Dear readers,

Here is my Christmas present for you. It's a rather long chapter, and I hope you'll like it. If so, you might even drop me a line at the bottom... I wish you all a peaceful Christmas.

Kia

"Hermione? Wakey-wakey?"

Hermione struggles to reach the surface of wakefulness. Lily sits on her bed-side, holding a cup of tea, smiling.

"Hm. What time is it?"

"Around noon. I heard you come in at five this morning, so I guessed you needed a lie-in. Nice night?" She raises an eyebrow, and Hermione sits up in bed, blushing but nodding.

"Someone else, who also had a late night, is downstairs in the common room, wearing the a hole in the carpet."

Not fully awake, Hermione can't really connect the dots and Lily clarifies.

"Listen, Sirius needs to leave again. His parents are raising some kind of hell because of his uncle's will, and his cottage going to Sirius. They are in Godric's Hollow and Sirius is ready to apparate. James will come with him, so both of them can stay with James's parents, if things turn out bitter with Mr and Mrs Black. They are quite difficult, as I understand it. Anyway, he wants to see you before he leaves. Do you?"

Hermione clears her throat and scrambles out of bed.

"Of course. I… We… Never mind. I'll explain later."

Lily leans back in Hermione's bed and smirks at her, while Hermione struggles with her jeans.

"Explain what, Hermione?"

Hermione gives her an exasperated look and pulls a t-shirt over her head. When she reappears Lily gasps and her expression has changed. She looks horrified.

"What is that?!"

In a fraction of a second Hermione understands that Lily has seen her scar. She feels dizzy with her secret being revealed, but she can't focus on it now. If Sirius is about to leave Hogwarts and meet his dreadful parents, she wants to see him before. Sirius didn't really leave her when they parted in the common room at dawn, but followed her into her dreams with his strong arms, warm hands and soft voice. Hermione isn't quite clear about what happened during the night and what happened in her dreams.

Did we kiss? Did he undress me under that blanket? Focus! You have enough to hide without mixing up reality with your dreams!

Slowing down for a few seconds, she hides her scar with her right hand and looks straight at Lily.

"I'll explain that later, too."

She tries to smile, but feels it comes out as a grimace. On her way out of the room she pulls on her black cardigan, which certainly covers the vile scar Bellatrix has marked her with.

Sirius is standing at the bottom of the stairs in the common room and looks up when she comes rushing in. His warm smile and outstretched arms do nothing to clarify what are memories and what are dreams in Hermione's mind. When she finds herself pressed to him she realises it doesn't matter anymore.

"Sweetie, I need to leave. My mother…"

"Lily told me. I'm so sorry, Sirius. What do they want?"

He shakes his head and shrugs.

"No idea. It can be Mother's hunt for a particular heirloom, or just making a fuss about the cottage going to me and not me and Regulus, my brother. He's in Slytherin and far more popular with our parents."

There is a sad note in his voice and Hermione is lost for words.

"But listen, never mind them. I'll sort them out. Remus has given me a book on wizarding laws about wills and estates. I just wanted to say how much I loved sitting with you by the lake all night."

"But I fell asleep. I'm sorry for that."

"Don't be. I'd do it again, any night."

He cups her cheek and strokes her lower lip with his thumb. She can't hold back a gasp and he leans down and kisses her. It's not quite as tender as she remembers from three Christmases ago, but more insistent. Her heads spins when she kisses him back, as hard and needy as he kisses her. She can feel his hands in her hair, his chest against hers and his slight stubble against her face, and she doesn't want him to leave, not even for a second. Not now when she finally has found him again. But she ends the kiss before she will be unable to, and remains close to him, their strained breaths sharing the same air.

"I hate my parents," he whispers. "If it weren't for them, I would…"

"The sooner you leave, the sooner you will come back," she interrupts him.

"I will be back soon. Really soon. If Mother wants the bloody house, she can have it."

"And I'll be here."

He takes a small step back, grips her arms and smiles down at her. Her gasp of pain is impossible to hide this close.

