearly had no impact. I'm so stupid for thinking that you could ever be a friend to me and I wish I had never even met you." "You do whatever you want to do and hurt whoever in the wake of the process, because you know that things happen in patterns. You hurt me and then you think that by saying the right words, I will accept you with open arms just so you can keep doing it over and over again. Well no, it doesn't work like that. Maybe I was stupid in the beginning or just felt bad for you, but not anymore. This is where I'm drawing my line."
"Rachel," he voiced.
"Just stop trying," she pleaded tiredly. "There's no more forgiveness for you anymore."
"If you give me one more chance, I swear I'll do right by you, by this town." He threw in. He was desperate at this point to get her approval.
"No," she whispered, wiping her eyes from tears of fury. Her face was red and she could feel the heat rising the more they spoke. "What don't you get, Finn? I'm done trying to find the good in you, because there is none. You're simply irredeemable."
All forms of life fled from his face. The only thing that remained was a pale expression when she spat out that last word. It took a few moments for him to process before he was showing signs of life again.
It felt good to finally gather up the courage to say to him what she'd been waiting for forever to say. As bad as she felt seeing his face fall further, it wasn't all bottled deep within anymore and she could finally breathe like she hadn't in a year's time.
"You know what, Rachel?" he said, gathering his self together after the blow she'd thrown him. "Maybe the problem's not me. Have you ever thought of that?"
Slamming the door in his face, she heard his muffled cries as he walked away. Sliding against the door, she grabbed her pillow and hugged it tight to her face. When her face curled up and the emotions found their way back to her, she finally realized that what they'd been doing here, for the past year was real. And once it was all said and done, she thought that he had cared about the friendship just as much. It made it hurt all the more when she'd had to make the decision to finally cut him loose. If only he hadn't acted out drunkenly again. This time she wouldn't stutter in placing all of the blame on him.
This time, she'd done everything right. She thought they were coming close to perfect in their growing friendship. Then, at the end, he did one thing and her whole world tumbled down. Nothing upset her more than to know that after all of the effort they'd put in, he screwed it up again. This was important to her, didn't he see that? Didn't he feel the same way?
Shaking her tomato red face, she rolled her eyes as more tears flew down her face. Hoping music would help her current state; she blasted Ariana Grande's "Leave Me Lonely". That's when she realized something she'd been dreading all of this time. Those romantic feelings that she held for Finn all of those years ago, they were now starting to pool into her head again.
She wasn't expecting to feel this way a year ago and she didn't know what any of it meant to her or if it would even last for long. With everything happening the way it was, she wanted nothing more than for it to change. However, her heart wanted what it wanted. And at the moment, it wanted Finn Hudson.
So, here's chapter 8! Finally! I hope you all enjoy! Also, i'm going to ask you all to trust me and where i'm going with this story. I promise i have everything figured out and am changing things for the better in future chapters. The negative must go along the journey of getting to the positive. :) I hope you all aren't disappointed with this chapter...