Chapter Twenty-Two

It was mid-morning before Dean started to wake. He stretched slowly, luxuriously, enjoying the aching burn and release of overworked muscles. Sex had been and would always be his favourite form of exercise; he could hardly believe that his amnesiac-self had been willing to spend his mornings working out instead of staying in bed with Cas.

He remembered about the nightmares, then, and was shocked to realise that his dreams last night had been entirely peaceful. He had woken up naturally instead of jolting awake in a panic with his heart pounding wildly and his body soaked in a cold sweat. There had been no monsters, no flashes of Hell, just clouds and feathers and a gentle breeze.

His brain wasn't struggling to remember anymore. He knew who he was and what his life had been before he lost his memory. It wasn't all sunshine and rainbows, but everything he had been through had led him to Cas, and he would live it all over again to have this moment here with him.

Cas was curled into his side with an arm slung across his waist, holding Dean close. His head was resting on Dean's chest; Cas loved to listen to his heartbeat and feel the slow rise and fall of his breathing. Cas had a small, contented smile curving his lips, and Dean fell in love with him all over again.

He leaned in to press a gentle kiss to his husband's forehead.

"Mm, Dean," Cas mumbled, snuggling closer to him.

"Morning, sunshine."

Cas showed no further signs of waking, though, so Dean took matters into his own hands. Literally.

He slid his palm down Castiel's arm, curved over his shoulder blade and skimmed down his side. Cas squirmed slightly; he was ticklish. Dean let his fingers slip below Castiel's waistband for a moment, enjoying the sound of his breath catching, before he trailed a path back up his chest.

He remembered how sensitive Castiel's nipples were and paid them extra attention, rubbing and rolling them into hardened nubs before he tweaked them lightly.

Cas made a muffled sound into the pillow.

"Still sleeping?" Dean asked innocently.

Cas didn't respond so Dean bent down and started using his tongue instead. Cas couldn't help but writhe under his ministrations and when Dean took his nipple between his teeth he gave an audible gasp.

Dean felt a growing bulge nudge against his thigh. "Well at least part of you is awake," he chuckled. "Let's see about easing you into the day, hm?"

Cas had never said it in so many words, but Dean knew that he loved sleepy morning sex. It was more effective than coffee for waking him up and putting him in a good mood. Dean was more than happy to oblige.

He nuzzled a kiss under Castiel's jaw as he slid a hand back down between them. He palmed Cas through his boxers until Cas was rocking his hips to meet him and then removed the layer of fabric altogether.

"Lube me up, babe," he whispered, tracing the seam of Castiel's lips with his finger until Cas sucked the digit into his mouth. His tongue was positively sinful as he lapped and suckled until Dean was thoroughly coated in saliva, and then he repeated the process on Dean's other fingers. Cas licked one final stripe down his palm before Dean pulled his hand away and wrapped it around his cock.

It was a relief to remember how to do this properly. Cas hadn't seemed to mind his awkward experimentation, but Dean had spent a long time learning his husband's body and he put all of that hard-won knowledge to use now. It wasn't long before Cas was shuddering with need. Little gasps of pleasure and half-syllables of nonsensical words spilled from his lips, and his eyes fluttered.

So close.

Dean let go, earning a whimper from Cas as he arched off the bed in an attempt to re-establish contact. Dean pushed his knee so he rolled over onto his back with his legs splayed open. Cas peeked at him through his eyelashes and Dean let his gaze drag over the beautiful man he was lucky enough to call his own.

"Are you just going to stare at me all day?" Cas asked in a gravelly voice made rougher by sleep.

Dean smiled. "Thinking about it," he teased.

Cas hitched his legs up, putting himself very much on display and Dean drank in the sight of him, only to discover moments later that he couldn't just look; he needed to touch, to reclaim every inch of Cas and wring the pleasure out of him until he screamed.

He snatched a pillow from the top of the bed and shoved it under Castiel's hips, dug the lube bottle out of the drawer and kicked off his boxers. He pushed himself up with an elbow and moved to kneel between Castiel's legs-

Only to feel blinding pain shoot up from his knees as soon as he put any weight on them.

"Fuck!"

In an instant Cas had slid out from under him. "Dean?"

Dean flopped ungracefully onto his back and let out a litany of curse words. His knees gave a sickening throb in time with every rapid heartbeat and he could feel panic trying to claw its way into his lungs.

"Dean, what's wrong?"

Cas had a hand on his shoulder and was bent over him, concern etched into his face. He was wide awake now, and not in the way Dean had wanted.

"Nothing," Dean lied.

Cas just gave him a look that clearly said he wasn't buying it and wouldn't be satisfied until he received a full explanation.

Dean sighed. "My knees. The rat bastard fucked up my knees and now I can't-" His cheeks heated and he looked away.

"So there are some positions we can't use anymore," Cas said matter-of-factly. "We'll just have to be more creative." With that, he swung a leg over Dean so he was straddling him. He retrieved the bottle of lube and squeezed some out onto Dean's hand. "Alright?"

Dean wasn't just thinking about sex, but he figured that conversation could wait for another time, when they weren't both naked and Cas wasn't spread out above him in open invitation. "Alright."

He took his time preparing Cas, working them both back up to where they had been before. When Cas started rocking back into his fingers, his eyes half-hooded and his breath coming in shallow gasps, Dean knew he was ready.

