Chapter 15

"What?" Rachel asked, standing up. She couldn't have heard that correctly.

"I'm really sorry, Rachel." Santana offered a hand of support on her back before taking her into a hug. Rachel couldn't return it though. All she could do now was stare forward at nothing, trying desperately to process what had just been revealed to her.

"No," she whispered. Tears began welling up behind her eyes. "I don't believe you." She rushed off to the back bedroom. Santana followed hastily in her trail.

"Rachel!" she exclaimed.

After she locked herself in that room, she really didn't know how long she stayed on the floor. It must've been a while. She'd watched the night time come and go. Her eyes were droopy and tear-stained by then.

She really had no idea what to think. Christopher had become her saving grace in the short amount of time that she was lined up to marry Finn. He was the only sign of sanity throughout all of the chaos. If he was gone now, how was Finn going to survive Shelby?

Finn; she could only imagine what he was going through right now. Sam and Finn had lost the only remaining parent that they had left. That broke her heart even further, resting her head against the wooden door and staring up at the ceiling. Sobs broke through her throat for the hundredth time thinking about everything.

She didn't remember falling asleep that morning, but she knew she had. Santana had found a way to pick the lock and open the door. She'd then gotten Kacie to pick her up from the floor and place her into the bed. It wasn't until she felt the mattress sink by her feet that she turned a little. Opening her eyes, Santana was waiting for her with a hot cup of tea in her hands.

Rubbing her eyes, Rachel sat up and looked around in a state of confusion. Grabbing the cup from Santana, she struggled to speak. This was due to a sore throat and hoarseness. She'd had a couple of screaming episodes into her pillow as time stood still in the dark room last night.

"What time is it?" she wondered.

"A little around 4:30," the girl informed her.

Her heart dropped when she remembered what today was. Santana picked up on this, placing a hand on hers. "I already talked to the Dean. He said to take all of the time you need."

"I guess I stayed up a little later than I should've." She admitted although her voice cracked mid-sentence.

"It's okay," Santana assured her.

"Where's Cleo?" Rachel asked, looking down the hall for any sign of life.

"Kacie took her to his apartment for a couple of days. He thought it was best to give you your space." Santana explained.

"That was really nice of him," Rachel commented.

"Yeah," Santana replied. They lingered in the silence for a couple of moments before she spoke again.

"I just- I don't know, Santana." She cried. Her eyes stung badly as she started up again. "I don't know what to do with all of this. I mean, it's Christopher who died. How is that even possible?"

"He had really bad lung cancer, Rachel." Santana informed her.

"And I wasn't there…" she told herself more than she did Santana.

"Stop it," Santana scolded. "There was no way that any of us could've known."

"But, I feel like I should've, Santana. He was like a dad to me before-" Rachel stopped and jumped to conclusions. "Oh god, he's probably so mad at me for leaving. They probably all are."

"Rachel, I'm not going to tell you again. Cut it out." She warned her. "You're only making things harder on yourself. Stop thinking like that."

"I can't believe he's really dead, Santana." The girl sobbed before Santana pulled her into her side. Rubbing a hand down the back of her hair, she wiped away her friend's tears. "It's like I'm losing my dad all over again. I can't even begin to imagine what Finn is thinking…"

"You were really close," she reminded her. "It's understandable."

After holding her for another couple of minutes, Santana faced the girl again. "Look, I'm going to cook tonight. I'll go out and do some grocery shopping. You'll have the apartment to yourself for a couple of hours so you can really think things through and process."

Rachel really appreciated this. Santana knew that when it came time to face the hard in life, Rachel liked to be alone. Nodding, she watched the woman get up and walk out of the room.

It was a few minutes before she heard the front door close. She knew then that she was officially alone. It took some time in finding the will to get up out of bed, but when she did, she walked into the kitchen.

The last thing she wanted right now was food, so she dug through the liquor cabinet instead. Maybe if she couldn't help her emotions, the bottle of red wine would. She didn't even bother going for a glass. Instead, she reached into the cupboard and pulled out a plastic drinking cup. Dumping the remainder of the red liquid from the bottle, she plopped down on the couch.

