Chapter 20

As the black leather of Quinn and Sam's couch rested against her back, Rachel fidgeted with her fingers. Occasionally, she'd throw a glance or two to the large television screen in front of her. But mostly, she remained to herself and the music flowing from her headphones and into her ears.

Devils on your shoulder

Strangers in your head

If you don't remember

As if you can forget

It's only been a moment

Only been a lifetime

But tonight you're a stranger

Some silhouette

She was in a place of sheer boredom. She had been, for the past twenty minutes; the same amount of time that Quinn and Sam decided to ponder upstairs in search for last minute items before their car arrived to drive them to the airport.

Yes, the airport. At approximately twelve pm yesterday, the two decided, on a whim, to take a last minute trip halfway across the country. Quinn wanted the chance to see her father and let him know all that he had been missing out on before walking down the aisle.

In a way, Rachel could understand it. But, in another way, the two held a mindset that seemed borderline insane. The wedding was four days from now; the rehearsal dinner being three.

In the meantime, Rachel had agreed to be their designated house-sitter. It's not really like they would've asked anyone else. And at the same time, she felt a bit of pride in the fact that the two trusted her with their home. So, for the next two-three days, depending on when they would get back, she'd learn what it was like to own such a large and beautiful home.

Feeling the light tap on her shoulder, Rachel jumped back to reality. Ripping the headphones out of her ears, she stood to face the couple.

"Okay," the blonde smiled, a bit enthusiastic, although Rachel knew that she was trying her best to hide the present fear coursing through her veins. Quinn hadn't seen her father since he'd walked out on all of them all of those years ago.

"You know that you don't have to do this if you don't want to," Rachel assured her.

"No, I want to." She stopped and thought for a moment before returning to her friend. "I need to."

Wrapping her arms around the blonde, Rachel spoke. "Good luck and remember what we talked about."

They'd had an entire discussion the night before about remaining positive and not showing any signs of weakness. Rachel had told the girl that if her father wouldn't accept her the way that she was, then he was crazy and didn't deserve her.

"You do the same," Quinn instructed. Okay, so, maybe Haley came up in that conversation as well. Quinn wanted Rachel to be the bigger person no matter how much she tried to protest.

Rachel only rolled her eyes, placing her hands on her hips.

Grabbing her suitcase, she headed toward the front door that Sam was holding open for the two. "I mean it, Rachel. My wedding pictures are coming up and so help me God if one of my bridesmaids has even a scratch. No cat fights over the best man. You got it?"

"You're giving the pep-talk to the wrong person. None of this would've happened if she would've just left me alone and hadn't followed me up onto that rooftop. So, really, she's the one who started it."

"Well, you're going to be the one to end it," she informed her.

"Whatever you say," Rachel smiled tightly, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Okay, let me go before we get into a cat fight." Quinn told the girl. "There's a list on the fridge if you get confused or anything. You also know that you can always call me if you have any questions. Oh, also, don't forget to turn all of the lights off when you go to bed and-"

"Quinn, everything is going to be fine. I promise," she smiled, placing two gentle hands against the blonde's back. Giving her a slight push, she helped her out of the front door. Sam only sent her a look of gratitude.

"Okay," she surrendered. "It's just that you know how I am and…"

"I know exactly how you are, which is why I'm going to tell you to take a few deep breaths. Everything is going to be fine."

"What if he takes one look at me and tells me to go away? Or, what if he really didn't want me, Rachel? I mean, what if this whole trip is for nothing? You remember how bad we had it during that year. Mom still isn't the same."

"Remember what we talked about last night?" she reminded her. "You have to stay positive."

"And you have me," Sam commented, walking forward and grabbing Quinn's hand in his. "I'm not going to let him hurt you. You know that."

Rachel's heart clenched, watching the two of them. Suddenly, a different voice from her mind traveled to ears and she instantly regretted thinking about it.

"They're bullies towards one another, Rachel."

"I mean, I might not be able to help you with skipping the tea parties and charity events that you hate, but I can protect you from all of that crap."

"You're going to be safe with me. This will be our life together. We'll live for ourselves and no one else. And if I could, I'd write that in stone."

"You guys are going to miss your flight," she cleared her head, looking to the couple engulfed in each other in front of her.

"You're right," Sam smiled. "Let's go, Q."

"Remember; call me if you have any questions."

"I will," she smiled, closing the door behind them. When the sound of the car driving away made its way to her ears, she sighed, closing her eyes and sliding against the door until she was sitting on the floor.

