The day was pleasant. He hadn't slept well, but he had enjoyed his night. His brain still buzzed with thoughts of the conversation. He periodically went back to the phone to scroll through the message thread. He smiled brightly as he made his way through the last messages. He worried a little about how he had come across, but he chose not to dwell on it too much. He just wanted to glide through this day and power through the next. Life is bliss. He let out a luxurious sigh as he moved the text messages back to the top to begin rereading them again. I will never get anything done at this rate. He smiled to himself as he continued reading. All at once he had the feeling that he was being watched. He looked up to find Anna and Sam propped up in his doorway, staring at him. Mirth and mischief played out in their half turned smiles.
"So, Cas, whatcha doin'?" Sam asked in a manner that was touched with humor.
"Yeah, Cas, whatcha doin'?" Anna mimicked. The two of them came and slumped down into his office chairs like they had no intention of leaving anytime soon.
"Working." Cas answered brusquely, then revised his tone, "Why is it that you two are never working? I am starting to think that I am the only one that does anything around here." He smiled at them as he spoke so that they would know that he was not serious.
"Oh, so that is what we are calling this." Sam smirked. "Did Dean confirm tomorrow's plans?"
"He texted." Cas didn't want to share too much.
"I heard that he is planning to stay in town until Saturday." Sam added.
"Yes." Cas was feeling a knot growing in his stomach. He did not want to have this conversation with Sam or anyone else for that matter.
"Well, I am not sure that I approve, Cas." Sam smiled at him again then turned to Anna, "Do you approve, Anna?"
"I can't say that I do. This is going entirely too fast." She smiled too.
"I do not know what you are talking about." They were having fun with him. I am not ready for this. "You two should leave; I am way too busy for this-whatever this is." He got up to usher them out the door.
"All kidding aside, Cas. I would like to talk with you." Sam's expression changed to a more serious one as he stood to go. "You free for lunch?"
"Sure. Is everything okay?" Cas felt a slight concern creep up into his stomach at the look on Sam's face.
"Yeah, don't worry. I just needed to share some thoughts." Anna stepped out and Sam turned back. "I'll come by at 12:30. We could walk to lunch together."
"Sounds like a solid plan." With that they left, and Cas was left wondering what Sam wanted to share. He set the phone aside and tried to push the thoughts aside too. At this rate, I really will get nothing done today.
It was an extra warm August afternoon, and all of the layers of clothing that he had worn to work that morning would have been too much had he gone walking to lunch in them. He decided to shed a couple of items in his office before heading out to get Sam. When he emerged from the office, he was wearing only his slacks and his dress shirt. The tie and jacket were left hanging in the closet. He had checked his phone again before leaving, but there was nothing new to note. That was okay, though, he rather enjoyed the old thread just fine.
Cas was ready to go a little early so he decided to meet Sam over in his office instead of waiting for him in his own. As he approached he could hear voices coming from inside. The door was cracked a little and he thought that the other voice was Anna's.
"You should get going. It is almost 12:30," Anna said. "Not that he will notice. Probably just staring at that phone still."
"Yeah, just give me a sec," Sam replied.
"What's up? You having second thoughts?" Anna had a note of concern in her tone.
"Uh, no. Not really. I just feel awkward." Sam muttered a bit.
"Well, don't. Suck it up. You can't put in all of this effort and not warn the guy." Anna paused then added, "He is your friend, ya know."
"It is just weird talking about your brother with your best friend." Sam sounded like he was shuffling around.
"Ahhh, I thought that I was your best friend, Sammy." Anna chuckled a little and sounded like she was shuffling around too.
"You, too Anna. Gabe asked if he should send over another video. I told him to hold off 'till tonight."
What? Why would Sam do that? They are conspiring against me. He realized too late that he was standing at their door as they were coming out. It was obvious that he had been listening.
"Oh, uh, hi, Cas." Sam stuttered out as he opened the door.
"So, we eavesdrop now, Cas?" Anna added.
"I, uh, just got here." Cas did not sound convincing.
"What did you hear?" Sam asked, while putting on his best bitch face.
"Nothing. You were just talking about the videos. Why would you tell Gabe to hold off?"
"I think that Gabe shouldn't distract you so much, that's all." Sam did not sound convincing, but he used his super powers of redirection to get them out of this conversation. "You ready to go?"
"Anna, are you going too?" Cas turned to her.
"Oh, no. I brought a lunch. You boys have fun." She smiled and flowed past them back to her office.
"Shall we?" Sam motioned out to the doors and they left.
Cas felt a growing sense of unease as they found a seat at the back of the cafe. Cas told himself that there was no reason to feel nervous. This was Sam. They were friends, best friends according to the conversation that he overheard. He felt a little warmth at the thought that Sam valued his friendship that much. He set the menu aside. He had only opened it to give himself time to settle his nerves. He always ordered the same thing. It was another example of his desire to keep order in a world of chaos. Keeping things the same was safe. Changing things was risky and maybe eventually upsetting. So, although, he was excited by the prospect of change with Sam's brother, he was also quite scared of what that change could bring.
