Chapter 19
"This is a really bad idea."
The brunette looked at her best friend standing behind her through the mirror in the very public bathroom. In a red dress that cut an inch or two above her knees, she self-consciously pulled at the sides, internally begging for a new method of apparel that wouldn't make her hold all of the breath her lungs contained.
In absolute horror, the breath only grew larger as the friend behind her reached up and pulled the dress down further. She continued to watch as the girl cupped her friend's boobs and pushed them up further. Now, with as much cleavage as she ever imagined showing in her life, she was sure someone would mistake her for one of the girls who stood on the end of Bourbon Street in New Orleans.
And, was she correct. From the moment they'd walked into this club earlier in the night, she'd been busy shoeing off horny and wasted men. They all had; Quinn, Haley, and herself. She wouldn't complain too much, though. If there was a bright side to any of this, it'd be the fact that she hadn't had to buy one drink yet.
It was officially the night of Quinn's bachelorette party. And, if you didn't know that, Quinn made sure as hell that you'd find out.
Rachel was perfectly fine going in some of the clothes that she'd packed from New York. A nice pair of jeans, one of her many blouses plus a sensible pair of heels would've done the trick. But, no; Quinn was nearly appalled to death just by her consideration. If you were going to Quinn Fabray's bachelorette party, you were going all out. And, the meaning of all out? If you were going to Quinn Fabray's bachelorette party, you were going dressed like a hooker.
Slapping Quinn's hands away, Rachel continued to fidget with her outfit. The tall black heels were providing enough pain to distract her from the circulation in her body being cut off. Looking to the side, she noticed the same look of uncertainty coming from the second blonde.
Haley only presented signs of feeling the same way as Rachel did. She stood there in absolute silence, studying every curve that the tight blue dress projected as if it were a final, determining whether she would pass or fail. It was when Quinn moved over to her that Rachel noticed the girl take a sharp breath.
She didn't mean to, but Rachel couldn't help the eye roll that came along. The girl had nothing to worry about. The dress fit her perfectly and she'd been hit on more times than both her and Quinn. Yet, she was acting all uncomfortable and shy. She'd been acting like this since the moment they both arrived at Quinn's apartment this afternoon to get ready.
Now thinking about it, she noticed that things had been off all night. She knew this sounded selfish of her, and maybe even a little entitled, but she was used to the girl being up her butt 24-7. It was true and no one could deny it. Whenever they'd meet up, Haley would hug her, ask a million questions, and try any and every entry-way for conversation with her. To anyone around here, they were absolute best friends by now; not that they were in any way.
Still, the girl had been quiet all night. Now thinking about it, Rachel didn't even remember making eye contact with the girl since the silent taxi ride over. She also realized that the blonde had been connected at Quinn's hip all night; not hers. There was definitely some form of avoidance going on tonight, and it was eating away at Rachel to find out the facts behind it.
"Is there a problem?" the girl asked, nervously eyeing Rachel from the side of her through the mirror. Her heart dropped, realizing that the blonde watched her roll her eyes in her direction.
"Yes, actually, the problem is you." "I have never been so affected by one person in my whole entire life. I know this makes me a terrible person, but I don't like you. You are the only reason that Finn and I aren't working things out together and some days I wish you would just run back off to Alabama or wherever the hell you came from. I wish you would just leave and let Finn have what he wants. Let Finn and I have what we want. You've been so clingy lately and I hate you for it. But, you're so nice and it's hard for me to hate you, so I've been being so extremely lenient even though every instinct in my body tells me to just punch you in the face. And tonight, well… What the hell is going on with you?"
At least, that's what she wanted to tell her. But, she couldn't. She'd be faced with a world of guilt for every word spoken, another reason for Finn to hate her even more, and anger Quinn just days before her wedding. Those, with a side of Jamey probably offing her for being cruel to his little sister, were a combination of problems that she didn't feel like having to face right now. Maybe if she'd had just a little more alcohol in her in the future, but not now.
So, instead, she cleared her mind and turned to face the girl with the worried look on her face. During the whole process, Quinn was still fixing the girl's dress.
"It's nothing, really," she assured her. "I just forgot to put a tube of mascara in my handbag. I'm sorry."
"Here," she smiled, reaching into her own, handing Rachel hers. "Not like you needed it or anything. You look really pretty tonight Rachel, unlike me."
Rachel only sighed, hating herself for what she was about to do. The right thing… Why did she always feel like crap when she chose to go down that path?
"Would you shut up, Haley?" she asked. "You're very beautiful and Finn is so lucky to have you. Any guy would be. You're amazing."
"Wow, Rachel, you really think so?" she asked with a bit of surprise at Rachel's outburst.
Every muscle in her body tensed and every conscious thought in her mind told her to speak otherwise. But, like always, her heart was a lot louder. "Of course," she smiled, biting her tongue hard enough to taste the metallic sensation of her own blood.
"Thank you," the girl returned her smile, though a little less forced on her part. Placing a hand over hers, she felt the warmth radiating from the girl's act of humbleness. If only she could ignore her morals… Maybe she wouldn't have to be forced to endure this feeling of guilt and torture within.
