Thank you so much for reading and reviewing when I updated a couple of days ago. I'm amazed that you haven't forgotten me after my loooong break from writing.

In the following chapter both James Potter and Severus Snape have a few things to say. Really fun to try their voices. I've tried to keep them in character as I picture them in a scenario like the one I've painted here. Please let me know if you think their voices ring somewhat true. Severus will have even more to say in the chapter after this.

Chapter 21

Sirius

Sirius is going through all levels of hell, or at least that is what it feels like. He is unfocused during James's and his first week of Auror training. He can see the instructor looking at him with a sceptical expression, and for an hour or two he tries, he really does. He knows that the reputation his last name entails makes him an unlikely Law Enforcement cadet, and he hates himself for not being able to rise above it and prove himself everything a member of the Black family never has even aspired to.

"Padfoot, for fuck's sake, pull yourself together," James hisses during lunch break. "They'll throw you out before Christmas unless you show them that you actually belong here. We were doing Disarming Charms, not Transfiguration with living objects. And you behaved as if your wand was made of lead. Or belonged to someone else completely."

"I know. I'm sorry. I just miss summer. Her. I can't think straight without her around."

"You can't think straight when you are with her either. Nothing new there. Your mind has never worked like other people's, but you have been set on becoming an Auror since we were in our fifth year. I know you don't have to earn a living, like the rest of us, you filthy rich prat, but this is what you want. Think of the Sacred Twenty-Eight in Parliament and the bills they propose, the candidates for Minister for Magic they support. The newest one, Tom Marvolo, for instance. He's all simple background and working class, but the 28 treat him like royalty. There must me something wrong with him."

Sirius snaps out of his self-pity.

"Marvolo? I've heard about him…"

"Well, he's all over the news lately, and…"

"No. Not there. I just read the sport pages in the Prophet, anyway. No, I've heard about him somewhere else. Where?"

"At your parent's place?"

Sirius squints.

"I don't think so. I haven't been to Grimmaulds Place in four years, and I made a point of not listening to anything they said anyway. No, somewhere else."

"Hogwarts then?" James suggests.

Sirius nods.

"Yes. Probably. But I can't remember… Wait."

"Slughorn? Filch? Snivellus? Crouch? Avery?"

"No, not in a Slytherin context. I think it was Dumbledore."

"Dumbledore?"

"Yes. Yes, now I remember. It was before Christmas, when I was ordered to go and see Dumbledore for that prank I pulled on McLaggen, making his ears stick out. The gargoyles let me up those sickening moving staircase, but I was told to wait outside the door. Dumbledore was talking to McGonagall about him, Marvolo. He was a student at Hogwarts, some 30 years ago. I got the feeling something happened around him then. They said things like "as we know he is capable of" and "the thing he has with animals, but nothing like Rubeus Hagrid" and "we can't let him gain influence."

"Really?"

"Yes. I was mostly worried I would have to apologise to McLaggen, as means of punishment, but especially McGonagall was really freaked out."

"Nah. Not McDontContradictMe. Old Albus might be all jittery on occasion, but not Your Scottish McMajesty."

"But she was, James. I've never heard that tone in her voice before. Fear. Uncertainty."

James drops his mocking charade.

"Then you really need to shape up here, Sirius. If Minerva McGonagall knows something about this Marvolo guy and considers him a threat, you of all people need to join the ranks of the Aurors. Understand the depths of evil rather than just aiming curse after curse as protection, or whatever Dumbledore said when he gave his little "I turn dark wizards light" speech at Graduation."

"You weren't even there."

"Remus told me. And both he and I think that we should have been mentioned too."

"What for?"

"For reforming you."

"Shut it. Let's practice some disarming."

"Want me to close my eyes and use my left hand to give you a chance?"

"Expelliarmus!"

"Hey! Not fair!"

Not fair.

No, Sirius doesn't think it's fair. He doesn't like the consultant-of-the-dark-arts role the others, those who trust him, have cast him in. And there was something about Dumbledore before the end of term, just before he, Remus and Peter left for Godric's Hollow. As if Dumbledore wanted to confide in him, ask something of him, and then thought better of it and just wished them a lovely summer.

As if I have to prove myself first.

