Cat, Rat, and Dog
By Matelia-legwll
A/N: Last chapter, Sirius was enjoying pranking Filch.
"Prank of course!" James and I say instantly. We exchanged a glance, and I gestured for James to proceed with the wandwork. He brandished his wand, and Remus and I joined him in dirtying the hallway in front of Filch. It was music to my ears to hear Filch's complaints. Not that I was listening close enough to know exactly what he said, of course. That would be insane. And as much as sanity and genius tend not to keep close company, I didn't want to spoil my peace of mind with the geezer's wheezing.
I. Am. A. Genius. And that's a fact.
CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT: Peter
How dare he send me on a fetching mission! I know exactly what Sirius is up to though; he expects me to go back to the dormitories, uncover the map, and find James and the cat, and bring them back to the prank before hiding the map again, so Sirius can nick it from me before it gets back to its hiding spot.
Of course, the only way to avoid that situation was by not using the map. And walking around blindly, muttering to myself. I can't believe I got lost on my way to the kitchens. Again! I was the one who found them in the first place! How in the world can I not find the kitchens without a map?
Maybe I could remember the way better if I followed my footsteps exactly. Now, what floor am I on again? Great, empty classroom, empty classroom, give me a landmark please, empty classroom, suit of armor, empty classroom… hang on, there was a suit of armor last time near the kitchens… well, I suppose that suits of armor were all over the castle. I need a better idea.
Everything is simpler when one is an animal. I've said that before and I'll say it again. However I forgot to take one simple fact into account.
Lily Evans is still a cat. How in the world could I forget this very important fact? I honestly don't know.
But anyway, since I forgot this fact, I transformed into my Animagus form after making sure that there was no one around. I turned the corner of the corridor, swiftly scurrying to the side nearest the wall. I made it halfway down that corridor when I heard a voice I was not expecting to hear until after the Easter Holidays.
"A rat. How interesting. I haven't seen a rat yet."
I screamed loudly upon turning around. Not expecting that! I was NOT expecting THAT! It's an actual CAT!
She rubbed a paw over one ear. "No need to be so defensive. I'm not going to attack you or anything. Is this really what I get when I show myself?"
I wiggled my nose, still trying to calm myself down from the fright. She seemed to be waiting for a response. "Er, yes?" I squeaked. "What did you want?"
Her eyes brightened up for a moment and I cringed. "Do you know the dog?"
"Er, Padfoot?" I said. Why was she asking about the mutt?
"Well, Padfoot's big black dog, I suppose. Does he have a name?" she asked curiously.
"Er, yes, I know him?" I answered uncertainly. I ran through a list of names in my head that I could provide the cat in case I was made to lie and give another name for Padfoot.
"Could you give him a message from me? I haven't been able to find him around the castle at all."
"What's the message?" This was sort of intriguing.
"Well, I used to be a human before Peter Pettigrew turned me into a cat—" she started, and I shuddered at my human name. She gave me an odd look, but continued. "And the dog can get a message to Padfoot so that he can change me back into a human."
"So, message from you to Padfoot is change you back to a human?" I clarified. If only I could tape this conversation in my memory and replay it to Sirius like... I cut off that thought as she nodded. But still, this means he would actually lose the bet. To think that I already had coughed up the money! I'll have to devise some way to retrieve it.
"Who is your owner?" she asked curiously.
"Wormtail?" I blurted out. Then thought about the question. Biscuits. She wasn't asking my name, but my owner's. Great, now I have to come up with a name for myself in case she asked. I started scratching my paw nervously, waiting for her reaction.
She tilted her head slightly. "Do you know the dog's name, then?" she sniffed.
Sniffed. That could work for a dog. Merlin knows Sirius had loads of fun with nose puns like 'sniffing around for clues.' But it would have to be more of a noun. "Snuffles?" I announced timidly. I couldn't wait to hear Sirius's reaction to that one. I could have so much fun teasing him. It honestly sounds like a teddy-bear name. Mr. Snuffles. Haha.
"You're going to give yourself scabs, you know," said Evans haughtily.
I straightened up. "That's my name—Scabbers. And you are?" Hey, at least it's more manly sounding than Snuffles.
