Jack wondered if he had made the right choice as he paid for the pizzas and walked back to the flat. A few days had passed, John had said he was injured but had done the job well, so he would be out of the country quickly, and they hadn't seen him. Ianto and Jack hadn't talked about John, or what John did in the group again, and that was what bothered Jack.
Not that he wanted a confrontation with Ianto, but he knew the man now. He knew how he was. Ianto shrugged his way out of serious discussions that could turn into fights but he never forgot and was able to break one day and tell things from months before just because he was upset. Jack didn't mind, because he was a bit like that as well – avoiding fights at least, not reminding old bitterness between them – and it sounded okay.
But at the same time he wondered if sometimes they shouldn't just fight and forget the thing. But Jack was being selfish and a coward on that one, too afraid to lose Ianto to say anything. Yes, maybe they would fight then make out and everything will be fine, and they wouldn't have a big fight all at once – they'd had only one like this – that ended up by not talking for a few days until the others got tired and they eventually even forgot what the initial fight was about. But it could very well end up with Ianto noticing that Jack was too full of flaws, and wanting to end things. Which Jack didn't want. Because as much as he had told himself not to fall for that young, handsome face, he knew he felt more than simply sexual attraction, and that was why he had told John he was with Ianto, why he had asked Ianto out on a proper date, why he had no idea where to take him and kept wondering if it was a good idea.
What if he got hurt by loving Ianto? Or worse, what if he hurt Ianto?
But Jack was an optimistic person – well, he tried to be. At least he appeared as an optimistic guy. Okay, he wasn't the most pessimistic person in the world, so he had to try before condemning their relationship.
He still had to find a nice thing to do for their date, he thought as he entered the flat, gave the pizzas to a very craving Owen, and kissed Ianto.
It took Jack a couple more days to think about a date. And he didn't find one. Ianto texted him to come for that promised date, so Jack went to his flat. As he walked, he stopped in front of a shop, his eyes wandering on the suits, then his own lame shirt and jeans with his usual jacket. Maybe he could have tried something a bit better for a date. He went in and bought something, quickly making his way to the flat again after. He stopped once more in front of a flower shop this time, and looked at the flowers, wondering whether he should buy some for Ianto.
He eventually grinned, checked around and took one of the roses, cautiously tucking it under his jacket and leaving, hiding his face from the camera of the shop next to it and crossing the road right after. He ran to catch up on the minutes he had lost, and panted once in front of Ianto's flat, flattening his badly ironed shirt and trying to take a deep breath, only to cough.
He eventually knocked and smiled when Ianto opened, Myfanwy in his arms. He handed the flower with an innocent smile and Ianto took it. Once the door was locked behind them, Ianto stopped moving while his cat sniffed the flower.
"That's a gift, Mivvy," he said with the cute childish voice he often took with animals. "Hey don't eat it," he then exclaimed and put the cat down, straightening to look at Jack and smile. "You know what yellow roses mean?"
Jack frowned, then shrugged. "Sun? I don't know, it looked good."
"It's treason," Ianto chuckled.
"Oh," Jack said. "I didn't mean-"
"It's okay," Ianto laughed this time. "I don't really care, but my sister liked this kind of thing. It's good, Jack, don't worry."
Jack nodded and kissed Ianto on the cheek, then took his jacket off and hung it, frowning at Ianto who was staring at him. "You okay?" he asked, suddenly worried.
"Mh?" Ianto said, looking up at him then his lips and back at his chest. "That's new," he eventually whispered, as if talking louder would change something, nodding to what Jack was wearing.
"Like it?" Jack grinned, pulling the braces in front of him and letting go. He winced at the pain but didn't say anything.
Ianto laughed and stepped closer. "Suits you," he said and pecked Jack on the lips, then took his hand.
It wasn't the nice restaurant Jack had hoped to take Ianto to, or the quiet walk he had thought Ianto would like... No, it was just the two of them, with Ianto having cooked something nice, and Myfanwy silently wandering around them. And it was better than anything Jack had planned, quiet and so good. He could make Ianto laugh and he could take his hand, and they could talk about their lives – stealing, stories of how they had gotten away from the police – freely, enjoying their time alone. It was nice, more than nice, and Jack realised how lucky he was to have Ianto in his life.
It had been good before Ianto came along, but a bit sad. Jack had Owen and Tosh, and even Gwen sometimes, of course, but they weren't Ianto. Ianto was fun and young and he loved life more than any of them, even though he had no idea of it. He was so full of life, and Jack'd had trouble remembering how good life could be, sometimes. Now Ianto was here, and it was easier.
Of course he wasn't perfect, nobody and nothing was, but he was more than good enough for what Jack thought he deserved, and it was all he needed.
His doubts came rushing in when Ianto was snoring lightly next to him after the good evening. They were lying on the bed and Ianto was hugging him from behind, his arm resting under his own. Jack was staring at the wall, then looked down, at Ianto's arm, and with the light from outside, he was able to see the bruise on it. Jack knew what it was. He knew who had done it. It was himself, when he had held Ianto's arms so tightly and with so much strength. He hadn't even realised he had been hurting him, and as always, Ianto had said nothing.
It had disappeared on his other arm, but Jack could still see it on this one, and it scared him. He wasn't a violent man, he had and would never hurt someone he cared about voluntarily, but he still had hurt Ianto physically. Sure, he had been afraid for both their lives, but it wasn't an excuse.
He felt terrible about himself and after a couple of hours of self-loathing, he decided to deal it the way Ianto did. Ignoring the pain and the questions seemed to be a good way to get away with it. Maybe it would come back at his face, but for now it was fine, he told himself.
Okay I'm so sorry I didn't update any sooner, but I was having serious doubts about this fic and the ideas I had. I ended up not changing a thing because I had no other idea, so I hope you'll like it. Also, the true reason for the lack of update is probably that I binge-watched Friends in two weeks and totally give up anything else that wasn't university stuff.
Oh and I felt like I had to say it: naturally, stealing is bad, you shouldn't do that, and so is killing, this is all an AU and I do not agree with this way of living. It's just a different setting that puts the Torchwood team on different situation than the canon can offer :)