So far, he had managed to push that particular worry down by telling himself that it was platonic. Yes, totally platonic. I am not getting worked up about this at all. He was not feeling particularly successful in his efforts though, thus the growing knot of fear in his stomach.
Sam was still looking over the menu. What could he want to talk about? Maybe he needs to talk about the Jess situation. That would be nice. I should offer to help out with the restoration. Sometimes, even an inept helper is better just for the company.
"What's on your mind? You look like you are about a million miles away," Sam asked as he put aside his menu.
"I was just thinking about our talk from the last time that we were here. I wanted to offer up a little help, but I didn't mention it last time, because I thought that I might be overstepping."
"What do you mean?" Sam folded his hands together in front of him over the menu.
"I am not really all that great in the manual labor department, but I would like to help you out with the restoration work. I mean, if you would like a hand." He stuttered a little thinking while he spoke that he may have been overstepping. "I mean, I don't want to intrude. I know that you said that it meant something more and I might not really belong and all that, but…"
"Dude, you are rambling. I'll take all the help I can get. I actually had an idea that I was going to run by you on just that subject."
"Oh, sorry about that. I do that more lately. I can't seem to focus."
"I noticed." Sam smiled that knowing smile of his and continued, "Anyway, my plan is for a little Labor Day weekend labor party." Sam leaned forward a little, looking pleased with himself as he explained. "You see, part of why I think that Dean is struggling with the restoration work is that it affords too many opportunities for talking about feelings and such."
"I'm not sure that I am following," Cas interrupted. "Isn't that the point of the restoration? I thought that you called it therapy or something like that ."
"Yeah, Jess thinks of it that way, but Dean requires a different kind of approach. I think that he needs subtlety and way less talking," Sam paused to look around for the waitress before continuing. "I see how he gets when he is working with me. I'm his brother. I can't just watch him hurting and not say something. So, everytime, and I mean everytime, that he has come over for work we end up on that path. I see him sad, I try to talk about it, he tries to change the subject, I redirect, he gets angry, we don't talk for a week."
"So, the labor party plan is what exactly?"
"Well, it's a plan that will keep me from screwing everything up. I will be too distracted by all of my friends to pester my brother about his feelings. My friends will be too distracting to my brother for him to become upset. And, lastly, I will have my own personal crew of workers helping me fix my house all for the price of a couple of meals." Sam's face was eager as he explained without fully explaining.
"So, let me get this straight. You want all of us to come work on your house so that you won't be tempted into talking to your brother too much. Am I getting this?"
"Sounds like a good plan, right?"
"So, Anna, Uriel, Gabe and I?"
"They already said yes. You want to join the party?" Sam smiled over at Cas. The waitress came over to the table and took their order. The interruption gave Cas time to process.
"Are you sure that you aren't just too cheap to pay for a contractor?" Cas said with a laugh.
"Oh, you got me there." Sam laughed too.
"Well, of course I am willing to help. I think that I actually volunteered before the explanation, but your plan seems to be flawed."
"Really, how so?" Sam's eyebrows knitted up a bit with consideration.
"Well, don't you think that he maybe needs to talk about it? If he is just pushing all of that down, won't it just be a bigger problem later?"
"Baby steps, Cas. This is a baby step toward feeling the feels." Sam cocked his head to the side then and added, "Kind of odd, hearing you say that though."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, you are the king of pushing down the feels."
"Actually, no, I am the king of karaoke." He laughed at his little joke and Sam joined him. "Seriously, though, I don't think that I am that bad."
"Well, you aren't as bad as Dean. You two are quite similar."
"Are we?" Cas felt his stomach do a warm fluttering move as he considered Sam's words.
"Very." Sam did not seem like he was going to elaborate which was a little frustrating for Cas.
"So, was the labor party plan the only thing that you wanted to discuss with me today?"
"Hmm, mostly." Sam was avoiding eye contact now.
"So?"
"The other night at the bar…" Sam fidgeted.
Why is he so nervous?
"I called Dean to pick me up, but I didn't really do it because I needed a ride. I mean, there are plenty of ways that I could have gotten home, no problem. I didn't need to have Dean drive 20 minutes to pick me up."
"So, why did you call him then?"
"I have been worried about him. You see, he has been kind of a loner. He has me and uncle Bobby, but that is pretty much it. He sees it too. When he was over a few weeks ago, Jess came by and he made a comment about how it wouldn't be long now before wedding bells and the pitter patter of little feet. This wouldn't be much of a big deal, except that there was something in the way that he said it. I can't explain it, but there was loneliness in it. Bobby even asked me if I had noticed something off about Dean. Which is big. Bobby also doesn't feel the feels."
"What do you think is wrong?" Cas asked when Sam grew quiet.
"I think that he never figured out how to be with people. He lost mom when we were young. Dad was not a good example of how to be around people."
"How did you turn out so well then?" Cas smiled at Sam.