"Lily Evans. Lils, apparently now." Evans sighed and lay her head down on her paws. "How in the world do you manage to communicate with anyone? I'm finding it the hardest thing in the world."
I didn't know quite what to say to that. I didn't have to communicate with the Hogwarts animals very often, plus two out of the three types of possible pets like to eat rats. Humans on the other hand were best communicated with when I was a human myself. "I suppose I don't need that much?" I eventually said.
She nodded thoughtfully. "Some cheese, and a few crumbs is probably all you need, right?"
Surely my appetite was not that small, but I squeaked noncommittally. I really didn't want to be having this conversation with Lily Evans. I really didn't want to be having a conversation with a cat. Honestly, I really didn't want to participate in any conversations whatsoever before I got back to the Marauders.
Hang on, where in the world was James?
"I've been having some of the worst problems avoiding some people. Namely, one James Potter. Even just now it took two trick steps and a Ravenclaw."
Well, that answered that question. Although that was sort of freaky. I wasn't sure how to react to that statement either. On the one hand, he was supposed to be keeping an eye on her, but on the other, if he was actually here, he probably would have recognized me instantly and betrayed our secret. Speaking of our secret, I need to get back to an empty classroom. Maybe then I could sort of shepherd the cat back to the group and go out again and find James.
I started looking around. I know I saw loads of empty classrooms just before I turned onto this corridor. The cat was still rambling on about James and how he was rambling on about her—Merlin, those two were meant for each other—and I had to interrupt in order to make my disappearance.
"I'm going to go get—" Wait, what do I call myself? I guess anything but Scabbers right now. "Wormtail, okay? Can you wait here?"
Evans let out a breath, and nodded. "I'm getting kind of bored. I suppose I should be getting back to the Marauders sooner or later. I guess I'll see you around?"
"Indeed?" I squeaked as I darted for the corridor to change back into myself.
I took a moment to take deep calming breaths upon transfiguring back. Good Godric, that was close! Well I will definitely be able to cross that off my list. Who would have thought that the cat would strike up a conversation with me while I was a rat? I mean, sure Sirius did hint a little about it to me when he was convincing me that he'd won the bet, but I never expected this!
Well, at least I can check that off my list. I completely forgot to remind myself that the cat was Evans.
I cautiously opened the door again and headed down the hall to where I'd left the cat.
What the newt? Where was that blathering cat?
She said she'd stay right here. Ooh, I am going to strangle her! Where is she?
"Lils," I started to call out as I walked further down the corridor. "Lils!" She really shouldn't have been able to go very far. "Here…kitty…kitty…kitty." Ugh. I never ever want to be caught in a situation where I have to say that again. I never thought I'd actually have to say that. I actually used one of the most appalling, atrocious, abysmal, awful, inexcusable ways of getting a cat's attention. I am so dead if she heard that condescending call.
I started peering into all the doorways. Please let her not have gone too far. Where is she, where is she, where is she? Oh no, James is going to kill me. Sirius is going to murder me. Can you tell the differences in reaction is based on the knowledge of who the cat is?
I glanced into a classroom and I would have assumed it was empty like all the rooms I've been looking in so far, except for the fact that something caught my eye as I went past. I did a double take. What was a house-elf doing in there? I slowly edged my way closer until I could fully see the room.
That awful cat! She got cupcakes! From the house elf. But-but-but I want cupcakes! I hurriedly turned and made sure no one was watching before transforming once more into Wormtail. I crept around the corner of the empty desk and heard the house elf let out a squeak. That was high pitched, even for a house elf. Must be a female.
"Dopsy didn't know there were rats here!" she muttered to herself, and apparently the cat heard her.
"There you are!" said Evans turning around.
I could have strangled her, honestly, but I chose to sniff in the delicious smell of the cupcakes instead.
"How did you get one of the—the—that kind to give you food?" I asked, closing my eyes and savoring the smell.
"Oh they love me. I eat in the kitchens regularly now. Come and have some if you're hungry."
Don't mind if I do. I slowly approached the offered food. I caught sight of the confused glances of the house elf as Evans backed away from the cupcakes and I came nearer but I hardly cared. As soon as I was near enough to touch one I stuffed as much of it as I could fit into my mouth. Mmm. Delicious.
