Chapter Five

They slammed to the ground. There was a brief struggle as Castiel tried to fight off his attacker and Dean tried not to die. Castiel was a lot stronger than he looked and Dean had barely even begun to get his strength back. But it didn't matter, because as soon as Castiel saw who he was he gasped and went limp immediately.

Dean dropped his weight onto Castiel's chest and grabbed his wrists to pin them above his head. "Don't you move," he growled.

"Dean." His blue eyes were flared wide with panic.

"You remember my name!" Dean crowed sarcastically. "And here I was thinking you were the one with the memory problems."

"Dean, what-"

"Did you hit your head? Go through some sort of traumatic experience that fried your brain?"

His brow creased. "No. Why would you think-"

"Because I don't understand how else you could have forgotten."

"Forgotten what?"

Dean altered his grip so he had one hand free and pulled Castiel's ring out of his pocket. "This." He shoved it in Castiel's face so he could see it up close. "Your wedding ring."

His face paled dramatically. "That's not-"

"I am getting really fucking sick of people lying to me," Dean snapped. "This is yours. I have one just like it." Dean closed his fist around Castiel's ring, save for one finger which he left sticking out so his own ring would be clearly visible. "We're married."

Castiel's breath caught.

"Deny it," Dean said. "Deny it, I fucking dare you."

"Dean-"

"We're married." He practically spat the word. "I'm your husband and you're mine. We said 'I do'. We promised to be there for each other through thick and thin."

Tears glistened in Castiel's eyes. "You… remember?"

"No, I don't fucking remember. I don't know who you are, I don't know who I am, and I don't know why I fell in love with someone who clearly doesn't love me back!"

"Dean, no, that's not – how could you think that?"

"You LEFT ME. You took your ring off and gave it back to me like it meant NOTHING to you and then you just FUCKING LEFT."

"I thought-"

"What? You thought that my amnesia was your get-out-of-marriage-free card? You thought that just because I can't remember the vows you made that suddenly you're allowed to break them? You thought that you could just walk out on me and I'd let you get away with it?"

"I thought that you would be better off without me!"

"Oh, of course. That makes perfect sense. Because I didn't need any help during rehab when they were trying to teach me how to walk again. I didn't need any help while my broken fingers were healing. I'm just fine with being dumped in an unfamiliar neighbourhood where I don't know anyone and no one knows me. The panic attacks are a walk in the park and rebuilding my life from scratch has been a breeze. I'm not lonely, or scared, or halfway to insane and wondering why whoever damaged me like this didn't just finish the job and put me out of my misery!"

Castiel stared up at him, shocked by his outburst. "I… I didn't know it was that bad."

"Of course you didn't. You weren't fucking here. But I guess that was easier for you, huh?"

"Nothing about this has been easy."

"Yeah? Because from where I'm standing, you got the better end of the deal."

"You would think that."

"You think differently?" Dean challenged.

"I'm not going to argue with you."

"Oh, no, please. Explain to me how terrible this ordeal has been for you. Tell me about the pain and fear and confusion you've felt. Tell me-"

"I lost everything!" Castiel blurted.

"I'm the one who can't remember anything."

"Right. Exactly. You don't even know what you're missing. But the man who meant everything to me, the man I sacrificed everything for, the man I loved more than anything else in all creation and who, somehow, miraculously, loved me in return – that man is gone. He was stolen from me."

"I'm right here, Castiel. You're the one who chose to leave."

"You don't remember anything! You don't remember how we met, you don't remember what we went through together, you don't remember how we fell in love, you don't remember our wedding day, you don't remember the life we built."

"That's not my fault! If you would just tell me then maybe-"

"I can't."

"Why?"

"Because I have no right to do that to you. To hurt you like that."

"How could telling me our story possibly hurt more than abandoning me?"

"Because I'm not the only thing you've forgotten! You've been through Hell, Dean, more than once. It got so bad that your mind chose to forget everything rather than suffer a moment longer. If I remind you of who we were, your other memories could come back too and I won't be the one to do that to you. I can't let you go through that again. Not again."

