Hotch took the first plane to Pennsylvania. It was almost a weird experience to take a regular flight with more than five other passengers. He certainly hasn't missed it. The cliché woman with crying baby sat in front of him, an arrogant man dishing his girlfriend on the phone left of him, and an awfully quiet lady who just stared in front of her sat at his right.

It was the second time that he got a startling phone call of a family member of JJ, but this time from her mother.

".. am I speaking to agent Hotchner. Yes, you're speaking with Sandy Jareau, JJ's mom. I know this is an unusual call but I would like to talk to you about my daughter. I know you've put her on a sort research, but I can see that she's not doing well. I think she might have worked too much.. I tried to talk with JJ, but that .. well that didn't go that well... I know that I'm in no position to ask this, but might it be possible you have a talk with her? Perhaps considering taking her of the research?.. I'm just sorry to bother you with this.. and again I know how uncommon it is.. but I just don't feel appease with her being stressed and carrying her weapon.. not that I want to say that she's going to do anything, of course not, but I can tell the job just takes a lot of her.."

He repeated the puzzling conversation over and over in his head. What was JJ doing? What was she covering up? Lying about some sort of research.. carrying a weapon which certainly couldn't be her duty weapon.. Why was she carrying a weapon? What was she afraid of? .. this couldn't be about Will could it?

He told Sandy that he would come over, see if he could help her with the research and talk to her. He could tell that it was more than the mother had hoped for, and see thanked him a couple of times.

Before he went on the plane he'd called with Will.

"Did you hit JJ more than one time?" he asked directly.

"What..." said the overwhelmed Will.

"Did you assault her?"

"No.. no .. Hotch"

"How long did the abuse go on?" Hotch kept drilling.

"Hotch.. wait a second, just wait! What's this about? I told you the truth" Will almost cried out.

"You hit her one time? Just that one time?" his tone was harsh and sharp.

"Yes! yes I hit her one time.. I told you the whole truth about what happened" he couldn't help but to believe Will.

"Okay" he said abruptly and hung up.

He then tried to call JJ but he went straight to voicemail. In all those years that he had known her, she never had turned off her phone. He could always reach her, even if it was in the middle of the night. His hands were sweaty, he wiped them off on his pants.

He couldn't stand the thought that something was going on with JJ and that she wouldn't tell anyone.. not Will, not Garcia, not Reid…. not him… He had to admit, that hurt..

He felt angry at her, but moreover he felt angry at himself. Last couple of years he didn't really talked to her about how she was doing… he never even asked about her time away, as if he didn't care. He couldn't remember the last time when they had real conversation, one that mattered. No wonder she hadn't confide in him, why would she? He hadn't really shown her that she could..

He breathed in and felt the anger poking in his heart, but when he breathed out it was as if he had blown the anger in the air and he now his heart was filled with sadness. Before he knew it he was robbing his hands in his face, which broke the magic spell that had bewitched the woman at his right when she finally snapped out of her stare and looked at him. She raised an eyebrow but he quickly looked away, pretending to look out the small window.

Suddenly the voice of the stewardess echoed throughout the plain: "would everybody please take their seat and fasten their seatbelt, were about to land."

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The weather was much hotter than he had participated. His blouse was almost to warm, he rolled up his sleeves. He rented a car and drove to the address Sandy had given him.

He remembered the woman from JJ's wedding. The same blonde hair, the same blue eyes as JJ.

"Agent Hotchner" she said and opened her arms, which confused Hotch for he could not imagine that the woman wanted to hug him.

He didn't know what to do, but both of her hand grabbed his as if he was an old acquaintance.

"I didn't expect you so early, come in, come in."

Sandy showed him the way, and made him some coffee in the kitchen while Hotch waited in the living room.

"I'm so glad that you would take the time and effort to come" she yelled from the kitchen.

"Oh no really it's no problem at all" he replied.

She entered the room and brought along with her the delicious smell of coffee. They sat down at the table.

"JJ always speaks very high of you. She respects you a lot you know" she said, not knowing that he only felt more guilty for not looking after her more.

He looked around the room. It was cosy with soft colours. He saw a picture standing at one of the bookshelves. A pretty young lady looked in the camera with bright eyes. Sandy followed his gaze.

"That's Rosaline, JJ's sister" she said.

"Yes I recognize her, JJ has told me a little bit about her."

"Oh did she!" Sandy was pleasantly surprised "JJ always had a hard time talking about her, it's remarkable that she told you that."

Sandy stood up and took the photo of Rosaline and handed it over to Hotch so that he could take a closer look.

He smiled at it.

"She looks like a lovely young lady" he said. He had a feeling that she was dying to talk about her daughter with someone.