For the next few days, she stayed in the house. She'd done everything from watching series on TV to napping and eating just about everything in their pantry. The chore list was kept up and she was perfectly fine keeping herself company. To some, it may have even been like heaven.

Then, waking up on the last day she'd get to herself, she didn't know the first thing to do. For some reason, today solitude felt like a burden. It seemed like the silence of the house, along with the walls surrounding her, were screaming at her. She knew that she had to get out if she'd want to maintain some form of sanity.

Grabbing her purse and the keys to the 'cedes they left behind for her use, she headed to the only place in town that would help her. Pulling into the all-familiar driveway, she smiled. In the time she'd been back, she knew that this was the moment she'd felt most at home.

Taking in the familiar scent as she walked in, she silently made her way past all of the people in line to check out books. An arm, reaching out to grab her own, stopped her in her tracks.

Turning around, it was a woman; A slightly older version of Mrs. Puckerman. The creases in her skin were more noticeable now, as she smiled brightly at Rachel.

"I heard you were back," she started. "But, I thought it was just gossip."

"Nope," Rachel smiled in return. "Here I am."

"Here you are," she chuckled. "Gosh, look at you. You're so beautiful, sweetheart. You've grown so much since the last time I saw you!"

"Thank you!" she smiled, blushing at the compliment. She wanted to say "you too", but she didn't really think it would be the most appropriate thing to say.

"What brings you back?" she wondered, along with every other person in town; she just knew it.

"Just passing through," she admitted. She had no intention of staying here forever. So, she knew that she was telling the truth to the woman. If and when she got what she'd come for, she'd be on her way; they'd be on their way. "I'm stuck house-sitting for the next few days and really needed a way to pass time. Here seemed like the perfect place to help out with that."

"It always is," the older woman smiled. "Well, now that you're here… I have something to show you." When they both turned away from the front desk, Rachel had no idea how she missed it before.

"Wow," she smiled in awe.

"It was a haste decision, really." She said, walking further into the library. "You know Mr. Gerald, right?" Of course she did. His face was plastered behind the front desk. He built the library with his own hands about thirty years ago.

"Yeah," she smiled; taking in the scene before her.

"Well, he has dementia now." She informed her.

"Really?" she asked. "That's horrible."

"Tell me about it. Anyways, his son took over for him. He came in last year with all of these plans for reconstruction and stuff. And, Voila…"

"It looks amazing." Rachel commented. "I hardly even recognize anything."

The shelves for the books were a darker shade of wood. The walls were three different colors; green, yellow, and blue. The children's area had more toys and a wider variety of books. And, the computers were replaced with newer, more advanced ones.

"He did a good job."

"Yeah," she smiled. "He's a lot smarter with his money than his father ever was."

"Mrs. Puckerman, it's your son." The receptionist called, holding a phone in her hand.

She turned to Rachel to apologize. But, Rachel stopped her before she could. "It was nice seeing you again, Mrs. Puckerman."

"You too, dear," she smiled, watching Rachel head in the opposite direction. "Don't be a stranger."

Finding an empty table in the back, she placed her things down and headed in search for a book to keep her company for the time being. It was when she finally got situated with a Nicholas Sparks selection that she'd lost track of time.

She was about halfway through it when she looked up to see Blaine Anderson walking around one of the shelves. Instantly, she put her book down and headed in his direction. He was a little startled to see her in the beginning. However, the smile made its way to his face and before she knew it, he was reaching forward to hug her.

"How have you been? I haven't seen you in forever." He spoke against her back. Pulling away, he took in her appearance. "Geek meets Queen, I see…"

She laughed a little louder than she should have in a library. "I've been good. But, look at you…" she observed the gold band on his left hand. "You're married."

"Yeah," he chuckled, scratching his head. "We eloped a couple of months ago."

He noticed her questioning look, leading him to explain further, "Kurt and I."

"Blaine, that's…" she was enveloped with her own emotions once again. It seemed like everyone around her were just getting a head start at their happily-ever-after's. "Congratulations. I'm really happy for you guys."

"Thanks, Rachel." He hugged her again. "What about you? What are you doing back?"

I'm here to get Finn back.

"Just passing through." She decided to stick to her story. "I'm house-sitting for Quinn and Sam and I guess I didn't really gather how boring that would be if you really didn't have anything else to do. So, I thought here would be the best place to pass time." "What about you? What are you doing in here, of all places?"

"Kurt's determined that he's a chef again," he laughed. "He nearly burnt the house down last time, but we're having guests over for dinner. So, here I am, looking for Italian cookbooks."