"Yeah, no problem," she said, quickly removing her hand and herself from the situation. Slowly backing away from the mirror above the sinks, she headed for the door back into the club. "I just really need some fresh air. It's a bit claustrophobic out there."
"Yeah, I'll agree with you on that one," Haley laughed, seemingly loosening up a bit.
"Hey," Quinn called before she could completely exit the scene. "If you see my fiancé out there, you tell him that I am keeping a very close eye on him."
Rachel raised her hand in Quinn's direction, "Aye-aye Captain."
The outside air hit her like a bag of razors. She knew that it would be cold outside, but she hadn't imagined feeling like an ice cube the moment she stepped out. However, for some bizarre reason, she enjoyed it.
Deciding to avoid any and all wind that would blow in her direction, she found herself standing in the middle of two buildings. One she knew as the club she had just escaped, and the other was the family dentist's office she had been going to for as long as she could remember.
In pure darkness, she pulled out her phone to see two messages. The two senders appeared to be Santana and Jamey. She decided that she'd open his message first. She'd sent him a picture of the dress that Quinn was expecting her to wear tonight. If anything, he was replying.
You look freaking smoking and I'm out of the state…Are you kidding me? I hope you're having a good time. I miss you. –Jamey
She sighed, feeling the same constriction of her chest that she felt that night after the moment they'd shared in the pool. Maybe in the beginning, she was more confident about all of this. She enjoyed the company that he gave her and she really had someone that she could talk to; of course, not about Finn and the real problems that she was facing at the moment, but about all of the other stuff. She told him about school and her dreams of being a doctor. And, he listened. He sat through every conversation, listening patiently, and never interrupted. That was what she liked most about him and it worked. She could honestly say that she felt her own self drawing closer and closer to him. Then, that same fear and uncertainty crept up out of the dark corners she tried so desperately to push them back into. The source for all of that? Finn seemed to be around a lot these days.
She didn't know what his problem was, nor did she want to give in to every single fiber of curiosity that she held. But, she physically and mentally couldn't help it. One moment it was as if he didn't want to be bothered by her nuisance of an agenda and then the next, he was always around. Almost every night, he was having dinner with Quinn and Sam. He was showing up at the house in the middle of the day for random nothings. He'd help Quinn with the dishes sometimes; he'd watch football games with Sam. She even remembered walking in on him cooking breakfast for the four of them.
And, that was only while staying with Quinn and Sam. When she was with Jamey, another story was to be told.
She almost felt guilty. She thought that maybe it wasn't even fair to be having these feelings of doubt about the new relationship forming with Jamey. With all of the times that Haley and Finn insisted on double dates, they'd never actually had any time to sit down and figure the whole thing out.
As for now, she and Jamey were doing the only thing that they knew. They were dancing around that gigantic fire in the center where everything was piled up. She still had yet to even open up to him about the guy of her past, the main problem that lay on top of that metaphorical fire, and Jamey hadn't spoken of anything about his ex-wife, except for her name, Brandie.
Instead, they did this. She looked down at her phone to read the text again. He was down in Georgia for reasons unknown to her. Something business related, she assumed. Another problem adding up in their fire was that she didn't have the amazing attention span that he possessed. When he told her what he was traveling to do, she caught not one lick of it. Her mind was too preoccupied with her own problems. She was being selfish and she knew that he didn't deserve it. That's how her doubts loudened themselves most of the time, despite her strong efforts to push all of them back.
Staring down at her phone, she only felt her heart speed up, trying to figure out what she would respond with. She was stuck; having no clue how to get herself out of the giant hole she'd already begun digging. She didn't want to lead him on, but at the same time she didn't want him to think that she wasn't into it. She was a walking contradiction and that's what she hated the most about herself.
She didn't know whether or not she wanted him. She was so indecisive all of the time; juggling two guys on her brain. The only thing she knew was that if she didn't make her mind up quickly, she'd hurt him so much and that was the last thing she wanted. She wanted to try things out with him and come to love him, even if that tight feeling radiated through her chest every time. Yet, as the week dragged along, she only felt that she was probably doing the same to his heart.
I miss you too. –Rachel
She typed the message, neutrally enough, trying to convince herself that she was being truthful. And, in some form, she was. Although she felt a little relief to know that she'd have some time on her own for a couple of days, she still missed his company. Jamey was a very good friend and he kept her laughing and completely amused on days when she wouldn't be otherwise. He made her feel better.
Switching screens, she opened Santana's message. She remembered that she'd sent the same picture to her friend.
Hot mama ;) If I show this to Kacie, do you think he'll finally quit drooling over me? –Tana
Maybe… then again, I don't think that will ever happen. –Rachel
Are you having fun? –Tana
Yeah –Rachel
Why is that last text not convincing me? –Tana
You've always been better at these things than me. I wish you were here right now. – Rachel
I do too, sweetie. However, Cleo would beg to differ. God knows what Kacie would do if I left for even one day. –Tana
Rachel only laughed before receiving a second text from her.