Sirius has heard rumours about Dumbledore being all paranoid and forming some kind of secret dissident group. James would laugh if off, but Sirius is not so sure it's just another of Dumbledore's whims. The leadership of magical Britain is still elected by vote, not taken by force, but if Dumbledore can sense something not quite right with where the Parliament is heading, Sirius is the first to believe him. Dumbledore is right about many things that are opposed to popular opinion.

He was right about me.

Eight years earlier, when Sirius, slightly shell-shocked, ended up at the Gryffindor table on his first evening at Hogwarts, Dumbledore had walked by, placed a hand on his shoulder and whispered:

"The Black I've been waiting for. Welcome."

During Sirius's years at Hogwarts he has been in the headmaster's office many times, being told off for yet another prank that had seemed like a good idea at the time. A few times Dumbledore has delivered his scolding like something he's been repeating by rote, rather than real anger or indignation. Those occasions also included some well-phrased Dumbledorisms.

"I can see that you can't just cast it off, but Sirius, my boy, why not try and use the anger inside you constructively."

"Didn't you make your choice when you came here?"

"I can't tell you I know what having a family like yours is like, but for the love of Rowena's lost diadem, you are better than that. Stronger. Kinder."

What did he mean? What does he expect of me? Am I just a feather in his hat for not following in the footsteps of my father?

But tomorrow is Friday and the strategic plotting of Dumbledore vanishes at the thought of Hermione.

When Sirius finds his footing outside the gates around Hogwarts he sees a figure through the bars. Slightly disappointed he recognises Remus.

"Not happy to see me, Sirius?"

"Of course, I am. I just…"

"And I just wonder if I can use your portkey back to London. James asked me to a Quidditch match down in Kent. Grodzisk Goblins against Appelby Arrows."

"The Poles? Why would you want to go and see a team of Poles get beaten by the Apples?"

"You would too, if your mind weren't full of naughty thoughts. You're a bigger Quidditch fan than I, but, to tell you the truth, I think I'd rather not stay here and try speak to either you or Hermione."

"Why? Is something wrong? Why isn't she here to meet…"

Remus laughs.

"No, nothing is wrong. Just listen to yourself. What I mean is that you can't even talk to me for a minute before you ask about Hermione. And she's no better. All absent-minded since lunch. So, can I?"

"What?"

"The portkey?"

"Sure. Come back Sunday."

Sirius throws the unassuming pair of binoculars in Remus's direction. When Remus catches them he disappears.

Sirius is amazed that Hermione leads him through parts of Hogwarts he's never seen before. He really thought that no student had seen more of hidden corridors and secret rooms than he. On the other hand he isn't a student any more, and neither is Hermione. None of them dwell to admire the paintings on the walls, though.

Hermione's room reminds him of something, but he can't remember what, and he doesn't care.

"You have to come to London," he murmurs against her skin when he has her pinned against the door to her room. "I can't focus in Auror class. I make the worst mistakes, and they'll kick me out. My mind is full of you, there is no room for new information about disguising spells and whatnots."

She laughs shakily.

"So, tell me exactly what I do in your mind," she whispers.

"Well, I have you pinned against a door, like this, and you don't mind…"

"I don't."

"In fact, you seem to like it.

Hermione raises her left leg and winds it around Sirius's hip.

"And you bend your head back so I can kiss your neck, like this. And then you are quite passive while I unbutton your shirt."

When Sirius's fingers touch her skin behind the undone buttons Hermione shivers and gasps. His overactive imagination had forgotten about those sounds and he stops trying to choreograph their reunion. He kisses her hungrily and hoists her up around his hips to take her to the bed, or the couch, or a reasonably thick carpet, whatever's closest.

"No," she pants when he takes a step. "I kind of like the idea of this door."

Quickly Sirius wards the door with a silencing spell, before he lets his nightly painfully longing dreams dictate their lovemaking.

It's not until they go down for dinner that they can string together sentences that are appropriate for others to hear. Hermione tells Sirius that she has made progress with the Wolfsbane Potion and that Remus has agreed to try it during the next full moon, two weeks away.

"It's not a cure, it's not even a prohibitor drug. At best, it's a sedative that works despite the active infection. A normal sedative, one that would knock out Remus for days, is useless during the full moon."

"I know," Sirius mutters grimly. "We've tried it, James, Peter and I. It was the time when…"

He trails off but touches the left side of his chest. Hermione grimaces; she has seen the scar.

