Chapter nineteen- February 15th 2030
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Chapter nineteen plot- Jo finds herself in Dr Milton's office for the first time in over a year. And Alex and Jo come to a decision on their relationship.
"Dr Milton, can I come in? I really need to talk to you!" Jo calls out as she knocks on the door of Dr Milton's office.
"Dr Maidenway," she smiles as she sees Jo.
"Can I talk to you? I need a session," Jo says helplessly.
"I was just going to head out for lunch, but I can push it. Come in," Dr Milton says.
"Thank you," Jo replies as she walk into the office. She heads over to the lounge and sits down.
Wow, I can't believe I'm back here. I haven't been here in over a year so I didn't think I'd ever find myself back here again. But I really need a level head to talk to, a third party. Somebody who doesn't know about Karev and I's screwed up complicated past.
"Did you hear that I'm pregnant?" Jo asks Dr Milton as she sits on the lounge.
"I did hear that. Contractions Jo," she replies.
"I don't know that congratulations is the right word to use in his situation," Jo replies as she looks down at the floor.
"Can you tell me why that is?" She asks.
"I'm having a baby with a friend. We're going to raise this baby as friends... Or we're supposed to be anyway. It's very unconventional isn't it?" Jo asks concerned.
"Jo, we live in a world were unconventional things are normal. No longer are we expected to be conventional and make conventional choices," Dr Milton replies.
"But that's the thing... I should of made the conventional choice. I shouldn't of offered. I screwed up," Jo says.
"Can you tell me a bit about the situation surrounding the baby. What made you offer to have... What is the fathers name?" She asks.
"The baby is Alex Karev's," Jo says.
"What made you offer to have Alex Karev's baby?" Dr Milton asks.
"He wanted to have a baby and I decided that I wanted to have one more baby. About a month before I asked I found out David had Sperm stored in a sperm bank, so I was either going to have his baby or Alex's baby. Anyway, I asked Alex if he wanted to have a baby as friends. We'd conceive through IVF and have Lawyers draw up legal paperwork stating what school our baby would go to, custody and things like that. If he said no I was going to use David's sperm to have a baby. However my friend Steph quickly talked me out of that one. And I'm glad she did because having David's baby would be a step back from all the work I've done trying to move forward. But I just thought if I could help Alex while having the other baby that I wanted, then why not," Jo replies.
"Well, it's certainly unconventional, but there's nothing wrong with that. It was very noble of you to offer such a thing and it sounds like you're doing it for the right reasons," Dr Milton replies.
Right reasons? Wait until you find out about our history. Then you'll be thinking twice...
"But our history is starting to complicated things," Jo replies.
"And is that why you're regretting the choice you made?" Dr Milton asks.
"Yes," Jo replies
"So tell me, what history do you and Alex Karev have?" Dr Milton asks inquisitively.
"Well, what history do we not have really? That's the more appropriate question. Dr Karev and I started dating at the end of my intern year. We hit rocky patches just like any other couple. In my fifth year he was constantly shoving me to the side but he didn't see it. He went to propose just as I was breaking up with him. We broke up for a bit but then got back together. We we're okay for a while but he was insistent on getting married. Something I wasn't legally able to do because I was already married," Jo says.
"Did he push you to get a divorce?" Dr Milton asks.
"No, ah, he didn't know. I got married a long time before I met him and he began to get abusive so I ran, changed my name and started a new life in Seattle. But I didn't tell him why I wouldn't marry him, I was too scared, so we broke up. He came home to the loft at the wrong time, jus,led to some conclusions and he nearly beat a man to death. So I did what I've always done and I walked away from the situation. And then you know everything else that happened with David. And then eventually Dr Karev went to jail on felony assault," Jo says.
"And the problem is that he's been in prison for felony assault?" Dr Milton asks.
"No, that's not the problem," she replies.
"I'm missing what the problem is," Dr Milton says.
"The problem is that Alex has told me that he has romantic feelings for me. He wants a relationship," Jo replies.
"And you think it's going to complicated things with the baby," Dr Milton replies.
"It is going to complicated things with the baby. And I'm not ready for a relationship. I just thought I was further along then this you know. I thought I had everything sorted out. But turns out I don't," Jo replies.