When are you coming home? –Tana
"I'm not sure, Tana. Things are really complicated. You know that. – Rachel
Yes, but I also know that I miss having my best friend in the same city as me. I've been talking to the walls when Cleo goes out with Kacie. I've become the epitome of the ghost whisperer; without the actual ghosts. –Tana
Well, with the way things are going, you may not have to wait much longer. –Rachel
Uh-oh, Hudson? –Tana
He's an ass –Rachel
When the sound of a door opening broke through to her occupied mind, she instantly jumped. The only light provided at the moment was the phone in her hands.
We'll talk later. I really have to get back. –Rachel
She felt her phone buzz once again in her hand, but didn't take the time to glance down and read the reply. Instead, she watched a figure emerge from the dark. With hands in their pocket, they slowly made their way in her direction. She considered running in the opposite direction. However, she knew these tall heels wouldn't get her anywhere far and if anything, she'd only stir up more trouble for herself.
When the person got close enough, she held up her phone light. Taking in the familiar features, a sigh of relief left her chest. But, that did not do anything to calm the immediate quickening in the rise and fall of her chest.
"Finn, you scared the hell out of me!" she exclaimed, slapping him with the side of her handbag. The sound of his laughter only infuriated her further. "What are you doing?"
"I don't know. It got a little too crowded in there, I guess."
"How'd you know to use the side door?" she wondered. She knew it was a stupid question, but it could prolong the time before they started fighting again. And, she knew that if she stood out here with him long enough, that it was sure to come.
"Rachel, we grew up here, remember?" "Plus, there's a giant sign that says exit over it."
"Right," she said, crossing her arms and watching her feet as she scraped the back of her heel against the concrete, making circular motions. Without the benefit of having taxi horns and loud city noises to make the silence go away, the air grew tense. The side of her vision caught his eyes on her intently, which only added to things.
"Quinn went a little overboard with the bachelorette thing," she informed him, knowing that he was taking in her outfit.
She knew that there was a possibility in seeing him tonight. Sam and Quinn, for some reason, decided to have their parties on the same night and in the same club. It was going against every tradition she knew, but at the same time, that's where her focus wasn't. Her focus was where it always had been, even when she wished it wasn't.
She knew they were going to meet up at some point in the night. And, in running through all of the scenarios in which they could meet and all of the things she'd say to him, this was not what she expected. However, some dark alley-way beat the line to the bathroom by so many points in her mind.
"I was fine with some of the clothes I picked, but you know, she's Quinn Fabray and all… All out is the norm." she laughed, nervously trailing off. Like the last time they'd been alone like this in the grocery store, she knew that he didn't want to hear it. Scratching her head, she looked to the side of her. Anywhere but at him would be okay. She'd be able to keep her composure the best she could if she looked at anything but him. Under his view, she felt like an ant shriveled up under a microscope. Intimidation was at its highest point.
"I like you like this," he commented.
She only lowered her head, chuckling. "Of course you do. These heels are almost as tall as you, I can barely breathe with how skin tight the dress is, my ass is hanging out of the back, and my boobs are probably about to do the same in the front."
He only laughed. "No, that's… I didn't mean it like that."
"Then what is there to like?" she wondered.
"I'm reminded of the old you," he informed her.
"So, I used to look like a slut?"
"No," he replied. "Would you let me speak?" She remained silent.
"Fierce," he said. "You look fierce and daring, even. I know you would never wear something like this if it wasn't for Quinn. You're doing it for her. It all reminds me of that time on prom night."
She only looked at him with confusion.
"You were terrified to step onto that dark and empty road. I knew you were. But, you ignored your inhibitions, for me. You faced your biggest fear to make me happy. I'll never forget that."
"I didn't think you thought about that stuff anymore," she admitted. "Prom and all…"
"Trust me, it's definitely not by choice." He assured her.
"Right," she nodded, looking to her shoes again.
"But they're our memories and ever since you left, they've been nearly impossible to push away. And, I'd be lying to you if I said it's gotten easier since you've been back."
"You're being really quiet." He noted after a few more moments of nothing said from the two.
"I'm just thinking, that's all," she felt like her mind was spinning out of control.
"What are you thinking about?" he wondered, stepping a little more towards her.
"Why'd you really come out here, Finn?" she blurted out. It took him a few moments to think of what he would tell her.
"I already told you," he informed her.
"Well, you lied. Because there's no way that you just casually walked out here with all of things you just said to me." She told him. "You have trouble with your words sometimes. You like to prepare things beforehand because you don't like to look like an idiot when you speak. You didn't make all of that up."
"I watched you walk out here," he admitted. "I've been watching you all night."
"Where's Jamey?" he asked, getting closer. The tension built a little more.
"Georgia," she replied, stepping forward to meet him halfway. "Why do you even care, anyways?"
"Don't you find it a little odd that he skips out on an event that's been planned for months? You're his date, after all."
Instantly, her head began to shake as the anger rose. "You have no right to say any of that to me. It was a last minute trip."
