And here it is, an all new Friday night chapter (at least in this part of the world), begging to be read and reviewed.
Hermione
Hermione stands in front of the mirror on her first morning at Hogwarts in May 1978. She hasn't seen herself in a full-length mirror in almost a year. She is appalled by what she sees now. Her ribs are showing almost all along her ribcage, and on her left side a large bruise shadows several of them. A particularly hard fall during the battle two days ago…
Two days ago…?
…when a pillar less than a yard from her exploded by a curse that was most likely aimed at her. Another bruise on her right hip and the larger part of her thigh is so painful she has to concentrate to walk without limping. A small cut in right eyebrow will probably leave a scar forever. She looks malnourished, there is no roundness in her face, which makes her look bitter and cold. The dark skin under her eyes doesn't help. She tries to smile at her own image, but her dry, cracked lips sting, and she closes her mouth. The skin of her face is dry, pale and dull. Slowly she holds out her left arm and inspects the reversed invective on the inside of her upper arm. Mudblood. It's still red and tender, but the absence of blood makes her heart feel a bit lighter. Taking a step back and turning 90 degrees, she sighs. She's never been curvy, but her almost flat chest and skinny legs are really discouraging. In addition to that, her appetite is close to non-existent due to the constant stress she's been living under for so many months. She can feel hunger, but feels full and nauseous after three bites. A knock on the door makes her flinch and quickly wrap a towel around her.
"Hermione? Are you OK? Would you like some breakfast before James shows you the classrooms?"
No.
"I'll be right out, Lily. Just a minute."
She pulls on underwear, black tights and a thin top with sleeves before her school skirt, white shirt, tie and cardigan. Yesterday when Lily searched her wardrobe for outgrown clothes, Hermione noticed the school uniform hasn't changed much in 20 years. She puts on her glasses and draws her fingers through her hair, amazed that she can without coming across an entangled knot of hair. Her hair is definitely her best feature now, and her glasses hide the worst of the dark rings under her eyes.
"My, you're skinny," she is greeted when she unlocks the door and comes out. "I didn't realise last night when you were in casual clothes. Sorry for asking, but are you… I mean, oh, I shouldn't have asked…"
"No, it's fine, Lily," Hermione answers, as embarrassed as Lily for her emaciated body. She looks sick. She looks like she's dying. If the war hadn't come to an end when it did, it might very well have killed her by sheer starvation. "I've been… It's been some… Well, someone close to me, almost family, has been through a really rough time, and I've been stressed out and not being able to… to take care of myself."
It's not a lie. Harry is as much family as anyone.
"Is she better now? Or is it him?" Lily asks about the son she still has no idea she will give birth to.
"It's him. And, yes, he is much better. Everything is fine with him now."
"Do you miss him?" Lily's green eyes are as concerned as Harry's were last Christmas when he unlocked the soul-eating, depressing horcrux from her neck and danced with her to the crackling radio. Hermione feels her own eyes grow hot with tears and she tries to blink them away.
"Er, well yes, but… I just can't… Right now we need to be in different places. I'll see him later. After I've graduated."
"Oh, good." Lily hugs her briefly and then pulls her towards the door. "Let's have some breakfast. You'll have your appetite back in no time. The elves here at Hogwarts are amazing."
Yes, I know.
Hermione notices Lily's side-glances on their way down to the Great Hall. She realises Lily has drawn the conclusion that the 'someone close to me' is somehow a romantic heart-ache, when, in fact, Hermione's heart is happier than it has been in years because of the one person she never thought she would see again. Sirius.
As if summoned by Hermione thinking about him, he looks up just when Lily and she enter the Great Hall. He smiles at them and waves, which makes the other three Marauders look up as well.
"Good morning," Remus greets them politely.
"How much beauty sleep do you actually need?" James grumbles. "You're late."
Hermione blushes, due both to her being the reason for being late and the mentioning of beauty sleep. She could sleep for as long as Sleeping Beauty in the fairy tale and still not be able to compete with Lily's perfect complexion.
After nibbling on some buttered toast and swallowing some milky tea she tells James that she is ready to have a look at the classrooms before the first lessons.
She asks all the right questions and is duly impressed by James's tour of the floors where the teaching at Hogwarts apparently always has taken place.
