"I still don't know what good you think talking is gonna do against this guy," commented Joker as he emerged from the shower after Harley, who was dressing in front of a mirror. "He's nuts. Crazy people can't be talked outta being crazy – I should know."
"I gotta try, Mr. J," she said, pulling on her costume and putting her hair up into her hat. "I can't just forget about him, especially if he's gonna continue impersonating you. There's gotta be another way to make him stop besides killing him. And I can't know what's happened to him and just stop caring. He was my friend for a lotta years."
"Yeah, but if he couldn't understand you when he was sane, he ain't got much of a chance now that he's off his rocker," commented Joker, toweling himself off and pulling on his boxers.
"Actually, it might help," said Harley, beginning to apply her makeup. "If he's mad, he might be able to understand mad love better than any sane person could..."
She shrieked as a figure suddenly burst through the already broken window into the room. "Well, at least you won't owe for property damage this time, Batsy," sighed Joker, as Batman straightened up.
"What do you mean just bursting in here, Bats?!" shrieked Harley. "Doncha have any respect for people's privacy?!"
"Well, ask a stupid question, Harl," chuckled Joker, reaching for his trousers. "I think he was probably hoping to catch one of us naked! And I'm pretty sure it was me, wasn't it, Bats? Otherwise what could you possibly want here? Aside from glass in your shorts. Sorry to disappoint you on both counts, by the way."
Batman glanced at Joker's boxers for a moment, which were decorated with Batman's logo, shuddered, and then snapped, "I'm here because I've spoken to Selina."
"Oh yeah? Then you know about her and Harvey!" said Joker, beaming.
Batman stared at him. "What about her and Harvey?" he asked.
"Uh oh, she didn't tell you," said Joker, grinning. "Never mind, Bats – it's not important. She told you about my imposter instead, right?"
"Uh…yes," said Batman. "And I've discovered who he is…"
"Ricky Sorkin," finished Joker, nodding as he pulled on his undershirt. "Old friend of Harley's."
Batman looked as astonished as he could look beneath his mask. "Yes. How did you…"
"He came to see me last night," interrupted Harley. "We're way ahead of you, Bats."
"Gotta say, Batsy, I'm a little hurt he managed to fool you into thinking he was me," said Joker, as he buttoned up his shirt. "I thought you of all people could tell a genuine Joker gag from a fake."
"I don't think any of your gags are funny, Joker," growled Batman.
"Yeah, well, you ain't got a sense of humor neither," sighed Joker.
"We're just getting ready to head out and try to find Ricky," said Harley, putting the finishing touches on her makeup.
"I'm not going to let you kill him," muttered Batman.
"We don't wanna kill him," replied Harley.
Batman's surprise grew. "You…you don't?"
"Nah, Harley wants to talk to him, for all the good it'll do," said Joker. "You can take the clown outta the shrink, but you can't take the shrink outta the clown, ain't that right, cupcake?"
"That's right, puddin'," she agreed, beaming as she came over to tie his bowtie. "Anyway, looks like you came all this way for nothing, Bats. Unless you wanna stay and play with the babies some – they could use a new chew toy."
"Now hold on, Harl – he could still be useful," said Joker. "After all, we dunno where Ricky is. And Bats will naturally, being the World's Greatest Detective and all." He looked over at him. "You do know where Ricky is, doncha?"
"Of course I know where he is," snapped Batman. "But I don't see any reason why I should take you with me to confront him. I only stopped by to pass on the information and let you know I had everything under control, and then to return you to Arkham."
"Well, Ricky probably ain't gonna listen to you," retorted Harley. "Heck, he might not even listen to me, but I think I'm the best hope you've got of talking him outta his madness, if that's even possible. Or you could go in there doing your usual Bat-thing – punching him out, trapping him in the endless cycle of violence you usually trap the insane in, and ruining his life forever. Or you could take me and Mr. J with you to confront him."
Batman glared at her. "Why Joker?"
"Because I said so," retorted Harley. "I want him to be with me. I haven't seen him in a couple weeks, after all, and I missed him a lot," she said, kissing him. "Besides, if something goes wrong with Ricky, I'd feel safer having a hero beside me. And Mr. J's my hero," she purred.
"I'm a hero," snapped Batman.
"No, you're a bully," she retorted. "And I don't trust you to keep me safe. Mr. J's killed a lotta your little friends under your watch, but nobody close to Mr. J has ever died under his watch."
"Can't argue with that!" chuckled Joker. "Let's face it – I am more useful to have around in a tight spot. I'm more creative, and completely unpredictable. Ricky will never know what hit him!"
Batman looked from one to the other. "I'll let you both come with me on two conditions," he muttered. "One, whatever happens, you don't kill Ricky. And two, after you've seen him, you come back to Arkham quietly."
Joker and Harley shared a look. "Deal," said Joker, reaching out to take his hand.
"I'm not falling for the joy buzzer again," growled Batman. "Your word's gonna have to do. C'mon," he said, heading for the door.
Joker and Harley shared another look, and then both giggled as they removed their crossed fingers from behind their back. "He never learns, does he?" laughed Joker, as they followed Batman out of the door. "What a maroon!"