Sorry for the (long) time between my updates.. Sometimes it's hard to find the time and inspiration to keep writing. Thanks everyone for the sweet comments & feedback :) they really help, it's nice to know that people like the story. So thank you if you took/take the time to comment :) And again sorry for my late updates (I hope that you guys didn't stop reading it). I'll try to update faster. English isn't my first language, so if you see any mistakes or weird sentences it's because of that. I try to keep it to a minimum, but I can become a little bit sloppy, especially when I'm a bit tired like now XD. This is a short update, but more to follow..

He was quiet for a moment, while he tried to figure out what was happening to him.
This indistinct feeling had sneaked up on him, crawled on to him and entangled him. His mind was just as foggy as his heart.
He was aware of a beat... but was it his heart beating or his head?
Somewhere he heard JJ's voice.
"It's him, he is the one chasing me.. I can feel it Hotch, it's him.."
When he heard his name he realized that she was talking to him.
He looked up in her baby blue eyes that seemed to be filled with tears from anger.
Anger.. was that what he was feeling as well? he wondered.
"Hotch, we need to search for him, we need to catch him!"
"Yes" was the only word he could say.
"How are we going to track him down..." she paused a moment, then continued insecure "... you think we should call Garcia?"
"I uhm... yes I think perhaps we could.." Hotch stuttered, he saw JJ frowning and decided he really needed to get his composure back "did you have a name?" he sounded more like his own self.
"No" she shook her head.
"Then we can ask Garcia to track down the phone number, see if she can get a lead, hopefully a name, how old do you think he was at the time?" the fog slowly disappeared from his mind.
JJ's eyes blinked from left to right, like she was scanning her memory.
"I think around twenty, begin twenty.." she said.
"Good, we can ask Garcia if there were any guys around twenty at that time who were enrolled for high school when they were eighteen, or a citizen at that time but moved away..."
"Hotch, I think many 20 year olds move, they go to college.." JJ said.
" Yes, but must see if anyone sticks out. See if there were similar incidents at the time, any reports" Hotch sighed, they both knew that he specifically targeted JJ. Hotch doubted if there would even be any attacks on other girls, but they had to give it a shot. He didn't quite know how to speak the following words, but at the same time he knew that JJ probably would already know what he'd say next.
He leaned a bit forward, towards her and put his hands against one another.
"And we must look at your sister past, their pasts crossed somewhere" he spoke softly, with empathy.
JJ gave him a barely visible nod. She knew that this was necessary.
"I know.." she swallowed, opened her mouth as if she wanted to say something but then closed it again shaken her head.
She brought her hands to her face.
"Hotch all this time.. when I thought that my sister committed suicide.. I could never understand why.. but I did made some peace with it.. I've mourned for so long..." she looked up at him, her eyes becoming teary "I..I.. I don't know if I can handle it.. if we go digging and we find he had to do anything with it... I just don't know if can deal with that.. I always run from getting hurt Hotch.. cause I.. I've been through so much hurt when she passed away, I just don't know if I can go through all of it ever again..." she stuttered and choked up, while tears were slowly streaming down her cheeks.
He looked at her is if he saw her for the first time. Not just the JJ he had known all these years as the liaisons person, as the profiler that wanted to present herself tough, but as the Jennifer Jareau that she was. A glimpse into her soul, into her pain, into her fears.. Into the tragic beauty that came along with it.
She looked up to him, and they looked deep into each other's eyes.
"JJ.." he nearly whispered "I know you. You're strong in your own unique way. And your sister she isn't just part of your hurt of your pain, she's also part of you, of your strength."
For a moment her broke his eye contact with her and stared at the picture of two little, young girls.
"This isn't going to be easy, but if there is anything there, anything we didn't know about her death, we can do her justice. And doing her justice will not weaken you, I know it, you'll get through."
JJ looked speechless at him. Her expression full of desperation as she closed her eyes.
"Okay" she whispered with her eyes still closed "let's do it."

The words Hotch said to her really had hit home. She couldn't have felt more safe as she did in that moment. His voice was so soothing and heart warming. She couldn't remember having felt so close and connected with him.. or with anyone really..
She was shocked by that last thought.. No surely, she had felt so close with Will, hadn't she?
They had good conversations, hadn't they?
Okay, sure, many of the conversations were about killers, victims, the outside world, of course about Henry and their happiness with him. They were meaningful conversations, right?
Even though she never really talked about her fears and her demons like she'd just done with Hotch, that didn't mean that their relationship wasn't good. Right?
She felt safe with Will as well...
In a split second a flashback hit her. She screaming at Will, Will walking towards her in anger, she banging her fists on his chest, he holding her arms so she couldn't walk away, she pushing to get away, his hand in the air, the hatred in his eyes, her heart that was quiet for a moment as she felt his hand landing harsh on her cheek..
In a reflex her eyes were watering, but she was so caught off guard that she couldn't even cry..
She shook her head. She didn't want to see the images again.
It was just one fight.. every couple had to have a fight like that.
She stood up and walked to the window. Hotch stood outside calling with their favourite tech analyst, trying to come up with some sort of excuse as to why they needed the information. She knew Hotch would make a great effort not to mention her or her sister Ros, she knew that he in any way possible would defend her privacy. He wore a nice black shirt that really brought out his nice features, like his hazel eyes. It was weird to not see him in his suit, but she liked it way better. She was in fact almost relieved that Hotch knew about her past, her youth. But she didn't want to show that. JJ was scared to realize the ease in which she trusted Hotch. He was almost always the first to learn about her secrets and the first she would want to confide in. She felt so safe and secure with him. She was ashamed to admit that she would rather talk to him than talk to Will. But it was true.. Her heart skipped a few beats when he looked up and made straight eye contact with her. She could feel her cheeks turning a bit red, but thank God he stood to far away to notice it. He gave her a little nod, which she assumed was positive.
A few seconds later he rounded up the call and came back into the house.
"Okay, Garcia is going to her best even though she had to say that she found my orders 'extremely vague'" they both smiled a little, though Garcia was perfectly right. It must've been one of the vaguest orders he had given her.
"Thank you Hotch" JJ said sincerely.
He smiled and looked away, trying to shrug it off. "You're always welcome" he said.
It was the second time that her heart skipped a beat.
He became serious again.
"Are you ready to take a look into your sisters room?" he couldn't hide all the concern in his voice.
"I think I have no choice but to be ready" it came out bitterly.
"I'm sorry for that" he replied.
They both walked the stairs, and they stopped at the door that led to Ros her room.
JJ let her lungs fill themselves with oxygen.
Man, she couldn't have been less ready for this.
She grabbed the door knob and opened the room.