Rachel laughed with him. Although they weren't as close in high school as they could've been, she still missed Kurt. She was glad to hear that he was happy. She was glad to hear that the both of them were happy. They deserved it after all of the crap people had put them through.

"Then I think you should probably get this one," she smiled, grabbing a book from the shelf. "It's definitely saved me from a lot of take-out-worthy moments. Shelby wasn't good in the kitchen."

"Thanks, Rachel." He seemed to have really appreciated it, scanning the cover of the book with his eyes. She was glad to help. "You know what? You should really come with us tonight. I'm sure Kurt would be more than pleased and there's more than enough room at the table. You could even help Kurt in the kitchen. I'm sure we'd all really appreciate that." She laughed.

"Thanks for the offer, Blaine. It's really nice of you." She smiled. "But, I can't." She didn't want to intrude.

"Oh, come on. Why not?" He pushed, "You just said that you had nothing better to do. What's a couple of hours catching up with us?"

"Okay," she surrendered. She didn't really have anything else to fight with.

"Really?" he asked.

Yeah," she nodded her head. "If I don't get out, I know that I'll end up regretting it and I really missed you guys. So, what time should I be there for?"

"Seven," he replied.

"Then, I'll see you at seven." She chuckled, returning to her table. "Thanks for the invite."

"You're always welcomed at our home, Rachel." He assured her.

By the time she got back to the house, her room upstairs looked like a tornado had passed through it. With her clothes all over the floor, she was completely lost. She had absolutely no idea what she could wear that she hadn't already.

Crap, she thought. She should've gotten more details from Blaine. She didn't want to under-dress. Pulling out her phone, she called the one person who would be able to help her.

"Took you long enough," Santana answered. "I was beginning to think that you forgot how to call people."

"A few more days here, and I might." She admitted. "I need your help with something."

"For the last time, I will not be an accomplice in murder, Rachel." She joked. "You and Haley just need to take it outside and hash it out for a bit. Bring some of that Brooklyn thunder to the table, like I taught you. That'll send her running for the hills; far enough away from Frankenteen."

Rachel laughed. "That's a completely different discussion."

"Then what do you need my help with?" she wondered.

"My clothes," she sighed, throwing a shirt across the room. "Blaine invited me over tonight to have dinner with him and Kurt and I have absolutely nothing to wear."

"Easy," she spoke. "It's Kurt. Just wear anything resembling New York fashion and he'll kiss the ground you walk on for the rest of the night."

"I didn't pack my entire closet, Tana." She reminded her. "I'm going on two suitcases filled with stuff I've already worn at least once."

"Did you pack those dark blue skinny jeans?"

"Uh, yeah, I think so." She said, going through the clothes surrounding her on the floor. Finally holding the material in her hands, she smiled, nodding to herself. "Yeah, they're right here."

"Okay, how about that black and gold flowy shirt that you just bought a few weeks ago?" she wondered.

"It's hanging on the lamp with my bra."

"And I know you packed that black leather jacket. I watched you fold it and shove it into your bag." She explained. "Just, put all of that on and wear the black heels that you wore to the funeral. It's not too much and I'm sure Hummel will be more than pleased, as will everyone else who's going."

"Anderson," Rachel corrected her.

"What?" she asked.

"He's Kurt Anderson," Rachel informed her. "They're married now."

"Woah," the girl mumbled from the other line. "That's amazing. I had no idea."

"Yeah," Rachel smiled, looking down at the jeans in her hands. "They're all moving on and getting married and stuff."

"Uh-oh, I know where this is headed." Santana commented.

"No," she corrected her. "I'm not going to do that right now. I'm going to put this on and go visit with people I haven't seen in forever."

"That's my girl," the girl encouraged. "And if you see Brittany, tell her to check her phone."

"Wait… You're talking to Brittany again?" Rachel asked with shock.

"Is that Cleo?" she asked, trying to change the subject. "I should go."

"Santana Lopez, don't you dare hang up on me!" she was left speaking to no one.

She was early. Even as she walked through the front door of Blaine and Kurt's at 7:12, she was the first one there. They left her to look around while they continued to set up in the kitchen.

The home was beautiful. It had more of an antique and antebellum finish to it. The furniture was perfectly coordinated to the walls and neatly assorted. It looked like the pictures you'd glance at in those home magazines.