There, she let herself think a little more. She found it soothing in a way. With the quietness of the empty apartment, thinking helped her get a little of the pain off of her chest.

She couldn't believe after four years of being away from the family, that this news would affect her as much as it did. But, then again, she could…

It was then that her mind retreated to all that she had left. It was the same with every grieving process, Rachel assumed. She was only speaking on what she experienced before. When someone died, things traveled in stages. There was the shock, the confusion, and then there was the sadness, the anger; the many crying episodes. But then, after all of this was finished, there was the enormous flood of memories.

That's where she was now. She sat there remembering the time she spent with him at Finn's baseball game. The laugher shared with him coming back from the concession stands filled her ears. Her heart ached when she remembered his voice.

Then, the time he picked her up on the side of the road when her mom kicked her out of the car filled her brain. She took a swig of the alcohol in her hands before she could bring herself to think of all of the things that he did for her that day. His selflessness would always be inspiring to her; whether he liked her or not before he died.

Looking forward, Finn was looking directly at her from one of their many pictures she had sitting on the television set. She took another sip of wine and moved to the picture. Taking it in her free hand, she faced it down on the glass that it was propped on. She couldn't take the intimidation with his smiling face on hers; especially with what was to come. But, that was a decision she hadn't brought herself to make yet.

It wasn't until the shower following this moment where she'd made up her mind. Santana walked in an hour later to an apartment flooded in Rachel's clothes. Placing the grocery bags on the kitchen counter top, Santana slowly walked further into the scene.

She found her friend not too long after that. Rachel was sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor, folding certain items and stacking them into the two suitcases she had out. Her heart dropped, thinking of what the girl was planning.

"Rachel," she immediately caught the girl's attention. She only smiled a little in her direction before returning to her actions. "What are you doing?"

Watching the girl rise to her feet and move over to some close folded on the dining table, she waited for an answer.

"I have to go back," she replied simply. That's when she noticed the cup full of wine sitting on the countertop.

"Are you drunk?"

"Unfortunately, no," she replied. "I've had some time to really think about this and I think it's something that I have to do."

"Are you crazy?" Santana exclaimed. "We've put so much on the line these past few years to not be found and now you're just going to walk back into the tiger's den with open arms? Hell no, Rachel. I will not let you. You can grieve many other ways, just not like this."

"Don't you get it, Santana?" she faced her friend. "I'm not doing this for myself."

"Then who are you doing this for? Because it's certainly not for me or Shelby, for that matter. She'll have your tail and you know it."

"I'm doing this for him." She answered.

"Rachel…" she whispered. "It's been four years."

"Four years too long," she stated. "If anything, Finn needs someone right now. His father just died."

"And you really think that things are going to be better with you just showing up out of the blue?" Santana wondered. "What's your plan, huh? You're just going to walk in and jump into his arms and everything will be better? It's not going to be that easy, and you know it…"

"Santana, nothing you say is going to change my mind. My plane leaves in a few hours from now." She informed her.

"You bought a plane ticket without telling me?" Santana was outraged.

"I used my money." She assured her. "Santana, this is my decision, okay?"

"I'm just worried about you," she admitted. "You've sacrificed so much to get out of there."

"I know." She knew that this was true. But, her mind was set and so was her heart. "But, it's the only solution."

The plane touched down at around 10:15 that night. During luggage claim, she waited patiently, trying to figure where she'd go from there. Looking down at her credit card, she thought deeply. She'd already impulsively bought a plane ticket with her expenses. So, what harm would one night in a hotel do?

Grabbing her luggage, she hailed a cab outside of the small airport. In traveling to the only bed and breakfast she knew of in the middle of town, she looked outside of her window.

She felt something that she couldn't explain, taking in all of the familiar scenery. By the time they'd gotten to that dark part of the woods that separated the town in two, she'd found out that it was a sense of longing.

Biting her lip, she placed her hand to her chest as she took in the sight of the high school. It was when she passed his house that she really broke down. The tears started to fall again and the enormous amount of fear lingered above her in that back seat. She had no idea what would happen in these next couple of days.