"Yes she was! She was always smiling and happy" she immediately replied.

"What was she like?" he encouraged her.

"She was a bit of leader. Always the first one to speak and take initiative. But at the same time she wasn't dominant in a negative way. She always wanted to include everybody. She was more outgoing than JJ was. And her smile was just contagious" Sandy said proudly.

"Could she and JJ get along?" Hotch asked.

"Oh yes, absolutely! Despite the age difference they were like best friends. JJ used to sleep a lot in Roseline's bed.. they called it their slumber parties. And Ben and I could hear them talking and giggling, and Ben always pretended to be angry and went in their room and told them that if they didn't go to sleep right away then there would be no more slumbering" Sandy smiled at the memory.

Hotch smiled along. Realizing that those sounds where now long lost and she must miss them in the empty house.

"She sounded so…" Hotch wanted to say vividly but didn't know if that was appropriate.

Sandy nodded, she understood where the SSA was going.

"Yes, she was full of life" she helped him out "you are wondering why she took her own life, weren't you?"

"I'm sorry if I have been to invasive" he apologized.

"No, you haven't. I've been wondering the same question over and over again. Why would she wanted to stop living? She had friends, family.. It was only a couple of weeks before her death that she had distant herself from us. She didn't really eat that much and she had a hard time falling sleeping" Sandy paused for a moment.

"I thought it was just puberty, I didn't think much about it" she continued. "You know, I even thought that she was in love" she looked like she would hit herself on the forehead.

"You had no way of knowing.." Hotch tried to sooth.

"I know, I mean rationally I know that it's not my fault.. but it doesn't feel that way.. I feel like I should've seen the warning signs and had taken them more seriously."

He wasn't going to argue that. When it comes to feelings there is just no right or wrong, no rational. He mind wandered off to Hailey.. he still felt guilty, even though he knew it was a totally pointless feeling.

"It must have been so hard on all of you" he said.

"Yes it was, and JJ at such a vulnerable age, she was only eleven" Sandy shook her head as if she still couldn't believe it.

Hotch only gave her a nod. It was indeed a vulnerable age, right before puberty. Right before the time that she was going to figure out herself and form her own identity.

"And then when her dad left.. well that just destroyed her.. her whole basic sense of trust was gone."

"Her father left?" this was new.

"Yes, when JJ was twelve, almost thirteen. You know losing a child.. losing Ros.. it shattered everything.. the four of us were a family and losing our Ros, well it was just like a part of you is gone, as if your amputated. We would and we will never be completely whole again.. And Ben he just couldn't deal with it, especially when JJ was hitting puberty.." she stopped for a moment.

Hotch knew what would come next. "She started to look like her sister didn't she?" he asked softly, gently.

"Everyday a little bit more" Sandy said bitterly "she started growing up so fast. Ben could hardly look at her, it was too painful."

That must have been devastating for JJ..

"And JJ knew, we all knew. He started to distant himself from her. And then one day he left, leaving a note how sorry he was. I should've been outraged, furious.. but somehow I never was. The only thing it ever was to me, was tragic. Everything about it was tragic. I think that's why I could never blame him."

Sandy took a deep breath. Hotch suddenly realized they hadn't started off with a typical small talk.

"But of course JJ did blame him. And she had every right. Not only did she lose her sister, she also lost her father. She never has forgiven him, not even when he passed away. She was so angry back in those days. She really wanted to move houses, begged met too, but I couldn't. I couldn't give up the memories of Ros, of Ben, of our happy family. When all JJ wanted was to forget about them. So she often ran away."

"Where did she ran off to?" he asked.

"I never really knew.. but I guess mostly in the woods.. she loved the quietness and calmness of nature, she loved to be on her own. Back in those days our local detective would always pick her up and bring her back home. Smitty we call him. He became a really good friend of ours. I guess he sometimes functioned as a father figure."

She seemed a bit confused, so he gave her some time to recollect her thoughts.

"One day she'd stopped running away.." she said slowly, digging her memory "and slowly she improved. She did have a hard time fitting in with her schoolmates, not because they didn't think she was nice, but because she didn't care for those typical things like teenage things like fashion, boys, make-up. But gradually, when everybody grew older, she started to make more friends. And then one day started smiling again."

Hotch smiled bittersweet. He never knew about this heart breaking story. He always knew that JJ was tough, but now he could feel how tough she must have been.

"Ahh, look at me! Talking about the past like an old lady. I'm sorry if I have bored you with my stories, it was of course not why you have come" she said, her cheeks were a bit red.

"Really, you haven't bored me for a second! I have as much as respect for JJ as she has for me, if not more. And this makes me respect her only more. But you right that we should talk about what's going on" he added.

"So what is going on and where's JJ?"