1960
I remember my in laws warning me-begging me not to move into Belmont. I was too soft, the Italian vermin would eat me alive there, they'd say. They also said they wouldn't come visit me because of the obvious racial tensions between the Italians and African Americans. But maybe that was exactly what I needed to surround myself with in order to survive.
I remember watching the different buildings pass me by on the bus, my suitcase held tight in my hands and on my lap. I was the last person on the bus and so I decided to sit up at the front closest to the door.
"Where you headed to?" the driver asked. I looked at him. He was an older man, someone's father I knew, always nicely dressed, and held generous conversation with the different people who get on the bus. I was close enough to where he didn't have to look at me through the large mirror above him.
"Belmont sir." I replied lightly keeping my eyes down.
"The neighborhood? You got family there or something?" he asked with hints of suspicion. I looked up at him and shook my head.
"No." I replied and now he looked puzzled.
"You uh, new to the area?" he asked. He's Italian too, he must live in the neighborhood. I felt I needed to watch my words. No one wants another race moving in into their neighborhoods. Luckily for him, it was just me.
"Yes." I replied. He seemed taken aback.
"You? Ain't you got a husband or something?" he asked. I couldn't help but chuckle some. He apologized for snooping and I shook my head.
"No, I am a widow." I lied. Now his eyes softened a bit.
"Oh no, I'm sorry to hear that. You ain't got family you can stay with?" he asked. Before I could reply though, he apologized.
"It's alright. He passed away from sickness." I replied thinking this conversation would be over.
"Well how are you going to take care of yourself? You got a place to live?" he asked. I shook my head.
"Only way to find somewhere is to look and hope the sight of green is stronger than the sight of black." I replied. He looked at me with a mildly firm gaze and I just kept my eyes ahead. After a few seconds he looked ahead keeping his eyes on the road. The drive was silent for a moment longer.
"Look uh, if it's just you… I can put in a word for you with my landlord at my home. Now I won't make any promises, but if you can pay your rent on time then maybe we can work something out." he said. I looked at him with hopeful eyes.
"You mean it?" I asked with a bit of excitement and he nodded with a side smile.
"Yeah. No promises though, I said I'd just talk to him." he said. I nodded quickly. "What's your name anyways?"
"I'm Dawn St. Jermaine." I replied. He looked a bit taken a back but nodded continuing to smile.
"I'm Lorenzo Anello." he replied...
If anything, I had learned in life it was to form connections. Connections help white men get far in life, but connections and a pretty face get you into both good and bad trouble.
Lorenzo indeed spoke to Mr. Giannotti, the landlord of his home, and after some convincing, the elderly man agreed to a six-month lease. But the six hundred dollars I gave him up front convinced him to extend the lease to a year. All eyes were on me, and whispers flooded onto the streets about me moving into the neighborhood.
I had only the furniture that came with the home. It wasn't completely a mess and a little clean up did wonders. I met Lorenzo's wife Rosina and his young nine-year-old son Calogero. Rosina wasn't very trustworthy of me of first, but that was okay, because like I said, I kept to myself or at least I tried to when her son wasn't at my door asking me questions about all kinds of things. My routine for now was to learn my surroundings and ensure my presence in the neighborhood wouldn't make my other neighbors hostile. I was sweeping up my kitchen now. The place itself wasn't very big but for me it did the job. It had a balcony I could sit out on that I really liked. Calogero was watching me from my kitchen table as he ate a piece of cherry cobbler that I had made.
At first, Rosina and Lorenzo didn't want him over, but when I agreed to baby sit at no charge, it took some stress off their parental duties. I mean it was the least I could do for Lorenzo's help.
"So why don't live on Webster avenue with the other black people?" he asked. I glanced at him, his eyes filled with curiosity and I gave a light grin.
"Because I know I won't be bothered." I replied. He tilts his head now.
"Why do you talk like white people?" he asked. I had to hold back my laughter now and I leaned up and looked at him.
"Because not all African Americans are the same. We all come from different parts of the world and we are a result of our journeys and environment." I replied. He seemed really mesmerized with my words.