"I have my issues. Ironically, I got a lot of love and support from Dean, but he didn't have anyone giving that back to him. A kid brother feeling devotion, just wasn't quite enough, I guess." Sam sounded more saddened then.
"I bet Dean would disagree with you on that."
"Maybe, but it doesn't change the fact. I think that he feels like he is being left behind. He is happy for Jess and I, but I think that it is making his loneliness deeper." Sam made eye contact now. "Also, I think that Bobby started seeing someone, so that is adding to things."
"Hmm, I see." Cas wondered where all of this information was going. Why tell Cas any of this? He thought of Dean feeling left behind by all of the people that he loved. First his mom dies, then his dad. His kid brother is building a full separate life. Even the rude uncle that hangs up on perfectly friendly attorneys managed to find someone. Then he gave voice to his wonderings without realizing that he was doing so, "Why is Dean single?"
Sam gave Cas a half smile at that question before he answered, "I think that he is worried that if he lets anybody in he will lose them, or be left behind by them." Sam's smile slipped away with the words. "It is why I called him the other night, for the ride. I wanted him to meet my friends. I wanted him to get to know you all, and I had hoped that he would feel accepted- maybe even comfortable. He doesn't really seem to have that in his life."
"Does he have many friends?" Cas asked.
"None. I think that he has a lot of acquaintances. He doesn't have anything deep. That would involve conversations, and we have already established his struggles in that area."
"So you were just hoping that we would all like Dean and want to be his friend?"
"I had a lot of hopes that night, and plenty of alcohol. I don't know if you noticed, but I practically slept in the booth for most of the night."
"I do recall, that you were not interacting much. I don't recall much else from that night though. From what I have seen in the videos, your plan seemed to work. Dean seemed to get along with all of us. I seemed to enjoy visiting with him, and Anna seemed to enjoy dancing with him." Cas said the last with a slight hint of melancholy, but he tried to cover it quickly by lifting his mug of coffee to his lips.
"I don't think that Dean was too into the dancing. He never was much into that." Sam threw out casually.
"Hmm, they seemed to have enjoyed the dance," Cas countered.
"If you say so." The food came to the table then and they both started eating. After a little time, Sam added, "So, did you see the invite to Ezra's celebratory dinner party?"
"I did not see it, but I got the invite in person. Was there anything concerning about it?" Cas scooped up another forkful of the salad to eat while Sam responded.
"No, it is just that Dean might still be here. If you don't mind, I would like to ask him to bring some formal wear so that he can go with us. Would you mind?"
"Uh, no. Why would I mind?" Cas stammered.
"Oh, I don't know. Maybe because I am interrupting your plans with my brother." Sam smirked a little.
"I assure you that you are not. Also, I have no clue what our plans are, to be perfectly honest with you. All that I know is that he is showing up tomorrow and that he is staying over in the guest room until Saturday." Cas noticed Sam's widening smile then, "And stop with the looks. They are maddening. If I had known that this lunch was going to be so entertaining to you, I might have declined."
Sam held up a placating hand at that and said, "Sorry, sorry. I will get my face in check." He was still smiling though. At least it was a little more subdued. "I just am glad, that's all. I'm glad that Dean found my friends appealing."
"I think that Dean is not as socially inept as you might think," Cas ventured.
Sam turned serious again, "No, he is. He hasn't dated in, well ever, Cas. I am not sure that it is normal for someone his age to have no dating life whatsoever."
"What do you mean by no dating life?" Cas asked with some concern creeping into his tone.
"I mean, well, he is no saint. He gets out there, but not in any way that would be described as dating. It is all rather superficial. I can't name a single person that he has seen on more than one occasion."
"Oh, that is concerning. So, he has never seen someone more than once, that you know of?"
"That's right. I mean, we don't exactly live together or anything, but if there had been someone significant, I would have known." Sam paused to take a bite while Cas mulled over the information. "I worry about him. I want him to have what Jess and I have. I have hopes for him. I think that maybe, eventually, he will come out of his little shell. Maybe he'll stop worrying about all that he can lose and take a risk."
"Hmm." Cas concentrated on his plate in front of him. He was having a hard time with some of the details that Sam had shared. I don't think that I can do this. I don't think that I am what Dean needs. He was growing more and more agitated by the second. He thought about Charles and all of the things that he couldn't fix in that relationship. Here was a moment, a defining moment, and he needed to make a choice. He could stop this before it started and save them both a lot of grief, or he could hope that somehow this time, he could be just what someone needed. This isn't even a dating situation anyway. Sam said that Dean needed a friend, not a boyfriend. That must be why he told me all of this. He wants me to know that Dean just needs a friend. I can be that. I think that I would like to be that.
Sam interrupted his thoughts to say, "So, I am going to text Dean about bringing the monkey suit for the party. Unless, of course, you want to let him know."
"No, that is okay. You take care of it." Cas decided to focus more attention on finishing his meal and was glad to see that Sam was doing the same. It was going to take Cas a bit of concentration to refocus his thoughts on Dean as a friend instead of as something more profound.
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