"I'm just answering your question." He said, holding his hands up in defense.
"That doesn't matter. I don't go around telling you things about your relationship. What makes you think you can butt into mine?"
"No, you don't. Instead, you lie to me; telling me that you're happy that I found someone." He scoffed. "I don't appreciate it."
"Why? Your plan to use Haley to get under my skin isn't working?"
"Because you don't care and that's what bothers me. You never have, ever since you got back."
"So, you have been flaunting her in my face…" She sighed. "I never cared? So, me begging for you to take me back like a pathetic little lost puppy wasn't caring enough for you?" she asked.
"It doesn't take a day and a few words to resolve years of heartache, Rachel." He reminded her.
"You think I don't know that?" she begged.
"Honestly, yes, I really do think that you don't." he told her. "You showed up at my father's funeral as if I didn't have enough to deal with that day. You waltzed in like nothing happened, and as I was greeting guests into my home, you asked if we could go and talk somewhere; as always, showing me how selfish you really are."
"Then why are you standing here right now, Finn?" she asked. "You've been doing nothing but cursing my name to my face. You have already made it blatantly clear of how you feel about me. And, you have a fiancé that loves you so much in there and everywhere that you go. Yet, every time we meet, you always find a way to get me alone. Why?"
He went still before moving forward to where she had no escape. Leaning against the brick wall, she swallowed thickly, watching both of Finn's hands rise. Using the strength from both of his arms, he leaned against the wall. Their faces were about an inch apart, just like a week ago. "Because I'm selfish too. And ever since the other day, I haven't been able to think of anything else but holding you against Quinn's stupid Mercedes. I haven't been able to think of anything else but you and all of the stupid things that you told me."
Before she could speak, he silenced her. Running a hand down a wavy strand of short hair, he caressed her cheek. She tried to push him away, but the scent of her favorite cologne radiating from his neck sent her weak in the knees.
"Finn-"His lips meeting hers muffled the rest of her sentence. She was sent into some sort of shock. She was so confused. One moment they were talking, the next they were fighting, and now they were here? She felt like she'd just entered another episode of The Twilight Zone. They were so bipolar and she didn't even know how. It was only in each other's presence that they were like this.
The familiarity of it was all she needed to get lost. She was immediately sent back to that other night in his room, knowing that this was too good to be true.
It was. Reality started to seep through. This was just a momentary thing. She was with Jamey and he had Haley, in the same building that she was leaning against. It was wrong and it'd only lead to feeling worse. She had to remind herself of that. They weren't in high school anymore. He'd been horrible to her and here she was, letting him in, just like that.
Pulling away, he looked at her, wondering what was happening. Her heart only hurt, knowing that she looked the same way that night in his room.
"This is really messy," She informed him. "We can't do this. Haley is in there and there's Jamey…"
"So what?" he asked with a bit of force behind his voice. "That didn't really stop you before."
"I'm not going to let another guy down, Finn. He's really nice and doesn't deserve any of it."
"And you think that I did?"
"I went to New York, Finn. I didn't cheat on you."
"We're not cheating," he assured her.
"You just kissed me. How is that not cheating?" she couldn't believe a word that was coming out of his mouth.
"Because my heart is in the palm of your hands, no matter how hard I try and fight it, and I know that yours is in mine."
"You're really trying to confuse me, aren't you?" "I mean, what is your problem? After everything that you've been doing, are you really going to stand here and say all of that to me with a straight face? You are so freaking bipolar. I swear, sometimes I could just-"
"He's not good enough for you, Rachel." Finn whispered through the darkness. They'd maintained the same stance this whole time.
She sighed, ripping herself from his hands. Creating distance between the two, she wobbled a few steps back. "You don't get to say that to me."
"Why not?" he pushed, moving in her direction.
"I can still hear the words that you said to me Wednesday night two weeks ago; that's why." Crossing her arms, she left him in the middle of the alley-way, in the freezing cold.
"Then go ahead, Rachel." He called behind her. "Walk away, why don't you? It's what you do best."
This time, she didn't turn around to reply to any of that. She only turned the corner and headed back into the room of loud music and crowded sweaty bodies. Stepping up to the bartender for what felt like the 100th time, she placed in her preference at the moment.
"Vodka tonic; hold the tonic with extra vodka." The man only offered her a smile in return, continuing to his work. She was left to her own devices a few more moments before the chair on the side of her was pulled out, someone occupying it.
"Buy the whole bottle, why don't you?"
The voice sent shivers down her spine. Not the good ones, either; the kind of shivers that you received after listening to nails against a chalkboard. She knew that this was because the last she'd heard the voice, it was radiating through her ear, with the owner's grasp so tight around her.
She only scoffed, rolling her eyes in the process. Tonight was just not the night for this. Right now was just not the moment for this.
"What? No kiss?" he winked with a smug smirk forming across his lips.
"How about I punch you instead?" she crossed her arms.
"I like this version of you," he smiled.
"Get in line," she remarked, grabbing her drink being passed to her. Taking a monstrous sip, she flinched at the burning of the liquid moving down her throat.