"What is it?" Sirius looks alarmed.

She wriggles out of his grasp.

"Nothing. Just a wry neck."

He doesn't believe her, she can see that clearly. She hugs him to her, so she can hide her face from him.

"I'll be here when you get back. Now leave."

Reluctantly she almost pushes him towards the door and smiles genuinely.

He will come back. Come back here, to me.

Thankfully James puts his head through the door and side-tracks Sirius. Remus also stands outside on the landing. Sirius backs away from her all through the common room, before he disappears from sight.

Hermione sinks down on the couch in front of the cold fire-place, gripping her aching left upper arm. It has become less sore every week, but it's still far from painless.

The door opens and for a second Hermione is afraid it's Sirius who will demand an explanation to her pain. It's Remus. He takes the other end of the sofa, looking absent-mindedly into space.

"Why didn't you join them, Remus? It seems as if you at least have an inkling about bequeathed estates. I don't think either Sirius or James has."

Remus sighs and rubs his face. He looks really worried, and in an instant Hermione knows why Remus sits here with her and isn't apparating through all of Britain. The full moon is two nights away.

"I would have, but… but I have promised a friend of my father's to help him at his place."

It's vague enough. Hermione wishes she could help him. Support him and tell him that she doesn't think less of him because of his Lycanthropy. But in Remus's eyes she doesn't know. And in Remus's eyes he sees himself worth less because of his Lycanthropy.

How will I get him to trust me? He may not even know about the Wolfsbane Potion. Or does he, and the side effects are too vile to endure?

After tea Hermione takes a walk on the forest side of the castle. The early June sun is warm and when she comes back she doesn't go inside, but stays outside in the sun. She is avoiding Lily, doesn't want a conversation with someone who looks at her like Harry does. Somewhere above her a window opens.

"Miss Granger? Hermione?"

Blinking in the sunshine Hermione looks up and sees Professor McGonagall lean out two floors above her.

"Can I trouble you to come to my rooms, Miss Granger? I know it's Sunday, but if you don't…"

"Certainly. I'll be right up." Hermione jumps to her feet.

"From what I can see you are settling in well, Ms Granger."

"Call me Hermione, please, Professor."

"Hermione. Well, you are not an ordinary student, so why not?"

"And, yes, I am finding by bearings, little by little. Lily, Miss Evans, is really generous and kind, but I knew that from the start."

"So you will meet her in your time line, too," Professor McGonagall asks casually.

Hermione frowns, not immediately grasping how the younger Professor McGonagall can come to that conclusion. Hot tears rise in Hermione's eyes before she can control them, and her chest feels tight. Her arm aches like never before.

"Dear girl, what did I say? I know I shouldn't ask you about the future but now I'm really alarmed. Please, tell me. You will not meet her in your time line, but you will know about her, is that so?"

Hermione nods.

"But how?"

Hermione's mind races.

What can I say? I can't tell her that Lily dies in 1981, I can't even think about it myself.

"The boy," she says eventually. "The boy you wrote about, or will write about, in that letter I brought with me. He is, he will be Lily's son. We were, we are in the same year at Hogwarts. I'm sorry, I can't tell you more. I shouldn't…"

The professor holds up her hand to stop Hermione's ramblings, and they sit in silence for a while.

"But now we are here, and we need to live in the present," the older woman says after a while. " The reason I called you up here is to ask you about your future. Your future here, after the graduation. Have you thought about what you'd like to do when you leave Hogwarts? I usually have these conversations with 6th year students, but since you…"

"I know," Hermione smiles. "I've had this conversation with you before, in my time line."

"Oh dear. The mind boggles," Professor McGonagall mutters. "But very well then, what did you tell me when you and I talked about your future, in the future?"