Getting to the small building, Rachel paid the driver before gathering her two suitcases and stepping forward to take in the familiar landscape. When the woman working the front desk noticed her entering through the front door, she looked as if she'd seen a ghost.

"Rachel Berry"

"Hi, Mrs. Chamberlain." She greeted the elder woman. "Is there any chance that I can rent out a room for the night?"

"Um, sure." She smiled, pulling out a large planner. "That'll be 50 dollars." Rachel handed her the card.

Returning her receipt, she handed over one of the many rusty keys hanging behind her head. She smiled before turning and heading up the staircase to her appointed room. Rachel wasn't stupid. She knew that news of her return would be circling by tomorrow morning.

The funeral was tomorrow afternoon, so she decided she'd get all of the rest she could now. She'd figure out what she'd be doing tomorrow morning once she woke up.

The sound of thunder startled her awake that next day. It seemed to be a good thing though. Without it, she probably would've slept past her alarm clock.

She didn't really have much in the two suitcases she packed. But, in her matching bra and underwear set, she sat on the floor trying to put together something decent enough to wear to the funeral. It was then that she pulled out the only black dress she owned; the one that she wore to Spring Meadows that spring day.

Sliding into it, she sighed knowing that it fit just as tightly around her curves as it had the first day she'd worn it. She also knew that the sleeves were designed for warmer weather and would never be able to protect her against the cold. So, she pulled out a small black cardigan she'd bought in New York.

Slipping into a pair of black heels that she'd packed with her, she decided she'd move onto her appearance. Her makeup was light and barely noticeable. She knew that there was a high chance of her crying, so she didn't want to go overboard. Lastly, she had her hair to fix.

Since it was just above her shoulders, there wasn't much to consider. Rain was also coming, so she didn't want to go overboard with that either. Running a brush through the natural waves, she clipped some of the strands that framed her face back.

By the time she was downstairs, Mrs. Chamberlain offered her an umbrella before preparing to close up and attend the funeral as well.

It was simple; nothing extravagant in planning. As people gathered into the town's oldest and only church, Rachel found a seat in the final pew. Since the place was packed, she figured she'd blend in perfectly, going unnoticed by anyone.

This worked as things began. From afar, her heart dropped when she took in her mother sitting in the front row of the left set of pews, resting her head against James' shoulder. Some things never change, she thought. She was already dreading the reunion, if there would even be one between the three of them. However, this was nowhere near what she felt when she took in his figure.

He was sitting in the front row of the right set of pews; directly in front of her. She couldn't exactly make out his face or any of his other anterior features, as he was sitting down and an array of people sitting between them blocked her view. However, she could recognize the back of his head in her sleep. She usually had these past couple of years, in dreams where he was walking away from her in disgust. In the back of the church, sitting all alone, her biggest fear jumped into her mind again.

Shaking her head, she cleared it. Instead, she focused on him. He seemed to be sitting alone as well. Sam and Quinn sat next to him, but were huddled close together at the end of the row.

Observing him now, his shoulders appeared to be a lot broader than she remembered. The back of his neck looked slimmer as well. He remained completely still, keeping his focus to the closed casket in front of him. She looked to the ground, only wondering what was going through his mind right now.

She wanted more than anything to get up and run to him. She'd take his hands in hers, assuring him that she was there. After, her apologies would fill the air. She would make sure that he knew that she loved him with all of her heart and that she never meant to hurt him. She'd then offer her shoulder for him to cry on, for as long as it took. Last, she'd tell him everything that she'd wanted to sitting in that library and reading those emails.

Her wishes cleared when Shelby rose to offer some words. This whole time, Rachel had been ignoring the service going on before her. She sunk in her seat as the woman's eyes roamed the crowded room. Then, through her tears, she began speaking.

She didn't really pick up on the things her mother was saying. Instead, her attention could not be waivered away from Finn. She watched as he turned uncomfortably in his seat. He then faced sideways to place a hand of support on Sam's back.

Before long, it was time for him to rise to the podium at the altar. Her breath caught in her throat when he finally faced the audience.