"Oh, that's right," It seemed like a lightbulb went off in his head. "Where is this boyfriend of yours tonight? I didn't see him walk in with you."
"So what, now you're keeping tabs on me?" she asked. "There are a lot more people in here than in that bar that day. If you touch me or even try anything stupid like you did before, so help me god, I will…"
"You'll what?" he questioned, moving his arm to touch her bare leg. As his hand ran in an upward motion, she slapped it with all of her might. Damn this short dress, she thought.
"Stop," she demanded.
"You know, Rachel, I appreciate the efforts. I really do. But, do you really think that you're my first rodeo?"
"I have no idea what you're even talking about." She shouted. "That's how drunk you are. Just, stay the hell away from me." Hopping down from the counter, she grabbed her drink and started for the opposite direction.
"Hey," he said, reaching for her arm. She was suddenly thrown back to the moment she first saw Jamey.
"You're really going to do this here? In a public place, filled with all of these people, you're really going to do this again?"
"I meant what I said before," he reminded her of the chilling feeling of his hot breath against her neck. "I always get what I want." His words were as sharp as a knife.
She wasn't going to lie then. Fear crept inside of her just about the same time her heart raced. When his hands moved to caress her hips, she slapped again.
"I am not just another one of your pickups, St. James." She spoke through her teeth. "You do not threaten me, you got that?"
"I don't know, you seem pretty scared to me." He examined her posture. "Hell, I'd be scared too. My mind is just racing with all of the things I want to do to you with this outfit you have on." When his grip tightened around her arm, she could already imagine the bruising forming. However, this time, Jamey wasn't there to do anything about it. She was left to fend for herself.
"You don't scare me." She was lying but he didn't have to know that.
"Oh yeah? And why is that?" he wondered.
"Because," she thought for a moment. "You're a coward."
It hit him pretty hard. She could tell that much just by looking at the changes in his facial expression. He changed the sarcastic smirk to a look of anger. The reddening of his face didn't help with anything.
"If I'm such a coward, then what is this?" he asked, reaching for both of her arms and grabbing her with all of the force he could.
Her neck almost broke with the swiftness of his motions. Her breath definitely caught in her throat and the glass she was holding was now shattered all over the floor, with vodka spilling all over the side of her dress. Her eyes could only look upward in pure fear, not knowing what he would do to her.
In front of all of these people, they seemed to be invisible. This surprised her, really. Not a single person stopped to look at them or do anything to help her. Maybe it was because of how fast everything was going, with his movements and all. Or, maybe, it was because pretty much everyone in here was wasted off of their asses and was too focused on their own lives to pay any attention to hers.
During the time her mind was running off in desperation for an escape, he was pulling her in his direction, using all of his upper body strength. She tried pushing him away, but that only wasted away her energy and made him angrier.
"Get off of me!" she exclaimed, slapping his back in repetitive motions as he moved closer against her.
"Now, why would I do that?" he whispered against her ear. "I'm just getting started."
At this point, it was becoming impossible to move him off of her. She ran out of strength. He was now like a brick wall.
When his lips met the skin on the side of her neck, she began heaving. Fear wasn't the only thing radiating through her mind at the moment. She was horrified at the situation unfolding in front of her. "Please," she sniffed. She knew that her face was bright red at this point. "Please, get off of me."
She still couldn't believe that no one was stopping him. She didn't care if the room was dark with blue lights everywhere. She didn't care if the music was blaring. She was thrashing against him at this point and she really thought that that was sure to have caught the eye of someone by now; drunk or sober.
"Just relax, baby." He cooed in her ear. "You know you're enjoying this."
Before she could cry out as loud as her lungs would allow, her prayers seemed to be answered. In the blink of an eye, Jesse was being flung to the side. After the initial shock of watching the male fly backwards, she looked up to the source of the blow.
Finn.
He paid no mind to the guy falling to the floor. Instead, he moved forward with a stern look on his face. Reaching down, he grabbed her arm and raised it to his level to examine it. They only met eyes once and when they did, every feeling that was radiating through her right now was instantly given away. He moved his hand to wipe away the tear falling down her cheek.
There were so many things that she could've done right now. She could've been worried about all of the eyes that finally decided to make their way in her direction. She could've jumped to explain that it wasn't what it looked like to Finn. She could've even refused his help after the moment they'd just shared before.
She remained silent however; ashamed of herself for not getting out when she had the chance. Just like before.
"Are you okay?" he asked, with a face that stunned her. She hadn't seen it in years. It was a look of concern.
"None of this is okay," she told him, knowing that he'd pick up on the hint that she wasn't just talking about the scene they were standing at right now.
"Rachel," he began. But before he could, Jesse was back to his feet and facing the two again. Within another blink of an eye, Finn was standing in front of her, obstructing her sight. All she could see now was the back of his black leather jacket.
"Well, well…" Jesse clapped his hands together. "I'll give you pointers because that was quite the push, Hudson. But I'm still hooked on the last time we met up. Kudos to you; it looks like the bruises finally went away."