Walking down a flight of stairs to the Potions classroom, they hear someone humming a happy tune and come across Professor Slughorn preparing his lessons. James introduces Hermione.
"Yes, yes, Minerva, I mean Professor McGonagall, told us all at dinner yesterday. Your godmother is very proud of you, Miss Granger, and the whole academic staff is curious about you. Transferring to Hogwarts so late. Well, good luck, I really mean it. Talk to Mr Lupin about what we've covered this year. He'll be able to make it all structured and clear." Professor Slughorn glances at James. "Well, Mr Potter would too, if he could be bothered to sit still long enough. Mr Potter, about that accident with the motorbike and the muggle police…"
"Please, Professor, I've said I'm sorry so many times the word has lost its meaning. Both Sirius and I have, and we've had detention and extra curricular tasks. It was an accident, and it won't happen again. And it was Sirius's bike."
"Yes, Mr Potter, but you climbed on it with him. I'm not surprised Mr Black did something as reckless as that, but I had expected you to be the voice of reason. But, all right, let's leave it. As long as you guarantee that the sound of the motor of that bike will not reach my ears before graduation."
"Yes, sir. I promise."
On their way back to Gryffindor Tower, James explains the motorbike accident involving him, Sirius, Sirius's motorbike and the muggle police. Hermione already knows the story but listens as if it's the first time she hears it.
"I knew it was a mad idea, it's just that Sirius… Well, he is kind of mad," James says. "In a good way. At least to his friends, but there is something… No, I should let you find out yourself."
Since the 7th years are studying a curriculum written before the much talked about reform Griselda Marchbanks implemented in the 1980's Hermione has no problem following the lessons. It feels surprisingly comforting to be back in a classroom, listening, taking notes, answering questions and discussing with the other students.
Remus takes her on a similar tour in the afternoon, but around the grounds at Hogwarts. Hermione finds Remus as kind and clever as when she met him the first time. She can sense his secret about his Lycanthropy, the way he keeps the left side of his face from her, the seriousness in his voice when he speaks about the dangers of the creatures of the night in the Forbidden Forest at the full moon and how he seems to think twice before he answers sometimes. Hermione wishes they will become friends quickly and that he will start trusting her enough to share his secret.
Does he even know about the Wolfsbane Potion? Damocles invented it just a few years ago. It wouldn't cure him, but relieve the symptoms of his Lycanthropy. He wouldn't be compelled to hurt himself, and he'd feel less bloodthirsty.
"Look, wood anemone," Remus says. "So many it looks like snow."
They do. The white flowers grow along the side of the path and look like snow, but the spring sun and the faintest of scents contradict the wintry image. Hermione bends down to pick a few. Remus remains standing, but when she draws herself up he looks at her in a scrutinising way. His eyes dart between her face and her neck.
"What is it, Remus?"
He relaxes.
"Nothing. Sorry. Thought I saw a wasp flying into your shirt, under your collar. Must have been wrong."
Hermione pats her collarbones. The thin chain of the Time Turner itches against her skin, but she dare not take it off and leave it somewhere in the castle. Has he seen it? He can't possibly have seen more than the chain. Together they walk back to the castle for dinner. Already their conversation is mainly academic. None of them are interested in merely solving the assignments given by their teachers, but to understand the larger picture surrounding the assignments, and discussing the topic from other perspectives.
I never had this at Hogwarts. Now I'll have it for two months.
"And down there is Hagrid's hut."
Sirius points at the funny little building at the border of the forest, and Hermione gives an appropriate response. They are standing at the battlements of the castle. James muttered an excuse for not coming with them, and Hermione hopes he will spend some time with Lily.
It's the same place Hermione, Harry, Sirius and Buckbeak ran across in another time, when Hermione's Time Turner and Harry's Patronus had saved Sirius's life. She feels the same sensation of butterflies in her stomach now as she did when she flew on Buckbeak's back with the newly rescued Sirius behind her, with his hands around her waist.
"And Hagrid is the gamekeeper, right?" she asks.
"Yes, and a good friend. He helps me out sometimes."
Just like he always did, will do, with Harry.
"Really?" she says lightly. "In what way?"