"Most unusual," murmured the house elf.
I glanced up just long enough to see that Evans was licking at a cupcake next to me and the house elf had sat down on the floor in amazement. Almost instantly the house elf seemed to remember her place and stood once more. I looked back down at the marvelous cupcakes. There was just the right amount of sweetness and softness and cake. Plus, they didn't seem to be drugged. ...I've played way too many pranks, haven't I?
It took three cupcakes for me to feel satiated. But when I had finished those, I turned to the cat. "Will you wait here, this time?" I asked, hardly trusting her to answer truthfully.
At my question she turned and made a face, before promising, "Oh, yes. I will." Evans bowed her head in contrition. "Do tell Peter I'm sorry about the last time you went and got him, won't you?"
"Why don't you tell him yourself?" I muttered, without really thinking. But honestly, why should I have to tell myself something she could tell me right here, right now? Ah. Yes. Forgot about the fact that she isn't to know about me actually being an Animagus. I'm forgetting all kinds of facts today. Couldn't find my stupid way to the blank kitchen. Forgot looking for the cat was the same thing as looking for Evans. And now forgot that the Secret needed to stay secret. I'm three for three today, aren't I?
Evans laughed. "Well, for one, last time I tried rubbing his leg to get rid of a scratch, he cowered in his bed curtains for ages. And then, he isn't the best at understanding my meows. As much as I hate to admit it, out of the Marauders, James is the best at understanding."
And there she is, talking about James again. If I could honestly roll my eyes, I would, I solemnly swear. But let's try this again. I nodded, walked out of the room and looked around for people to make sure the corridor was empty. Nope, I can't change yet. There's a Hufflepuff. I waited until the Hufflepuff passed, and checked again. Finally, it's all clear.
I transformed once more into Peter Pettigrew, and reentered the classroom. Hm, I bet I could fit another cupcake in my stomach now that I'm big again. I looked around for the cupcakes and the house elf. Where the newt did they go? I wasn't gone that long. Well, at least Evans is still here.
"Er, come along, then," I told the waiting cat, feeling uneasy about taking her back with me.
"Neow," replied the cat, still sitting on her haunches.
What now? Honestly, if Evans invents one more reason to delay going back to the prank, I'm going to scream. I don't care if it's my fault she got turned into a cat and now has to spend the holidays with us. I don't care if Sirius sent me on a fetching mission in order to find her. I don't care—She's rubbing her head on my leg! DEFINITELY care about that! I squeaked and ran over to the corner of the room farthest from where the cat was.
"Neow," replied the cat again, with an apologetic shrug.
What was she playing at? Acting all apologetic after something as drastic as that.… Hang on. Evans was talking about apologizing to me before, wasn't she? I sighed a huge sigh of relief.
"Don't do that," I said through gritted teeth. "Now, come along. Let's get back."
I led the way back through the corridors, somehow finding my way back perfectly fine this time around. I swear, sometimes this castle is out to get me, and other times it seems to want to lull me into a false sense of security. But I am not being fooled. No sir. Not me. The cat followed me obediently back, not once questioning my authority.
How come it was only when I was alone that I seemed to have problems navigating the castle? And not all the times when I was alone, either. It's just certain select times that I'm alone and vulnerable that the castle seems to exploit my lack of any sense of direction.
Ah, there they are! I can almost see Filch around that corner too. I quickly sped up my steps causing Evans to almost lope behind me in order to keep up.
"Padfoot! Moony!" I whisper-shouted to get their attention.
"Mr. Wormtail, there you are!" replied James in a normal, loud voice. "Been wondering when you'd decide to show up again."
"Prongs!" I squealed in surprise. Don't blame me… I honestly hadn't seen him until he spoke up. And suddenly it's okay to talk in a normal voice in front of Filch, so surely I could be forgiven for taking that up a few notches.
Sirius turned around from where he was leaning against the wall. "Well?" he said expectantly.
"Well what?" What exactly was he getting at?
"Mr. Prongs is here, but you didn't find him, Mr. Wormtail. Whom did you find?"