Hermione smiles sadly. In her sixth year she lived, slept and breathed defence charms, attack curses, lethal potions; in short, magic for war. She knows, better than everyone else in the now of 1978, that a war is coming. In history books it will be noted as if the First Wizarding War began 8 years ago, in 1970, but the conflicts around the world won't escalate into real war until 1980, and end abruptly on the 31 October one year later. The date that is carved in stone on the grave yard in Godric's Hollow with James and Lily's names next to it. She knows she is not allowed to change the outcome of that. No matter how much she wants Lily to live, Hermione's knowledge is the perfect example of Dumbledore's 'for the greater good.' It's not Harry who undoes, or will undo, Voldemort, it's Lily. Her sacrifice, sprung out of pure love, will put an end to the First Wizarding War. It doesn't matter how much Hermione has learned about warfare through practice and books and listening to everyone she's ever looked up to; it's love that will end this war, and nothing Hermione can contribute will change that. At worst her warfare skills would only add to the death toll.

"It doesn't matter what I said then," she says. "When I leave Hogwarts in July I would like to do research. Academic research in the field of Potions. I'm particularly interested in the Wolfsbane Potion, which Mr Damocles invented a few years ago."

Professor McGonagall looks truly surprised.

"The Wolfsbane… Of course I've heard about it. When it first came out on the market, it was very promising, but the side effects are… well, in some cases, they are even worse than the Lycanthropy itself."

"Yes, I have suspected as much. And I'd like to work to produce a better potion with fewer side effects. If Mr Damocles would let me."

"Damocles is dead. He died two years ago. And his original notes on the potion were never found. I believe that's why the potion has so many side effects. The apothecaries make it from inconclusive formulas."

"No," Hermione whispers. "I had hoped…"

"I've spoken to the other teachers. They are indeed impressed by you, Hermione. You know so much, sometimes even more than a few of the teachers. May I ask why you are so interested in this Wolfsbane Potion? The Werewolves are not well regarded in Britain, not anywhere, and many of them don't even want a potion to quell their transformations."

"But some do. All of them aren't bloodthirsty monsters," Hermione snaps. "There are werewolves out there who would do anything to stop them from transforming every full moon. The older they get, the more they pull away from society, hiding in shame. No one wants to hire them for qualified professions, even if the werewolves agree to incarceration during the full moon, or sedation with Draught of the Living Dead."

Remus hadn't had a proper job for years when Dumbledore hired him in my third year.

Professor McGonagall watches her with wide eyes.

"I can tell this is something of a passion for you, Hermione. In your time…" Suddenly Hermione can see the penny drop. The whole academic staff knows about Remus now, and Professor McGonagall knows that Hermione and Remus will be close in the future.

"Does he know that you know? Mr Lupin?" the older woman asks.

Hermione shakes her head with tears in her eyes.

"No, and I can already see him withdrawing, thinking he's unworthy of a lot of things. Supporting Sirius now, in Godric's Hollow, for instance. Higher education. He tries to hide the side of his face that has the most recent scars. And the scars he wears now are nothing to what he will have. Do you think this would be a way of changing the past too much, professor? In my time there is a potion he takes. It also has side effects, but he has told me that they are nothing compared to when he was younger. I know Severus Snape will be able to brew this potion, in the future."

"Severus?" Professor McGonagall looks stunned. "Severus is very bright in Potions, but I can't see him devoting his time to research the Wolfsbane Potion. Do you know him? He's in Slytherin, the same year as you."

Hermione shrugs.

"I will know him later. I've only seen him now. Lily is worried about him."

"Yes, yes, they used to be friends. Well, Severus is going to stay here at Hogwarts next year, as an apprentice to Horace Slughorn. A few of our professors offer apprenticeships, as I'm sure you know."

Until Griselda Marchbanks will reform the whole educational system in less than 10 years.

Hermione smiles blankly and searches for a comment to what the other witch just said when an echo rings inside her head.

I am merely looking for a bright student to conduct extracurricular research into the Wolfsbane Potion for the next academic year, and wondered if you might be interested, Miss Granger.

Professor Slughorn! He asked me himself. And he's not more interested in werewolves than Severus Snape. Did he ask me because he knew I had done it before? Will I do it now? After the summer?

"Personally, I agree with you, Hermione, and I applaud every effort to help the werewolves. How about if I ask Professor Slughorn if he would consider two apprentices?"