It all clicked into Rachel's head then. Everything could now be explained for his appearance at the funeral.
"You've got a lot of nerve coming around here. You know that?" Finn growled.
"Why else would I be here, Finnegan?" he crossed his arms. "How else would I be able to play my games so perfectly?"
"Not everything's a game. Have you ever considered that?"
"Of course it is." He retaliated, stepping closer. "You see, I'm only going in for what's already been laid out for me; for what's mine for the taking." Stepping around Finn, the man faced her again.
"And you knew that this was what would happen. So, don't play the innocent victim." He told her. "If not, you wouldn't have dressed like that tonight."
Feeling self-conscious yet again, Rachel crossed her arms over her chest and looked to the ground.
In the swiftest of motions, Finn reached forward and grabbed him by his collar. Shoving him against the bar, he got into his face.
"What is it that you want, huh?" he demanded an answer. "You want my job? You want my political rank? You want my town? Tell me what it is that you want. All of it is yours. You want money? Take all of it. You want my office, take that too. Hell, take my car for all I'm concerned."
"But, going after her… That's where you messed up. That's where the fricking line is drawn. And, you know this. You've always known this, since college."
"That's exactly why I did it." Jesse informed him. "You've been so stubborn lately, Finnegan. And, it's not like I could get any help from Shelby or James. If anything, they're just as stubborn. That's where poor little Rachel came into the mix."
"Gosh, you must've really hurt her that day. You should've seen her face when she walked into the bar. She was a lost cause; with her suitcases and all. It was so easy for me to scoot my way in."
"Shut up," Finn snarled.
"I knew that I couldn't get to that fiancé of yours. She had already made her place in town and was brainwashed enough by her parents to reject anything that I told her. But, then, there she was… The moment that she walked into that bar, I knew I had all that I needed to find my place perfectly underneath that skin of yours."
"All of those nights in our dorm that you stayed up late, just talking about her, I thought I'd never hear the end. Then, I found out that it was the only way I'd be able to take everything from you. It's a little weird isn't it? You're so affected by one person; one stupid girl. It was all perfect, really."
"And I would've gotten my way that day. No doubt, I know that I would have. Then, James showed up and ruined everything." Rolling his eyes, he turned back to Rachel. "Boyfriend's quit the hero to you, isn't' he?"
Rachel watched the color drain from Finn's face, in realization of something he hadn't been informed of before. Turning to her, he became angry.
"Why didn't you tell me about all of this?"
"Because it would've mattered, right?" she asked.
"You should have told me."
"You have been horrible to me, Finn. You had just kicked me out of my old house, for Pete's sake. I don't owe you anything." Rachel exclaimed.
Before he could reply, Jesse chuckled again. "You see how easy it is?" Finn's eyes remained on Rachel. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a date that I need to get to."
Jesse's exit did nothing to break Finn's eye contact on her form. Looking around, her heart dropped. Not only had the whole club taken in the dispute; standing right behind them, stood all of their friends, including Quinn, Sam, and Haley.
With the hurt expression on her face, Rachel knew that she'd just been ripped from the bubble of oblivion she'd been cooped up in since she'd been back. She knew that Haley now understood everything. No, he wasn't just picking an eyelash out of her eye that day in the grocery store parking lot. No, they were not just going on double dates for convenience and coincidence. No, she was not just rolling her eyes because she forgot her favorite mascara tube.
"I'm sorry," she said, looking up at Finn who still had his eyes fixed on her. Turning around, she spoke to Quinn and Sam. She knew that this was supposed to be a fun night for the two. "I'm really sorry."
Turning on her heel, she headed away from the crowd. "Rachel, wait…" he called. She didn't stop.
She knew that the small alley-way wouldn't do her any good. He'd just follow her and she'd have to face him again. She didn't want that right now.
Instead, she headed for the antique shop across the road, taking off her heels and climbing the small fire escape that was designed for the old hair salon that used to be above it. He was right before in saying that they grew up here. The fourth of July came to her mind when it came to this area of the town. As all of the others in the town stood by the dock to watch the fireworks, they came up here. She remembered it as the first time she'd ever gotten drunk. They were just friends then, so she doubted that he remembered; which made this any easy escape.
Walking forward and resting her arms against the side rails, a certain memory popped back into her mind. She wanted nothing more than to push it back, as she had with every other that circulated in her brain. But, with everything going on, she thought it best to just let it in. She thought it best to put her mind in a good place, for even the slightest of seconds.
It was from prom night. They'd been out on that road for hours now. Every now and then, they'd have to run to the side, allowing people to pass in their cars. She chuckled, knowing that they were too stupid and hyped up on feelings to realize how dangerous things actually were.
They ended up staying out there for some time, despite her initial thought. After the kiss, they remained slow dancing for a while; just taking in each other's presence and the simplicity of the moment. Now, they were both sitting on the edge of the tailgate of his truck. Her head was soaking wet, resting against the soaking wet fabric of the suit against the crook of his neck. The amazing smell of his cologne moved through the air as they sat there in silence with their fingers interlaced.