"That's not your choice to make."

"Yes, it is. Because I know what was done to you and you don't. You won't ever know, not if I can help it."

"I'd rather have my memories back, the good and the bad."

"No."

"I'm going to remember. I am going to do everything I can to remember. You can't stop me."

"There is nothing here in this town that could jog your memory. We made sure of it."

"But I have you, now."

"I'm not staying, Dean."

"Yes, you damn well are!"

"I'm sorry. But if you knew what horrors were lying dormant in your subconscious, you would be thanking me for sparing you from them. You may not understand it, you may not like it, but I am doing this for your own good. You have to trust me."

"No. I don't trust you. And I'm not letting you go." For emphasis, Dean forced Castiel's ring back onto his hand and seized his wrists again.

"Dean, I don't want to hurt you."

"You're not the one in control of this situation." Dean leaned closer and his voice came out in a low growl. "I've got you trapped, Castiel. You're not going anywhere."

"Dean, let me up."

"No."

"Now, Dean. I mean it."

"I said no."

"Dean, please."

But Dean only tightened his hold on Castiel's wrists and shifted his body weight so Castiel was pinned more effectively.

Castiel's breath stuttered unevenly. "You have to let me up."

"Not going to happen." Dean shimmied back even more to be certain that Castiel couldn't get enough leverage with his legs to move – and that's when he noticed the bulge pressing into his thigh.

Castiel was hard.

"Why, you kinky son of a bitch. I'm pissed at you and you're getting off on it."

Castiel flushed scarlet. "I don't enjoy having you upset with me, but this is a very compromising position and we are in a public place and-"

Dean bent down until their faces were inches apart. "You like it," he breathed into Castiel's ear.

Castiel shuddered and turned his head away. "Dean, please," he repeated weakly.

Dean seized his jaw and forced Castiel to look at him. "You like being restrained," he pressed. He deliberately rolled his hips and Castiel let out an involuntary groan. "You would let me take you right here and now."

"Dean-"

Dean kissed him. He had been thinking about Castiel for weeks, trying to remember even the simplest thing about him. He wanted to remember what he tasted like. And he wanted Castiel to remember what he was missing out on.

It certainly got a reaction, but not the one he was hoping for.

Castiel pushed him off with enough force to knock him flat on his ass. He scrambled to his feet before Dean had a chance to react and glared down at him. "Don't," he said fiercely. "Don't do that."

Dean did not appreciate the shift in the balance of power between them. He stood up and was gratified to discover that he was taller than the other man. "We're married. I'm allowed to kiss you if I want."

"Not when it doesn't mean anything to you."

"It means I want you to stay," Dean argued stubbornly. "It means that I'm willing to forgive your lapse in judgement if you make up for it by sticking around." He licked his lips; the taste of Castiel lingered but their kiss had not lasted nearly long enough. He wanted to try it again. He wanted more than that. "It also means that I think you're hot and I wouldn't say no to re-creating our wedding night."

Castiel stared at him. "Last time it took you a lot longer to admit that you were attracted to me."

"Why?"

"You liked women."

Now it was Dean's turn to stare. "I'm not gay?"

"I think the current term is 'bisexual'."

"Okay. Sure. I liked girls and guys. But I married you, so I must have made my choice."

"I guess so."

"Don't make me regret it. Come on, Castiel. Come home with me."

Castiel hesitated.

"We don't have to do anything," Dean relented. "Just talk to me. Please just talk to me."

There was a long pause. Castiel glanced behind him and Dean tensed, realising that if Castiel chose to run there was no way that Dean would be able to catch him with these damned knees.

"Okay, Dean," Castiel sighed. "I'll stay."

Relief crashed over him. "Good." Dean snatched his sleeve and dragged him down the street to the house that had felt horribly empty without him.

They were going to make this work.

ooOOoo