Hermione hesitates.

Working with Severus Snape for a whole year? He will recognize me later.

She realises he already has recognised her in her other time line. And that they weren't the closest of friends the first time around. A memory so old she is surprised it's still stored in her mind surfaces. It's from their third or fourth Potions class in her first year. Professor Snape had just snapped something at Harry and ignored Draco Malfoy's snigger, when he turned to look at her, sitting next to Harry. The first year students had already come to terms with their professor's habit of long pauses where he let his penetrating, dark eyes speak for him. He was looking directly at her, and she could see the shadows of conflicting emotions in his rigid features. He especially looked at her hair, which was as bushy as ever.

"But little Miss Know-it-all will of course enlighten us on Grindylows' Horn, as always."

Hermione had never understood why Professor Snape had been almost as spiteful to her as he had been to Harry, but maybe, just maybe he had recognized her. In 1998, Remus had mentioned Snape as one of the people she would meet in the past. Were they to meet as fellow apprentices? Was she, or he, the one who would develop the Wolfsbane Potion to an efficient and tolerable potion, under the supervision of Professor Slughorn?

"I would like that very much, Professor McGonagall. I have some recent books, recent in the 90s, about potions for magical infections."

"With you?!"

Hermione laughs.

"Well, I'm rather good with the Undetectable Extension Charm."

"I'll. I'd be surprised if Horace objects. He is truly impressed by your exam essay on the Polyjuice Potion, wherever you came to be an expert on that. I doubt I would want to know."

Hermione shakes her head with a giggle.

"No, Professor. You don't want to know."

Hermione stands up to leave, when her professor gestures for her to sit down again.

"We spoke about Remus's scars. How is yours?"

The happy note is gone from her voice. Reluctantly Hermione answers.

"It still hurts. Not as much, but when someone touches it, I mean, grabs me…"

"As in grabs you hard? Who would…? Has someone…?"

"No, not at all. Just… holds me."

"But it's healed on the surface? The gash hasn't opened or bled again? Can I see it?"

With her head turned away Hermione shows her arm and feels the other woman's cool fingers softly stroking her skin.

"Why don't you want look at it, Hermione?"

"It's so disgusting."

"Are you ashamed about your background as a muggle born, Hermione?"

"No! No," she says calmer. "It's not that. It's just… When it was done… I've never been so afraid in my life. I wasn't afraid of dying, I was afraid I wouldn't die and that Bel… the person who did it would torture me even more."

"But Hermione, no, look at me. There are admittedly and sadly a few students here at Hogwarts who would approve of the word your scar forms. Not many, but a few. But not among the group of students you spend your time with. Both Mr Potter and Mr Black are from pure-blood wizard families, but they would never use a word like 'mudblood' for someone from you background. They would die protecting Miss Evans, who has the same background as you. And Mr Lupin knows well enough about unfair labeling on people."

"I know," Hermione says. "It's not that. Well, not only at least. But to have this carved into me contradicts how they see me. I've been avoiding Lily all day, because she saw my scar this morning, before I rushed off."

"Your friends, your new friends will not think less of you because of your scar, whatever word it is. They will think you very brave and realize that you've been through a lot more that they have yet."

"Yes, I guess so. But they will ask me about it. I can see how James, Remus and… and Sirius will be upset about it, wanting to know who did it and… I just don't want to tell more lies than I already have."

She rubs her face, suddenly tired.

"I understand. Maybe you can tell them that you really don't want to talk about it."

"Yes, maybe," Hermione sighs.

"Because it will be difficult to find a pretty ball gown to cover it. I can teach you a spell to hide it, but it will only be temporarily. Women of my age go to balls with long-sleeved dresses, but not you."

The change of subject makes Hermione's head spin. The ball. Remus is taking her to the ball. Sirius will be there and he will ask her to dance.

"Have you got a shrunken ball dress with you as well?" Professor McGonagall smiles and Hermione shakes her head. "What about money?" Hermione nods. "Well, since all you 7th graders are mostly free for a couple of days, I suggest you go to Diagon Alley and find yourself a dress. Perhaps Miss Evans would like to come too. I can arrange a port key."