"Well… Hagrid knows the castle and the grounds better than most. He keeps a few of my things for me. Things I can't keep in the castle."
"Like a certain motorcycle, perhaps?"
Sirius looks at her, perplexed.
"How did you know? Everyone thinks the muggle police confiscated it."
"Professor Slughorn mentioned it this morning, and made James apologise for an incident connected with that. James let it slip, later, that you managed to get it out by sending your uncle who pretended to be your father."
"Uncle Alphard, yes. That was the last thing he did for me, though. He died the following week."
Sirius's jaw tenses and he looks away. Hermione puts her hand on his arm.
"I'm sorry. Was he… er, old? I mean, was it expected?"
Sirius shakes his head and clears his throat.
"No, no, he was only 52. He worked with curses, though. Researching counter-curses."
Hermione keeps her hand on his arm, while they both look out over the spring green forest. The Whomping Willow is silvery green, and its leaves give away the tree's magic abilities by not swaying in the light breeze like the other trees. Sirius turns to look at her and in the corner of her eye she sees that probing look he often wears when he looks at her and thinks she doesn't notice. In an instant she can place it. She remembers it from their first meeting in the Shrieking Shack. She was terrified, Sirius bloodthirsty. For Harry, she had thought at first, but she soon learned the true story about whose betrayal had killed James and Lily.
Did he recognise me then? From now? But why does he look at me like that now? And why does he say he thinks he has seen me somewhere before? Both to me and the others?
"Why have you come here this late in the term, Hermione? Just before the final exams? From what I hear the exams in Askrigg are a notch easier then ours and would give you the same kind of degree for further studies."
Hermione doesn't know what to say.
"And where are you from, originally? You're not from the north of England, I can hear that," Sirius continues.
This is easier to answer.
"South of London."
"Hm, I figured. Is your family still living there?"
It's Hermione's turn to clear her throat. It aches when she suddenly sees her parent's blank faces when she had just obliviated their memories of her.
"No. No, my parents have moved to Australia. I have no brothers or sisters."
"So, you're pretty much…"
"On my own, yes."
"Sounds nice."
If anyone else had said this to Hermione at this point of her life, feeling lonelier than ever before, she would have snapped at them. Knowing Sirius's family history though, she knows the story behind his words.
"Why do you say that?"
"I'd love to be, as you put it, on my own. My uncle Alphard was the only relative of mine I could stand. I even liked him. My parents… well… Excuse me for asking, but you are not a pure blood witch, are you?"
Again, Hermione could have taken offense, but she knows Sirius's views on the subject of blood purity.
"No, no, I'm muggle-born. Why do you ask?"
"My family is pure blood, and they are… I don't know, so bloody pretentious, snobbish, self-important, false… any negative word to describe them would fit. They believe in blood purity, arranged marriages, muggle-borns being less of witches and wizards. They keep to themselves and the other Sacred Twenty-Eight families of inbred supremacists. I'm the only one in my family who didn't get sorted into Slytherin. Not popular at home, I can tell you that. I don't want anything to do with them and I haven't been home to see any of them since before sixth year."
Hermione remembers when Sirius walked her back to Hogwarts that Boxing Day in her fourth year. He had mentioned his family then, and how much he loved Hogwarts for showing him another world.
"I'm sorry," she says again.
He laughs it off.
"I'm all right. I have friends who are more family to me than them. I never have to go back to the other Blacks, thank Merlin. But you, do you miss your family?"
Hermione nods.
"But I'm also grateful for this opportunity to get a degree from Hogwarts and then find my own way. Studies or work. Look, a Hippogriff!"
They watch the large animal land outside Hagrid's Hut and see him come out and feed it. Suddenly Hermione feels Sirius's fingers at her eyebrow.
"What have you done here?"
Been hit by only one shard of an exploding window. I could have been sliced into minced meat if I'd been closer.
"Must have been a twig when I flew through the forest."
He looks at her doubtfully.
Why does it feel as if he can see straight though me? Or right into me?
She smiles hesitantly at him and he smiles back. The sky behind him is azure blue, and somewhere inside her burnt and ripped pieces of an imaginary jigsaw puzzle are starting to come together in larger azure blue segments. Sirius's smile warms her in the chilly evening and she shivers. She could stay up here with him the whole evening, or forever. But she needs to keep in mind that he has only just met her, he doesn't know her like she knows him, and she doesn't trust herself enough to remember that if she stayed.
