Hello everyone and welcome to the twelve chapter of SSI.

This chapter is another flash back chapter. It's was annoying because it has some important things in it but it wouldn't let itself be written the way I wanted it to. Though my sister reassures me that it's alright, so I'll just have to go with her judgement on that. The next chapter is going to be a flash back chapter too, but it'll be the last one I get on with the main storyline. It funny because that's just taken me about sixty thousand words. I cannot write short stories.

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy, Square Enix does.

What you meant to me

Fang lay awake on her bed; she felt the craving for seohilin creeping in from the depths of her mind, but it was weak enough to ignore for now. Through she knew that wouldn't last long. Her stash of it was running low and it would only be a week or two at best until she'd have to go back to Maxine to get more, and she'd be lying if she said she was looking forward to going back to that hag. So she was trying to make it last as long as she could, she didn't want worry about that chick going through her head anyway, it left a sour taste in her mouth. Besides, her mind was preoccupied with other things.

Serah for one. Fang frowned; now of all subjects that was one that happened to leave a pretty bad taste in her mouth. Thinking about it, she really didn't have many good memories to attach to that girl. Sure her time at Pulse hadn't been bad until she'd been sent on that spying mission, but she represented some pretty bad things to Fang. She knew that Serah had never meant to leave such a bad mark on her, and it wasn't her fault or anything that she had, but no matter how hard she tried to think otherwise Fang couldn't seem to steer her sense of Serah the right way. To her she was a symbol of failure, and the loss of Light. One of the most painful things she had ever had to go through.

Because Light had meant so much to her regardless of the small time she had known her. Those few months were some of the best she'd had in a long time. In fang, Lightning found a kindred spirit, she found someone who had been put through hell by the corporations and yet survived mostly whole. She saw strength in that and despite the jealousy she held for it, clung to that strength instead of pushing it away. And it let her survive, and in time the two of them became very close. Many, many times was Fang told by the agents around her to avoid blackcats, but she never listened once even though there were many arguments for why she should have.

Fang turned on her side and gave a bitter smile. Ah yes were there ever reasons why she should have taken that advice. Light meant a lot to her yes, but she was one twisted son of a bitch. The world of Cocoon and Pulse had left Fang battered and bruised and gave her a fuming hatred that could engulf the world, but it had destroyed Light from within. Both mentally and physically. If you didn't know her well you might have never guessed but Light's body was a wreck, it was a wonder how she could stand most days. But that was just the ways things were for her, being Pulse's top agent at her best, when they wanted her to do something for them there were no complaints to be raised no matter what condition she was in. To them if any hurt you had could be masked by drugs you were fine to send out. They knew of course that such treatment would kill her in time, but that was for them to care about later.

What's more, the bloody girl did every drug under the sun, if it meant she could escape reality for an hour or so she'd do it. It was little wonder that people alienated her how crazed she could become sometimes, no one understood her. Apart from herself, Fang could name only one more who got her. Fang smiled more than a little madly when the man's name echoed through her head.

Caius.

Now there was a name that set her blood on fire.

…:…

The memories flitted in and out of focus, fleeting yet ever so haunting.

The image of her sitting down in a hallway full of agents talking to others around her as the familiar figure of a pink haired girl walks through them momentarily interrupting their conversation. A little while ahead a man with dark purple hair looks up at her and flashes her a quick smile. She looks at him, not happy but not sad either and keeps walking. Someone besides Fang whispers in her ear "Avoid black cats." But the damage is done, and her curiosity sparked.

She doesn't listen to them

In another memory now, Fang sees herself talking to the pink haired girl, Lightning as she now knows her to be, not any of those stupid names Cid was calling her because of this weird inside joke they have about him never calling her by her real name. The girl seems wary of her, but Fang doesn't let it bother her because she wants to know her no matter what it takes. She just has to.

More scenes flow by her in a flash, some good, some bad. Her getting to know Light better, her starting to get on her good side. Light even beginning to like her. But then there are the bad ones, like her finding out of all Lightning's addictions, her failing health and her twisted mind.

One of these memories sticks out more than others. Cold light streams in from a window late at night and the talk between Fang and Light turns to that of death. Lightning brings the fate of her mother into the equation and that of Fang's village which is now known to her. Madness seeps out from all corners of her being and the word suicide taints the air. There is much talk from then on, worried frantic talk spoken from Fang alone until in a wave of swift insanity a knife is pointed to her throat. The memory than fades, its ending left unknown.

More visions come and go and weeks are crossed in a matter of seconds. And always that man is there, that purpled haired man whose name turns to sand on her tongue. Fang keeps seeing them together, and sees the looks that pass between. Oh how those looks infuriate her, but she keeps silent and holds the feelings she feels for Light to her chest. 'You must not tell her' Fang tells yourself. They could ruin everything.