"You know you're really smart, Dawn!" he exclaimed and I just laughed some more.
"Why thank you." I replied. When it was closing in on his time to leave, I would let him take the rest of the cobbler to his home for his parents. When the cleaning was done, I'd get dressed in some nice and casual clothes which was usually a nice skirt and a shirt that hugged my form. I always went out when the sun was out and the neighborhood was busy. If people got used to seeing me, then they would be allowed to get their whispers out of the way and get stare in the sight of me. The community was very close of course to those who lived there.
I understood I was an outsider, a colored woman who had moved into their neighborhood and was living in a home that could have been rented by another Italian family. I accepted that I was at the bottom of the food chain here. But I was smart. I knew that a black man was more of a threat to them than a black woman. Men's heads turned when I'd walk by, and women glared at me, scowling as I passed them. I kept my small sewn up purse close to my body. In it was a few dollars and a very sharp blade. I never walked too far from my home though. I still had so much to figure out and I needed to do that with a clear head.
On the walk back, I found I could look at the opposite side now of my walk and realized I was passing a bar, Chez Bippy. A lot of shady characters seemed to go in there. But that wasn't my business that was for sure. As I walked by, I noticed some guys in nice suits standing beside a telephone pole talking: Slick hair, nice watches, a piece of steel hidden somewhere on them. The gang life comes in all colors, and I knew how to spot them and just to make things worse, the gang life spotted me in the form of Sonny LoSpecchio.
He looked at me as if he had never seen someone like me, I was a wild creature he had never been so close to. His eyes are dark and dangerous. He's the top predator of this neighborhood. I walked passed the group of men without a word and move up to the stoop leading into my home. I gave a glance back down the direction of the bar and notice he's watching me still. I ignore it though. Everyone here stares. I didn't bother looking for a job just yet, I wasn't ready. I continued my little routine of going out and making myself known but being quiet and walking. I ignored kids who would run past me pointing and shouting at me the slurs taught to them by their fathers. Their blind ignorance didn't bother me. Elderly people would glare as well. But in response I still smiled and nodded at them as I passed.
I survived the first month. It was odd being alone. Sometimes I did wonder what people thought of me being a single woman on my own. It was definitely strange and not something women did on their own. I was afraid to sleep sometimes, because there was no man in the house to protect me. I used to dream of being a house wife, a mother, although against my want of kids, it would still happen.
I was in a dangerous situation and I was happy no one wanted to know anything about me.
"So Dawn where you from!" Calogero blurted as we walked down the sidewalk together. He had made a habit of walking with me, and if anything, he took the pressure of me when I would walk. I looked at him curiously now.
"Why do you want to know where I'm from?" I asked. He shrugged.
"People talk. They're afraid other blacks are going to move to the neighborhood." he said. I shook my head.
"No others are going to move to the neighborhood." I assured him. I needed to take his attention off of the subject. I looked up noticing Phil the peddler was coming down the side of the street with his horse and a cart of goods. I looked at him and then my young friend with a smile as we slowed in front of Chez Bippy.
"You want some peaches?" I asked. He winced.
"I don't have any money though." he said. I chuckled.
"I will get you some." I replied and walked over toward the carriage. Phil was just like the others when I first moved in, very distrustful of me. But the more I bought things from him, and asked him about himself, he loosened up a bit.
"Well well, Dawn of the ages!" he said with an old smile. I smiled.
"Hello Phil, how are you?" I asked. He nodded proudly.
"I'm as well as can be. And how are newcomer?" he asked. I nodded continuing to smile.
"I am better now. May I have two peaches?" I asked and he nodded.
"You sure can." he replied and moved over to his cart and grabbed two plump peaches from his cart. "That will be fifty cents." I rummaged in my purse and handed him two dollars.
"For you." I replied. He smiled a bit heavier now.
"Why thank you Miss Dawn." he replied. I chuckled softly.
"Oh I am Miss Dawn now." I teased.
"Well I could just call you Dawn the Newcomer!" he wheezed. I grinned and waved before walking back over to Calogero. I handed him a peach and he smiled and we continued to walk.