Looking at his face, she realized that he'd changed so much since the last time she'd seen him. It wasn't just the fact that he was beautiful; he'd always been that way. It was just the physical changes in his appearance that magnified this beauty. She no longer saw the 19 year old boy that she'd fallen in love with all those years ago.

His arms seemed to be bigger; more muscular. His facial features had sharpened and his cheekbones were more defined. He also seemed more slender, and she knew that he was hiding a lot of muscle under that black suit. The years apart seemed to have been very kind to his body. However, that wasn't what initially caught her breath in shock.

There were bruises running along his face. In giving the Eulogy for his father, he sported a purple eye and a cut lip. She jumped to conclusions again. What on Earth could have happened to cause him to look this way? Anger seeped into her chest thinking of someone hurting her Finn.

But, he wasn't, she wasn't hers anymore and she knew this. Still, she couldn't stand seeing him the way that he was now. Her heart broke as he stumbled over the words he'd written on a sheet of notebook paper. Wiping at his eyes, he took a last minute scope of the place before concluding.

"I know that he was loved by many of you, and he will be terribly missed. Today, we mourn the best man this town has ever seen. But, I know that he's truly in a better place, at the side of my mother and his best friend, John Berry." He took a moment to swallow. "Thank you all for coming out today despite this poor weather. He would've really appreciated it. A small gathering will be held at our house after. Everyone's invited to attend." He then returned to his seat.

Rachel followed a little behind everyone in moving outside to watch the coffin being lowered into the ground. She hid under her umbrella as the icy wind blew through her hair. It was only drizzling now, but the weather was coming soon.

She watched closely as Finn picked up a handful of dirt before tossing it into the ground. Sam followed shortly after before moving to his brother's side. They hugged each other tightly as the preacher said the final words. She could feel the emotion all the way from where she was standing. Wiping a few of her own tears away was when she heard it.

"Rachel?" the familiar voice called out from behind her. Crap, she thought. She'd been spotted. "Rachel, is that you?"

Clenching her eyes shut for a moment, she took a deep breath and bit her lip before she turned around. She watched as Quinn's face lit up. They hadn't been on speaking terms when she left, so she really didn't know what to expect.

However, out of all the reactions that she pictured in her head, Quinn's was unpredictable. She launched forward, taking the brunette into her arms. "It's so good to see you."

With the strong smell of Chanel perfume in the windy air, Rachel could only hug the girl back. She was still in shock by the impact. Pulling away, the girl smiled and took the brunette in with her eyes. Running her hand over Rachel's hair, she spoke. "Wow, you look so different. How have you been? Did you bring Santana with you?" So many questions were flying her way at once. She tried to answer them as best as she could.

"What about you? That's a pretty ring you got there," Rachel asked, turning to the crowd with caution. She didn't want any lingering eyes catching the two.

"Yeah, it turns out that you have really good match-making skills," she laughed. An awkward silence fell between them, thinking of the last time they spoke. Quinn was the first to break it.

"Rachel, I've had a lot of time to think and I just want to say that I'm really sorry for everything that happened between us." She explained further. "I told myself that if you were to ever come back, these would be the first things I'd tell you. It's just a shame that this has to be the circumstances in which we meet up. I miss you and Santana so much."

Rachel only hugged the girl again, choking up against the backside of her shoulder. She could barely get out what she had to say. "I've been thinking a lot about this…I'm really sorry too, Quinn. I've missed you so much… We both do." "Did you know that Santana even named her daughter after you?"

"Santana has a daughter?" Quinn asked with wide eyes.

"She's two," she smiled. "Her name is Cleopatra Quinn Ross."

"I can't believe it," she gushed over the picture Rachel pulled up on her phone. " She's really beautiful. I'm really happy for her."

They only chuckled through their tears before Quinn looked over her shoulder at the exiting crowd. "Rachel, I'd really love to stay and catch up. I've just got to get back to Sam. Things are really hard on him right now, you know?"

"Yeah, I totally understand. I'll talk to you later?" Rachel wondered.

"Of course… I hope to see you at their house in a bit." Rachel looked over to Finn divulging in a conversation with James and her mother. She wasn't really sure that she'd be up for it. But, then she remembered the reason for her trip. So, she nodded before watching the girl walk away.