"Jo, do you remember what we talked out when dealing with your grief? We talked about the feelings you'd have when starting to date again. What feelings did I say you might experience?" Dr Milton asks.
"Like I'm betraying him. I might feel like I can't love anybody else. I might feel like dating somebody else is wrong. I might make up excuses as to why I don't want to date. I might be in denial. I might feel wrong and bad about moving on and loving somebody else. I might sabotage and screw things up for myself and I'd feel guilty and a mix of emotions about dating again," Jo replies.
"That's right and how did I say you'd know when you were ready to start dating again?" She asks.
"You said I needed to listen to my heart. My heart would know when I was ready," Jo replies.
"And when Alex told you that he still had feelings for you, how did your heart feel?" She asks.
"My heart was racing and buzzing. Like I was a teenager with a crush on the high school forget all captain," Jo replies.
"That feeling Jo, that feeling is your heart telling you that you're ready. However I sensed some hesitation and anxiety in your voice. Can you tell me why that is?" Dr Milton asks.
"I'd be starting over from square one. I'd have to press reset on everything. And I know I know Alex, but somehow dating still makes me anxious," Jo replies.
"Starting over is hard. And it's natural to feel the way you do. But remember, you can go on a date a decide that you're not as ready as you thought you were and then you can stop dating. That's fine. But like we used to talk about Jo, you've got to take the risk, you have to open your heart and you have to be willing to try new things," Dr Milton replies.
"I've already sabotaged it anyway so it doesn't matter. I snapped at him... I yelled at him to knock his feelings for me out of his head," Jo replies.
"And as we discussed, sabotaging your new relationship or a chance of a new relationship because you're scared is something to expect. Alex knows you and he knows your history. So go up to him and explain to him why you snapped and explain your anxious feelings about dating again to him. If your heart is telling you to take a leap of faith on love, then you just need to work up the courage to follow it," she replies.
Later that afternoon
"Alex? Can I talk to you?" Jo asks as she knocks on Alex's office door. He looks up from his paperwork and sees Jo standing there.
"Is it the baby?" He asks concerned.
"Um, Arizona said that the baby is fine," Jo replies.
"Thank goodness," Alex replies.
"I wanted to talk to you about snapping at you earlier. I want to explain myself," Jo replies.
"Jo, you don need to explain yourself to me. I know your hurting and your grieving and I don't have time for any more excuses now,," Alex replies before continuing to do his paper work.
"No, but the thing is I do. I do need to explain things to you," Jo replies. Alex once again stops his paperwork and looks up at Jo.
"Okay," he says. Jo walks into his office and sits down at his desk.
"Firstly I wanted to say that I'm sorry that I yelled at you. I could of spoken nicer," she says.
"It did catch me off guard," he admits.
"I sabotaged it. And my therapist said that sabotage is a normal thing to do. So that did make me feel a bit better," Jo says.
"Okay..." Alex replies confused.
"But I yelled at you because I'm scared. I'm scared about what your feelings to me mean and what it would mean for us. So I sabotaged it. It feels so wrong to just do it all again and I feel guilty that I can move on with my life and David can't," Jo explains.
"I know you're scared Jo..." He replies.
"I'm so freaking scared Alex. I'm scared about what this might mean and I'm scared about getting my heart hurt. Because honestly it doesn't feel, like it could take another hit," she admits, "but I do have to press reset and start over, and that scares me Alex. And I just... I don't want to wreck what we have as friends, because it makes me feel so good. But..." Jo says.
"But?" He asks.
"But when I'm around you I feel my heart racing and buzzing. I feel like a 13 year old high schooler who has a crush on the football captain and that makes me feel so incredibly good," Jo says with a huge smile on her face.
Alex smiles, "I'm touched," he replies oddly.
"And I don't want to miss out on what could be because I'm scared. That's not how David would of wanted me to continue living and that's now how I want to continue living," Jo says.
"Are you trying to tell me what I think you're trying to tell me?" He asks curiously.
"Wh... What I'm trying to say is that I'm willing to give us another chance. Because the feelings are still there," Jo admits.
"Yes. That makes me so happy," he smiles.
I am doing this. I am really doing this. I'm starting something new and I'm dating again. I'm letting the sun shine again and I can't wait.