Chapter eighteen- February 15th 2030

Thanks again for all the love. Sending you all love and happiness. I hope you enjoy this chapter and see if you can point out where a famous Grey's quote is. It's quite easy...

Chapter eighteen Plot- Jo revels more of her heartbreak to Alex while continuing to freak out of his admission.

"I want to talk to you about last week," Alex says as he Pops his head into her office. She doesn't look up from her paperwork and instead continues to work. "Jo, please, you've been avoiding me and we need to talk," he says again as he sits down.

Jo sighs and puts her pen down, "Alex... I... I... I don't know what you want me to do... What you want me to say," she replies.

"It's true yes, I have feelings for you Jo. I love you, I've never stopped loving you. And when it killed me when you just left, I continued to love you. I love you. I love you. I just...I did it again. I love you. I do. I just, I love you. And I have been trying not to say it. I have been trying so hard to just mash it down and ignore it and not say it… I am so in love with you. You're in me. You're like — it's like you're a disease. It's like I am infected by You Jo and I just can't think about anything or anybody and I can't sleep. I can't breathe. I can't eat. And I love you. I love you all the time. Every minute of every day. I love you. And I know that you've been though a lot. But you said you were letting go and moving on," Alex says.

Why does life have to be freaking complicated. There are supposed to be no feelings involved in this. It's a business arrangement... You think you have something sorted out but you really don't.

"I am letting go and I am moving on with my life. But it doesn't mean that I don't love my husband Alex. We had four children together. So yes, I'm moving on Alex. But moving on doesn't mean I still can't love him," Jo replies with tears almost coming out of her eyes.

"And still loving him doesn't mean that you can't love somebody else too," he replies.

"Yes it does. It mans exactly that. Because while I still love him I can't love somebody else properly. Moving on is a process I've been doing it for just over two years now and I'm doing pretty damn well at it," Jo says defensively.

"Do you have feelings for me?" He asks.

Jo takes a deep breath in, "No," Jo replies.

"Jo. Come on? We dated for nearly five years. We had so much together. You can't honestly tell me that there's nothing else there can you?" He replies.

"Every night I still have the miracle dream, I'll be lying in my bed and when my eyes start to drift shut it'll happen. It's always the same, exactly the same. Not a single little detail is different. It's 8:42am and I'm lying in bed with the kids. Zara is on my right, Eloise and Ruby are on my left and I'm heavily pregnant with Lily. He will open the bathroom door after taking a shower. The room fills up with the hot steam. He'll walk over to us and he'll sit at the end of the bed. The girls with attack him with cuddles for a minute before he places his hand on my belly. Lily will kick and he grins. He says he's living the dream. I smile and we kiss. He kisses and hugs each one of the kids goodbye and he'll place his hands on my stomach and say goodbye to the baby and he'll kiss her. He then kisses me once more and gets off the bed to leave for work. He gets to the door and he says that he's sorry that he'll be gone for so long. And then I wake up and he fades away," Jo says crying. "And then I'll drift back off to sleep and see him again. He walks Into the bedroom and says that his flight back was delayed and that he's sorry he was gone for so long," Jo says while trying to wipe her eyes.

"I had no idea Jo, I'm so sorry," he replies.

"No, that's right. You didn't have any idea. What I'm going through, it's a process. And I'm not ready and I don't want any kind of romantic relationship with you or anybody else," she replies.

"You're just scared Jo. I think you're using that as an excuse. I get it," he replies

"What are you, my freaking therapist? You don't get it. I'm not scared, my husband died. The man I love died. And you know what? I thought I was further along then this, but maybe I'm not," Jo replies starting to raise her voice.

"Meredith was scared to. She was scared about loving somebody new and getting her heart broken Jo. But I'm not somebody new and I love you,"Alex says.

"But That's why we take it slowly. We'll take it as slow as you'd like. And if there's nothing there then there's nothing there," Alex offers.

"Every single ounce of my being still loves David and I'm still getting over him. And I meant it when I said I don't have feelings for you Alex. I love you in nothing more then a friend way. And I don't want whatever feelings you have for me getting in the way of us being parents to this child. Because my life is complicated enough as it is. And Alex, we work extremely well as friends. And it's not fair for you to think that there might be something here when I still love my husband. So please, knock your feelings for me out of your head," Jo pleads.

Okay Jo, that was probably a bit harsh. You didn't need to freak out on him like that. Now he's probably going to hate you...

Alex looks at Jo, shocked and stunned and doesn't say anything for a few minutes, "alright, if that's what you want," Alex replies.

"And um, it's probably nothing, but I had some cramping when I woke up this morning so I'm going to go and see Arizona at lunch," Jo says.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Alex asks panicking.

"Alex, relax. Like I said it's probably nothing. I had cramping at 9 weeks with all my girls. It's just a precaution. I'll be fine," Jo replies before heading out of her office.

"Where are you going?" He asks.

"To see Dr Milton!" She calls back slightly annoyed.