"Who healed it?" she asks.

"What?"

She lowers her gaze from his eyes to his chest.

"Oh. Pomfrey. She kind of sang this weird incantation."

" The Vulnera Sanentur?"

"Um. Perhaps that's what it called. And poured loads of silver solution onto it. But it wasn't… He didn't… Remus didn't bite me. He used his claws."

Sirius's last words are a whisper and he is suddenly pale.

"Do you still want to be here when Remus tries my sedative? You don't have to. Professor Dumbledore and Professor Slughorn have offered one of the dungeons and taking turns with a Full Body-Bind Curse."

"Are you mad?" Sirius memory of the fear he felt when the Werewolf in Remus suddenly turned on him, is wiped away, and he is angry. "Would I let my best friend…"

"Remus thinks it's a good idea, too," Hermione interrupts. "And he isn't your best friend during the full moon. He is a Werewolf. He hates himself for it, hates the monster inside him, and he is adamant that the wolf and the man are two different beings. He is actually…"

Hermione stops abruptly.

"What?"

She shakes her head.

"Tell me, please. He is actually what?"

"He told me in confidence. I shouldn't…"

"Is there a chance it will help him in any way if you tell me? If so, do."

Sirius is suddenly jealous. His jealousy isn't as much of a monster inside him as the wolf is in Remus, but close enough. What has Remus confided in Hermione that he hasn't told Sirius? All kinds of pictures of hushed and secluded conversations between Remus and Hermione play in his head. Conversations abruptly interrupted when Sirius enters the room. He feels her hand on his cheek and focuses on her concerned face.

"No, Sirius. Don't go there in your mind. What Remus told me is this. He hates that now, after your Hogwarts years, you and James and Peter prioritise to come here, to him, when he isn't Remus, but the wolf. He just misses the time you spent together the other 28 days of the month, when he was himself."

"Oh. I see. Of course. Fuck, this is so hard, so unfair. Of course I want to spend time with Remus when he's himself, but I also want to be with you, and I need to be in London, and when…"

"I know. And Remus knows, too. It's just the way it is. Hopefully I will make progress with the potion. Professor Slughorn supports me. He's more interested than I thought he would be."

Sirius nods and looks slightly doubtful.

Four months later

Hermione

But Hermione does make progress. Days after the New Year the potion she and Professor Slughorn have brewed makes it possible for Remus to resist the raving blood-thirst most of the night of the full moon. Professor Slughorn is with them in the Shrieking Shack and keeps his wand trained at Remus all night. Sometimes he has to use it to restrict the Werewolf, but there are no accidents.

Sirius, James and Peter are all there, in their Animagus forms. So is Hermione and even though she admits that the potion has effect, the look in the Werewolf's golden eyes makes her want to run back to the Potions classroom and work without sleep of food until she has perfected the formula. The transformation has before always been physically total, and there has been nothing of Remus in the Werewolf. Albeit very groggy the glint in the golden eyes has, before, been malicious, without a hint of Remus's warmth and calm. There is neither warmth nor calm there now, but agony when the man and the wolf do battle inside the same body.

And even so, Remus is grateful the next morning. His aching, strained muscles, and his bruised and bloody gums where the Werewolf's fangs have drawn his own blood make it difficult for him to speak, let alone move. His three Marauder friends, Hermione and Professor Slughorn stand around his bed in his room.

"Thank you, Hermione. I've never remembered a full moon before. Last night was hell, but I was there at least. It's much more hellish to come to and not know what you've done."

Professor Slughorn beams with pride when he turns to Hermione.

"Congratulations, Miss Granger. I dare say we are following in Damocles's footsteps even though we set out with neither map nor compass. You really are the most talented witch of your age."

"Indeed," Sirius concurs and hugs her to him. "What would we do without you?"

But two months later it's Severus Snape they can't do without. Sirius, James, Professor Slughorn, Hermione and Lily are all present when Remus drinks yet another new potion, based on all the previous ones. They are in one of the dungeons, since the sub-zero temperatures would make a night in the Shrieking Shack seem endless. The Marauders are not in their Animagus forms. The new potion seems to work even better, even the physical transformation seems less pronounced than before. The potion gives off a spicy, almost peppery smell, not unpleasant, just strong, and it makes Professor Slughorn sneeze.

