They were talking about possible connections for over an hour when JJ's phone lit up. Even in the light of her phone Hotch could see the her eyes getting bigger for a second. But now things were different, he was here and he would help her get through.
She grabbed her phone and Hotch saw how her fear took place by tension.
"Mom, any news?" she frowned and nodded "hmm, okay.. yes.. I hope so.. yes... we're working on the research.. I will come visit soon.. okay mom.. love you too."
She took a deep breath. "Well nothing has changed, his condition is still the same. The good news is that it hasn't worsened I guess."
"You can go to him if you want to, I can stay here or come with you, whatever you want?"
JJ smiled, a smile that only she could give.
"Thank you, but I just really want to catch this man before he can harm my mo.. anyone else" she said, changing her words.
"Then we will catch this man."
She smiled again, a broken smile.
"But first let's give you some coffee" her voice was a bit to cheerful to be believable.
They went to the living room where Hotch stayed while JJ disappeared in the kitchen.
Once again he found himself watching at the picture of JJ's sister.
They really do look alike, he thought.
His eyes wondered around the room, it didn't take long before he discovered a picture of young JJ. He held it in his hands. Baby blue eyes were staring at him, her smile a bit the same but more cheerfully, more innocent.
Young JJ, he thought with a smile.
Then he looked again, his smile faded away as his forehead frowned.
JJ entered the living room with two cups of coffee in her hands. See saw how Hotch's expression changed from happy to shocked.
"Hotch, what is wrong?" her voice sounded worried.
He pulled his eyes away from the picture and looked at her, worried as well, but also with a compassion that scared JJ even more.
"JJ, we've been focussing too much at the victims.. that's why we couldn't see the connection" he said.
"What?" she put the coffee on the table and took a few steps towards him.
"JJ, he's targeting you, but not the now-you, not the Quantico-, mother- you, he's targeting the Pennsylvania-you, the Smitty-you, the Jenny-you, the young-you.." he let the words float in the air a little while.
"Hotch, what are you trying to say?"
"That if we want to catch this man we have to dig deeper into your past" a past that JJ has always been vague about, JJ the agent that didn't reveal much about herself, the JJ that has commitment issues, Hotch added to his thoughts.
He could see how it startled her.
"I don't.." she couldn't find the words to finish that sentence.
"You have to" he said to her.
Then as he seem to realise something else he walked out of the living room in a fast pace, so suddenly that it took JJ a moment to follow him.
"What are you doing?" she shouted.
With a few steps he walked the stairs, and rushed into the guestroom where he took the pictures of the women and rearranged, using the age of the victims.
JJ couldn't keep up with him.
"Hotch what are you..."
"Look" he interrupted "the last and oldest victim, she died the same age as you have now."
His hand touch the picture then he worked his way back to the first picture. That of the youngest victims.
"The youngest victim was eleven years old. JJ! There is no connection between the victims, but I think we need to relate the victims to you. They are messages for you. I think we need to go back to your past when you were eleven, that's when his story with you begun."
"No Hotch.." it started dazzling before her eyes.
"JJ, all the comments that he made, they're all about your past!" he knew he was right "if you want to catch him, you have to."
"No Hotch, my past is MY past! Let it stay out of it." she knew that what she was saying didn't make any sense, but she could only feel her panic.
"We can't! You're already involved, you're his object of interest" Hotch could feel the energy rushing through his veins.
"No! Hotch don't.."
"You told me that something inside of you didn't want to reach out for our help, something held that back. JJ what happened in the past that's holding you back?" it was raining words as Hotch kept connecting the dots.
"I SAID NO! LEAVE IT ALONE" JJ yelled covering her ears with both hands.
"JJ.." Hotch reached out his hand, but she slapped it away and in blind panic ran out of the door.

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She didn't even know what she was doing or where she was going. She was shaken and trembling. He should have stayed out..
She didn't mind her surroundings, she was just running and running.
She couldn't think straight, the only thing she could was feel.
And she felt emotions simultaneously running through her body, anger, sadness, fear..
She just needed to get away from them.
She fell down to her knees, and vaguely noticed how she landed very softly. Tears were running down her face.
What was wrong with her?
She placed her hands on the ground, in the soft leafs.
Her heartbeat slowed down. Her lungs filled themselves with fresh air again.
What happened?
Where was she?
She looked up and found herself surrounded by trees and sounds of the birds.
Peaceful.. the smell of the plants.. refreshing.
Her body and her mind calmed down.
Then as soon as she found peace it disappeared, making place for a nauseous feeling. She felt sick to her stomach.
Behind her she could her footsteps on the leafs and someone panting, catching his breath.
She turned around and saw the tall agent.
"I know you didn't sign up for this and I'm sorry" she said to him.

"JJ.." he spoke softly.
She took a deep breath.
"I know you're right Hotch, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to go back to my past."
He walked towards her and sat down next to her.
The both stared in front of them.
Then Hotch looked at her.
"No matter how hard you run, you can't outrun your past."