And then lastly she is thrown into a last memory that pains her to this day.

Fang finds herself standing in a dark hallway populated by no one else other than herself and Light.

"What is it?" she asks her.

News had reached them both that Caius had been pronounced Killed in action and Light was in hysterics. Her mood seemed weird to Fang, she knew that there had been love between the two but her friend's reaction is overkill even for that.

Turning to her, with her face tearstained in response Light utters two words that shatter Fang's world.

"I'm pregnant."

…:…

Fang snapped back into focus and squeezed her hand into fist so hard she feared she might break it. Her eyes wandered to the blank ceiling. That last memory was one she'd of preferred to leave where it belonged. In the past.

The memory of when she'd learned of Light's pregnancy was a horrible one for her. To learn that Caius, a man she hated with all her heart for no matter how petty a reason, had done that to her turned her blood to ice in her veins. Someone else who may have seen things clearer at the time would have said it takes two to tango, but she didn't need reminding. She knew that well, it was just that she needed somewhere to direct her anger. And Caius was the most likely option.

She hated to think that it had been him who had Light when she wanted her so. And Lightning being pregnant with his child only served as a reminder to her that that was how things had been, not the other way around. For she loved Light so, and she'd wished so much that it had been her in Caius's position instead of him every time she saw those two together.

But she didn't have the luxury to tell Light any of this, she couldn't in fact. For her pregnancy ate away at her last remaining sanity. Fang didn't want to imagine how it had been for her to be pregnant with a child whose father she knew had died without the knowledge that the child within her even existed.

Not to mention that for the child to survive it had meant giving up all her vices. From alcohol to drugs and dreaded seohilin, words cannot describe how sick she became. The pain it brought Fang to remember how she had watched Light slowly fade away, growing sicker and sicker as the days went by was horrible. How she ever survived it all eludes her to this day.

Sucking in a painful breath, the memory came alive in her mind and flickered in front of her eyes.

…:…

Fang sat in a chair besides a bed on which Lightning slept restlessly. Rising a hand to her face she rubbed sleep out of her eyes for what had to be the millionth time that night. She didn't want to go to sleep, not tonight when Light was so sick. The poor girl had been slipping in and out of consciousness all day and she was worried. She had been getting steadily worst over the past three weeks. It was horrendous to watch yet she couldn't take her eyes away. She was afraid, so afraid, that if she did she wouldn't be there if she died. She didn't want to leave her alone for that. Death is scary, no matter how much the person in question might wish for it, and Fang wanted to be there for Light if it did decide to take her away to sweet oblivion.

Tears prickled at the edge of her eyes but Fang blinked them away. She didn't want to cry, it wouldn't help anything so what was the point? It was Lightning's own fault she was this sick in the first place. She knew the risks of going on those drugs. Even if you threw the rest of them to the wind, there were still the vastly deadly withdrawal symptoms of seohilin to contend with. First there were the cold chills, the warning signs that alone could kill you of hyperthermia at their worst. As luck would have death in that way was very rare, but then you had the severe lethargy that practically paralysed you the worst it got. Then the nausea kicks in, and sickness begins. And that's not all, there are so many more, and next to all end in some sort of painful death. It amazed her that Light had survived for this long. Because bringing in the rest of her many different choices of drugs to abuse together with seohilin and her pregnancy made for one terrifying cocktail of hell. It's little wonder why she held so little hope for her and the child's survival. For what hope could be had when it looked as if all possible paths led to death.

Breathing out a sigh Fang leaned back in her chair. Her eyelids began to droop without her noticing but she snapped them back open before they could close on her. Looking back to the sad figure of Lightning asleep on the bed she settled into a more comfortable position in her chair and conceded that this was going to be a long night.

More images flashed by Fang, of her sitting by Light's bedside alone as the girl slept on fitfully in solitary silence. Of the times when Cid came to talk to her to try and ease the quietness that was beginning to drive Fang up the wall for Lightning was rarely ever much use for conversation. And how she loved those visits even though she never told Cid that. There was more, much more, the memories swarmed in front of eyes, swerving and ducking and hardly ever making themselves legible, but there was one to did come to Fang understandable. One that was only one of two memories she had of that time that could be called good.

She was lying beside Lightning on her bed and the girl was awake. She had been doing better lately; she was far from well, but better was better than nothing. She was still very tired and lethargic but at least she could form comprehendible sentences now as opposed to when she was so sick she was delusional. Their conversation had swerved off from its original so immensely that they weren't really sure any more what it had been. So far, it seemed to have reached the topic of names.

Lifting her mouth to Light's ear Fang whispered, "You have a weird name you know."

Light hummed a little, and answered slowly, "You're…one to talk…and it isn't…my real name anyway."