"Let's go back. It's cold and I need to study. Remus promised me to summarize what you've done in Potions."
Sirius shrugs off his jacket and hangs it on Hermione's shoulders.
"Sorry, should have noticed. OK, we'll take this way in."
He leads them into the castle through stairs, tunnels and narrow corridors Hermione never knew existed. She walks after him in a cloud of his scent and warmth from his jacket. When they come to the bottom of the stairs in the Entrance Hall the large doors open and let in a single student. It's a girl the same age as Hermione, and Sirius's smile lights up like a Christmas tree. He sprints to catch the girl in his arms and swings her around in a hug. Hermione doesn't know where to look and suppresses the jealousy that rises within her.
Get a grip. He must have had a life before you came along, right? And even after.
Sirius and the girl come towards her and she forces herself to don a friendly smile. Sirius arm is around the girl's waist and they both look truly happy.
"Hermione, this is Marlene. Marlene, this is Hermione. She's just transferred from Askrigg and wants to take her final exams with us."
The girl's eyes widen.
"From Askrigg? Wow. Welcome to Hogwarts then. Are Sirius and the others helping you to settle in?" She has a soft Irish accent.
"Yes, very much so. I'm really glad I came. Sirius's just shown me the battlements and everything you can see from there."
"The battlements, yes, you like to spend time up there, Sirius, don't you? Brooding and being generally anti-social," Marlene says, but not unfriendly.
"Isn't it better that I stay up there than making you all suffer when I'm in a bad mood?" Sirius asks, his eyes shining when he smiles at her.
Despite her short, dark hair, Marlene is pretty in a girly way. She seems comfortable in Sirius arms. Hermione feels like the fifth wheel and takes a step towards the stairs.
"I'll be off, then. Remus and I said 7:30 and it's…"
"Oh, I'll show you the way. You can't trust the stairs, see."
"No, no. You stay, I'll find my way. Thanks for your jacket. Here."
She shrugs it off, hands it to him and starts to climb the stairs before Sirius, probably reluctantly, can offer her more help to find her way back to Gryffindor common room.
"OK," she hears him behind her. "I'll be up later with some snacks to keep us awake with the Transfiguration essay."
Hermione casts a glance over her shoulder, and sees Sirius and Marlene still embracing.
"I missed you. You've been gone for more than a week," she hears him say softly.
"I know. I missed you too. I wrote to you. Why didn't you answer my letters?"
Sirius shrugs and pulls Marlene to his chest.
"You're here now. Everything is well again in the world."
Hermione climbs the stairs quickly. She really, really wants to get away from the tender scene as quickly as possible.
Fool. What did you expect? Him living as a monk waiting for a weird girl from the future? What you had that time he kissed you in the library was long after this pretty, pretty girl had died, the First Wizarding war, and his incarceration in bloody Azkaban. Do you really think he'd be desperate enough to look at you twice before that? And even later, it was probably just pity on his part. You look like an anorexic ghost. Fool. He's just being polite showing you around, lending you his jacket, asking about your family.
Out of breath, Hermione climbs through the portrait hole and into the common room. Her other new friends sit around a table cluttered with books and rolls of parchment.
"Hermione! You're here. Just in time." Remus friendly smile soothes her foul mood. She takes a seat by the table, noticing Lily and James holding hands.
"Where is Sirius?" Lily asks. "He promised to make sure you got back properly."
"He met someone. Someone who's been away. His girlfriend."
All four of them look at her with blank faces.
"His girlfriend?" Peter asks. "Really? Who?"
"Well, her name is Marlene. She just got back from… I don't know where."
James and Remus laugh out loud, Peter looks confused and Lily giggles.
"His girlfriend? That would be the day. No, no Hermione. They are definitely not together," Lily says.
"They're not?" It bugs her that she can't keep the far too happy tone out of her voice.
"No," Remus says. "They are friends. Really good friends. She's in Ravenclaw. They met playing Quidditch in fourth year. Marlene isn't interested in Sirius in that way, and she is his… well, cover."