Hermione hasn't even thought about a ball dress. She'll need one, of course. The prospect of doing something so… so casual as buying a dress is as far from her mind as the moon.

But Remus would probably be grateful if we went. He wouldn't have to lie through his teeth about going away, when he actually only would go to the Shrieking Shack with Peter.

"All right. I'll ask Lily."

"Fine. And I'll ask Professor Slughorn about the apprenticeship."

When Hermione climbs into the common room Lily sits by the table where they have studied every night for weeks. She smiles at Hermione.

"Where have you been? I've been looking everywhere for you."

Hermione sits down opposite Lily. The common room is empty. Slowly and with shaking fingers she takes off her cardigan and rolls up the sleeve of her t-shirt. The scar is red and the invective is clearly readable. Lily looks shell-shocked.

"Who…? Why…?"

Hermione shrugs.

"Someone did this to me. Someone who doesn't approve of muggle born witches. The knife was cursed and it took a long time to heal. It still hurts a bit. I don't really want to talk about it much."

"Was this why you left your other school?"

Where will this lead, if I go along with that lie? Is there any grain of truth in it if I say 'yes'? Damn it, Lily, I left for you. For Harry. Left my other school, which is the same as where we are now. Left my other life with what you left behind when you…

Hermione sobs quietly and nods.

"But…? But didn't anyone…? I mean, this should be reported to… I don't know, the Law Enforcement Department at the Ministry. People can't just carve things like that into someone and get away with it!"

Lily looks so like Harry did when he first saw her wound when they were staying in Bill and Fleur's house, just after Dobby had died. This makes it even harder to stop crying.

"I know. But it was done, and with the conflict between the pure-blood members of Parliament and the others, it won't be regarded as a crime. They have gained so many votes. Most of them belong to the Sacred Twenty-Eight. I think the agitation in the Ministry and the Parliament might lead to a full blown war, eventually. This is nothing. It's just really disgusting."

Lily touches her arm softly, below the scar.

"No, it's not disgusting. You have been very brave. You don't have to talk about it, and I won't ask about it. But you can't go around hiding it, being afraid someone sees it. You can't see the word itself, unless you're really close. But you can't be afraid of closeness because of it."

Hermione looks at Lily with a heavy heart.

"I've seen you wearing that cardigan, or a hoodie when it's far too hot to wear them. And I've seen the way Sirius looks at you. And the way you look at him. Are you always going to dress for arctic temperatures for him?"

Hermione shrugs.

"How will he react, do you think?"

"He'll be furious, of course. I don't know anyone so opposed to pureblood supremacy as he is. But explain it as you did to me. Tell him you really don't want to talk about it, and he won't. He'll do anything you'll say."

Lily laughs when Hermione looks surprised.

"Where have you been all day? Apart from hiding from me?"

Hermione explains and they talk about their plans for their lives after Hogwarts. Lily wants to go to nursing school to become a medi-witch. The school is in London. Hermione hasn't thought about her new friends leaving Hogwarts. If Professor Slughorn agrees to take her on as an apprentice, she might be all alone.

"Remus might stay here," Lily says. "He's applied to the post as a junior teacher in Defense Against the Dark Arts."

"He will?"

"Yes. If Professor Merrythought will have him, but I suspect so, she's really old. Most of the things we have learnt are things we have suggested ourselves. She's only provided the theory and left the practice to us. But Sirius and James are both going to the Ministry's Auror training in London. Peter will go home to his mum, I think. She is poorly and needs him."

"Um, Lily? Would you come to London with me? I haven't got a dress for the ball, and Prof… my godmother said she could arrange a port key."

"Well, of course. When do we leave?"

Diagon Alley looks the same as when Hermione came there the first time. She tries to shut the memories of the later Diagon Alley out of her mind. When shops were closed, windows broken, gas lamps shattered and all dark creatures of the night were lurking around every corner.