Then it happens so fast. The chubby professor sneezes, drops his wand and when he bends to pick it up the Werewolf lunges towards him, shoulders him out of the way and attacks Lily and Hermione. The next second the Werewolf is on his back with Sirius's wand trained at him, stupefied, body-bound and wrapped in steel wire Hermione has no idea from where or with what Sirius has conjured up. The Werewolf is in obvious pain, and it is Remus's amber, haunted eyes that convey it to them all.

Hermione's heart beats so fast and hard she thinks the Werewolf must have clawed her ribcage open, but when she looks down on herself she can't see any blood. A pained cry behind her makes her whip around. Lily in on the floor, bent double in a pool of blood.

"Lily!" James roars and crashes to his knees beside her. "No!" He turns to the incapacitated Werewolf. "I'll kill you, you monster. You absolute…."

"James! Don't." Hermione shakes him. "Now is not… Lily's more important now."

James takes Lily in his arms, stunned and out of words. In the corner of her eye she sees Sirius, immobile and with his want steadily pointed at the Werewolf.

"Lily, listen," Hermione asks as fast as she can. "Tell me. Did he bite you or claw you? And where?"

Lily's teeth chatter when she tries to answer.

"Hip. Left hip. Don't know if… teeth or… claw…"

"Professor Slughorn, perform the Vulnera Sanentur, with the incantation. I'll go for help."

"But Madame Pomfrey is not at the school tonight. She's with…"

"It's not her I'm going to. Now, the incantation, professor."

Hermione runs as fast as when Harry and she ran from the fully transformed Werewolf in their third year, as fast as Harry, Ron and she ran from the snatchers when they were on their Horocrux hunt, as fast as when they ran for the door in the Room of Requirement when Vincent Crabbe had set it all on fire. By pure coincidence she knows where Severus's rooms are and, even better, they are just next to the Potions classroom. Hermione throws herself on the unassuming door and bellows his name.

The door remains closed, and not a sound is heard from within.

"Severus, please! Open up! I need your help. Lily has been attacked."

"What?!"

His voice doesn't come from inside his room, but from behind her, and Hermione realises that Severus has been in the Potions laboratory, even though it's Saturday night. She hears herself shriek in surprise but also in relief.

"You salve? Is it anywhere near useful yet? There was an accident, a terrible, terrible…"

Severus is just in front of her in two long strides. He locks her wrists in his hands and drowns her babbling with his voice.

"Teeth or claws?"

"Don't know. Claws, I think. If he'd been close enough with his teeth I would have been hurt, too."

"Come!"

Still with her wrists in his relentless grip Severus turns and hurries to the Potions classroom. He lets go of her on the threshold and quickly summons vials and small jars.

"Where is she?" he barks out to Hermione.

"The dungeons. Just below. Professor Slughorn is performing the Vulnera Sanentur.

"The full incantation? Singing it?"

"Yes."

"Good."

He is close to her again, ready to go.

"And it's it, Hermione. If it had been close enough. Not he."

He sweeps past her and Hermione agrees. She'd agree to anything right now.

Hermione enters the dungeons a few seconds after Severus, but finds him already kneeling beside Lily, whispering spells which seems to calm both her and the blood flow.

"No!" James's voice is confused and angry. "Not you. Get the fuck…"

"Shut it, Potter!" Severus snarls. "I'll crucio you if you don't shut it. You can't help her, but I can."

James looks away, the colour draining from his face. He still holds Lily in his arms but apparently he's given in to the inevitable that she needs Severus more than she needs him right now.

Hermione thinks she might die from the feeling that this somehow is her fault. It is her project, her responsibility.

I was to save Lily, not getting her killed with my inadequate potion skills.

In her mind she goes over every alteration she has made with the Wolfsbane potion during the last month, weighing pros and cons about every ingredient.

"Hermione! For heaven's sake, come here. Help me. Potter's useless, not that I'm surprised."

The very muggle "for heaven's sake" from Severus's lips reminds Hermione of his background. He was brought up in muggle village, and now, in 1979, that isn't very long ago. She kneels next to him and does everything he tells her to do. Lily's jeans are cut open over her hip, and the wound there is horrifying. Professor Slughorn is still performing the incantation, but it isn't until Severus applies a colourless potion from a pipette at the same time as uttering incantations in a totally different language than Professor Slughorn that the blood stops oozing and the wound begins to close itself.