"Cover?"
"Well, that good-for-nothing Black," James says, "seems to be irresistible to the girls…."
"Some girls," Lily adds.
"Yeah, some girls. Especially from Slytherin. Something about reforming him back to the ways of his forefathers'… He's from a rather complicated family, you see…"
"Yes, he told me."
"Good. So, anyway, since our fourth year some of them have been begging him to take them out, offering all sorts of interesting… well… services. He grew really sick of it and decided with Marlene that they would play sweethearts to each other just to put an end to the chase. Marlene also has her fair share of admirers, but is far too ambitious to spend her time dating. She only has time for studies and Quidditch."
Hermione's heart feels a pound lighter, and she tries her hardest to hide it.
"Oh. I must have misunderstood. They just seemed so close."
"But they are," Lily assures her. "Just not romantically."
"OK. Fine. Whatever. Now, Remus, can I see your notes on Draught of Living Dead?"
Smiling Remus hands her a long roll of parchment, filled with his neat and clear handwriting. While she reads it Sirius arrives, a little out of breath. He has a tray of sandwiches with him and reminds them all to thank the house-elf Penny for them. Hermione raises an eyebrow at the revelation that Sirius doesn't regard house-elves in general the way he did Kreacher later.
Hours later only Remus, Sirius and Hermione are left around the table. Remus and Hermione discuss the difference between Star Grass and Moon Grass salves, and on what kind of injuries one or the other is most adequate.
Sirius leans his head on to the table surface and sighs. The others break off their discussion and give him a surprised look.
"What is it, Pads?" Remus asks.
"It's 1:30 in the bloody morning. How long can you actually talk about Herbology without turning into a turnip?"
"Oh," Hermione says. "I didn't realise it was that late. I just want to run one more thing with Remus. If it's OK with you, Remus?"
"Of course. I love it when you talk dirty to me," he smiles jokingly.
Sirius sits up straight and gives his friend a dark look. When he realises it's only a joke, he smiles unconvincingly.
"Well, I'm off to bed. I won't bring you back breakfast in bed tomorrow, Moony. If you are attempting suicide by an intellectual overdose, it's your problem. Good night, Hermione. There are a few sandwiches left. You look as if you need one."
Hesitantly Hermione takes one of the ham sandwiches Sirius brought up from the kitchen earlier, and starts nibbling on it.
Look as if I need one? Anorexic ghost, yes.
"Good night, Sirius. Thanks for the snacks. See you tomorrow."
When the stairs up to the boys' dormitory have stopped creaking under Sirius's steps, Remus and Hermione return to the subject of magic salves.
"What about Sun Salve?" Remus asks. "It's mostly used in colder climate, on frostbite curses. I think you need Fanged Geranium to make it."
Hermione reaches into her bag and picks up her copy of One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi, and looks it up in the index.
"Yes, you are right, but Fanged Geranium doesn't grow north of Spain. They need to import Sun Salve to Iceland and Scandinavia."
"Let me see."
She hands Remus her book and leans back in her chair to watch him. He is such a copy of herself when it comes to academic studies. And now, before the First War and his lonely years after the war when his Lycanthropy broke him down little by little every month, he is such a sweet young man. Nothing of the tiredness and depression Hermione often sensed when she met him as an older man. She thinks about the extracurricular lessons he gave Harry in their third year, when Sirius was on the run and generally acknowledged to be an escaped mass murderer. How did Remus feel about teaching a best friend's son defence magic in fear of another best friend?
"Hermione? Hey. I think you fell asleep. It's 3 in the morning, it will be dawn soon. Let's get some sleep."
She smiles sleepily at Remus and starts to put her things in order.
"Here," he says. "Your Herbology book."
"Thanks." She puts it in her bag. When she looks up to say good night Remus looks at her strangely.
Did I say something in my sleep?
They find their respective ways to their different dormitories. When Hermione brushes her teeth she thinks about Remus's sharp, quizzical look. It was not the way Sirius looks at her, as if he has trouble placing her, but quite the opposite, as if Remus knows far too much about her. It doesn't really worry her because she trusts Remus, but she is curious about what goes on in his quick mind.