Suddenly, a thought entered her brain. Moving up from her position, he instantly looked to her as if something were wrong. She would never be able to forget the worried look that showed through his expression.
"What is it?"
"Four years from now you'll be 23 and I'll be 22. What do you see?" she wondered. She knew that she caught him off guard from whatever he was thinking of before.
He took a few moments to really think about it. Then, he turned to look her in the eyes again.
"You," he answered as if he didn't need to think about it. "…and me. Somewhere in the US; Maybe Florida…Just, not here; not like this."
"Florida?" she asked, chuckling at how crazy he sounded. "What's in Florida?"
"The Miami Dolphins," he informed her. "I've got to start somewhere right? What do you say about Miami?"
"Right," she remembered. "You're going to be in the NFL."
"And I'm hoping you're going to be in the stands, cheering me on at every game, home or away."
"It's your imagination. Tell me what I'm doing." She encouraged.
"You're in the VIP stands, sitting next to Quinn, Sam, and Santana, waving at the camera when they mention you."
Rachel only chuckled again, thinking of herself really doing this.
"We're married and you're pregnant with our first kid."
"Woah," she stopped him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Hold on one sec… Pregnant?"
"Why not?" He shrugged his shoulder. "You said it was my imagination, remember?"
"And then I found out that I'm having kids four years from now." he only laughed more, causing her to giggle a bit. "This said kid; what is it?"
"A son," he immediately answered. "Two kids would be perfect; a boy and a girl. However, I'm not knocking the chance of having two boys. There would be more people to throw the football around in the backyard with."
"What about me? You're just going to leave me all alone?" she joked.
"That's where the girl comes in. A daughter would be the next best thing; looking just like you."
"Much better," she smiled.
"Just wait until you hear where we live." He spoke on. "We have a really big house on the beach with a balcony and everything."
"A front row seat to millions of girls running around in their bikinis," Rachel challenged, raising her eyebrows.
"A front row seat to my girl running around in her bikini." He winked, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "Because you're the only girl that's got my eyes and you always will be."
"It sounds really nice," she smiled, placing her head back in the crook of his neck. "It may be crazy seeing as though we just got together and we're both still teenagers in this situation, but it still sounds really nice."
"It's different with us," he assured her. "It's going to be different with us, for as long as you'll have me. Yes, maybe everything is going by really fast right now. But, I look at you right now and know that I'm not letting you go and have no intention to, ever. I know that we're not in the best of situations right now, but you're one of my best friends and I think that we can get through anything if we really wanted. We're us; and to me, that means way more than anyone else will ever know."
"We're us," she repeated. "I like the sound of that."
"I don't think I ever won't."
She sighed, returning to her surroundings. As of now the freezing wind hitting her bare shoulders was nothing in comparison to the aching of her heart.
Looking down at her red dress, she placed a hand over her flat stomach, thinking of everything that they'd spoken of that night. She couldn't shake the feeling of what-ifs… She never could when it came to him. She wondered if they really would have carried out the plans he'd presented to her that night if she hadn't have run off to New York at her own expense. She wondered if the words he typed in his emails to her were true. Would they have really run off together if she'd have stayed?
He was like a chronic illness. No matter how much she tried to cure herself of him, no matter how bad he was for her, he'd find a way to stay in her system. All this time, she'd been desperately searching for some relief; and maybe that's all that Jamey was.
She knew that that was all that Jamey was to her. That's what any other guy had ever been. No matter how cruel he was or how low he reached to hurt her, in spite, he still held a firm grip on her heart. He owned it. He still does and probably always will.
She just questioned why it was so easy for her to let go of her ideals in the presence of Jamey? In coming here, she was so intent on having no distractions. You could ask Nick, back in New York, that much. So, why Jamey, she thought? Why was it so easy for her to become distracted from Finn, instead; going against every motivation she'd had before?
Standing here and now, she realized that it was because Jamey represented everything that Finn used to be. It took her a while to realize it, but watching the two of them one day on their multitude of double dates should have showed her that before. Even though he'd become this completely different person in the years she'd been gone, Jamey acted like the Finn Hudson that Rachel missed; the Finn Hudson that she needed.
When she looked at Jamey, she saw that same boy who she sat on the end of that truck tail gate with. He was so full of life, so high on every moment. He saw the world with rose colored glasses, just as Finn had when they were in high school. That's why she was so drawn to him and not Nick.
Nick was easy to let down because he was mature, and different. With Nick, he was a professor and probably very boring. Don't get her wrong, he seemed very sweet and she felt absolutely horrible saying no to his propositions. But, with Jamey, he was outgoing and childish, and maybe a little dare-devilish; just as her love had always been, even before their parents brought them together. That's probably one of the many reasons she hallucinated Finn's face that night in the pool.
Of course, they acted a little different from each other now, but she'd always seen it. She guessed the revelation was just a little more surprising now, because she was juggling the two on both of her hands. She knew that she'd have to let one of them go, soon. She just wasn't ready for the immense amount of pain that she'd cause.