"No one has ever talked that much to Phil before." he said. I shrugged.
"Well people should. The elderly has a lot of wisdom." I replied. He scoffed.
"I just like busting his balls." he said. I held in my laugh and ruffled his hair in response.
"Dawn!" I heard Rosina call from her window above. I looked up and she waved my old pan around. "I have your cobbler pan for ya!" I smiled and waved in reply before following Calegero to his door.
"You know Lorenzo and I really appreciate you looking out for Calogero for us. It's really sweet of you." she said from her kitchen. I shook my head as I drank some of the tea she made me at her dinner table.
"It's no problem at all. It's the least I can do for the kindness you've shown me since I moved here." I replied. She looked down with a soft wince as she sat down with me.
"You know, I gotta admit when Lorenzo brought you around, I was a little… judgmental of you. I didn't really trust you." she said with guilt in her tone. I tilted my head continuing to smile.
"Rosina, I'm a stranger you aren't supposed to trust me right away and sometimes your judgement is what keeps you alive in this wild world." I replied. She nodded and sighed.
"Yeah well I still feel bad. I mean you're all alone in this world, a widow, no kids, it must be lonely." she said. I nodded.
"Yes it is." I replied.
"And you have no family at all?" she asked. Careful Rosina. I nodded.
"I have family out of town, but it wouldn't have done me much good to stay with them. They aren't the nicest people to be around and so for my own sake I had to start over." I replied. She nodded.
"Well you're young, you're gorgeous, you'll meet a nice guy and start a family of your own in no time I just know it!" she said with hope in her tone. I smiled at her words.
That night, I was on my balcony looking up at the moon and the stars. It was warm tonight but the wind blowing against me made me feel perfect. I gently held myself remembering the days I was in my "husbands" arms. He fed false promises of a future, but he wasn't a bad man. He just couldn't outrun the demons in his life. I could hear chattering below me and I glanced down over the railing and saw none other than Sonny talking with two of his guys. He seemed relaxed, only in a white shirt with his sleeves rolled up. I could imagine he was feeling the heat as well. I looked up toward the sky and wondered if people of the mob world- the gang world, did they see the stars differently or all the same? Did they trust the world around them to expose their necks to the world while they gazed up at the sky? I glanced back down and gave a soft gasp as Sonny was just standing there beneath my balcony looking up at me with his hands in his pockets. What the heck did he want?
"Well good evening pretty lady." he said. The world around me now fell silent and I looked around noticing he was by himself. I was in a robe so I still felt decent enough to have someone's attention on me. I leaned over the balcony rails and looked down at him.
"Good evening stranger." I replied. He tilted his head some.
"I'm Sonny LoSpecchio." he replied. I tilted my head some to look further over the railing.
"I'm Dawn St. Jermaine." I replied. He seemed a bit stunned now.
"You're that new broad what moved in to the neighborhood some time back." he replied. I nodded some.
"I am." I replied.
"You know it ain't every day a woman of your… complexion moves in to this neighborhood." he said. I could hear in his tone he wasn't being malicious, if anything he was trying to be careful of his words. I nodded a sarcastic look.
"Yeah I've picked up on that." I replied, and now we were both chuckling.
"You're funny. I like that." he said.
"I know my way around a joke or two." I said lightly. He continued smiling before he held his hands out and gave a light bow of his body but still looking up at me.
"Well Dawn, welcome to the neighborhood." he said. I continued to smile respectfully.
"Thank you, Sonny." I replied and he dipped his head to me before casually strolling back in the direction of the bar. I watched him walk away for a moment wondering what the point of this little welcome was. But after this night, no one looked at me as if I was nuisance or an outsider. No one pointed or whispered at me. No one ran by shouting at me or calling me names. Now they all looked perplexed and even more curious of me. Maybe it was because I was slowly becoming more welcomed into Lorenzo's family. A lot of them associated me with them. I did walk about the neighborhood with Calegero still.
But there was a shift with my presence here and I didn't know the reason for it.