Their pictures were perfect as well. She smiled, running her hand over a photo of the two, dressed in suits, holding hands as they stood in front of an ocean. It was most likely their wedding photo. Rachel knew that much by seeing the shine of the rings on their fingers.

"It was perfect." A voice emerged from behind her; an all too familiar voice. Turning around, Kurt was looking at the photo as well. "There was sand everywhere, but it was still a dream come true."

"I'm really happy for you guys." She smiled sincerely. "I might be a little jealous, even."

"Oh, you're day will come soon enough, Berry." He chuckled.

"Yeah," she smiled. Reaching forward, she took him into a tight embrace. "I missed you guys, so much."

"Well, we missed you too. I'm glad that Blaine invited you." He chuckled. "I may even be a little jealous. I hear you have a lot of experience with New York."

She laughed, "Yeah."

"You're outfit is just phenomenal."

"Thank you," she examined herself. "Santana told me you would like it."

"Well, as much as I would hate to say this, Satan knows her stuff."

Before she could laugh and say "thanks" again, Blaine approached the two. "Okay, the kitchen's all yours. Rachel did you want anything to drink? I just opened a bottle of red wine."

"Actually, I think I should probably stick to water tonight." She laughed. "My liver is in distress by now."

"Right, Quinn's bachelorette party," Kurt grinned.

"Yeah, that…" what they didn't know wouldn't kill them. She really didn't feel like bringing up Jamey tonight; at least, not right now.

Just as Blaine retreated back to the kitchen to get her water, the doorbell rang. Blaine was the first to get to the door in his walk to the kitchen, with Kurt in tow. Rachel, on the other hand, stayed exactly where she was.

The minute she heard the laugher fill the air, her heart dropped beneath her toes. Stopping dead in her position, she kept her back to everyone, pretending to look over the many photos while listening to everything behind her.

"Oh nonsense, Kurt," the woman exclaimed. "I wanted to cook this for you guys. Y'all have already done so much for us. Plus, it's pecan pie. How can anyone turn away pecan pie?"

"You've got a good point." Kurt replied.

"You guys, come in. It's cold outside." Blaine encouraged.

"Rachel?" his voice radiated through the room. Turning around Finn and Haley were standing in the entry way of Blaine and Kurt's home. The girl only looked to the ground as she removed the scarf from around her neck. "I didn't think that you were coming."

"It was all pretty last minute." She shrugged. "Blaine invited me earlier today."

"That's right," Blaine smiled, coming in front of them. "I'll go get your water for you now."

"You know what? Can you make that wine?"

"Of course," he smiled. "I'll be right back."

"Rachel, please forgive me. If I would've known that you were coming I would've made a bigger pie." Haley faced her for the first time.

"No worries," she smiled tightly. Finn seemed oblivious to their attitudes toward one another. "I'm trying to eat healthier, anyways."

"With that being said, why don't you come help me in the kitchen, Rachel?" Kurt asked, looping her arm with his. "The three of you can just chill or whatever. Dinner should be ready shortly."

When they got into the next room, Kurt turned to her. "Is there something going on that I don't know about? Haley looked like she wanted to claw your eyes out."

"And Finn didn't even notice," she admitted out loud. Before she could cover her mouth with her hands, Kurt replied.

"Finn?" Kurt asked, confused. Then, realization spread over his face. "So, that's what all of this is about?"

"She's flaunting him around like he's a teddy bear and he's letting her." She sighed. "And, I don't get it at all. He doesn't love her. I know that he doesn't, but he still lets everything happen."

"Did you tell him this?" Kurt asked.

"He knows," she assured him. "He's known since the moment I came back, begging for him to take me back like a complete idiot."

"Well, I mean, did you guys really talk about all of this? Or are you just assuming?"

"Both, I guess." She admitted, sheepishly.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"He told me that he couldn't stop thinking about me."

"Then what's the problem?" Kurt raised his voice.

She pressed her index finger against his lip, listening for any indication that they might've heard them. When there was none, she turned to him again. "The blonde bitch sitting in your living room, that's the problem."

It was fifteen minutes later that everyone gathered around the dinner table. As Blaine and Finn enveloped themselves into a conversation about one of the historic building in town, Rachel pushed around her food with her fork.

Her mind was running out of control. Sitting right across from him, all she could think about was grabbing his hand and telling him everything that she'd been holding back. She wanted to look him directly in the eyes and say all of the things she'd wanted to say that night before she left. She wanted to say those three little words that she meant,oh so much. She wanted to say "I love you".

"What?" he asked, the easy flow of conversation through the room being destroyed. Looking to her side, she noticed that everyone was now staring at her.