Sirius
"You know, Hermione thought you and Marlene were an item, yesterday?" James says with a chuckle when he and Sirius are on their way down to breakfast the next morning. Sirius flinches.
"Shit! No, I mean, did she? I didn't think… and I had really missed Marlene. Did you put her right?"
"No," James says as if he can't see the urgent look on his friend's face. "We just agreed with her that you and Marlene were as close as, I don't know what metaphor we used, peas in a pod? Why, I thought you wanted everyone to think that you and Marlene were together? We don't know this Hermione yet, she might turn out to be just as clingy as Shafiq-girl from last year. The one who told you she could make you…"
"Oh, shut up! I don't even want to think about her. The tackiest bitch I've ever met. Really close to Bellatrix and Narcissa. A girl my mother would approve of. But I don't want Hermione to think I'm with Marlene."
"Really?" James eyes widen in fake surprise. "But you've told me and Remus and Peter that…"
"I know what I've told you, you twerp. But, but…"
"But, but…" James mimics him without being able to keep the laughter out of his voice. "Calm down, of course we told Hermione you weren't with Marlene, but that it's only your brilliant cover to be left alone. We said that we were surprised Hermione hadn't noticed how you look at her, all moony eyed and lost for words. She was appalled."
Sirius stops just before the open doors leading into the Great Hall. He faces James with black eyes and a stern face.
"Tell me now, if you want Lily to even recognise that pretty face of yours, that you are having me on, and that you didn't, under any circumstances, tell this new, nice girl anything that will make her think of me as a creep."
There is something truly dark in the anger that simmers in Sirius's voice. James drops the charade.
"Of course not. We just explained you and Marlene. Just before you came."
Sirius takes a step back and lets James pass him.
"Thank you. Now drop it."
Lily and Hermione aren't in the Great Hall for breakfast, or perhaps they've already been down earlier. Marlene catches his eye from the Ravenclaw table. He can read her annoyed look and tiny nod with her head in the direction of Tiberius McLaggen, who sits behind her at the Slytherin table.
Tiberius McLaggen has asked Marlene out so many times she's lost count. It appears that the word 'no' only makes him more eager to get what he wants. Sirius thinks this is stupid, and, even more, darkly sinister. Obviously McLaggen has bothered Marlene again. Marlene isn't afraid of him, merely irritated, and she laughs when Sirius tells her to be careful with McLaggen, and never mock him.
With his mug of tea in hand he saunters over to her, and sits next to her, but turned the opposite way on the bench, so McLaggen can hear every word he says.
"Morning, beautiful." He leans in and kisses her cheek. He can see McLaggen sitting up straighter. "These exam studies are killing me."
"And why is that, handsome?" Marlene asks and smiles her prettiest smile.
"I can't see you. We haven't had an evening together in weeks. It's torture. It should be forbidden to put all exams at the end of the term, the damage it does to my life might be beyond repair." He speaks a lot louder that he has to, but enjoys the effect his words have on McLaggen. The young man is turning even paler than usual, and the muscles in his jaw clench repeatedly.
"After this week it will be over," Marlene says and leans her head against his shoulder. "We'll see each other then."
When McLaggen and his chums leave the Slytherin table, Sirius and Marlene stop pretending and speak in normal voices about the Quidditch World Cup.
Sirius passes McLaggen in the Entrance Hall later and gives him a warning look, trying to mimic a protective boyfriend. On his way up the stairs he thinks about the Slytherin boy, whom he's never seen eye to eye with. He thrives on power, Tiberius McLaggen. The young men around him are more puppets than friends, eager to do whatever McLaggen tells them to do. He's rather popular with the girls, but Sirius has never seen him with the same girl twice. Sirius finds the perception of women as merely a notch in McLaggen's bedpost, slightly sickening. He knows McLaggen is friends with his brother, Regulus, and that alone makes Sirius dislike him. Regulus Black is everything their parents want in a son, Sirius is the opposite, but that conclusion is so old Sirius hardly ever thinks about it. He doesn't need his family by blood, he has his friends who are as close as family in everything but blood. His main concern today is McLaggen, and his interest in Marlene.
There has always been something off with you, McLaggen. You're too polished, too fucking blond, as if it that golden head of yours hides something really dark. If you do anything to Marlene I'll kill you, very slowly.