At Madame Malkin's they find a dark grey velvet dress with silver trimmings. It has short sleeves that will cover her scar, unless she moves. She is reluctant to try it on when Lily watches, but the other witch politely averts her eyes until Hermione had got it on properly.

"You look like a dream, Hermione." She touches the fabric. "A really soft dream. He'll hold on to you the whole night."

Hermione makes a blank face to Lily's frankness.

"Sirius, silly. Yes, I know you're going with Remus, but Remus was not the one pacing the common room two days ago when you slept."

Hermione buys the dress.

A little later they have an ice-cream at Florean Fortescue's, and Hermione hesitantly browses what Lily said about Sirius.

"But it wouldn't feel right. I mean, he's going with Marlene. I don't want her to be a… a moping wallflower because of me."

"Well, you don't know Marlene like I do. She would really love if Remus somehow lost his date and she could… well, step up."

"Remus? Really?"

"Why so surprised? Have you got anything against Remus? Don't you think he could turn a girl's head?"

The sharp tone in Lily's voice reveals, or at least indicates, that she knows about Remus's Lycanthropy but would defend him against any prejudice Hermione might have against werewolves.

"Of course he can. He's really, really sweet. I just… Marlene… As you say, I don't know her, but you've said she only got time for studies and Quidditch."

"She's been away, trying for the Keeper position in Kenmare Kestrels. I hope she'll get it. She's magnificent on the pitch. Ravenclaw has won the House Cup for three years running because of her. But anyhow, she's really sweet on Remus, but since she and Sirius decided ages ago they were going together she sticks with that. Or, more correctly, I made her stick with that. She wanted to get out of it and ask Remus herself, it was two months ago, before you came, but I said Sirius would have hell, if it came out that he didn't have a date. Those Slytherin girls…"

Lily makes a sour face.

Hermione laughs. She hasn't really been able to shake the image of the smiling Marlene in Sirius's arms out of her head.

But Remus will turn her down. He'll think of his Lycanthropy and back off. Like he did with Tonks.

"What have you done to him, Hermione? He's like a different person. Before there wasn't a week going by without Sirius disappearing somewhere, brooding and thinking about his background. The merest glimpse of blood purity issues in the Prophet would make him walk off, as if it somehow was his fault. That hasn't happened once since you got here."

Hermione blushes.

"I don't know. We just… well, seem to get along."

"I'll say. Now, is there anywhere else you'd like to go before we head back to Scotland?"

"Yes, Flourish and Blotts."

But the bookshop has very little to offer in the field of potions for infections of the blood, such as Lycanthropy. Hermione decides to make do what she already has in her miniature library.

Back at Hogwarts both girls are disappointed that none of their friends are there. Hermione guesses where Remus and Peter are, and a letter to Lily tells them that Sirius and James will stay in Godric's Hollow for a few more days.

Hermione is still aware that she is lying in her bed when she starts dreaming. She dreams about Sirius's warm hands against her skin and his soft lips against her neck. She moves restlessly and it feels as if she's really in his arms. A tapping sound interrupts her sleep. At first she refuses to acknowledge it, but the tapping becomes more insistent. When she wakes up she is alone and cold, but the annoying tapping sound is still there. Only half awake she gets out of bed. The tapping sound comes from the window and she opens it and lets in an exhausted owl. Around its leg there is a small scroll of parchment. She unties it and searches for a treat of dried chicken liver they keep on the windowsill. The letter has her name scribbled on it, but begins without any greetings.

I just woke up from a dream where I was holding you like the other night, but warmer. I miss you.

Apparently Mother wants my uncle's notebooks to see if he figured out any counter curses for any of the secret (and horrendous) curses that are a part of the Black family background. He has, but I've given her a counterfeit one where it's clearly stated that all the Black magic is far too advanced to ever be countered. She also wants loads of the clutter I've already thrown away.

I can't wait to return. Will you please spend another night with me by the Black Lake? Uh, I wished it had another name.

Lots of kisses everywhere.

S

Kia would love some reviews for Christmas...