Chapter ten- August 7th
Thank you all again for all of the love and support. Please enjoy this chapter. Sending you all lots of love and happiness!
Chapter ten Plot- Jo attends another therapy session that makes her second guess her choices.
"Ah Jo, welcome back," Dr Milton says as she welcomes Jo into her office for another therapy appointment.
"Thank you," Jo smiles as she sits down on the lounge.
"Is there something on your mind? Something you'd like to talk about this session?" Dr Milton asks.
"No," Jo replies.
"Right, well, how are you feeling?" Dr Milton asks.
Such a basic question, with such a complicated answer. Who knew our minds could be so intricate. A million things going on at once.
"I don't know how to answer that question," Jo replies honestly. "I've been thinking about David a lot lately. A lot more then unusual and I see him," Jo replies.
"See him? Can you explain that to me?" Dr Milton asks.
"What would happen If... If I let myself imagine. If... If I see David in my mind..." Jo says.
Great, now she probably thinks I'm crazy. I'm a person who fantasises about her dead husband in my mind. Some days the fantasy is so strong I can touch him. Okay, that even sounds crazy to me.
"If you did let yourself see him..." Dr Milton explains.
"It's too much. I never saw him before, bu... But now I see him all the time," Jo says.
"Your imagination can be a really good thing," Dr Milton says.
"No... I... I have to switch my imagination off. I never saw him before and now I see him all the time. It's just... It's just too much," Jo says panicking. "Sometimes in my fantasy it's like I can touch him. I can see him, I can touch him and I can smell him and it feels great," Jo admits.
"When did you start seeing him?" Dr Milton asks.
"That night... That night of the gunshot trauma," Jo admits.
"Jo, we talked about this. Those feelings that your feeling are perfectly normal. This trauma that you Witnessed brought up all your buried feelings. It's perfectly natural for you to experience new feelings," Dr Milton replies.
Perfectly natural? Then why do I feel like this. What do I feel like I'm crazy for seeing him again?
"I just feel crazy. I feel like I'm going crazy seeing him again and I can't stop that feeling," Jo admits. "I feel like my body is a aching and I can't do this anymore," Jo adds.
"We can try some relaxation things if you'd like? Something to help ease your mind?" Dr Milton offers.
Thirty minutes later
"I'm not telling anyone about my husbands death. My friend thinks I'm doing the wrong thing and that I should tell," Jo says.
"And what do you think?" Dr Milton asks.
"I think that I'm allowed to be happy. And not being a widow at work And thinking that David is here with me makes me happy," Jo admits.
"But you're pretending to be happy. You are a widow and David isn't here with you," Dr Milton says.
"Well, what should I do? I don't think I can look them in the eye and tell them that David is dead and that I've been lying to them," Jo replies.
"You need to do what you feel is right in your heart. But does it honestly feel right to pretend that you're happy when you're grieving and hurting?" Dr million asks.
After the session
Damn it, why does Dr Milton have to be so thought provoking. I was happy with my decision not to tell everybody that David was dead, well at least until September. I was content, it was working for me. But, is it the right choice? Like she said, I'm really just pretending to be happy. But pretending he's still alive gives me the happiness that long for and that I really need. Ahh, life is so confusing.
"Hey Jo, are you all right? You seem distracted," Alex states.
"Oh me, yeah I'm fine," Jo replies lying.
"No, no you're not. You're not fine. You've been distracted ever since you've come back to Seattle," Alex replies.
"You're right, no, no I'm not fine," Jo replies honestly.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Alex asks.
"No," Jo replies.
"Are you sure, because you seem awfully distracted. Talking about it might. It doesn't have to be me. Kepner is a very good listener, you could talk to her?" Alex offers.
"Alex, I said I didn't want to talk about it. That means to you or anyone," Jo replies.
"Right, of course," he replies.
"Anyway, I need to go pick up the kids up. Zara's got this school play and she's in the lead role," Jo replies proudly.
"Tell Zara good luck from me. I'll see you around," Alex replies.