It's been a long time since I updated, I know and apologize. Things have been difficult. However, a short and kind review the other day sparked something in me and I polished up this chapter to an acceptable publish-able standard. At least I hope so. Please review. It feels as if I'm posting into space, reaching no one. I'll update every ten review. ("Great. Update soon, pls" is not a review.) Sorry to be so confirmation seeking, but I guess I am, right now. I haven't got the energy to invest in anything that doesn't give me anything back. If TLC was for sale I'd buy it in buckets.

Love, Kia

Chapter 12

She is in his arms again and finally he relaxes. Her thin arms are around his neck and her body is pressed against his. He pushes her top up and touches her skin. He wants her so badly he aches and he tells her so in a whisper. With a laugh she pulls off her top and straddles him. His hands slide up her sides to her breasts and she arches back with a moan. But something is wrong. The scent that fills his nose is not hers. It's dusty instead of fruity

With a groan, Sirius wakes up in the bed in his uncle's house. Apart from himself it's empty. He buries his head in the pillow and curses.

It's bad enough I'm not focused enough to handle Mother and Father. They walked out of here with all that goblin made jewelry I wanted to keep. But now I can't even sleep because she is back in Scotland, on the other side of the galaxy. Damn.

He gets out of bed, goes into the kitchen and puts the kettle on. While waiting for it to boil he scribbles a note to Hermione. His uncle's barn owl still lives in the tiny owlery on top of the garden shed and Sirius whistles for it to come.

"Take this to Hogwarts, to the Head girl's rooms in the Gryffindor Tower. They have dried chicken liver treats for you there."

The brown owl takes off with a hoot.

Across the street Sirius sees a familiar figure.

"James? Is that you?"

"Sure is."

"What are you doing out? It must be three in the morning."

"No, it's not. It's just past midnight. I've just been down at the pub. It was all dark in your place so I didn't ask you. Mother has been feeding me all day, you might think I am as skinny as Hermione. I needed to get out of the house before I would burst."

"Want to come in for a night cap?"

"Definitely."

The teakettle forgotten, Sirius finds a pair of thick tumblers and fills them with fire whiskey.

"Cheers, then. To your mother's cooking."

James smiles.

"Cheers. And to your mother's absence."

Sirius laughs.

"Thank Merlin she left. Are you ready to go back tomorrow, or do you want to spend more time with your dad? We've been here four days already."

James's dad has been terminally ill for as long as Sirius and James have known each other. Having suffered from Scrofungulus as a youth, James's father never recovered properly. During James's childhood his father could still work as a writer of children's books, but for the last two years he has been more or less bedridden. Since last autumn he's been close to dying a number of times. Sirius has been over to see him. He looks like a skeleton, lying in his bed, talking in whispers. James's father's emaciated condition might be the reason James's mother always tries to feed both James and Sirius with an endless supply of mouth-watering treats.

"If it's all right with you, I want to stay until tomorrow evening. I think this might be it. I don't think he'll live much longer. I hope he won't. He's in terrible pain, even though he tries to hide it. It would be better for him if he died. In his sleep."

James's brown eyes are calm but sad. Sirius respects what his friend says and feels almost as sad as James at the thought of the gentle Mr Potter dying.

"Of course we'll stay then. And you can always borrow the bike if you need to return before graduation. You'll be coming here directly after, won't you?"

James nods.

They drink in silence.

"Um, I've asked Hermione to come and visit this summer, too. Do you think she can stay at your parents' house? I mean, their house is a lot larger than this."

James feigns he doesn't understand the question.

"Yes, of course, but there is a bed in this cottage, isn't there? Surely it's large enough for her too?"

Sirius mutters something under his breath.

"Sorry, what?"

"I'm not sure she wants to stay here. With me. What if… Lily said there was someone… At her other school."

"Well, he's not here now, is he? And she said she wanted to come here, didn't she? I doubt it is to explore the village or take long countryside walks. You don't see it, do you? The way she looks at you?"

Sirius mutters again.

"It's hard to hold a conversation with you when you only growl, Padfoot. If she said she wanted to come here, it's because you'll be here."

"Do you really think so?"

"No. I know so. I'm an expert on female hearts. You remember how long Lily thought she hated me…"

"Well, she did, you were an absolute prat. I was surprised she didn't ask to switch house to Ravenclaw because of your stalking."

"I did not stalk her!"

"Yes, you did."

"Well, maybe a little. But I knew she loved me. Ever since our first year."

Sirius laughs and feels a little jealous of James certainty.

"But of course I'll ask Mother to take her in if you think she'd like that. Oh, Mother will love the challenge to feed her. It must be something wrong with her, the way she looks isn't healthy."