Crap, she said that out loud.

She wanted to bang her head against the table. However, she knew that that would only give things away. Instead, she thought for a moment, trying to make things better for her and her pride.

"I love you as the mayor," she smiled. "You're really good at it."

"Um, thanks…" he replied a little slower than she would have hoped.

"No problem," she sighed, shoving the remaining food on the plate in front of her into her mouth to prohibit any further embarrassment.

By the time dinner and dessert wrapped up, Finn headed outside with Blaine and Kurt to look at their new outdoor grill, while the two girls remained sitting at the table next to each other. She endured the silence for about five minutes. In those few minutes she felt like her feet were glued to the ground.

She'd spent years dealing with Sugar Motta. This girl was nothing to her. Then, the girl coughed once and Rachel was getting up, making a run for the bathroom.

When the door shut behind her, she turned the lock and sighed with all of the relief she had within her. She began panting, thinking of how she would get herself out of this situation. She couldn't just climb out of the bathroom window and leave.

Pulling out her phone, she shot a quick text to Santana.

S.O.S –Rachel

Before she could get a response, a knock sounded on the door. Crap, this was not happening.

"Who is it?" she asked like an idiot, leaning her hand against the white door.

"Haley," she replied. "Let me in, we need to talk."

Rolling her eyes, she was left with no other alternative. She turned the lock and the door flew open. She only looked at her, ready for her to get what she had to say out in the open. The girl stepped into the bathroom with Rachel so she wouldn't be able to slam the door in her face.

"So, the trials begin…" she finally spoke, taking in her appearance in the mirror. Rachel watched the girl run a finger under her eye to get any eyeliner residue from the bottom.

"Trials?" she asked. "What trials?"

"You made an idiot out of yourself at the dinner table. That's one point for me." She turned to Rachel.

"So, you think this is a game…" Rachel sighed.

"If it is, you've already lost." She told her, crossing her arms over her chest.

"And why is that?" She was ready to put up a fight with everything she had inside of her. Then, the girl answered her question and she was left feeling helpless.

"I'm pregnant." She announced with pride. "I'm having Finn's baby."

Everything in Rachel's body went numb. It was in that moment that every thought she'd ever developed switched. Everything that she'd been so blind about, from the beginning, finally came into prospect. Everything had just been laid at her feet. And, her blood boiled. Boy did every ounce of blood that ran through her veins boil to altitudes higher than she'd ever known…

The worst part was that the anger forming deep within in her wasn't in the direction of the blonde in front of her as it should've been; as she wanted it to be. Don't get her wrong, she could slap the piss out of the girl in front of her and not think twice about it. But, the immense amount of malice and pure hatred running through her body at the moment was directed at someone else.

"W-w-what?"

"I was going to tell Finn tonight, with Blaine and Kurt; hence the fricking pie. But, you showed up and ruined everything…"

"There has to be some sort of mistake," she mumbled, beginning to pace back and forth. She was lost in her own mind to pay any attention to the girl before her. "In order for you to be p-p-pregnant you have to have s-s-sex… And-And F-F-Finn wouldn't do-"

"Sweetie," she chuckled a bit, holding a hand over her lip. "Finn and I have been having sex since before we were even engaged."

She was stunned silent. She felt betrayed. She felt like every fight she'd just put up had finally blown up in her face.

"I'm assuming you were still a virgin when the two of you were together?" Rachel's silence only gave her the answer she needed. "Gosh, then you have no idea what you're missing out on. He's amazing in the sac."

"Excuse me," Rachel stumbled past the girl. She only stepped aside with a smirk on her face, allowing Rachel to run off.

"I think if you decide to go with the silver one it would probably match the exterior design of your house," Kurt told Finn as they looked over the grill.

"There's also a lot more space with this one than my older one. I think you would like that, especially since you're so tall." Blaine pitched in. Finn only laughed, nudging the guy in the shoulder.

Then, an eardrum-shattering slam of the back door took all of their attention away from what was in front of them. Finn nearly dropped the lid to the grill in the process. Looking up, his eyes nearly missed the short figure basically running in their direction. But, he didn't. And, in the process of watching her, he also caught the bright red appearance of her face and the tears falling down her cheeks, telling him that something had happened between the two in the house.

"Rachel, what's wrong?" Blaine asked.

"Are you crying?" Kurt asked. She walked right past the two, heading in Finn's direction. Pointing her finger up at him, she pushed it against his chest.