"No infection," Severus concludes. "This is a clawed wound, not a bite. Good Godric, Hermione, what the hell were you thinking, or better still, were you thinking at all? It's one thing if you want to sacrifice yourself on the wrong side of those fangs and to a life not worth living anymore, but do you really need to bring an audience? An unprepared audience? You could have been arrested for accessory to murder. I would personally have seen to that, you witless do-gooder."

"Mr Snape," Professor Slughorn interrupts but with less conviction than Hermione has ever heard. Through a veil of tears she suddenly sees the much older, much more tired and resigned Potions professor she knew 20 years later.

"No, he is right," she whispers. "I shouldn't have let Lily be here."

"Stop it," Lily whispers. "I wanted to. James has told me how well you have developed the Wolfsbane. I knew it wasn't ready, or complete, I just wanted to see a less aggressive transformation. If you had told me to stay away I would have fought you, Hermione. It was stupid and reckless, but I could see something of Remus in the wolf, and I let down my guard."

Severus still kneels next to them. He strokes Lily's hand with his head bowed. Hermione can see tears in his eyelashes, his anger defeated.

Sirius clears his throat.

"And Remus is still here. In this werewolf. I don't know what to do. Professor? Hermione?"

Professor Slughorn takes a few tentative steps towards the bundled up Werewolf. He trains his wand but hesitates.

"Are you going to do something, Horace, or just stand there and condemn me for my iron rings that barely let him breathe?" Sirius asks. He sounds like he used to do when Hermione was 15 and Sirius picked fights with anyone in the Order that didn't want to go to open war as much as he did.

Professor Slughorn makes up his mind. It is impossible to know if it is Sirius's use of his first name or the utter pain the Werewolf with its human amber eyes is in, but he utters a spell that makes the bundle of furious muscles relax and the desperate look in Remus's eyes go out.

"What?" Sirius asks bewildered. "What did you do?" When he lowers his own wand the metallic wire around the body on the floor disappears.

"An Avada without the Kedavra," Severus says from his position on the floor. "I was about to cast it myself."

"Thank Merlin, you didn't," says Professor Slughorn shakily. "If someone is going to Azkaban for an unforgivable curse tonight, let it be me."

"Technically, it isn't unforgivable," Severus says calmly. "Those rings, though, Black? Where the hell did they come from?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Sirius snarls. Then he thinks better of it and answers the question properly. "From my father's private book of curses. I stole it when I ran away from home."

"Hermione?"

Lily's voice is weak, and Hermione leans in to be able to hear her.

"Yes?"

"You saved me."

"No, Lily. Severus did. I almost got you killed."

Lily takes Hermione's hand with her right hand. Severus is still stroking her left, and Hermione can see that she holds on to him. She hopes James won't notice and raise hell again.

"No, the Werewolf almost killed me. I insisted to be here. You knew what to do. You got Severus, but who else in this room would have done that?"

She turns to Severus.

"Thank you, Severus. I owe you my life."

Severus bends his head so his dark hair covers his face. Hermione can still hear his words, but she hopes no one else in the room can.

"Any time. I'd do it any time. Always. I owed you my life first. It'll always be yours to what you want with."

James stirs behind Lily and the spell of heart-breaking honesty behind Severus's dark veil of hair is broken.

"What happens now?" James asks. "With Re… with the Werewolf?"

Professor Slughorn takes a deep breath.

"I will stay with him until the morning when the full moon disappears. It's not safe to keep him under this spell for longer than that."

"Safe for whom?" Sirius mutters darkly.

"Mr Lupin. He will be himself tomorrow, mentally, but not… physically. He is almost dead now. And tomorrow he will feel it."

James asks a question, but Hermione doesn't listen. Quietly she stands up and backs away from the scene. A lump as large as her heart blocks her wind-pipe, and a pain as raw as a crucio curse grips her. Slowly she backs away. Only Severus notices, but she can't read the expression in his dark eyes. It could be compassion as well as hate. She can only see the hate. She leaves and as soon as she is out of the room she starts running. Someone calls her name behind her, and she runs even faster.

Out of breath and with blurry vision she undoes the last lock on the door to her rooms. She casts silencing spells the second the door closes behind her. Then she screams.

Thanks for reading. Kia