Now Sirius really growls at his best friend.

"There is nothing wrong with her! She's just… perfect."

"She's as skinny as a scarecrow, and you know it."

"She's put on some weight," Sirius mutters.

"Has she? And how do you know this, Pads?"

"Well… she has. What do you think happened to her before she came to Hogwarts, James? She looked like…"

"Like she'd been to war. Maybe she's been a spy at the Ministry, trying to map out the groups within the Sacred Twenty-Eight. And suddenly her cover was blown and whoever was responsible for her safety needed to get her out of the picture."

Sirius chuckles.

"You could very well follow in your father's footsteps and become a writer, Prongs. No, but I think she went through something really hard. She had all those cuts and bruises. And she was limping at first. She seemed to be in so much pain. Still is sometimes." Sirius thinks about Hermione's reaction when he gripped her around her arms. "Do you think she'll ever trust us enough to tell us?"

James gives his friend an amused look.

"No, but I think she already trusts you enough to tell you everything."

"Really?" Sirius is embarrassed by the eager tone in his voice.

"Yes, really. If I weren't the gentleman I am," he winks, "I'd tease her as much as I tease you. Can't you see the way she's looking at you?"

Sirius smiles.

"Sometimes."

"Think about it. Here she comes, out of nowhere, from Merlin knows where, and in less than two days she talks to us, and especially to you, like she's known you forever. And you weren't at all as dismissive as I've seen you with every other new person we've met for seven years. It's like you… I don't know, just clicked from the start."

Something does click inside Sirius heart at James's words. The image of a key in an old lock swirls through his mind.

The night becomes dawn while they talk. When the dark sky begins to lighten, a tap on the window makes them both flinch. Sirius goes to let in a grey owl. Around its leg is a small roll of parchment attached.

You woke me up from the same dream. Now I can't sleep.

Lily and I have been to London to buy a ball dress. I've applied for an apprenticeship with Professor Slughorn next year.

When are you coming back?

H xxx

Sirius shares some of the letter's contents with James.

"I can see how studying for Slughorn would suit her, but that would mean she'd stay in Scotland while we go to London. I don't want that."

"Maybe you could buy one of those permanent Portkeys? I know they are expensive, but…"

"Damn, I should have fought Mother on that goblin gold. Never mind, there is a lot more in my vault."

Sirius sends the owl back to tell Lily and Hermione that they will be at Hogwarts the following evening.

When they land unsteadily on the apparition spot in Hogsmeade, it's almost dark, and when the castle comes into view it gleams like diamonds on black velvet. Both Sirius and James sprint up the stairs to the Gryffindor common room.

Lily, James and Peter sit in front of the fire. Remus looks beaten and Sirius understands how horrible the full moon has been to him, with only Wormtail for company. Lily jumps to her feet and into James's arms. They move over to a deep armchair in the other end of the room, kissing and talking.

Hermione is nowhere to be seen and Sirius doesn't want to seem too desperate to ask. Instead he sits with Remus and Peter, listening to their account of the full moon two nights ago. Rather soon he finds himself alone on the couch, when Remus and Peter have gone to bed. He hasn't even noticed Lily and James leave.

Where is she? Why didn't I ask them? They would have said if something was wrong, wouldn't they? The library. I bet she's there. I'll go there now.

But before he can put his thoughts into action, the portrait hole swings aside and Hermione climbs into the common room. Sirius stands with his back to the fire, watching her. She hasn't seen him yet, and straightens her hoodie, before she sighs deeply and scans the room.

"Finally," he says. "What took you so long?"

She lights up when she sees him, but doesn't move.

"Professor Slughorn wanted to talk to me. We have discussed…"

"I don't care. Come here."

She smiles and walks towards him, slowly but gracefully. When she is just in front of him she stops. The fire casts reflections over her features and gives the illusion of different emotions crossing her face. Slowly he pulls her against him and releases a breath he's been holding ever since she came into the room.

"I was going mad with missing you," he murmurs against her hair. She shivers. He starts kissing his way from her temple, down her cheek, her jawbone, her neck. When he reaches the hollow between her collarbones she moans quietly, and the sound lights a fire inside him. His lips find hers and he kisses her with all the longing and desire that's been building inside him for the last days. She answers his kisses just as hard and as desperately, and he wants to feel more of her. Quickly he peels off her hoodie and kisses and nibbles the newly exposed skin. He takes a few steps backwards until he can feel the edge of the couch against his calves and sits down, trying to pull her with him, but she remains standing. When he looks up at her she looks uncertain, almost afraid.

"Please," he whispers. "I won't do anything you don't want to do. Please, just come here."