"You are such a freaking hypocrite!"

"What?" he asked, stepping back a couple of steps while closing his eyes to try and come up with a reasonable explanation as to why she was yelling at him like this? He came up empty. "Rachel, what are you talking about?"

"This whole freaking time, I've been sitting here like a rock, Finn!" she cried. "I freaking cried all of these stupid tears after you've done and said so many horrible things to me, thinking that I deserved all of it because I hurt you!"

He only rolled his eyes. He really wasn't in the mood for this tonight. "Don't yell at me about any of this, Rachel. You know what you did and you know that you do deserve it. You deserve all of it because you walked out on me like I was nothing to you. But, we've been over this many times before, so excuse me because I actually want to spend time with my friends."

"I'm so tired of you feeling sorry for yourself!"

"Isn't that what you're doing right now?" he wondered, turning back to Blaine and Kurt, trying to ignore her. But, he couldn't. "Gosh, why do I keep telling myself that every night that I spend with you is going to be different?"

"You lied to me," she whimpered under her breath. "You've been lying to me ever since I came back."

"You left me."

"You're starting to turn into a broken record, Finn…"

"I know that I sound like a broken record, Rachel!" he exclaimed, feeling the tears roll down his eyes. He choked over what he was about to say. "But, if I don't keep saying it, I'm terrified that you will forget."

"Forget? Finn, how the hell can I forget what messed up everything good in my life?"

"You don't understand and you never will," he assured her.

"How can I not understand? I hurt you, Finn. I know that and I'm sorry. But, to keep reminding me of that makes no sense. I want things to be better and this is not making things better. If anything, they're only getting worse."

"You were everything to me, Rachel…" he sighed. "And I honestly thought that we could finally have everything that we wanted. I knew that it wouldn't be easy. We both knew that; which was why I had everything planned out."

"You had what planned out?" she asked, crossing her arms and looking away from him.

"We were going to get out," he told her, taking the two of her hands into his. "You and me; we were going to pack everything up and just run away. And, it would've worked. I know that it would've. And, I was going to tell you all of that that day at the movie theater." Reaching upwards, he wiped the tears running down his cheeks.

When realization finally flooded to her, her composure dropped and she was left, instantly wanting to erase what he'd just told her. If what he was saying was true, then New York was for nothing. That reality alone would be enough to end her life, right here and now.

"No," she heaved, pulling away from him. "You're lying to me; again."

"I waited for hours for you to show up. You have no idea how scared I was that something happened to you. It took me forever to get to your house."

"You're lying," she repeated.

He only looked at her with a straight face now. As he thought of that moment, pushing her door open to find everything gone except for his mom's ring and the letter she left for him, all emotion fled from his face. He took a deep breath before reciting every word he'd memorized four years ago. His memory remained perfectly intact.

"Finn, I don't know how to explain any of this to you without sounding selfish or like a coward. I probably don't even know how to explain this, period. I had to do it, though. I had to be selfish for myself and I really hope that one day you will be able to forgive me for it. And if not, just know that I am so sorry and will spend the rest of my life hating myself for hurting you. You have no idea how much I love you. I fell for you, so freaking hard, Finnegan Christopher Hudson. And, I meant everything that I said to you tonight. I will always mean everything that I said to you; which is what's leading to my gratitude. I want to thank you. No matter how scared I may have been in the short month that we have been together, you've shown me a love that I will never be able to forget. Finn, you've opened my eyes to a love that I will never be able to have again with anyone else; I will never want to have with anyone else. I want you to know that even though I'm gone, you still have my heart in the palm of your hands. No matter what, that's where it will always be. You were my first love, and I want more than anything in this entire world, for you to be my last. But, right now, we just have to let go for a couple of minutes. This life just isn't for me. And, once again, I'm sorry for all of the pain that I have caused you in realizing that. You're the world to me and you will never deserve this. I love you, Finn. And, I hope one day we'll be together again. But for now, until next time, Rachel."

"You memorized my letter?"

"Of course I memorized your letter," he choked out. "It was the only thing that I had left of you. "With Valerie and Sugar, I admit that I was hurt when they betrayed me. But with you, Rachel, you broke my freaking heart."

"Then why was it so easy for you to give yourself away?" She pleaded for an answer. "Why was it so easy for you to have sex with Haley?"

"Oh, come on, Rachel. Don't do that. We all know damn well that New York wasn't just about getting away from this life." He pointed his finger. "You probably had the time of your life, hopping from club to club with Santana at your side and millions of guys at your disposal!"