"I know." Fang responded, laying her head on the crook of Lightning's neck, "Doesn't stop it being weird."

Fighting off the sleep she felt coming, Lightning tried her hardest to keep the conversation going on her part, "What about…yours…then…it's strange too."

"I can see that, but it's not that it's my real name either, it's just the English equivalent." Fang answered readjusting her position to make it more comfortable.

"What is…your real one…then?" Lightning asked her, fighting off her gathering lethargy.

Rising her mouth to her ear again, Fang whispered "Klyka. Fang was actually just a nickname that Jihl gave me, but the rest of those racist pigs over at Cocoon liked it better than my real one because it was English so they all insisted on calling me that. So eventually I just got used to that, I can hardly see Klyka as my name now it's become that foreign to me. Sad really, Vily got to keep her name but I didn't."

Lightning gave a small hum in answer, giving up her fight with her tiredness she closed her eyes, "It's pretty" she whispered as she fell asleep. The girl was out like a light and never got to hear her friend say in reply.

"Thank you."

The visions changed again, and scenes of Lights condition getting worst once more passed by until her mind chose to drop her into another clear memory. The second and final memory of Light's sickness that couldn't have been called bad.

It was very late at night, definitely passed Midnight, and Fang sat where she always sat beside Light on her chair at her bedside. She was exhausted again from lack of sleep and anxiety filled days. Light had taken a turn for the worst the past week or so, and her fears had begun anew. The girl was five months in on her pregnancy, far longer than Fang thought she could make, but that didn't make it in anyway time to get cocky. The baby seemed fine so far miraculously, but its mother was anything but. Right now Lightning was sleeping in fevered dreams, and she tossed and turned frequently but nothing Fang did seemed to calm her down.

Fang herself sat with her head bowed and her hands clasped together in prayer. She'd never really taken to the prayers said by the people from this country; they always seemed to be missing something to her so she didn't bother herself with them. Tonight the words that left her lips were her old traditional prayers of Oerba spoken in her beloved Oerban tongue, the only thing left she had of her old home now that she didn't have Vanille.

Fang guessed that sometime during this Light must have roused, for when she looked up at the end of a prayer the girl was watching her intently. Tired and weak, she asked her, "What language is that?"

Looking away, Fang answered, "Oerban."

Fang saw Lightning smile a little in the corner of her eye, "It's nice." She said before falling back asleep.

Slowly, so slowly, did Fang begin to turn back to Light. Wondering as she did if Lightning would ever realise the significance of what she'd said. That this along with telling her that her real name was pretty meant more to than she could possibly comprehend. For she had grown having her first language condemned for petty reasons, and no one had ever told her that it was pretty or even remotely tolerable.

The feeling it gave her to know that someone actually liked it, was nice.

…:…

Fang felt herself slip back into reality. There were tears hanging on to the edges of her eyes, so she brushed them away. She hated to think of the time when Light was sick. It was like a great black spot on her mind that she couldn't scrub off no matter how hard she tried. The bad memories remained, and there they would stay. Though it wasn't like those events had killed Light as she thought they would, they were still some of the most painful she had.

She didn't know how, she didn't know why, but Light did survive and her baby was born. Three months early yes, but alive and that's all that counted. And the little thing was a fighter. It fought all the way from the bad health it suffered from at birth into the good health it attained before Fang and its mother were sent out of that taboo mission where Lightning was lost to them both.

That bought another tear to Fang's eye. The baby had only been three months old, and Lightning wasn't even fully recovered yet from her time of sickness and the baby's birth. But that was just Pulse then wasn't it? If drugs could mask the pain then you were fine. They knew the dangers but they set her out anyway. She was in no condition for that mission and it's now Pulse's fault that a newborn was left motherless. All theirs, no one else's! Sure she could blame Cocoon for killing her, but they wouldn't have even had the chance to if not for Pulse. They might be the kinder of the two but both Corporations have their evil point, and this was Pulse's. And now because of them that baby was raised without its mother and she never got to tell the woman she loved just how much she truly meant to her.

Blowing out a sigh Fang did her best to calm down and ease the tension flowing through her body. Mentally getting angry at Pulse for its shortcomings wasn't going to do anything. As she settled down she lifted her eyes to the ceiling again and a thought hit her.

Thinking of Light's baby, she wondered where Fate was now?

And done, hope you liked the chapter.

Also I realised as I was writing this but how come no one's has yet to question how Rosch seems to be unkillable. Now that I think about it but that worries me a little, didn't anyone find that wrong enough to comment on it, I don't think even my sister's said anything about it yet.

And a fun thing about how my sister knows me creepily well in the plot clichés I like. She knew who Fate was the moment she walked into the room last chapter. I had a feeling that some people might catch on to it, but not that fast. She does that to me a lot.

Please review, I'll love you for it.