Dean slicked up his cock and Cas sank slowly down onto him, inch by inch. Dean's own breathing stuttered as he was engulfed to the hilt, surrounded by tight, wet heat.

"You- you good?" he thought to ask.

Castiel's answer was to pull off slightly and then slam down hard.

Dean groaned, grasping at the sheets to prevent himself from trying to roll them both over and pinning his husband beneath him. Cas was setting the speed and riding Dean like a pro; a far cry from the panicked angel who had been kicked out of a brothel.

The memory startled a laugh out of him.

Cas paused and looked down in surprise. "What?"

Dean grinned. "Just remembered something. You're not as shy as you used to be."

Cas narrowed his eyes at him. "I've seen you awkward and inexperienced now too, you know."

Dean's ears tinged red. "Touché." He thrust his hips upwards, reminding Cas where they were up to. There was no more talking after that, except for breathless gasps of "fuck" and "yes" and "more" and "don't stop". Cas drove him in deep with every thrust backwards as Dean rolled his hips up to meet him. Cas spread his legs a little more and shifted position; the new angle hit his prostate hard and Cas cried out.

Dean wrapped a hand around his cock and pumped in tandem with their hips, until he felt the pressure begin to build and he lost all sense of timing. The crescendo crashed over him and when he came back to awareness it was to find Cas collapsed on top of him, sated and spent.

"Good morning," Dean said.

Cas laughed and wriggled up to kiss him. "Morning."

They lay in bed for a while longer, feeling no rush and simply enjoying being together again.

It was the smell of bacon that finally roused them; they showered quickly and went to join Sam in the kitchen.

"I assume by the level of noise coming from your bedroom last night that you kissed and made up," Sam said drily.

Dean chuckled and snatched up a rind of bacon from the pan. "Sorry, Sammy."

Sam huffed. "We really should look into sound-proofing."

Dean hesitated, not sure if this was the right moment to bring up the realisation he'd had. "Actually… I don't think we'll need it."

"Trust me, we need it."

"Not if we're not here."

Sam and Cas both stared at him.

"What are you talking about?" Cas asked.

Dean swallowed. "I know that I have most of my memories back, which should mean that life can get back to normal, but… truth is, I don't think it is going to work out that way."

Sam was frozen in the act of cracking an egg open. "What do you mean?"

"I remember being a hunter, but I don't – feel it, anymore. When I was reliving the stuff I had done… it made me feel sick. I know what we do is important, and that we save lives, but I don't think I like the person it turned me into. I'm not sure I'm… him. Not entirely. I've been living as someone very different for the past few months and now I'm caught somewhere in between. I don't pretend to have any idea what that means, but I'm not sure that I can just go back to hunting like this never happened." He glanced down at his knees, and his next words were heavy. "Actually, that's a lie. I know I can't."

Sam followed his gaze. "Your knees still causing you trouble?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah. And my hands were pretty messed up, too. I'm not…" God, it hurt to admit it. "I'm not fit to be hunting. And if it wasn't my body giving out on me, it would probably be my mind. I'd go up against some monster and have a panic attack at the wrong moment and it would take my head off. If I were to go back out there with you guys I would just be a liability."

Realisation dawned on Sam's face. "Oh, my god. You're retiring."

Dean never imagined that it would end like this. Hunting was his life, and he had only ever expected it to end one way – bloody. He was supposed to go down fighting, hopefully taking a few sons of bitches down with him. But his injuries were taking him out of the game early and in a way it was almost a relief. "Yeah, I guess I am."

"So you're not going to stay."

Slowly, Dean shook his head. "I think it would be too hard, to be here and not get involved."

"I understand," Sam said. "I mean, uh, I'll miss you around here. But I get it."

It was almost incomprehensible, the idea of living without his brother. "You'll visit."

"Yeah, yeah of course. All the time."

"Good." Dean turned to Cas, anxious about asking. "Would you… would you come with me?"

"You want me to retire as well?"

Dean shifted uncomfortably. The honest answer was 'yes' – it had been hard enough letting Cas go off without him when he didn't know where he was going, but the thought of watching him leave on hunts with no guarantee that he would make it back home okay… Dean didn't think he would be able to handle that. Except, he couldn't justify leaving Sam without back-up. "No. If Sam needs you, of course you should go."

"Actually, I've made quite a few hunter contacts this past year," Sam said. "And honestly, since the world stopped hovering on the edge of Armageddon things have been fairly quiet on the monster front. So if you did want to leave all of this behind you, Cas, I think I would be okay. Who knows? After I tie up a few loose ends I might hang up my boots as well."

"Are you sure?"

Sam smiled gently. "Yeah, Cas, I'm sure. Go live that apple pie life with your husband; nothing would make me happier."

Cas looked to Dean. "In that case, I would love to retire with you."

Dean felt relief sweep over him. He leaned forward and pecked a kiss to Castiel's lips. "Let's go home, then. But after breakfast. Because, you know. Bacon."

Blue eyes twinkled at him. "Of course."

ooOOoo

Author's Note: Anyone concerned about the rape/non-con warnings for this story should stop here – it's close enough to being a happy ending :) Thank you for reading up to this point, I hope you enjoyed it! But if you want to know what happened to Dean, proceed with caution.