I jerked a thumb over my shoulder, and stuttered, "Th-th-the-the c-c-cat." My head involuntarily followed my thumb to look over my shoulder and to find out why they hadn't noticed the cat yet. I swiveled my head back to look at them and dropped my hand. "Well, where the newt did she go?" I burst out, turning from them to the spot I had last seen her and pointed. "She was right there!"
James held up a hand in a stopping gesture. "You mean to say that you found Lils and promptly lost her again?"
I quavered in the face of his angry words. "Sorry," I said pathetically.
James shook his head and stalked off down the corridor.
Sirius frowned, then remarked, "Well, the sideshow seems to be over for now. Let's get back to watching Filch argue with Avery."
"A—Avery?" I said in surprise. "But he's—he's in Slytherin."
"So nice of you to notice," said Sirius as he and Remus turned back to where Filch stood, yelling at Avery who was yelling back with as much vigor.
"Too bad it's sort of deteriorated into repetitive cries of 'filthy squib' and 'dirty hypocrite,'" commented Remus.
Sirius nodded, pursing his lips in thought. I waited eagerly for whatever brilliance he would come up with now.
"This is wonderful, you have to admit," said Sirius after a while, proudly. "Getting the Slytherins blamed for our messing around with Filch, a proper prank on the day of our detention, and a marvelous way to pass the time while we wait for our date with McGonagall."
I nodded eagerly in agreement. Remus nodded as well, but more sedately.
"Pure genius," added Sirius, continuing to congratulate himself.
"However did you make it so that Avery can't see the illusion, Mr. Padfoot?" asked Remus clinically. Avery appeared to be waving a mud-caked shoe in Filch's face and insisting that Filch get his eyesight checked for the shoe was perfectly clean.
Sirius shrugged. "He's Confunded."
Remus gave Sirius a double-take.
"Confunded people don't usually argue that well," I noted in amazement.
Sirius sighed and rolled his eyes. "Again with the obvious, Mr. Wormtail."
I pouted. "They don't." I decided to expound on that. "People that are Confunded usually are so dazed that they don't function normally. They walk into walls and can't hardly talk to their friends, let alone put together a logical argument for the Caretaker."
"Well?" said Remus expectantly.
Sirius laid a finger to the side of his nose. "Trade secret," he smirked.
"Reow," said a cat behind us. Fully expecting it to be Filch's cat, I whirled around, only to stop—clutching my chest and breathing heavily—when I saw that it was Evans.
"Don't do that," I admonished her.
"She's a cat," said Sirius, obviously, "how else is she going to talk with us?" He threw me a knowing smug smile, and lifted his eyebrows once.
"So, where was she hiding?" asked Remus curiously. He crouched down to pet her once in greeting.
"Moony, is Filch—?" I began earnestly, trying to get Remus off the subject of the cat, when a voice interrupted me.
"In the broom closet, apparently," said James, sweeping off his invisibility cloak behind the cat.
Sheesh! Golly! I wish he wouldn't do that, either, but he never listens when I complain about it.
"Neow!" yowled Evans, who quickly spun and backed away from James. Sirius and I started to chuckle.
"Lils, come on," said James reasonably to the now hissing cat. "Had I revealed myself to you earlier, you just would have run off again." He paused, letting that sink in. "Do you deny it?"
Evans huffed and turned her back on James, only to find herself scooped up into his arms. I winced, and felt pity for my mate, whose hands were then scratched by a shocked and furious cat. Sirius stepped forward to help, but James shook his head emphatically.
"Avery's still arguing with Filch, right?" asked James, changing the subject and trying to hide his own wince.
We all turned back to Filch. Reluctantly, but we did. Avery was gone, and Filch was muttering to himself down on his knees again, scrubbing the illusionary muck.
"Dirty hypocrites, the lot of them. Never do a thing to help the state of this castle. I rather think that they enjoy seeing me scrub my life out on these stones. Why won't this blasted mud disappear already?"
I nudged Remus, "How long should the dirt last before he succeeds in removing it?"
"It's mud, Mr. Wormtail. Mud," said Sirius with a long-suffering tone.
"My point is that he's starting to notice that it's not going away," I said. "A good illusion is one that mirrors reality."
"He's got a point there, Mr. Padfoot," joked James.
"We must have taught him well," agreed Sirius, flicking his wand once.
"Reeeooow," Evans whined plaintively, when James demonstrated he wouldn't let go just because she was scratching him.