She sinks down next to him, not in his lap, as he wants. When he leans in to kiss her again, she withdraws. He lets his right hand drop from her left shoulder to her arm, and she gasps. Instantly he lets go of her.

"What is it? What did I do?"

She creates some space between them, and Sirius is terrified she'll get up and leave. She doesn't, but clears her throat.

"Nothing. You did nothing wrong. I missed you too. I just need to show you something."

Her right hand clutches her left arm for a few seconds before she holds it out for him to see.

Mudblood.

He recognises the word, but at first he can't place it. When the voice of his mother echoes inside his head, and he suddenly knows perfectly well what the word means, he actually thinks he will faint.

"I think you should know this, see this, before we… well, go any further."

He doesn't understand what she means.

"This is what I am and will always be in the eyes of some people," she whispers, looking into the fire.

He doesn't know what to say. Softly he strokes his fingers over the word carved into her skin. It's hot and the skin seems very thin.

"Does it hurt?"

She shrugs.

"Not right now."

He leans in and kisses the angry, red scar. She flinches but he pulls her back.

"Does that hurt?"

She shakes her head.

"Do you think I'd ever use this word, in any context? Look at me please."

Reluctantly she does and the grief in her eyes almost breaks his heart. It's the same grief he sometimes sees in Remus, when he comes to after a full moon and realises that he's inflicted wounds on both himself and his friends. Sirius has a long scar across his chest from where Remus, in his werewolf form, tried to cut open his heart with his sharp claws. Hermione shakes her head.

"Who did this to you?"

She just shrugs again.

"You won't tell me, or you can't tell me?"

After a few silent seconds she whispers.

"I can't."

"I wish you could."

She nods.

"But even if you'll never tell me, it doesn't mean anything to me. The word, I mean. You are just perfect as you are. I want to be with you no matter what other bigoted people might say that you are. To me you are the sweetest girl I ever met. Will you please come here now?"

He pulls her into his lap and she rests her head against his shoulder.

"But others might mind. Others might…"

"Shhh. I really don't care about anyone who would mind what someone… some demented person seemed fit to carve into you. Please believe me."

Hermione straightens up and searches his face for the truth in his words. He hopes she can see his absolute sincerity.

"Really?" she whispers.

"Really, really, really."

Slowly she leans in and presses her lips to his. Just as slowly he grips her around her hips and pulls her closer. Their kisses become more heated, and he struggles with her t-shirt to reach as much of her skin as possible. She tastes like something he's never tasted before. She tastes like love.

When his hands find her breasts she arches back and moans, just like she did in his dream.

"I want you so badly," he whispers.

"Me too," she mumbles back.

But in a still sober part of his mind he knows that they are in the common room, and anyone might walk in on them. He wishes they were outside, by the lake, like the other night. He would have undressed her slowly, kissing every inch of exposed skin and done everything he could think of to bring her pleasure. Even though he aches to make love to her, just holding, kissing and touching her is by far the most intense pleasure he's ever experienced. In defeat he leans back and rests his head against the backrest. She follows him and kisses his neck.

"Stop," he sighs reluctantly.

"No," she mutters against his skin.

"Please, you have to… you must stop."

"Why?" she challenges and he sits up straight again, taking in her disheveled appearance. Everything about her calls to him to not stop, not to care, but somewhere he is as controlled as he was raised to be. Blacks don't surrender to anything, least of all feelings. The thought in contrast to Hermione's flushed cheeks, dark eyes and wild locks unsettles him.

"Because I can't resist you if you don't."

She doesn't answer and he can see doubt in her eyes.

"And I don't want to resist you, I want you more than ever, but look around you, love."

She does and he realizes she has been so completely caught up in their kissing that she has forgotten where they are. She smiles sheepishly, and he kisses her nose.

It must be wonderful to forget everything and just lose yourself in… love. Only rage blinds me like that.

"Will you come to my very secluded cottage in the middle of nowhere later this summer and be this irresistible again? Please?"

Her eyes widen at his very frank words and what they entail, and she blushes. Then she nods, and Sirius pulls her to his chest and buries his face in her hair.

Hesitantly she gets up and he follows her to the stairs to the girls' dormitories. He turns her around, takes her left arm in his and softly presses his lips to the scar there. She doesn't shy away this time, and looks at him with wide eyes when he straightens up. Very slowly he traces the word 'love' with his finger against her skin.

"This is what you are. And since I plan to get to know you better than anyone ever before, I decide. If you ever feel you can tell me who carved the lie into your skin, I'll kill him."

She smiles, more sadly than he'd hoped, and pulls away from him. Again he has to grip a piece of furniture to stop himself from following her up the stairs.

So, what now? Where will this lead?