No matter how many times she tried to re-convince herself, she just couldn't. There was only her mind left, seeing as though Finn had already claimed her heart. And now, as she stood here, looking over the small town where they'd grown up and made numerous promises to each other, he was slowly seeping through into her mind too. Portion by portion, Jamey was slowly but surely slipping away.
He was horrible to her; a complete asshole. Hell, she didn't even know how she still looked at him some days. But, at the same time, she just couldn't bring herself to throw in the towel anymore. Not when the one she loved the most was still there, somewhere underneath, drowning in all of the malice and anger.
"Ugh!" she exclaimed, running her hands through her short, wavy locks. Holding her hair in place, she silently cursed. Life was not supposed to be this difficult. That same eighteen year old version of herself would have never imagined this for herself. She would have never wanted this for either of them. The twenty-two year old version of herself still didn't.
She nearly jumped out of her skin when the corner of her eye picked up a figure on the side of her. Turning slowly, she took in the girl. She had a hand on the side rails and her eyes on Rachel. She appeared to be crying. The moon magnified her moist hazel eyes.
She sighed again, but not out of annoyance. Now, it was more along the lines of anguish.
"How'd you find me?" Rachel asked.
"I followed you," she admitted through a faint voice. She only wiped her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest before walking toward Rachel. "He tried explaining everything to me, but I didn't want to face him yet. I kind of just wanted to hear everything from you."
"There's not really much to say, Haley…" Rachel began. "You know everything already. If you didn't, you wouldn't be here."
"He told me that the two of you were together in high school and then broke up when you left for college."
"Well then I guess, now, we're all very clear on the fact that he lied to you." Rachel didn't mean to snap, yet it was the only thing she could think of at the moment.
"I know that you're hurting just like I am and that you're just as angry as me," she started.
"That's the thing, Haley. You don't know me. You don't know a single thing about me or Finn."
"He's my fiancé," she snapped back, holding up her left hand to flash her ring. "Of course I know him."
"Not like I do," she sniffed, feeling the tears build up behind her eyes.
"That was four years ago, Rachel." she reminded her.
"Why does everyone keep telling me that?" she exclaimed, wiping her eyes with rage. "Don't you dare tell me that that was four years ago. I know that that's how long it was. I felt every second of every day."
"Please, Rachel, nothing can happen between the two of you. I'm in love with him. More than I've ever loved anyone else in my whole entire life."
"And you think that I'm not?" Rachel asked incredulously. "He was my first love, Haley. He will always be."
"But, you're with my brother."
"I'm the epitome of a mistake maker." She informed her.
"We're engaged, Rachel." She growled.
"Well, so were we." Rachel only scoffed. "Do you really think that Christopher just called you and your family over to marry his son for the fun of it?"
"What are you talking about?"
"You replaced me, Haley."
"What?"
"My dad was John Berry," she explained.
"The mayor that died in that car accident?" she asked.
"He and Christopher were best friends before he died and in his will, he wanted Finn to take his place. And in return, Christopher wanted Finn to marry me, to keep the money in my family."
"No," she cried. "You're lying to me."
Rachel shook her head. "I was scared. It was never what I wanted. But at the same time, I didn't think that I would fall so in love with Finn. So, I ran." "And after four years, nothing has gotten better. I made a big mistake, and I'm back now because I'm not letting go anymore."
"Then what are you doing to Jamey?" she demanded, anger raging through her. Rachel knew she made a good point. She could only answer as honestly as possible.
"Like I said, I make a lot of mistakes." "I made the biggest mistake of my life, leaving four years ago. And, I'm not doing that again. I'm going to fight as hard as I have to and I don't care anymore what anyone thinks."
"Well, I'm not going to let you just take him from me," she replied. "He's my fiancé."
"Like I said, I'm going to fight." Rachel reminded her. "No one said it would be easy."
When she felt the hard slap against her cheek, she snapped her head back in shock. She wanted to hit the girl back. Boy, did the anger encourage her to do everything along that nature. But, she knew that a cat fight wouldn't make things better. They were already down and about that hole she'd already dug for the both of them. There was no going back.
"I came back for Finn," she stated. "You're just a bump in the road, Haley. And I'm sorry if that upsets you. I really hate that it does. It's just facts. Nothing good ever comes out of being the foot note in someone else's love story."
"What are you even talking about? You don't make any sense because you're spitting out a bunch of BS and you know it." Haley pointed her finger.
"I'm spitting out BS?" Rachel asked. "Okay, well if I can't convince you that you're nothing more than a distraction to Finn, then why don't you go and have a chat with Sugar Motta?"
"Who the hell is Sugar Motta?"
"Exactly!" Rachel shouted.
"I love him Rachel," she repeated.
"We already covered this. So do I," she rolled her eyes.
"Well then, I guess I'm going to have to fight too. I'm not giving up on him. I'm not giving up on us."
"Neither am I," Rachel replied. The girl's glare did nothing to her. For once in her life, Haley Halstead did not intimidate her.
"Then, I guess we can't be friends anymore."
"I guess not."
Hope you enjoy- Kat