"Oh quit complaining, Lils," muttered James. "I swear, you weren't nearly this bad earlier. What's gotten into you?"
I saw Remus glance over, and determined to drag his thoughts away from the cat again. "I wonder what they're going to have for dinner tonight?" I said loudly.
Double reward. Not only did Remus roll his eyes at me before ignoring the cat once more, Filch changed his mutterings to, "More rich food no doubt. Meat, and breads, and puddings, and what do I get? Nothing but more spots to clean. I even had to clean up vomit the last time they had trifle. Perfectly good waste of trifle if you ask me. If one feels sick to their stomach, they should not try to eat rich foods. Leave some for the rest of us, so nothing has to be licked off the stones afterward."
Well, not such a good idea, after all. "Eww," I couldn't keep myself from groaning.
"Eh?" asked Sirius. "What's so disgusting about biscuits?"
Ah, that must be what my mates were talking about. I probably should have been listening to them instead of Filch. "Not biscuits. Filch," I pointed at the culprit. "He keeps going on about vomit and licking it off the stones."
I looked around to see every one of my friends stare at Filch in disgusted horror.
"Anyway," said Sirius, clearing his throat. "I think McGonagall is going to make us eat biscuits again before our detention."
"Think we'll all be in the same room?" asked Moony, adding some additional muck for Filch to clean.
"If not, there's a good chance she'll just split Padfoot and me up," James said confidently. "We're only doing lines after all."
"What do you think we'll be writing?" I asked curiously. "There's not that much she can really go on, is there?"
"I will not turn the Slytherins' chocolate eggs into bunny rabbits," suggested James.
"I will not stink bomb the Hufflepuffs," added Remus.
"I will not perfume the Slytherins so that they smell better than they usually do," said Sirius.
"Speaking of Slytherins…" said James over our chuckles. He was looking steadfastly down the side corridor. I turned to see what he was looking at.
"Snivellus," said Sirius, a sly grin creeping on his face. "Genius."
I looked between the approaching Snape and the still scrubbing Filch. "This should definitely be interesting."
Peter's List
Check. Item one: Hide the map.
Check. Item two: Tell Sirius.
Check. Item three: Laugh off any weird questions.
Check. Item four: But don't laugh when an ironic situation comes up.
Check. Item five: Take a deep breath if the subject comes up.
Check. Item six: Don't hyperventilate when others are discussing cats or Evans.
Check. Item seven: Just stop reminding myself that the cat is Evans.
Check. Item eight: Change the subject if it is hitting too close to home.
Item nine: Don't look suspicious.
Item ten: Don't tell anyone the real reason for this list.
Check. Item eleven: Don't show fear of the cat.
Check. Item twelve: Do be very, very careful around Moony.
Check. Item thirteen: Don't talk or have any conversation with Dumbledore.
Check. Item fourteen: In fact, avoid Dumbledore completely.
Item fifteen: Never look at Evans directly in case her glare makes you feel guilty.
Item sixteen: Make sure not to call Evans "Evans" around anyone who is not Evans.
Item seventeen: Don't let James figure out the cat is Lily.
Check. Item eighteen: Steal Remus's chocolate.
Item nineteen: Don't let Snape corner me about Evans or the cat.
Check. Item twenty: Interrupt Remus's thought processes as often as possible to prevent him from realizing the cat is Evans.
Item twenty-one: Don't hide any list or the map behind my back. Find a better hiding spot.
Check. Item twenty-two: Help Sirius get detentions to make him happy and keep him helping me.
A/N: And so the prank goes on...
By the way, that new icon on my profile (Made by Umi) will be another handy clue as to when I've got an update on the way for this story. And talking about updates, sorry this has been so long since the last. I actually had to bargain with Peter to get him to shut it, and as a part of it, I had to actually make cupcakes. Yum! I'll try to update soon. If I don't, just know that I'm working hard on it and other pieces that are in my head.
Thanks to all my faithful readers for the reviews and the support. You really do have the ability to make my day! If anyone, and I mean anyone, has any ideas for Peter's list, go ahead and send me a PM or a review with your ideas. Cupcakes and cookies for reviewers!
Enjoy! And thanks for reading!