Once she got there, a long line waited at the entrance of the home. She wondered what the build-up was. Peeking her head over the people in front of her, her heart fell to her toes. Finn, Sam, Quinn, Shelby, and James stood at the door, welcoming people.

She thought of turning around then, because she'd be caught if she stayed. She knew this for sure. The possibilities of what Finn or Shelby or James would do if she stayed long enough scared her shitless. Sighing, she dropped her arms and turned around. Making it out of the large gate at the beginning of the mansion, people watched as she kept her head down and kept walking away.

That's not who I think that is, right honey?

No fricking way.

She's really back? Wow, she looks so different.

Then, she heard a voice that she recognized. Looking up from her heels against the concrete, Grace Mitchell stood next to Tracie Evans and June Motta, watching her walk away. Crossing her arms, she only hastened her steps in the opposite direction. Laughter filled her ears as she got further down the street.

"Terrance Halstead is going to have a field day with this one," Grace said. "Looks like Haley's got some competition."

"No she doesn't," June argued. "The girl made her choice four years ago. Nothing's going to change."

"I can't believe she's actually brave enough to show her face in this town after the stunt she pulled." Tracie commented, only adding to the fire building in her blood.

"At least she cleans up nice," Grace complimented. "I could hardly even recognize her sitting in the back of that church."

Turning around, Rachel moved to face them. "You mind saying that to my face?"

"Excuse me?"

"You know what? Shame on all of you," Rachel shook her head in disgust. "We just came back from Christopher's funeral and you're being nothing more than the petty bitches you've already been."

"You better watch your mouth, little girl." Grace walked forward.

"You shouldn't have a lot to say, Mitchell." Rachel rolled her eyes. "You're the alpha to the pack of wolves."

"I don't know where you ran off to over these past couple of years, but there's still a thing called respect for adults." Tracie Evans stepped forward.

"You'll have to excuse me," Rachel replied. "The lines are a bit blurred at the moment."

"What happened to you, Rachel?" June wondered. "You used to be so polite."

"I grew a pair of balls and decided to start standing up for myself. So, you can discuss, with your little clique, whatever the hell you want to behind my back. But just remember, you're all nothing more than a couple of has-beens in a very small and forgotten town."

"You're reputation here is finished." Grace yelled behind her as she began walking in the opposite direction. "You hear me?"

It felt so good to finally stand up to these women. She felt as if she could do anything right about now. With that being said, she moved past the gate and stood at the end of the long line of waiting people.

It was the same scene that she'd taken in earlier. They were still at the entrance welcoming people. However, this time, a short blonde girl stood next to Finn. She hadn't seen the girl before in her life. But, at the same time, she didn't over-think it. There must've been some connection to the girl that she wasn't informed of in her time being there.

Instead, she focused on moving forward in line. It was when she was third in line when the words he whispered to the guests were audible. They were repetitive. Every person that walked up those steps got the same words from Finn.

"Thank you for coming. Refreshments are in the kitchen. Help yourself."

Her heart sped up when she was next in line. When the family before her moved forward and into the house, it was her turn to be greeted. Keeping herself together on the outside, she took a few breaths of reassurance that she was doing the right thing.

"Oh my god," was all she heard as she ascended the steps to the home. She recognized Shelby's voice.

It was when she looked up that his eyes met hers. She could tell he was shocked. The pattern of his breathing told her that much. Watching his chest rise and fall, she decided that this wouldn't last forever. There was a long line of people behind her. This would be her only shot. So, she took it.

"Finn," she looked at him. Now, he only stared at her with something that could be mistaken for ice. His expression turned blank. She struggled over her words trying to not let this affect her. But, she wasn't kidding anyone. "I don't even know where to start. I guess I should tell you that I'm really sorry. I had this all planned in my head. And now…Maybe if we could just go somewhere to t-" He stopped her as she trailed off like the nervous fool she was. Her heart was beneath her toes at this point.

"Thank you for coming. Refreshments are in the kitchen. Help yourself."

So, here's Chapter 15! Hope you all enjoy :)