"Are you joking?" she exclaimed.

"I seriously thought that you were when I found out that you were dating Jamey." He chuckled nonchalantly through his tears. "It didn't even take you three weeks of being here before you had a new boyfriend. You seriously expect me to believe that New York was any different?"

She shook her head, looking up at him as the tears fell down his cheek. She held nothing in her glare other than disbelief. She couldn't believe that that's what he assumed of her all of these years.

"You memorized my letter, but have you ever actually taken the time to really read it?" she asked. "Have you understood one word out of it?"

"New York wasn't about hopping from club to club, or living it up with millions of guys." She spit out the words like they were poison.

"New York was the most miserable I've ever been in my entire life." She assured him. "I cried every night and stared at the same damn picture of you, as if you could hear what I was saying. I talked to the freaking picture frame like it was really you, sitting there and talking back to me. You were in the faces of the strangers on the street. You were in my dreams and when I didn't dream about you, I cried my eyes out. I'd stare at that picture trying to dream about you the next night. And, when some of those dreams were too real I'd cry my eyes out again, when I woke up. I could never win."

"I even wasted a large sum of my well-saved money on you."

"What are you talking about?" he asked.

"I'd never told Santana, because I knew that she would kill me, but on every Friday afternoon I took the stupid subway out to this stupid library in New Jersey to sit at a stupid and slow computer, on a stupid, uncomfortable wooden chair, to read all of the stupid emails that you sent me; fighting every will in my body not to reply to you."

Finn's eyes widened more as he began to shake his head. By now, they'd been left alone on the patio outside. However, that did not stop her from noticing the three staring at them through the kitchen window.

"You got my emails?" He couldn't believe it. All of those years, he thought that they'd gone unread. He thought they'd gone unanswered because she didn't care.

"I was willing to be traced. I was in New Jersey so I didn't care." She told him.

"Then, why didn't you ever answer me?" he demanded. "I seriously believed that you didn't care about me. Now, you're saying that you fought the urge to answer them? Why the hell didn't you answer me?"

"The same reason why it's taken me so long to come back, Finn." She paused to wipe her soaked face. "I was terrified of what Shelby would do if she found me."

"Gosh, how I wanted to just to type even the slightest sentence to tell you that everything would be okay. It hurt me so much to know that I did all of that to you." She cried, taking his hands in hers. "I became obsessed really quickly. I remember one Friday, Cleo was only a few days old and Santana needed help taking care of her and instead I did the same thing. Not even the little girl who I love with all of my heart could rip my attention away from you."

"Who's Cleo?" he asked.

"Santana's daughter," she replied. "My godchild."

"Rachel…" he started.

"We're both hypocrites, I guess." She sighed, letting go of his hands. He put up a bit of a fight but she broke free. "You called me a slut even though you slept with the first girl you could after I left. And, I came here saying that I could take anything that you threw my way, when in reality I couldn't. I guess I'm not as strong as I initially thought I was."

As she backed away, Finn walked forward. "Don't walk away. We need to talk about this."

"We wouldn't be talking," she shook her head. "Any time we try to talk, we fight. And I don't really want to do that anymore, Finn. It's so freaking exhausting."

"What are you saying, Rachel?" he pushed, stepping closer to her.

"I'm saying congratulations, I guess." She smiled the best she could. "You're going to be a father."

"What?"

"Haley's pregnant."

He shook the shock from his mind for a moment to look at her. She was broken. They both were. And he wanted, correction, needed a way to fix it for them. So, he tried to take a closer look into things.

He felt so damn guilty. For the first time, he finally realized that everything he'd been doing to try and relieve his pain had only worsened things for the both of them. They'd finally had that talk that he'd been avoiding ever since she'd gotten back, and now that they had, he only saw more problems bubbling to the surface. How fricking ironic, he thought.

"I knew that something happened inside while we were out here. Did Haley say something to you?" he asked. Walking back into the house, he followed closely behind her. She ignored him, shuffling through her purse to find the car keys. He couldn't help but notice how Blaine, Kurt, and Haley were watching them intently. He didn't care. All he cared about right now, and for the four years that they'd spent apart, was the girl sprinting to get as far away from him as she could.

Gently grabbing her arm, he turned her to look at him. "Rachel, what did she say to you?"

"Nothing that I didn't already know," she looked to the girl standing behind the two men, then back at him. "I lost you, Finn…" she admitted. "The moment that I walked out on you, I lost you. It's time for me to really accept that and head home."

"You're not going home, Rachel. You're staying here and we're talking about all of this. I'll bring you home after."

"I mean it's time for me to go back to New York, Finn." More irony, he was sure of it. In the beginning, all he wanted was for her to go back. But now, the thought of her leaving would be enough to send him into cardiac arrest. He wasn't sure if he'd be able to hand that. Not now, that he finally knew everything.

He meant what he'd said that night in the alley-way with her. He couldn't keep his mind off of her. Maybe it was because the thought of seeing her with another guy drove him out of his mind. Maybe it was because he was starting to get those feelings back in his heart that he'd tried so hard to silence after she ran away.

He didn't know. All he knew was that he wouldn't let her leave again. He couldn't. It'd taken him a long time to realize it now. And, after so many times of lying to himself, he was finally ready to admit that he was stupid for playing games with her and her heart in the beginning. But now, everything was out in the open and at stake and he realized he had to swallow his pride and fight for the only thing left in his life worth fighting for.

"No!" he stepped in front of the parked car outside the front of the house. "I'm not letting you leave me; not again."

"Move out of the way, Finn." She cried.

"Talk to me," he urged again, saying it in a lower tone so only she could hear.

"I love you, Finn." She admitted. "No matter how bad I want to go back and change a lot of things in our past that will never be one of them."

"If you really loved me then you'd stay."

"And if you really loved me then you'll let me go."

Banging his hand against the side of the car, he stepped to the side and looked away as she quickly got in and drove away.

Turning to the other three, he only pointed to the blonde. There weren't enough words he could've used to describe how angry he was. She'd fooled him. He couldn't believe that he hadn't seen things sooner. She'd been so nice and innocent in the beginning.

"Can you guys please take her home?" he asked Blaine and Kurt. "And, not to my house. Please, take her back with her mother."

"Finn, are you really being serious right now?" she asked, walking past the two men until she was standing right in front of him. "You're just going to have me ushered out like some drunken sorority chick? I'm pregnant with your baby."

"Oh, come on, Haley. Who the hell are you fooling?" he hollered. "You're lying. We both know you're not."

"Finn, yes I am." She pushed, grabbing his hands in hers. "I have the tests to prove it."

Ripping his hands from her, he spoke. "Well, if you are, it certainly isn't mine."

"We haven't been with each other since before my father found out that he had cancer and you know it."

Silence only followed.

"That's what I thought." He rolled his eyes. Turning away, he grabbed the keys to his truck and ran as fast as he could. Zooming out of the neighborhood, he quickly pulled out his cell phone and dialed the number he hoped would connect him to her.

"Come on, Rachel, come on." He whispered to himself as he drove through town as fast as he could. When he received her voicemail he sighed, banging his hand against the steering wheel.

"Rachel, I know that you're listening to this. I'm on my way to you. I'm not letting you leave. Not again." He paused for something that would grab her attention. "Haley lied to you. She's not pregnant with my baby. So, if that's why you're running, Rachel. It's not true. Just, Rach…" His heart jumped. He hadn't used that name in years. "Answer me."

Sitting against the closed door in the pitch black of Sam and Quinn's home, Rachel shook her head hearing the voicemail notification go off on her cell phone.

She couldn't believe how quickly everything had turned around. She started off the day thinking about fighting for Finn and now, she didn't see the point in any of it anymore. She had no idea what she was doing and she really wanted to. Pulling out her phone, she dialed her friend's number.

Just as Finn's number appeared on her screen and the buzzing began to play through the air again, a loud knocking presented itself at her door. She sighed, standing up. Flinging the door open, she began to speak.

"Finn, there's nothing more to-"

She nearly turned into a statue when the person standing before her wasn't the tall brunette who she'd run away from moments earlier.

"Well, hello to you too, Princess."

"Jesse." She immediately moved to slam the door in his face and lock it, but he placed his foot in the door way before she could.

Tears filled her ears as she watched his slow approach in her direction. Before she could make any move to escape, he was slamming a white handkerchief into her nose. "Time for a little nap; say night, night."

She'd fought for a good few seconds; she'd have to admit that much. But, the moment she accidentally breathed in the fumes through her nose that was it.

Complete darkness.

There's chapter 20... Sorry to leave you guys hanging with a cliffhanger. I hope to be back pretty soon...The song in the beginning is "Silhouette" by Aquilo. They own the song, not me. If you get the chance, I would encourage you to listen to it if you haven't already. It's what I listened to while writing the chapter. Hope you enjoy :) -Katherine